I think stockings are a nice gift for S's children. They don't have to be big or elaborate...just some candy and a small item or 2. I love doing stockings for people because usually they are just genuinely surprised that someone thought of them. As far as a gift for S herself, I may be in the minority here, but I'm very curious why you are spending extra money and putting extra effort into getting her spa treatments for her and a bestie. That just seems odd to me. I mean, if you want to give her something like that as a nice gift so she can feel pampered, that is sweet, but why include the extra expense of someone else that you may or may not even know? She's a big girl and she can go to the spa by herself. Her children go to school and she doesn't work, but I would imagine her friends do (maybe, maybe not), so she could use some of that time during the day when she is by herself to go. Like I said, I may be in the minority on this. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it because you have to go with your gut, but I'm just saying I don't get why you would even think of it.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I'm not moving and there has been no conversation on that beyond my refusal to move being one of the reasons why things ended with B.
Sorry if there was any confusion.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Ah - doodler and Dawn - tempting me out of the shadows by dissing our cuisine You two need to expand your horizons and accept that other cultures will have practices, such as putting pinapple on pizza that most reasonable people find abhorrent.
Agreed, pineapple on pizza is abhorrent. Check this out...
"Greek-Canadian Sam Panopoulos claimed that he created the first Hawaiian pizza at the Satellite Restaurant in Chatham, Ontario, Canada in 1962."
You'd have thought I'd have taken this as a sign: my exh and my first date was a pineapple pizza (his choice, I'd never heard of such a thing)
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
and Andrew - enjoy this time with S, but for the love of all that's holy, slow it down, man. If she's really "the one" you have the absolute rest of your lives to sort it all out. why the rush rush rush on her part? is this why she's shopping for hubby #4??
50% of first marriages fail 60% of second marriages fail 75% of third marriages fail
We do NOT get better at this with practice. The greatest predictor of failure for 2nd and 3rd marriages? If the re-marriage happens within 5 years of the divorce from the previous spouse.
It's an indicator that someone isn't learning the lessons, merely repeating the mistakes with a new person and expecting different results.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
We all know where this relationship is headed. Andrew and the new girlfriend will be in Ottawa this weekend. She'll be knocked up by Sunday evening. Then the fam will move in with Andrew and soon enough the new youngin's will arrive. Andrew will plan his escape by logging into crewseekers dot net. Next thing you know, he's shacked up with a hairy hippie chick on a 26 foot sailboat somewhere in the Caribbean smokin' Marleys and listening to reggae. Yep, that's Andrew in a nutshell.
Meanwhile doodler becomes the pizza magnate of North America due to his patented invention, the deep dish Hawaiian poutine pizza. It'll be named "doodler's delight." It can be ordered with the prairie oyster topping (i.e. going full Canadian). When ordering just say, "I'll have an extra large doodler's delight, full Canadian please."
Due to the success of his pizza, doodler is able to buy his very own 66 foot catamaran that he sails 'round the world with his bevy of lovely and cultured female admirers.
Due to the success of his pizza, doodler is able to buy his very own 66 foot catamaran that he sails 'round the world with his bevy of lovely and cultured female admirers.
So Andrew, do you see where you're going wrong?
I'm glad that your dreams are modest doodler - an 80 foot catamaran is just too ostentatious
Had a very good - nearly week away with S. The romantic getaway was. S was thrilled to get the flowers in the room which ended up going to Ottawa with us. The inn very much exceeded expectations - we will certainly go there again as time and budget permit.
The trip to Ottawa was good as well. The main purpose was to visit S' 4 month old grand-baby and help her daughter out. I did much dishes and folding of laundry and things were pretty much all caught up by the time we left on Monday afternoon. The GS is very cute despite teething so his grandmother and I were chewed and drooled on - by the baby - quite a bit. Many baby cuddles, giggles and kisses were shared. I was very pleased that I was trusted with this new baby in my care but perhaps they are to the point that if any responsible seeming adult offers that the parents are keen for a break. It appears that I've not lost my touch with taking care of babies and really enjoyed it.
We did get some sight-seeing in as well and I was able to have my first beaver-tail.
Spending about 14 hours in the car together and chatting was good. We explored a bunch of issues including things like our pasts, the chances of an ex popping up (much higher for S than for me), different Christmas traditions etc. I did check with S' D25 about my ideas for gifts for her mother and while she agreed, she did suggest that I check with S first about the stocking filler idea. That turned out to be excellent advice. S originally seemed a bit put off that I was thinking of doing that but after a bit thought that it would be fun for us to go and do that shopping together for her family so that's what we'll do. One key thing is that my traditions for filling stockings are very different than her's and so if I'd gone ahead on my own, it wouldn't have been "right".
I did find out some things that surprised me but nothing too far out of the normal. S is planning on filing for divorce after the new year which would be the full year after her attempted reconciliation. Her STBX is still pestering her to try yet again even though she says that she has told him that there is no way that's going to happen. She still has some stuff at his house that needs to be sorted out and she is making that a priority. She did say that the odds are quite high that he knows that we're dating as we've encountered mutual acquaintances multiple times - perhaps that's why he's pushing for her to come back again - or perhaps not. As a timeline they were together from about 2011 to 2013 when she moved out because of issues she had with him. She had a couple of fairly serious relationships since then, attempted a reconciliation for a few months in the winter of 2018/2019 and realized that he didn't change at all and pulled the plug on it early in the new year. She didn't date anyone since then until we started dating in September.
