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Well, if you hope not, and she asks you can always say “no”

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First of all, doodler is right...the possessive of S is S's. S' indicates more than one S owns something as in that thing belongs to Susan and Sarah and Sean and Sam, whereas S's indicates that said thing only belongs to one of the S people. Yeah, I'm a scientist, but I'm a grammar nerd. Years of writing a magazine article will do that to a person. LOL

Doodler is on a roll today because I totally agree with his same MO, different lady assessment. You think you have stepped back and are taking it slow and all, but just like with B, you are barreling along. Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with that, mind you, because you are an adult and you can make your own decisions, but don't fool yourself into thinking that you are handling things differently just because the timeline isn't exactly the same. Like job, I think S will be hankering to move in after the new year, particularly now that she is down a couple of extra bodies.

I know you are Canadian, so there may be some things that are ingrained in our culture that don't quite translate to the great white north, but I'm sure those in my age bracket and older will remember First Lady Nancy Reagan's big "Just Say No" campaign against drugs in the early 80's. The phrase was everywhere. I point that out to say that like G said above, if S wants to move in and you're not ready for that, you can always follow NR's lead and "Just Say No". It is that easy, believe it or not. Don't worry, I won't waste eggs to recreate the this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs ad that was also popular at the time. LOL


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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Originally Posted by doodler
Same modus operandi, different chick.
Originally Posted by Dawn70
First of all, doodler is right...the possessive of S is S's. S' indicates more than one S owns something as in that thing belongs to Susan and Sarah and Sean and Sam, whereas S's indicates that said thing only belongs to one of the S people. Yeah, I'm a scientist, but I'm a grammar nerd. Years of writing a magazine article will do that to a person. LOL

Doodler is on a roll today because I totally agree with his same MO, different lady assessment. You think you have stepped back and are taking it slow and all, but just like with B, you are barreling along. Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with that, mind you, because you are an adult and you can make your own decisions, but don't fool yourself into thinking that you are handling things differently just because the timeline isn't exactly the same. Like job, I think S will be hankering to move in after the new year, particularly now that she is down a couple of extra bodies.
You'll never know what you'll learn here. I am now smarter about punctuation smile And doodler can now do the "doodler was right dance".

As I will often say to people "I'll stop you when you're wrong". Things are indeed moving at a very quick pace and I think that a very positive thing is that S herself has recognized this. I believe that there is a certain terror on her side of repeating the mistakes of her past which will hopefully create some breathing room. And not the heavy breathing sort. Although that's fun too.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
You'll never know what you'll learn here. I am now smarter about punctuation smile

Totally dude! We don't expect perfection; we all know that your first language is Canadian.

The funny thing that I've noticed about Canadianese is that you often speak in euphemisaphor (euphemism + metaphor). For example, pork and kraut, mashing the potatoes, beaver tail, and my favorite, poutine with whipped cream and a cherry.

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AHA! My statue of Don Quixote had been missing his sword for some time now. I've searched over and over for it and on a whim and nudge of memory this morning checked in my desk pen holder and there it was. The Knight of The Rueful Countenance is now properly armed.

That is pretty much the most exciting thing to report.

I texted 20S yesterday afternoon to get her address for her Christmas card. I was rather disappointed that she is back with her boyfriend. I chatted with her bestie a bit later when following up on a charitable donation I'd made and she said that there was no stopping her. I'm sad for her and don't agree with her choices, but she's a friend and will stay one regardless. And get her Christmas card. Sadly it means that she doesn't need all this spare furniture and misc household items that are cluttering up my house. Ah well - I have room for stuff it would seem.

I got all this year's Christmas cards written and will mail them at lunch. I've not written by hand for that long probably since last year. There's only 17 of the cards. Each with a personal note although for my two maternal uncles who I pretty much never see, they got the same note. It's an eclectic list. Mostly of old friends who I've not seen in many years who we pretty much only communicate once a year.

I did get my parcels to D27 and her H off yesterday as well. Fingers crossed that they will arrive in time. I messaged them the tracking numbers this year. I was chatting with my son-in-law's mother and mentioned that I expected her son to be really popular with his shipmates after he discovers the kazoo I put in his parcel. His mother is going to include similarly popular noise-makers in her parcel. We both expect the items to accidentally and not on purpose end up on the bottom of the Pacific within a day of them being seen.

