Sounds like you’re mind-reading again. He may be happy, he may be guilty. It’s a lot to swallow—OW, promotion, and not working himself to death as you’d been imagining. I hope you take care of yourself tonight—a walk, a nice meal, a warm bath. No rash actions you may regret—like negative talk to the kids.
Sounds like you’re mind-reading again. He may be happy, he may be guilty. It’s a lot to swallow—OW, promotion, and not working himself to death as you’d been imagining. I hope you take care of yourself tonight—a walk, a nice meal, a warm bath. No rash actions you may regret—like negative talk to the kids.
You have to try to not go into catastrophic thinking mode. This changes nothing in regards to reconciliation some day. It’s all part of the process. You will most likely date others too. It took you 30 years to get into this and it’s not going to change in 8 months.
You have to try to not go into catastrophic thinking mode. This changes nothing in regards to reconciliation some day. It’s all part of the process. You will most likely date others too. It took you 30 years to get into this and it’s not going to change in 8 months.
Take it one day at a time.
At work everyone says I’m stronger and they can see it. They are giving me high fives for taking charge of my finances by filing. I don’t feel strong. I feel sadness and grief.
In a weak moment I contacted the guy I was talking to 5 months ago. He was ready to jump back in. Say the word and he’d hop on the next plane to come see me. I’m not that person anymore though so I stopped. Thing is yes finding men to date is easy but good men are harder to find. I wallow in the part where I’ll never be in a relationship again. I’m not strong enough to do this again.
A day or so I asked if anyone thought WAH was clever and this all just proves he isn't smart at all. He has made every divorce mistake possible.
1) He moved out for 7 months leaving me with the kids full time and full access to everything including all the financial records.
2) He made more money. A lot more money in the past 12 months even before the promotion. I found this out 2 months ago when I prepared the financial disclosure for my attorney (I panicked when I couldn't get a lease on my own). I had no idea his income went up that much. Now this number will be what the judge uses for CS and alimony.
3) he gave S19 a key to his house.
4) had his girlfriend over for some afternoon delight. Twice (S19 needed to make sure he was right).
5) he got a 2nd job.
My rookie mistake was canceling the court date for temporary support but he makes more money now so I can live with this.
My state is a fault state meaning unless we both agree there isn't a no fault divorce. Never thought I'd need this information but I have it because of a friend. She wanted a divorce and he didn't. He then was able to stall the divorce because she had no grounds. She had no need for a temporary support hearing because they still lived together. He eventually signed the divorce papers after he wore her down (2 years) and got her to walk away with nothing.
I wondered why I couldn't get another temporary support hearing after I cancelled the first one. We don't have separation agreements here so my one shot for court ordered temporary support was based on abandonment (he moved out). By cancelling my emergency court date I essentially said I was fine and that door closed.
I'm filing for D yes but that doesn't automatically get me another emergency support hearing. I now have grounds AND abandonment so I will likely get one (fingers crossed). In my ultra conservative state they don't take to kindly to bread winning husbands who desert their families for another woman.
My attorney isn't very chatty so I'm having to do my own research. I wondered if WAH can stall the emergency support hearing by refusing to produce paycheck stubs. I don't think he can but I don't know for sure. Could probably get a continuance but not many. I work in a court and here you get ONE.
Just so we're clear. I'm doing my homework to protect me and my kids. I'm writing in my journal. It helps.
Hi Kas,
A journal is the perfect place to express negative thoughts, to protect your kids from the maelstrom you're going through. It must be tempting to call him an evil genius or not smart at all out loud! I hope you have a good weekend surrounded by your loved ones, as you await your emergency support hearing.
CW I can’t get a grip. Can’t get past the OW. My thoughts are strangling me as I imagine her taking the life we were supposed to have. The promotion, retirement, travel, etc. The “lunches” at his house. We used to do that and now it’s her. He looks good too and she has him.
On the flip side I have the kids full time. I am here. Everyday, every night. They love me. We are a team. The three of us. We have a cute little house that is slowly ever so slowly becoming home.
The pain is awful. He won. He gets it all. Yes I’m struggling.
The worst part? Knowing there is no hope. Ever. If it’s not her it will be someone else.
