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#2870621 11/04/19 02:11 PM
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Old thread - I saw it on Mulberry Street
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2870563&page=1

I had been planning on a Seuss theme but like the past thread, I seem to be easily distracted these days.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
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You can put your stuff here
You can put your stuff there
You can put your stuff anywhere

Stuff up
Stuff down
Stuff in
Stuff out
So much stuff you'll have to shout

Good stuff
Bad stuff
Fun stuff
Kid stuff
Girl stuff

Undies here
Undies there
Girly undies on Andrew's derrière
Of how nice it is to share

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That last line should be "Oh how nice it is to share"

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Thanks doodler. Now to just figure out how to put this in to rhyme.

Nice escapes for S
Nice escapes for A

Over by the waterfall
Oh won't they have a ball

Vacation has been booked
S12 has been given the hook

We might go to Ottawa
Oh won't that be fun to go awa

To see a grand-baby
It's still just a maybe
But fun will be had by all

Hmmm - needs work. I'll keep practicing.

----------

Happy Wednesday

Still haven't heard anything from D27 in San Diego. I'm not pressing the issue just yet. It's perhaps raised the possibility that she won't be up for Christmas to now being probable. Although perhaps she'll come visit her mother but I would doubt that she would do one parent and not the other. With her H still somewhere in the middle of the Arabian Sea according to official Navy sources with no return date known, she undoubtedly has bigger things on her mind. I'm uncertain on how to proceed other than just being patient, giving her space and in part pretending that she's not not talking to me and sending her down her Christmas presents etc as usual.

S25 actually told me the other day, "don't worry about the dishes - I'll take care of them". I expect that his body has been taken over by aliens and that it won't last. I have mentioned that his sister isn't talking to me which got me a possible knowing look and smirk. Or it could have been a trick of the light. They generally "never" talk to each other.

Work has been ramping up to crazy busy. Which is odd because my colleague with the same role is bored. He was printing off information on a new car he wants to buy during work hours and a recently promoted senior manager was asking him how that was going. The same senior manager walked in on me and one of our sales reps talking about product lot tracking, why we don't do it in certain cases and how to deal with a customer complaint that the wrong product had been shipped. I'm getting more embedded in the processes at our acid plant now as well where my phone now rings fairly regularly. We are so massively under-staffed there (and S25 doesn't want to work there) that people are getting very stressed out and tempers are touchy. It's fun in some ways because I'm learning a lot and stuff is getting done and I just have to navigate the core problems. Everyone acknowledges that the key issue is the company president who is extremely capable but doesn't know how to turn off and wants to work under an expectation that everyone else is the same. He knows that this isn't the case but it's hard on him. And everyone else. This is combined with the fact that our biggest customer who takes the majority of our product reorganized and nobody knows what's going on there and we're having to pick up the ball for them as well otherwise there's a chance of losing the end customers. I do believe that my job security is pretty good despite what I've told S and that also nagging itch in the back of my head. But that just encourages me to be seen to add value.

I did get a contact out of the blue from a former colleague who was one of our top sales managers saying "hi" which was kind of odd. Perhaps like a "temp check" from an ex. I'd like to think that if I did need to change jobs that I have enough contacts and such that I can find another role without too much of a problem. We had our pension meetings yesterday and I learned a lot. I'm still figuring that I'll end up working until 70 in part because of the fall-out of divorce and to also maximize my pension earnings. My colleague didn't bother to go as he believes he is going to be managing all his retirement finances himself outside of the company plan and ended up getting censured by the head of HR for skipping a mandatory meeting. He really is sabotaging himself but seems determined to be a sad sausage who has lost his way in his career.

---------------

S is I think wanting to embed me more in her family and life. She suggested that I go with her and her various offspring at Christmas to stay with her Dad in a city south of here. I declined. I do know that she wants me to spend time at her place and not just because there are handy-man things to do. I'm wanting to navigate that carefully. The trip to Ottawa is tentative and would be added to the already planned getaway in a couple of weeks to a local inn. I hope to have the reservation confirmed today. They are on winter hours and so won't get my email booking until today.

It's interesting as I explore this on how some of the apparent red flags about S, she has traits that I feel that I have. She's a rescuer as am I. She throws herself all in sometimes without regard to the consequences. As do I. As I learn about her marital / relationship history she has a history of holding on and trying. In each of the three marriages she tried a later reconciliation which resulted in a baby except for the last time undoubtedly because she had passed menopause first. We had a big laugh when she mused "where have you been all these years" and I responded "in training".

I still have some trust issues that I need to work through which I also struggled with with B. Is she just in it for the things that come along with me, or does she care about me separate of those. Will she stay true to herself or is she pretzeling herself into what she thinks I want. That's not sustainable. I think I have a decent catalogue of the attendant baggage and it's big. She takes ownership of it. But I do remember how it overwhelmed B to the point that there wasn't anything left for her / us.

