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phnix #2871140 11/07/19 02:08 PM
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Shes light years from where she needs to be to get into some recovery. Maybe she has guilt, shame, withdrawal feelings. I was a WW some time ago. We are addicts. Its not like uplugging a fuse.

Theres a process to recovery. We all need willingness to do that. It takes time and professional help. Shes not there.

Time and patience BB. Protect yourself, protect your kids. Keep DB

(((BB)))


WW H(me): 52
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 17
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
phnix #2871163 11/07/19 05:05 PM
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I took her to her Dr's appointment yesterday because she wouldn't be able to drive home. We didn't do a lot of talking other than how our day went.

She was upset because I walked into her school and down to her room. It's not like it was a problem because I taught there also and know everyone that works at the school.
She later said she felt shame because of me being in the school. Somehow she wants this to disappear or go away but it will not unless we move. For some reason she doesn't want to be seen with me in public or feels shame if we are together. I don't really understand this one.

She thinks that because I go to church this keeps people talking about it. I told her the one way to shut them up is to come to church with me and the boys. That would shut them up.

Last night someone else posted her name on social media and she was very upset. She began to blame me because I told the OM's wife and shared messages with her. She continually blames me and the OM's wife for the truth being out in the open. I guess she will never take ownership for her mistake.

She says she is sorry for the pain she has caused me. She also claims she is scared because of the uncertainty. She is totally lost.

Last edited by bballer1; 11/07/19 05:08 PM.
neffer #2871164 11/07/19 05:07 PM
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Originally Posted by neffer

...
I was a WW some time ago. We are addicts. Its not like uplugging a fuse.
...


Neffer -

You were a WW? why are you here? where is your sitch / thread?

I've read all of Sandi's threads, but always trying to gather more data points and understand more from WW perspective.

phnix #2871166 11/07/19 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingIt
Originally Posted by neffer

...
I was a WW some time ago. We are addicts. Its not like uplugging a fuse.
...


Neffer -

You were a WW? why are you here? where is your sitch / thread?

I've read all of Sandi's threads, but always trying to gather more data points and understand more from WW perspective.


here LI
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=61472&Number=2797870#Post2797870


Originally Posted by bballer1

She was upset because I walked into her school and down to her room. It's not like it was a problem because I taught there also and know everyone that works at the school.
She later said she felt shame because of me being in the school. Somehow she wants this to disappear or go away but it will not unless we move. For some reason she doesn't want to be seen with me in public or feels shame if we are together. I don't really understand this one.

She thinks that because I go to church this keeps people talking about it. I told her the one way to shut them up is to come to church with me and the boys. That would shut them up.

Last night someone else posted her name on social media and she was very upset. She began to blame me because I told the OM's wife and shared messages with her. She continually blames me and the OM's wife for the truth being out in the open. I guess she will never take ownership for her mistake.

She says she is sorry for the pain she has caused me. She also claims she is scared because of the uncertainty. She is totally lost.


Validate feelings. We feel shame. We are sorry for the pain we have caused too. Those are true feelings.
And yes, we are completely lost. I saw my Ws light when sailing inside that storm.

Shine!

Keep DB. DB rules in effect


WW H(me): 52
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 17
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
phnix #2871185 11/07/19 06:11 PM
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neffer,
Was your wife DB'ing? Did she let it go and become happy on her own? Is this when you saw the light? How long after discovery day before you decided to cut off the relationship with the OW?

phnix #2871233 11/07/19 08:39 PM
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MLCs and WWness are much more complex that a timeline BB. Far more complex. Read my sitch. Its all there. My W didnt DBed me. I found DB and I DBed myself.

Im here. Still DBing.


WW H(me): 52
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 17
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
neffer #2871378 11/08/19 03:22 PM
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neffer, thanks for the support. I truly believe that my wife's affair is also due to MLC. Our oldest son just graduated high school. Before the affair she was going on and on about getting older etc... She was worried about turning 40 and knowing that she was running out of time with her looks etc... This is all I heard from her last year.

Seems to me she was contemplating the affair at the time. Not sure what the future holds but I do know that it will take some time. I just keep struggling with the fact that she is unable to cut of ties with the OM.

Early last week I knew she was speaking to him. From her behavior the past couple of days I suspect she is continuing to speak to him although she stopped during the weekend which explains her behavior and neediness.

phnix #2871382 11/08/19 03:37 PM
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B,

I want to caution you about using MLC as an excuse.

Your W is displaying a many red flags that she is not a long term suitable partner for you. Go back and read your threads and try to view at as an outsider with no skin in the game.

Im not saying it cant be fixed but it would be a really, really difficult.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
phnix #2871399 11/08/19 05:05 PM
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I tried to get her to get insurance on herself and I would take the boys. I let her talk me out of it because she said what would I do if I lose my job?? Would have been a good time to say well you should have thought about that while you were having the affair. Darn!!

Missed a good opportunity to show some self respect.

phnix #2871401 11/08/19 05:20 PM
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Come on man. Words dont get respect. Only actions do.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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