This is not a quick processes. Take as long as you want to decide what to do. Run every choice past us (if you want) before making decision. Collectively, we all have seen or experienced almost everything that will most likely happen.
Thank you, i will be needing you guys more than ever now
You are setting a boundary. You have no intention on sharing your wife with someone else. She has disrespected you. You need time and space to decide what to do.
Do not get into any drama. DO NOT SHOW YOUR EMOTIONS.
You are taking back your b@lls.
When I move her stuff today, and she comes home and flips out, what should my response be? What do i say to my son when he asks why's mama's stuff in the other room?
Just to set expectations straight, there's no magic silver bullet here... it will be a roller coaster of events and emotions, and no guarantee of outcome even if you do everything perfect.
There are certain things you can avoid doing immediately like anger, crying, pleading, pursuing to push them away further.
Btw, do you actually know this OW? Do you know if she didn't disguise the name under a female's name so she can more easily claim it as a "friend" if she was caught? I guess maybe it doesn't matter to you as much.
I really screwed my progress for reacting the way i did this morning. I notice she took her wedding ring and my gut is telling me she's going to sell it to try to make money so she can move out, stay somewhere else etc.
Yes, I've met the OW once before. It is definitely her.
Okay I know you are devastated by this. What’s done is already done but there is a great phrase that says when you find yourself in a hole, first STOP DIGGING. No action is an action. You’ve got to get control of yourself. Doing nothing for a few days will not hurt you or set you back. However, the wrong action could. Stop digging.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
KB, so now you know A) your wife is a liar and B) your wife is a cheater. Here's my question to you- what can you possibly hope to gain by having any kind of discussion with a lying cheater? No matter how blatant the evidence, a lying cheater is going to deny and gaslight (if you're not familiar with the term then please Google it and read, because you will be dealing with it a LOT in the coming months). Your emotions are all over the place and you really can't function properly until they settle down, which is going to take some time. So give yourself time. DO NOT try to talk to her for a while, at least a week, about ANYTHING. I would suggest shutting down ALL conversations with her until your emotions settle down. No dinners together, no going out, no talking about the weather, NOTHING. Once your emotions neutralize then you can start to think about where to go from here. Until then double down on getting out and GALing.
AS is very wise. If you only take one piece of advise, what I highlighted is it. DO NOT ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION. LISTEN if needed.
If you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING, say this: "I have some decisions to make" and walk away.
I personally would CALMLY and RESPECTFULLY move all of her personal belongings out of the MASTER BEDROOM and put them in the guest room RIGHT NOW.
I'm quoting R2C who quoted AS. Do not talk to her period. Now is not the time. Take some time to yourself for the next week.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Just to set expectations straight, there's no magic silver bullet here... it will be a roller coaster of events and emotions, and no guarantee of outcome even if you do everything perfect.
There are certain things you can avoid doing immediately like anger, crying, pleading, pursuing to push them away further.
Btw, do you actually know this OW? Do you know if she didn't disguise the name under a female's name so she can more easily claim it as a "friend" if she was caught? I guess maybe it doesn't matter to you as much.
I really screwed my progress for reacting the way i did this morning. I notice she took her wedding ring and my gut is telling me she's going to sell it to try to make money so she can move out, stay somewhere else etc.
Yes, I've met the OW once before. It is definitely her.
Document this if it happens. Watch your accounts.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
This is an example of why waiting is better. You should have been prepared with knowledge before you confronted. Too late for this time. Remember this for future events.
Originally Posted by kbuenob
When I move her stuff today, and she comes home and flips out, what should my response be?
Be prepared for the worst, and you can handle the rest.
Less words is always a good choice. H:"I think this is best" or H"I need time alone to make some important decisions"
Set boundaries. "If you continue to yell, I will be done listening"
Really, really really really limit your words. Listen. Control your actions. Limit the amount of interactions. If she becomes irrational, record with phone.
Quote
What do i say to my son when he asks why's mama's stuff in the other room?
Son"why's mama's stuff in the other room?" Dad"Your mom and I are dealing with some adult stuff. We will talk to you about it later"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