In other news, one of my neighbours - S25's pretty much single local friend - is off in Thailand and has just announced his engagement to a rather pretty Thai girl. S25 isn't impressed. He is getting some work though renovating his friend's house which his friend's mother is doing while her son is out of the country and possibly without his knowledge. The friend is a decent enough guy even if in his mid 30s he has no visible means of employment and is I believe supported by his mother. Not the best role model for S25.

Well - enough for now. Back to the exciting world of trying to analyze sodium bisulfite sales.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Thanks doodler. Now to just figure out how to put this in to rhyme.

Nice escapes for S
Nice escapes for A

Over by the waterfall
Oh won't they have a ball

Vacation has been booked
S12 has been given the hook

We might go to Ottawa
Oh won't that be fun to go awa

To see a grand-baby
It's still just a maybe
But fun will be had by all

Hmmm - needs work. I'll keep practicing.


I'm terrible at Suessian grammar, but I have been practicing.

------------

Have a nice trip
‘cause you’ll need it for sure
It’s plain to see
The future for thee
One thing’s for certain doodler said
With a grin
When you get back
She’ll be movin’ in

------------

I will not eat poutine
It looks like roadkill
And it’s really gross
I don’t know why Canadians boast

I will not eat poutine in a car
I will not eat poutine on a train
I will not eat poutine in a plane
I will not eat poutine in a sewage drain

I will not eat poutine with a steer
I will not eat poutine with a deer
I will not eat poutine with a duck
I will not eat poutine while I ...ummm

I’ll stop there.

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Happy Saturday!

Wednesday was good. S was a bit surprised by how happy and welcoming and seemingly non-judgmental the staff in the flower shop were. I'd warned her that they seemed to be "very" interested in her. We had a good time and got a couple of ornaments for me and S took home the two parti-coloured roses that were the open house gift item. Her kids are perhaps wondering about all these flowers showing up wink

We hung out after dinner at her apartment for a bit. The dogs have accepted me and we were piled on by both S's little one and her D18's slightly bigger one. Much dog fur on clothing. Her S17 was also there and largely ignored me from the other side of the room but did take part in the conversation. He was interested when I used my phone to do a WiFi site survey of the apartment. They say that parts of it act from time to time as dead zones, but the coverage was good with the equipment they have. I suggested that they do speed tests and look for electronic interference the next time they have a problem. S17 seemed to think that was a good idea and had his own way of doing speed tests.

So - one more hurdle crossed. At speed.

Busy weekend again. Making time for S is work. I told her that today that I won't be able to be over until we are heading out for the charity dinner and auction tonight at around 4:30. Tomorrow I've given her pretty much the whole day. She asked for some help around her apartment. Handy-man stuff plus helping with beginning a deep clean. It "really" needs it. I made it clear that I was only going to be the muscle and that she was in charge of directing where it will be used. I'm going to take along tools to hang some pictures that are just leaning against the wall right now.

And yes - she asked and even though I'm slightly uncomfortable with it, some of her stuff is moving in to my basement. Out of season decorations and kid stuff mostly. It's taking a lot of space and is underfoot. And this is something that I would and have done for friends.

I think that she is overwhelmed by the task of deep cleaning especially as stuff keeps showing up mostly from the house she shared with her STBX as well as her Dad who is - with good intentions - downsizing his house into her apartment. There just isn't room for it all and there's so much that she is I think overwhelmed. For my part, I am trying to determine what level of tidy she is comfortable with. She seemed very comfortable in my house which while not anything that would be featured in Better Homes and Gardens except as a "before" picture, is generally tidy and uncluttered. My ex was a bit of a hoarder and both S and I agree that too much stuff and clutter interferes with the "energy flow" in a home. We'll see what the reality actually is.

I'm staying for dinner with her family on Sunday. She also said that my S25 was welcome to come but I declined on his behalf. I am pretty sure that she would like to go at break-neck speed - even by my standards - on moving forward and being a happy family. I'm trying to navigate this carefully which is difficult. On the other hand, I could be wrong. She's a single mom with (essentially) 4 kids at home. Having activities that don't involve them I am sure is tough. Since S25 and I sometimes don't cross paths, I left him a note last night giving him advance warning that he's on his own for dinner. I don't expect him to care.

To make time for S, I'm having to take some of my usual down time / go slow time and be more efficient. After a long day in the City yesterday I did a load of laundry and shifted around the boat and trailer in the large shed when I got home. Good thing I put lights in the shed when I built it. Normally I would have sat, enjoyed a beer or three and worked on the grocery list. This morning I got up earlier than usual, did more laundry and got my tools ready for Sunday. It's all a question of priorities. I just have to figure out how to do this in a sustainable fashion as it's a fair bit of effort and work to both keep up my own usual priorities and also adapt to S being a pretty high priority too.

Our hotel is booked for our get-away. We're pretty excited. S has negotiated with S12's dad for him to take the boy for some extra days and so our trip to Ottawa to see her daughter and GS are (very likely) a go as well. Again - a part of wanting to draw me in to her family it would seem. I've known her daughter since she was 13 I think. A nice kid who has been to my house more than once and who actually helped bake a birthday cake for me years ago. Certainly a different milieu than most dating relationship.