I think D27 is ready to talk to me again. We've exchanged various messages on random topics. I'll try to call her either tomorrow or Friday. The plan is to just ignore that she stopped talking to me unless she brings it up. As back-story she was undoubtedly upset when I gave her some fatherly advice that she didn't appreciate about being careful of new male friends. I'm glad that she has reconnected. It was tough just sitting and waiting in some ways. The old lighthouse is still shining I suppose. I still think that waiting it out without putting any pressure on her was indeed the right approach and it seems to have worked out.

A comment on another thread triggered something that's been tickling in the back of my head. Yes - ex spouses do tend to pop out of the wood-work at this time of year. I just did the math and it's roughly 1,365 days since bomb-day. This will be my 4th Christmas without her. For the first 3 S25 was home with me. Last year with his mother. I've not heard from her in any meaningful fashion since November 2016 and have no idea what is going on in her life and am pretty happy about that. She's just someone I used to know with whom I share some fond memories.

Everyone told me for a long time that she would circle back. She never did. She undoubtedly knows all about S and I as the three of us of course have a number of mutual acquaintances. Perhaps if things end with OM she would but again, I doubt it. I've made comments to S25 about Christmas and the menu assuming that it will be he and I here. If his mother wants time with him on Christmas day, I've called dibs on the morning and evening at least. Not that that would stop her as she at least used to be accustomed to the world re-arranging itself for her convenience.

This will also be the first Christmas since then when I'm in a relationship. S and I won't be able to spend Christmas together even though I know she'd like to. She's off with her posse to see her Dad as usual a few hours south of here. S25 and I were invited and I declined. I will need to give her her gift (spa day for her and a bestie) prior to then.

I was in S25's room on my usual hunt for dirty dishes the other day. He's been going through a cycle of cleaning and tidying in there which is nice. I noticed on his white-board that he's set himself goals to work on every day which include getting a reasonably priced apartment and a full time job. Better physical and mental health are on the list as well and he's been rattling away on our old exercise bike regularly lately. I did mention to him the other day before I saw this that a set of apartments in the village around the corner are being renovated and are modestly priced.

I had lunch yesterday with an old friend who is very recently separated. He's not wasted any time at all in getting in to the dating scene and as a 49 year old (there-abouts) 6'2" buff executive, is dating an age appropriate professional woman. We talked about the effect of dopamine on our brains early on which is hitting him full force. I think he was happy to talk to me about how he struggles with this, wanting to be attached but also trying hard to respect the other person's need for space. I assured him that it will pass and that he'll get his brain back reasonably soon. I do think that I'm somewhat over the limerence stage with S at this point myself as while I am very happy to spend time with her and to hear from her, I don't get that rush that I used to and I spend less time agonizing over if she is really actually interested in me.

Time to refill the tea-pot and get to work. S's (proper apostrophe use!) S12's dad is without a car still so I'm going over there to take him to his martial arts class after work and spend some time. Usually he'd be with his dad on Wednesday nights and S had been intending on spending every Wednesday night here. Not working out that way though.


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Blech! S mentioned to me in passing that my ex-wife announced on social media that she's got plane tickets to go see her daughter. I don't know why this bothers me. It's good that she's doing that. I asked S to not tell me anything she hears which she easily agreed to.

We spent some time trying to organize December. It's going to be tricky with at least 5 distinct family groupings involved. This weekend there's a festival to go to that we are all looking forward to (S25 probably won't come), the village Christmas parade, a really long car service appointment (getting a trailer hitch installed), pick up S's Christmas present, and all the usual running around and stuff. I'm trying to just go with the flow.

S's boys seem to be getting pretty comfortable with me being around. S17 helped me with some minor home repairs and furniture moving at their apartment. S12 seemed perfectly fine with getting a ride with me and his mother to his martial arts class and my being there with S to take him home after. The dog has very much adopted me and is very excited when I visit and immediately claims my lap as soon as I sit down. One of the two cats has also deigned to sit with me. The other one is perhaps far too cool for that.