I dropped S off at her apartment which was actually cleaner than when we left it - the kids were given very explicit instructions. My house was in pretty good shape although unexpectedly there was a "very" intoxicated "20 Something" in my kitchen along with S25 and 20S' bestie. Much wine had been consumed. 20S and her boyfriend of a couple of years have split in a rather nasty fashion and she's not taking it well. I almost suggested that she could crash at my house (rescuer!) but bestie had everything all figured out saving me from myself. A lot of people including me didn't really care for 20S boyfriend - he had a sort of "oily" personality that bothered me. I will admit that one of the things that crossed my mind is that 20S will now need her stuff back.
After leaving the contents of her stomach in my downstairs toilet, 20S was poured in to her friends car (who doesn't drink) and hopefully is sleeping things off. I suspect that one of the things causing the break is that 20S was recently diagnosed with a brain tumour - a fairly serious one that affects her vision and other things. I know nothing beyond that.
S25 was very chatty when I got home too. We talked a bit about my trip. I did mention to him that S had invited him through me to take part in her family events and that I declined on his behalf. He didn't seem bothered one way or another.
Well - that's all for now.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
S is planning on filing for divorce after the new year which would be the full year after her attempted reconciliation. Her STBX is still pestering her to try yet again even though she says that she has told him that there is no way that's going to happen.
Stepping back or up to a 30,000 foot view, taking out names, people and personalities... Given the board we are on and all of the various threads here over the years that tell the often similar stories, if S's STBX were posting here, would you be the other man (OM) Andrew? Or perhaps it would be OM3 or OM4? Sure, you did not break them up and only started dating two months ago, but if you were not in the picture would S be finally moving forward with D?
It's human nature to rationalize things to fit our narrative or even our life. But put yourself in his shoes... is this not sorta the same thing that has happened to many of us here with a WAW or WW? They find someone else and it's only then they push forward with the D? Maybe it's not the same, it just sort of feels that way - the story is just told from a much different viewpoint - that of the OP. Or maybe I'm not seeing it clearly at all, perhaps others can chime in.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
and Andrew - enjoy this time with S, but for the love of all that's holy, slow it down, man. If she's really "the one" you have the absolute rest of your lives to sort it all out. why the rush rush rush on her part? is this why she's shopping for hubby #4??
50% of first marriages fail 60% of second marriages fail 75% of third marriages fail
Butterfly, I was thinking the EXACT same thing a day or two before you posted this. I was even going to look up the stats to be sure I was remembering them correctly - I was based on what you posted. The stats don't often include 4th marriages - just the first three, but I did find this on the Internet - FWIW as you can pretty much find anything on the Internet whether it's remotely correct and true or not:
93 % of fourth marriages end in divorce within five years.
If that is not a sobering statistic, I don't know what is. Yet, it's been crickets since you posted the D stats, Butterfly - but I'm very glad you did. But as they say, you can lead a horse to water... (and now Doodler is going to finish this saying with a crafty/crazy response - any bets? LOL.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I'm glad that your dreams are modest doodler - an 80 foot catamaran is just too ostentatious
I'm no longer married and Christmas will be arriving soon, so I'm hoping and dreaming for the perfect boat even if it comes with a hairy hippie chick. I was looking at monohulls, but I really want a catamaran because of their shallow daft (Bahamas, you know) and comfort. I like the performance catamarans because they're fast and they can sail close hauled. They have daggerboards in each hull so they aren't as susceptible to being pushed aside by the wind. (When I was a kid I loved sailing my dinghy close hauled because the boat would smack the waves and get my sister soaking wet.)
There is a good performance catamaran built by HH that's 77 feet long (named HH77). Is that close enough to 80 feet? I really like the Gunboat 66 because it can be sailed solo. All of the lines come down the center of the boat to the helm at the front (inside) of the salon/saloon. All you have to do step out to make adjustments to the sails. The windlass is right there as well so you can anchor solo. Too cool and way out of my price range.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Had a very good - nearly week away with S. The romantic getaway was. S was thrilled to get the flowers in the room which ended up going to Ottawa with us. The inn very much exceeded expectations - we will certainly go there again as time and budget permit.
I'm glad you had a good time.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
We did get some sight-seeing in as well and I was able to have my first beaver-tail.
That is very funny! There's nothing more I can say.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
As a timeline they were together from about 2011 to 2013 when she moved out because of issues she had with him. She had a couple of fairly serious relationships since then, attempted a reconciliation for a few months in the winter of 2018/2019 and realized that he didn't change at all and pulled the plug on it early in the new year. She didn't date anyone since then until we started dating in September.
Sounds like she's kinda like B. Food for thought.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
I will admit that one of the things that crossed my mind is that 20S will now need her stuff back.
Don - not sure I quite agree with you on the OM stuff. I mean, they were separated for years, she had one brief reconciliation attempt and quickly realized it was a mistake - I think we're safely out of OM territory this time, and sounded like she had very legitimate reasons not to take him back.
On the other hand, Andrew, those statistics on marriage are very sobering. I would suggest you refrain from considering marriage itself. At least for five years. Her track history with men is pretty bad and I'm reluctant to chalk it all up to just having a broken picker. A broken picker doesn't lead to having more children than you can provide for from several different dads. (Please tell me she's post-menopausal or has had her tubes tied???) That part is on her.
I'm not saying people can't change, and maybe she's growing up, BUT she hasn't quite demonstrated that yet. And if you ever did marry - her or someone else - I'd suggest getting an ironclad pre-nup first.
All that being said, I'm glad you had a nice time. Just take your time and pay attention.
You two need to expand your horizons and accept that other cultures will have practices, such as putting pinapple on pizza that most reasonable people find abhorrent.
