I think it’s a great idea for you to get away for awhile. I would use this trip to allow yourself to let your w go. I had a business trip in San Diego where I took a day to rehash old memories and then allowed myself to let her go. I was way more detached when I got home. I don’t want you to stop moving forward but I believe in the process and I still think your W will realize she made a big mistake. I predict you will have moved on by then.
On a different note I found a house 10 minutes from the kids that I can actually afford and isn’t in bad shape. So I am excited about that!! Hopefully everything with that goes smoothly!!
Glad to hear that. I hope it works out.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hey Wolf I'm turning that up with cousin this week or next week possibly. Was talking with g her about it last night. XW might be going to see her this weekend I found out. They have sone circumstances they have to work out. I will definitely let you know on here.
Happy Thanksgiving Wolf. Glad you found a place for a piece of mind. Glad you also decided to go away alone too for another piece of mind. I'm sure its going to feel strange at first. Being alone again, and traveling alone, wishing you had your companions there with you. But there is freedom in it. 1.) Saving $$$ for one, 2.) Its only you and your agenda. 3.) You are free to do, go, or spend whatever you want. (No I'm tired, I don't want to do that/eat here/I don't feel well/ I have my period stuff.) 4.) Its still a spontaneous adventure that should be appreciated without having to stick to the tourist agenda, sight seeing whims of another or timetables. Free agent lifestyle baby!
But I would make it a prerogative TO ALWAYS PROTECT YOUR KIDS, AND THEIR MOM FOR THE KIDS SAKE! That is always your problem and responsibility. But yeah do not run for her otherwise. Can go kick rocks. Oh another thing since we are on the subject. Ladies reading this. Better realise that a lot of us men are willing and valiant enough to die for you, lay down our lives for you out of protection. If that isn't unconditional love I don't know what is? Romantic relationships don't work out? Can't stay married or live together? No longer attracted? Fine. We will go our own way too and accept it. But keep it in the back of your minds that most of us will pay the price of our lives for you. H...EX H whatever. I want you's to think about that the next time you want to leave someone because they are not filling your expectations.
W, I still think your W will realize she made a big mistake. I predict you will have moved on by then.
I believe she will eventually too. She is on a journey that only she can go on. I know she is enjoying this freedom right now, eventually it will get old. But I am not going to wait for her any longer, I am going on with my life. When she does “wake up” I will not be around any longer.
I just got back last night from my vacation. It was good and it was hard. I really missed my family at times, but most of the time I just enjoyed doing what I wanted when I wanted. It was tough but I started to get use to it. Never knew how relaxing it is to go away alone. Never experienced that kind of freedom.
I have a question for everyone. Christmas is coming up and I am obviously not getting her a gift: but do I do the gifts from the kids to her. Most of the time it’s me just going out, buying her a gift and putting their name on it? Second she asked me yesterday through text what I wanted the kids to get me for Christmas. So obviously she is going to do it. I really don’t want to buy anything for her “from the kids”. If my kids want me to take them out and they buy their own thing, that is fine. But I doubt they will do that because they are young. My s is 9 and my d is 12. How do I respond to her question?
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Ladies reading this. Better realise that a lot of us men are willing and valiant enough to die for you, lay down our lives for you out of protection. If that isn't unconditional love I don't know what is? Romantic relationships don't work out? Can't stay married or live together? No longer attracted? Fine. We will go our own way too and accept it. But keep it in the back of your minds that most of us will pay the price of our lives for you. H...EX H whatever. I want you's to think about that the next time you want to leave someone because they are not filling your expectations.
That is so true. I have the biggest fear of death, yet when it came to my xw and kids I would give my life for them. Like you said, they don’t realize what real and true love is. No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. Marriage is always a work in progress. Put in the work and you will see the progress. Don’t jump ship at the first sign of water on the deck!!
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I have a question for everyone. Christmas is coming up and I am obviously not getting her a gift: but do I do the gifts from the kids to her. Most of the time it’s me just going out, buying her a gift and putting their name on it? Second she asked me yesterday through text what I wanted the kids to get me for Christmas. So obviously she is going to do it. I really don’t want to buy anything for her “from the kids”. If my kids want me to take them out and they buy their own thing, that is fine. But I doubt they will do that because they are young. My s is 9 and my d is 12. How do I respond to her question?
I believe it is your job as dad to show your kids how to go buy a gift. Give them each $20 and take them to the mall shopping. You can guide them through the process.
Dad:"What do you think mom would like?" You can give them two or three choices if you get the "I don't know" Dad:"Do you want to combine your money or buy things individually?"
You can also drop BIG HINTS of inexpensive things they could get you. Dad "I ran out of fishing line" or "All my socks are boring. I wish I had red socks"
H:"W, I plan on taking the kids shopping for gifts for you. I am giving them a budget of $20 each. As far as gifts for me, I am fine being surprised by what they pick for me."
I am using $20 just for an example. You can decided their real budget.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
R2C thanks for the tip. I don’t know about anybody else, but Christmas is my favorite holiday and it definitely is not going to be the same. I miss doing elf on a shelf with them and seeing them look every morning. I guess I have no choice this is my new reality. It’s really too bad she never came around, the holidays will never be the same.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Coming out to Smithtown on the 14th. Bud. Turns out XW is meeting with same cousin this weekend out there. She rolled up in a new car tonight to pick up sick S1. I've been silently flipping the f@$! out over here the last few days, Thing is I don't know if its anger I pushed down coming to the surface after months of being detached, or me focusing on her again and not enough on myself? Or me going Jecklyl and Hyde again just because I've been silent for too long? I can't even begin to write in my own sich with the back and forth head can heart $hit that Im feeling. I saved so many paragraphs and held them all back. But been reading KAS99, Scout, You, Uni, IW, DS9. And a few others. I don't get it how I could be fine for months, and then the attachment, the anger and sadness creeps back it, only for us to make time to feel it, explore it, then fight it again, focus, and keep moving. So much stuff I need to explore, write out, and I need to get back into therapy if I am ever going to get a handle on this beast inside me. But I'm getting back on the wagon. Looking forward to hanging with you Wolf and seeing how you are doing, will get back to you with a time for the 14th.
