I was hoping 2020 was a year of letting go. I was informed this morning by my lawyer that my XW has retained a lawyer and will be fighting to amend the dissolution of marriage. What she is hoping to accomplish I have no idea yet. She may want more custody or maybe just wants to hurt me financially. The sad thing is no one will win by taking me to court. All she is going to do is destroy her relationship with her daughter even more and possibly hurt me so bad financially that D13 will suffer as a result. I will never understand.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
I'm so sorry to hear about this mate. What an absolutey unwelcome PITA. Surely once eveything is finalised and made binding the person who wants to revisit has to cross some legal hurdles before being able to reopen and revisit the issues with the Court?
Good luck and stay strong my virtual DB brother!
Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
I have never been so scared in my life. I hate waiting to see what my XW is going to legally attack me with or what she is going to try to do. I know ii my heart I have done nothing wrong and have only looked after the best interests of D13 but at the same time the law is not always fair or understanding. Yes I know there is nothing I can do until my lawyer receives papers from my XW's lawyer and I should stop assuming horrible scenarios. How do I stop the mind games I play with myself. I have a therapy session on Friday and hopefully that can help. I also continue to be D13's stability and try to show her that we will be just fine. D13 also has a therapy appointment so hopefully that will help her as well. I need to stop trying to understand why someone who I loved for 22 years would want to hurt me and become my worst nightmare. I can't control XW's actions and can only work on how I respond to the situation. I hurt though.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
This didn't go her way so now she's going to see if the courts can wave their magic wand and make all her wishes come true. I know it's hard but try not to worry. My toxic parents came after me twice legally and nothing ever came of it.
Journaling a little summary to try to keep things straight in my head.
~D13 at the beginning of this saw her mom with another guy and was constantly hearing her mom criticize me when they were alone
~May 24, 2019 she is pulled out of her class and was told by her mom I don't love your dad, I want him to raise you, and I will see you sometimes. I immediately schedule an appointment for D13 to see a psychologist at her doctor's practice.
~Mid June D13 goes to Hawaii with her mom, grandma, and best friend. Her mom and grandma fight so much it becomes physical. D13 feels ignored the whole trip and her mom pays more attention to her best friend (best friend's dad is the one D13 saw her mom with). D13 becomes sick on trip and has allergic reaction and mom won't help her. D13 hates the trip and her mom accuses her grandma of abuse and disowns her.
~Divorce finalized and her mom thanks me for the visitation schedule. Peace for the rest of summer D13 is coping well, she is fully in my custody and her mom never asks to see her. D13 doesn't want to see the psychologist anymore because her mom is going there privately and she feels he is treating her differently now.
~End of summer first visitation and when I go to drop off D13 I step out of car and her mother screams to stop touching her, stop hurting her, leave me alone and clutches her arm while doing it. D13 gets out of the car as I get back in and proceeds to lay into her mother about cheating, lying, and behaving like a child. She stays for an hour and continues to set boundaries and lecture her mom.
~First full visitation, D13 goes to her room and refuses to come out. When she finally comes out 2 days later her mom asks if she wants to got to a party with her new exercise friends. D13 on the last visit had said one of her boundaries was not associating with her new exercise friends.
~Second full visitation D13 is forced into therapy by her mom to work on their relationship. The day after the therapy session D13 has suicidal thoughts and makes a half hearted attempt at following through.
~Her mom accuses me of not providing D13 with the proper medical attention and not addressing the depression issues D13 is having. D13 refuses to go to a therapist because of the forced therapy visit she had with her mom.
~Third full visitation get a call from D13 screaming to come pick her up because her mom won't stop harassing her. Visit only lasts 2 hours.
~Her mother emails and accuses me and not providing D13 with proper medical care and causing the problems during their visitation times.
~Finally convince D13 to go to a therapist.
~D13 during a therapy appointment comes up with a modified visitation schedule that she feels will help her to adjust and her therapist says if it is implemented it should be from 3 months to a year to create consistency for D13. D13's mom agrees to the modified visitation schedule.
~D13 has the modified visitation and it seems to work well for D13. Her mom emails me after and says the visitation schedule won't work for her and she wants not only the original but even more time with D13.
~D13 continues to tell her mom what she needs to help her heal and her mom continues to fight back and blame me.
~Visitation becomes more confrontational with D13 setting boundaries and her mom not accepting them and D13 demanding to come back early for most visitations.
~D13 and her mom have a therapy appointment together and D13 unloads a lot of the anger she has had for her mom from the last 2 years. Her mom tells her a lot of the things she is bringing up are not true, then gets angry at her, then cries, then makes D13 feel guilty.
~Her mom continues to email me that I am causing the problems and the extreme distancing and that I need to help fix it.
~She tells her mom she is going to Disneyland for Christmas and in response her mom says she doesn't want her for Christmas Eve. D13 is happy and hurt by it all at the same time.
~New Years visitation is complete disaster because D13 is so angry at her and expresses all of it and says she is done with her mom and starts calling her by her first name. She tells her mom if she doesn't like it she can just go get a lawyer. Her mom gets angry back and D13 ends up coming back early.
~D13 refuses to go to the weekend visit with her mom but I make her go outside anyway to talk to her mom about it because she is legally required to go. So D13 takes the presents she asked her mom not to get her and dumps them next to her car and tells her she doesn't want to go with her. D13 stays with me that weekend.
~Her mom emails me and threatens my house which she is still on the title of and threatens my parents house which she owns a 25% share. Her mom also sets up an appointment with D13's therapist and sets up an appointment with D13's school.
~Lawyer informs me her mom has hired an attorney and is going to attempt to amend the divorce decree.
~D13 becomes livid and says her mom is completely dead to her and asks me how to get her own legal representation to see if she can completely sever all ties with her mom.
It just keeps going downhill
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
D13's mom met with the principal and counselor at D13's school. They told me at the meeting D13's mom was really concerned and apologized to them because she was blocked from communicating with D13 and was worried she could not let D13 know that she wouldn't be able to take her to ballet that day. Ok this wouldn't be so concerning except D13 hasn't been in ballet for an entire year. Both the principal and the counselor where dumbfounded because they both knew D13 had not been in ballet since last year but D13's mom was adamant that they let Caitlyn know she would not be able to take her to ballet that day.
I don't even know what to do with this information?????
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Speak to your L about the prospects and options for a psychological report through the court system if XW drags it through that process. Not sure if these are available in the USA
Here in oz we have court appointed lawyers who act for children in certain situations. Again speak to your L about whether those options exist.
Good luck db brother
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Your ex sounds like my late father. He was a narcissist and when his life unraveled he became delusional. I’ve told you this dozens of times but you ignore my advice repeatedly. Keep D13 away from her. Your ex has made your D suicidal and yet you continue to let your ex see her. Sever ties, let your D13 have her say, get her an attorney, fix this once and for all. Your ex needs to go.
