I see.. so she's like, "I want a 50/50 schedule".. and you're like "Well, that's negotiable, but you can't have the home, this level of financial support AND a 50/50 schedule."
Originally Posted by JDevast
I then got a stream of links to co parenting plans. That she wanted me to agree to one week on, one week off immediately and then she would be happy to talk things through
Generally, week on / week off is recommended for older kids only because that's a long time for a young child to be away from either parent. I'm on a 5-2-2-5 schedule--which gives me the same weekdays "on" and "off" every week, making scheduling activities easier. I'd take time to review options before diving in.
Hi LH19 So bonfire night is a UK holiday , generally lighting of bonfires and fireworks. We always took the kids to displays.
I moved out because she basically demanded I did, labelled every wrong word I'd ever said, every lack of affection and intimacy over our entire relationship as abuse.
She was so angry I in equal parts wanted to avoid conflict and avoid causing her any damage or pain.
In hindsight it may have been a mistake.
I have done everything she's wanted to make this easier for her ,maybe in an attempt to placate her and nice her back.
Yep big mistake moving out and you’re definitely trying to placate her which never works.
Now as for your previous post you are putting pressure on her which is forcing her to set boundaries with you. You should be NC unless it’s about logistics for the kids.
I'm not meaning to put any pressure on her, do you mean by trying to be friendly in texts or by wanting to negotiate child care. Is nc right in this sitch, I'd been trying to show a Pma and be more open as a 180. But yes I have been trying to placate her.
Can I turn this around? Is it advisable I just go nc, is the goal just to give her space, is this placating her more?
Is this more of just giving her what she wants to pursue her single life.
Should I maintain friendly Pma in texts etc or be more reserved.
I guess I feel being distant is exactly what caused the db.
Excuse my constant posting. I'm having to post frequently as some sort of journal I guess.
Had the kids today while she saw her friends , got some lunch took them back to the family home got them sorted for school tomorrow and put youngest to bed.
Received a text from her that she would be returning at 9.30pm and didn't want to talk about anything on her return. Replied with a thumbs up.
She returns, my son is still up. I say hi and no response, starts talking to my son and very clearly ignoring me while I gather my things. Small interaction about son's open day at school tomorrow. Say goodbye to my son Say goodnight to her and no response.
So who knows , she seems full of anger towards me.
Back at the flat now, my copy of db arrived while I was out so will get stuck in. Concentrate on work tmrw and no contact unless she initiates.
Will try and be more reserved and then navigate the school open evening tomorrow.
So who knows , she seems full of anger towards me.
Keep posting as much as you want mate.
I wouldn't say goodnight again until she says it. You be a ghost around her til things settle. The anger toward you will come and go in waves. You are the Lighthouse and the waves will crash against you sometimes, but you will remain solid, steadfast and indifferent to these fluctuations in her moods.
Originally Posted by Jdevast
Concentrate on work tmrw and no contact unless she initiates.
Will try and be more reserved and then navigate the school open evening tomorrow.
Yes, nothing unless she initiates. I wouldn't respond anyway unless it's a question, or something that definitely needs confirmation from you. The thumbs up emoji is a good go to response.
I had a school meeting night last week too. I navigated that by splitting from XW as soon as it came time to check out the various school subject stalls. I said I'd check out stall Y, if she could check out stall Z, then left her to it and moved to the opposite side of the hall. She ended up shadowing me on my stall, so I told her to take my place in line and I'd move to the next one, then left her. I kept moving as she kept trailing, and when I finished went and sat back down. A few seconds later, she was sat down as well.
The old, pre BD me would have waited for her to suggest what stalls we go to, and I would have shadowed her. This time, I took the lead, and it felt natural. Try that approach if circumstnaces and W's vibe permits it. If not, just do your own thing and don't follow her around. Find someone and make small talk, then move on to the next person. If you've got nothing to do, sift through all the paperwork you'll have accumulated on the night. Dont just stand around looking lost! If there are info documents to grab, get a second copy for her as well, and hand it to her at a convenient time.
You're the proactive, involved, know what you're doing JD at the school evening tomorrow.
Good luck mate
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
