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DaB35 Offline OP
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Previous threads:

Part 1:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2861875#Post2861875

Part 2
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2863376#Post2863376

Part 3:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2864752&page=1

Part 4:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2867858#Post2867858

My current dilemma - carried over from Part 4 for ease of reference - is that W suggested we get our finance agreemnt done properly (we've informally agreed in writing who gets what, and what happens to money etc. We both discussed this amicably at the time in person).

She asked me to look into it. I gave her some basic info. She has said "OK if you can sort that all out that would be brill. Thanks. W."

Here is the issue currently re finances.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2869808#Post2869808

Further comment:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2870729#Post2870729



Last edited by DaB35; 11/04/19 11:11 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
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Originally Posted by DaB35
Previous threads:

Part 1:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2861875#Post2861875

Part 2
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2863376#Post2863376

Part 3:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2864752&page=1

Part 4:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2867858#Post2867858

My current dilemma - carried over from Part 4 for ease of reference - is that W suggested we get our finance agreemnt done properly (we've informally agreed in writing who gets what, and what happens to money etc. We both discussed this amicably at the time in person).

She asked me to look into it. I gave her some basic info. She has said "OK if you can sort that all out that would be brill. Thanks. W."

Here is the issue currently re finances.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2869808#Post2869808

Further comment:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2870729#Post2870729




Hey Dan

How you doing buddy? At the risk of repeating myself, and if its only 300 squid, get your L to draw up a proper document.

Did you have a think about any of the other points I made about seeing your L? If its just not for you, that's cool, but just let me know so I can stick to just telling you to smash those castanets, what to wear and encourage your gym routine!


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Hi DS

I'm doing OK thanks.

Well if I do it, the £300 will come out the joint account anyway so effectively £150 each.

My worry is whether I do it to protect myself (and W to a degree). Neither of us want to be selfish - well I don't, I know that for sure at least! - and just take the lead on sorting this finance order out.

However, in the M/R I would have always taken the lead on finances of any sort, as W was always happy to not swot up on that kind of thing.

OR - by doing this entirely by myself - unless the L asks for info from W (which will be required) - I'm furthering the D along. But I don't trust W to do this correctly, that she'll forget to give out some piece of info which might affect both of us badly. I could be wrong but my gut is telling me otherwise.

If I push back to her completely - Another Stander suggested as an option, "I do not want a D, if you wish to pursue it I will not stand in your way, but don't ask me to do the work for you" - I've never been this forceful with W before so I'm not sure how she'd react, especially after she's breezily said, "If you can sort all that, that would be brill."
Therefore she is assuming I'll just do it.

I know if I take the lead on the court order then I will be confident it'll be done right, but then am I opening myself up to an argument? Is that worth it when we don't live together and haven't seen each other for over a month?


Gym is going well you'd be pleased to hear. Looking at some slim fit shirts in the pre-Xmas sales so I can look good. I'm putting cologne when I go to work still and looking after myself, eating well etc.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
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Hey Dan I understand where youíre coming from mate. If you do the property documents and you reconcile subsequently, you rip them up. If you donít reconcile then youíre protected.

Alternative would seem to be stalling by saying youíre simply too busy


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Thanks DS

I think I might just contact the L. All I actually would need to do is:

- Contact them
- Pay (from joint account)
- Get W to send copy of list to me and then I pass this on
- They draft it presumably, we check it individually, change bits if needed, send back
- Final court order sent to each of us

I think this is (a) easier, (b) protects me and (c) doesn't antagonise W - as I think she might be looking for instances where I've messed up during the D process, and I haven't done anything of the sort so far. Or at least I think her enablers are telling her to watch out for me in case I pull any fast ones on her.

I don't think stalling would be productive for either of us; I'm not out to point score or sabotage things.

So I suppose I do this and then just get back to GAL and PMA. If only I could win the lottery soon - would put my house worries to rest!


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Mar 2008
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Sounds like a good plan.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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I agree, sounds fine.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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DaB35 Offline OP
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OK, thanks eveyrone. I'll contact them in the morning.
Won't be nice to do, but on reflection I feel I'm just doing something that is necessary rather than speeding along the D and giving the impression I want it too.

I have ups and downs - I suppose eveyrone does. Sometimes I feel really excited and happy about things and how I've really focussed on myself these last few months and made some big steps in improving my self-worth and self-image.
Then there are the times when I feel a bit low, missing W, missing our life. She even said to me, "I've loved our life together." My main regret is I moved out of the house when W asked. I should have said no and remained there til she came back from her sister's place. She did throw stuff at me at the start of it all; I remember in May her saying, "Why haven't you driven up to Scotland to see me? Where's your passion?!" Frustrating non-logic there especially since she left me a note saying "I need space..."

I know I can't keep trying to guess what she's thinking/saying; it'll drive me mad and is not useful. But sometimes it does cross my mind - certainly less frequently than before though.

My sister is upset. She doesn't understand why W would not want to try to work on the M. I'm very thankful for her support though. I'm sad that W decided in 24 hours to kill off what we had built. Of course, I lied to her and I have remorse for it. But I feel I've now channelled that remorse into PMA and sorting my problems out.

Off to the gym soon for some weight therapy!


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
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Originally Posted by DaB35
Thanks DS

I think I might just contact the L. All I actually would need to do is:

- Contact them
- Pay (from joint account)
- Get W to send copy of list to me and then I pass this on
- They draft it presumably, we check it individually, change bits if needed, send back
- Final court order sent to each of us

I think this is (a) easier, (b) protects me and (c) doesn't antagonise W - as I think she might be looking for instances where I've messed up during the D process, and I haven't done anything of the sort so far. Or at least I think her enablers are telling her to watch out for me in case I pull any fast ones on her.

I don't think stalling would be productive for either of us; I'm not out to point score or sabotage things.

So I suppose I do this and then just get back to GAL and PMA. If only I could win the lottery soon - would put my house worries to rest!



No worries mate anytime.

I'll echo the others in saying this is a good plan.


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Great! smile

Nice evening today - gym followed by TV, then having a bit of a YouTube music session - classical mainly, but there's an amazing vid of Stevie Wonder and Sting doing Higher Ground & Roxanne together, which I'm enjoying now.

Just have to keep that PMA up to very high levels and keep the polite business-like comms with W going.

I am AMOAFWL.

Last edited by DaB35; 11/05/19 11:09 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
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