D25 is a dancer who works in the background of music videos etc although she's pretty wrapped up in being a Mom right now. D18 is working on building an acting career which her Dad is strongly supporting. She's in the soon to be released The Knight Before Christmas on Netflix as an extra in a few of the scenes. The movie and the review looks pretty horrible but I will undoubtedly watch it - probably with S and her family. I advertised it on my Facebook feed as something that "the daughter of a friend is in". I waffled about saying "the daughter of my girlfriend". S already refers to me as her boyfriend in conversations.

Because I like bad analogies and with apologies to anyone from the West or Texas, some days I feel like I've been lassoed, hog-tied and am just waiting for the branding. Not sure I'm objecting but I want to be sure that this is something that "I" want. As anyone who knows me will agree, I'm a sucker for an assertive woman.

-------------

I've noticed especially in this past week that I seem to be losing inches undoubtedly because my beer consumption has plummeted. Colder weather is part of it no doubt but also the fact that S has a bad alcohol allergy so no beer when we're out or before I see her is a factor. Choices. Priorities. I also notice interestingly that when I have a beer after work that it doesn't taste nearly as good. All good things. The fact that this also saves me money is a positive too. My pants are getting quite a bit looser which is actually a bit of an annoyance because I re-invested in pants that fit a few months ago. I do have some "aspirational" pants from last year that - ahem - shrunk though.

Well - time to check to see if my laundry is dry. Then off for haircut, banking, groceries, fresh flowers etc. I'll see what cleaning I can get done before I need to head off to the dinner.

Busy busy busy.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Omg I cannot believe you’re storing her things already. You should just go into business as a storage facility.

As for her level of tidiness - probably best to assume it’s not great. Understanding that it’s hard to fit too much stuff into too small a space, but hanging pictures is hardly a job that she and her kids couldn’t have done themselves. (Not dissing her, I’ve had unhung pictures hanging around because I was just too darn busy to get to them, but also those things don’t bother me - and make me a poor match for someone who is bothered.) You’ll know more once you see how she maintains (or doesn’t) after the deep cleaning.

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Originally Posted by kml
Omg I cannot believe you’re storing her things already. You should just go into business as a storage facility.

As for her level of tidiness - probably best to assume it’s not great. Understanding that it’s hard to fit too much stuff into too small a space, but hanging pictures is hardly a job that she and her kids couldn’t have done themselves. (Not dissing her, I’ve had unhung pictures hanging around because I was just too darn busy to get to them, but also those things don’t bother me - and make me a poor match for someone who is bothered.) You’ll know more once you see how she maintains (or doesn’t) after the deep cleaning.


Is this how it started with B? Then she was moved in? I hope she isn’t rushing this along because she needs a home for her and her 4 kids....... I’m really, really hoping .

Remember, you can determine the pace and not follow the leader. Be the leader to protect yourself

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OMG! You are storing her stuff too? At the rate you are going, you won't be able to find anything that belongs to you. LOL!. When is the young lady going to pick up her stuff that you've been storing for quite some time. Maybe it's time to think about giving her a drop dead date and if she doesn't pick up her stuff...you will be having a wonderful yard sale since it appears that things are bought rather quickly from your yard.

As for cleaning...her children are old enough to help her with the cleaning and hanging of pictures. However, maybe she's not hanging pictures because this place is only a temporary stop until she finds husband number 4?

I will not be surprised if she suggests moving in after the holidays. Things are moving along quickly and you are fitting in to be the "white knight" or should I say, "the honey do list accomplisher". There's nothing wrong in assisting a good friend, but Andrew, please slow down...a bit in being there to help her. BTW, is she going to come over and help you remove wall paper, redo your kitchen cabinets and help paint? The helping of friends does go two ways.....

Keep your eyes and ears open when you are over there assisting her. You will learn more about her, her family and what is going on w/her during this cleaning event.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Andrew, I have some stuff that needs storing. Please send me your ship to address.

OMG. You are clearly in some sort of cycle where you keep attracting this type. I do not see her as assertive at all. It is really weird to ask a new boyfriend to help you deep clean your place. She does not work! That allows a tremendous amount of time for cleaning. I work full time and clean my own home. I think it is pretty easy considering my kids are gone 50% which leaves less mess and more time. Ginger works 2 jobs and has 100% custody and I think she cleans herself, too? Just pointing out that clearly this woman has very little bandwidth. And from I read you have tremendous bandwidth. There is quite a mismatch there, no?

But, the key issue to this woman, is that she makes (really) bad decisions over and over again without learning from her past mistakes. She opts not to work (even though she definitely can make time for this), she venus flytraps men (marries them casually and at a rate that she then cannot afford to then divorce them) and then introduces/involves men way too soon to her kids.

I think the only thing that would stop her from marrying you today is that she is still married to hubby #3.

Eventually, I think, because she is a person who chronically makes bad decisions those bad decision making skills will impact you.

Maybe she is deep cleaning for the move out of there and move in to your place?


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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