I did reach out to my D27 to see if she would be available for a call tonight or tomorrow as I drive home from work. Given the three hour time difference it may be a while before I hear back. It's been just over 2 months since we last talked. We would usually talk every few weeks. I expect to hear nothing about her mother's upcoming visit. It will be nice to catch up - assuming she takes my call. I did notice that she's locked down my visibility into her social media. Probably just out of spite.

Why oh why am I affected by the mere existence of my ex-wife. Trauma I suppose. A touch of jealousy as well undoubtedly.

Well - work calls.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Why oh why am I affected by the mere existence of my ex-wife.

It's because you're not thinking about more important things like sailboats and sailing.

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Andrew,
This recipe will win S's kids approval no matter how old they are..

It is very popular and in high demand around here. It is my secret recipe to spoil my co-workers and the staff at the coffee shop i go to. ( keep it secret )..lol

Mini sugar cones

2 cups of brown sugar
I can of Eagle Brand condensed milk ( 300 ml. )
1/3 cup of corn syrup
1 cup of margarine
1 cup of mini marshmallow

Mix sugar, milk, syrup and marg. In a microweavable bowl.
Microwave for 8 minutes while mixing at every 2 minutes.

Add marshmallows. Mix well and microwave for 1 more minute.

Poor in mini ice cream cones. Gives you around 60 cones.

SURPRISINGLY DELICIOUS!!!!

Doodler, let see what you will have to say about this one!! Lol

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Thanks exquisitetobe. That's a new one to me.

Just a quick drive-by this morning. I've been spending time here and there like it's going out of fashion. I'm more than a bit behind on my house-work but of course most people coming in wouldn't see that. I'm also running a bit short on sleep trying to fit everything in.

In some ways I'm looking forward to a Christmas break with S being away with her family 3 hours away for a few days and I only have my own schedule to worry about.

Spent yesterday evening with S and her two boys. She made us all a nice dinner which for a change everyone ate together. I think that I'm being more accepted by the boys. S12 - as such kids will do - brought out the metaphorical inquisitor's rack and asked me blunt questions which I think somewhat embarrassed his mother. Essentially he questioned me on the things that he didn't like about his mother's STBX. I believe I passed. Also, we're going to a Christmas festival later today and he wanted to know if I would be paying. I answered honestly, seriously and with a sense of humour. The kid deserves to be taken seriously.

S17 who has a lot of anxiety issues and uses an emotional support bunny brought said hasenpfeffer out and more or less dumped it on my lap for a while. We had a nice visit. I've not been exposed to a pet rabbit before. Very cute critters. S's small dog trapped me on the couch by sitting behind me and putting her head on my shoulder and not wanting to move. One of the cats blocked me in from the other side.

We watched some Christmas movies together (boys wandered in and out and heckled the movies) and drank hot cocoa.

Today I need to start my ironing to get that done before I meet S at 11:00 for brunch. We'll do some Christmas shopping (one of my presents to her is that I will help with filling the stockings which she's excited about us doing together). Then some decorating at her place, picking up S17 from his job and off to the festival then back here for a roast pork dinner that I need to put in the slow cooker before I leave. This will be the first time the boys have been here. S25 was given a preliminary heads-up yesterday which I'll leave him a note to confirm.

So many moving parts ....

As an aside, despite what most people might think of me and in some ways what I think of myself, I'm enjoying just going along with the flow. One of the reasons for that is that things just seem to "work out" with S and our adventures somehow. A good example is last night. I was a bit bummed because we would be going to the festival and I would miss my village's Christmas parade. Well - after dinner last night, what happened outside S's apartment window, but a lovely parade for her town. We stood there and watched it from her window, waving to people who didn't see us, dancing to the music from the marchers and of course yelling "Hi Santa!" to the jolly old gent himself. So - I got my parade. It wasn't the one I had intended on, but it still happened.

Well - no rest for the boyfriend it seems.


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T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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You seem to be spending a huge amount of time together, especially with her boys.

Those boys however are surely sizing you up to see how long you are sticking around for a long time. I think they already assume your are the next in line. They know how their mom works

I think I need to take a lesson from S. She sure knows how to lock a man and make him a part of the family super fast!!!

Remember, it’s okay if the boyfriend takes a rest.

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