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DaB35 Offline OP
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Went to the house and got my stuff. The window has now been repaired.

I noticed W had chucked a lot of our cute animal ornaments in the garage - including a few my parents bought us - which made me sad. I took some of them home with me. The house feels strange to be in. There was no mail for me so I didn't have to be there long. I didn't want to do a nostalgic walk around as I knew that would upset me, so just did what I came to do and left. Probably there for only half an hour.

She texted back around 8pm saying: "Hi, I'm not really around at the house very much anymore so maybe you could be in for them instead? I've got work on Monday."

[Monday a.m. was when the electrician was going to come round to fix smoke alarms].

Bit annoyed at this. Especially since a few weeks ago she told me that she'd be dividing her time between staying at her brother's house and our house during the week. Now she's changed that plan it seems.

I can't simply take time off work (unpaid) to make a 2 hour round trip for this. Not sure how to respond to her; she isn't expressing any emotion there, so it doesn't look like it's possible to validate her statement. I'll have to call the Elec guy again anyway; I can't come on Monday at short notice that's for sure.



So not a negative reaction from her, but not a positive or even neutral one either! Seems W has certainly checked out of the M and 'us' completely.

I feel frustrated.

Last edited by DaB35; 11/08/19 08:43 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
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Originally Posted by DaB35
Not sure how to respond to her; she isn't expressing any emotion there, so it doesn't look like it's possible to validate her statement. I'll have to call the Elec guy again anyway; I can't come on Monday at short notice that's for sure.


H"I can't come on Monday. I already have commitments."


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Thanks R2C. Yes I'll definitely say that at least.

Do I call her out on/question the fact that she's changed her original plan that she mentioned (sometimes being at the house and the rest of the time at her brother's) or not? I'm guessing not, as it won't achieve anything.

Should I also ask her if she's at the house at all during the week these days?

What about -

"I can't be there on Monday. I have other commitments. So you're saying you are not in the house at all during the week?"


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Mar 2008
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"I can't be there on Monday. I have other commitments. So you're saying you are not in the house at all during the week?"

Less words is almost always better.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Right, ok.

So what happens if she comes back with something like, "Well I'm not there either so you'll have to re-arrange to a time you can do."

I have to be at the house on 22nd November anyway, again to pick stuff up (can't do it any other day before), so I could re-arrange it then to coincide for ease, then I don't have to take a special trip to the house just to let an Electrician in.

How about "...other commitments. I'll re-arrange for an evening when I know I will be there to collect more things."

That solves the issue itself and doesn't inconvenience either of us...

I'm finding it really does work to use the less it more approach. I try it at work now, and when texting other friends. It helps get things done quickly, and to my satisfaction (and my boss's too) which is good. Tiny things like this are really helping me move forward; thanks everyone for your collective advice here.

I just find W so distant now. It's like she genuinely doesn't care. WAS indeed.


Last edited by DaB35; 11/08/19 09:38 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Additional...

Just logged into Facebook to message a friend of mine about the weekend, and on my home/news feed my W's business page has come up (obviously I had liked it when she set it up originally) saying:

"Due to a recent injury [business] is temporarily closed. I am sorry for the inconvenience, but rest assured it will re-open again in a few months time. Many thanks for your understanding!"

Didn't know about this injury - should I say sorry to hear about it? Or will that look odd considering she hasn't told me directly?

Other people - including mutual friends and her sister - have commented offering support. Don't worry, I have not even thought about commenting!!

Is this 'injury' her actually disguising our D which is in progress (only about 6 weeks til the absolute is granted) and she is just waiting until it's all sorted out before resuming business?

Last edited by DaB35; 11/08/19 10:18 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
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Hi DaB35,

Originally Posted by DaB35
should I say sorry to hear about it?

No, she's your ex, and if she wanted your support she would have told you. wink

I'd unfollow the page so you don't get any more notifications.

Originally Posted by DaB35
Is this 'injury' her actually disguising our D

It's plausible, but we can't read her mind.

Last edited by CWarrior; 11/08/19 10:25 PM.
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Originally Posted by DaB35
Is this 'injury' her actually disguising our D which is in progress (only about 6 weeks til the absolute is granted) and she is just waiting until it's all sorted out before resuming business?
Most likely.


Do not comment.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Thanks both.

I've unfollowed the page.

Do you have any further thoughts on my response to her text a couple of posts above?

Trying to calm myself with some music I like before going to read in bed just before going to sleep.

Last edited by DaB35; 11/08/19 10:28 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
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Originally Posted by DaB35
How about "...other commitments. I'll re-arrange for an evening when I know I will be there to collect more things."

I'd set expectations for the timeline, e.g., "a few weeks from now."

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