Well, what do you want at this point in your life? Are you still searching for the perfect person to raise a family with?
DnJ said it all very well. The bar for me is very different at this stage in my life. I’m want someone whom I am compatible with, self supporting, generous with his heart, that takes interest in my family and the life I built for myself but not someone to raise my daughter with. She’s 12, she’s got parents..... but it is important that the person I date gels well with my daughter, my parenting style, etc. but im not looking for that person to raise her, because she’s being raised just fine.
I look at what’s important to me at this stage in my life. Is that person compatible with the life you have now? Are you compatible with the life they have now?
The great thing again is you don’t have to make any decisions because you don’t have a biological clock ticking ! But do ask yourself if you are satisfied and happy where things are right now.
A different bar... yes, I think that’s it. I am looking for a companion...not a dad for my kids or someone to pay my bills. I want someone that has my back, is interested in me as a person, forgives my flaws, appreciates my strengths, is kind to my kids but not looking to be their dad (turns out they have a pretty good one now that we aren’t together) and who challenges me to grow in some way. And I want someone who is really affectionate and doesn’t mind that I am too. Does Jack meet those criteria? Some of them. With some of them, the jury is still out. I see flashes of it on the weekends...the weekday separation is still a tad bit too separate for me. But....he hopes to move to my area so I will see what happens when he lives closer. For now, he makes me happy and I like spending time with him. Oh...and he has earned a few brownie points this week. My tournament is next week and he says he wants to come watch which is a new one for me. Neither of my ex’s were interested in doing that. My kids’ dad came once with a couple of his friends to watch me play for about an hour in 2017 - ironic since he was three years into his double life by that time. Anyway...I”m happy Jack is interested. It means a lot to me.
In other news.... OW is in the hospital again. Not for Shingles though. Apparently her pancreas issues have arisen again (last year he says she “almost died”) and she is quite ill. That’s all the info I have. Makes me wonder about her past as I don’t think it is common for a 38 year-old to have issues with her pancreas unless she has done some serious drinking. Don’t think this is currently an issue but her having had a hard life has been alluded to a few times. I ended up taking the kids on one of his nights so he could be with her at the hospital. He was very thankful. I told him I hoped they were better able to treat her this time and he texted me “Thank-you - like really”. Honestly...I don’t wish poor health on anyone even if I have every reason in the world to do it. Life’s too short to be angry and bitter and she has kids who need her. So I hope she gets better.
Having some issues with my brother that make me wonder about a mental illness but I don’t have enough details to make a judgment call. He’s been trying to call me that last couple days to tell me about something that is “about to happen” that he is excited about. I know a few details from my BIL and it’s not good. He’s approaching delusional territory. I’m not looking forward to when we finally connect as I know what he wants to tell me and I don’t know what to say to him about it. My sister has been avoiding him too for the same reason. Regardless of his mental state, he is going to be crushed when things don’t work out the way he thinks.
Anyway...off to face another day. Thanks again for keeping up with my sitch everyone. Really appreciate it. (((HUGS)))
Sorry about your brother . Bipolar mania can verge into delusions (Kanye West is a good example, poor guy). Drugs like meth and coke can mimic schizophrenua. But if this is a brand new thing not superimposed on a background of addiction or mental illness, there are also some medical conditions to consider ruling out.
Thanks KML. My BIL talked to him and he seems to be a bit more realistic than he was. We’re keeping an eye on it and looking for any other signs of psychosis. So far it is just this one thing. My brother recently realized he has been suffering with PTSD for the past 28 years and is seeking help for it so that makes me feel a bit better as he will be in regular contact with a therapist and his doctor.
Hey All. Just popping in for a brief update. Yesterday was Day One of my tournament and it could not have gone better. The Scotch Doubles portion of the tournament was yesterday and I was not happy that my partner and I had to play my sister and her partner first. Thirty teams and we get them. They have won the tournament a couple times and come second as well so they are really strong and my partner and I have never played together before. Anyway...long story short...we beat them!!! We then won our next two matches before getting knocked to the B Side by an old teammate of mine and her partner. That was our worst match. We had a long wait until our sixth match but ended up winning 4-0. We then had to play my sister and her partner again. We beat them again so they ended up placing 4th. Our next match was with the pair who knocked us to the B Side and we ended up beating them too!!! So it was down to us and the team that hadn’t lost yet. We have to beat them twice (two races to four). We ended up playing one match last night (we won again!!!) and have to play the second one sometime today. If we win, we are this year’s Scotch Doubles champions. Not bad for two people who haven’t played together before.
In other news... OW is out of the hospital. My MIL tells me she has chronic pancreatitis (her dad does too) and it is a lifelong condition that will have her in and out of hospital depending on how well she manages it. She also told me OW has never been married and her last bf beat her up. My theory about my XH enjoying the “hero” role seems pretty dead on. He is also financially stressed. I texted him a couple days ago to ask if he was going to order our daughter’s gii for TKD as he has been promising her since the summer that he will. He texts me that he was planning on giving it to her for Christmas and it is $80 so he can’t really afford it right now. Wtf??? He makes over $80,000 a year and he can’t afford to buy his daughter for less than $100 something he has been promising to get her for a couple months? A year ago he was DEBT FREE!!!! There are no words. I’m just glad he didn’t take me down with him.
Anyway...gotta get ready for my day. Didn’t get home until 12:30 last night and it took me a couple hours to fall asleep because I was too wired from all the pool and excited about being in the final. So...I’m a tad bit tired today as I only got about five hours sleep. Good thing my Singles tournament doesn’t start until tomorrow.
Forgot to mention...being at the tournament reminded me of what a mess I was last year. I remember being at the tournament and just ruminating about my husband and my life. Still shocked and in disbelief and wanting my life back. Did not play my best, that is for sure. This year...almost no thoughts of him at all. Time really does heal. Not sure I will ever 100% get over what he did but I WILL, and for the most part have, get over him. To all the newcomers out there... I did NOT think I would EVER get to this place but with the help of this board and the support of friends and family, I did. You will too. You will get to a place where your happiness does not depend on whether or not you save your marriage or have the love and respect of your spouse because you will have the love and respect for you!!! (((HUGS)))
Good job doing so well. You have a lot to be proud of.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
