JR425, I'm sorry that we find ourselves in the same situation. They really do sound very similar. I'm going to start saying yes more often to my friends regarding going out. When I look back I've always maintained a relationship with my friends. I made time for them. I need to bring that back, which will help me take the wife out of my focus. thank you for reaching out brother. Let's help each other out where we can.
Saying “yes” to friends is the best place I’ve found to start GAL. I got an invite to hang with a couple buddies on Friday and a month ago I would have considered it and eventually declined but this time I jumped at the opportunity. Also, try to plan out a trip or weekend getaway so you can something to look forward to. I’m taking my son out for his first hunting trip this weekend and have 3 more long weekend hunting trips planned for the next couple months with a few college buddies. The group texts all day as we make plans and review trail cams keeps my mind off things and gives me something to be excited about. Reach out any time. If there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of, it’s that I will definitely need some help working through this as I’m sure you will too. At least we’ve found ourselves here where we can get some outside perspective and support from others that can fully relate. Keep your head up and eyes forward!
Sounds fun man! I like getting outside with my son, we like rock climbing and hiking but have put that on hold. We need to start that back up! I'm going out with some coworkers this Friday so that should be a good time. I'll be here for you brother, hopefully I can offer up some help.
Question...have you been wearing your wedding ring? My wife no longer wears hers and I've taken mine off the last couple days but it feels wrong. I don't know if I should or shouldn't be wearing it; it may cause her to feel pressure as she's told me before whenever I bring up our relationship. That's the last thing I want her to feel.
You're in excellent hands with AS and Steve on board. They are both legends on this forum.
On top of the suggested sitch's to read, I'd definitely read Robx as well.
I took my ring off a few weeks after BD. I was told repeatedly there was no way we'd never, ever, ever get back together, and I told my XW I accepted that was her decision. To keep it on after that to me would have been disingenous and pursuing.
Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
I 2nd the wearing of the ring. I took mine off and left it on the counter when she asked me to leave for a few days. I put it back on when I came home and have been wearing it ever since. It felt worse for me not wearing it. Do what makes you feel better. I completely understand putting pressure on her about the R. When I had my “awakening” all I wanted to do was discuss “us” and how we can fix the M. It was too much for her so I backed off. I started dismissing the day to day talks because it wasn’t addressing the issue or giving me answers. That was a mistake. I’m now really enjoying any time and any thing she wants to talk about. If it leads to a M discussion, great. If not, so what? I’m letting her guide the discussions and I’m just being present in them and fully attentive to what she says so as not to put any pressure on her.
DS9, doing ok actually! Just got back from training at the jiujitsu academy and feels good hangin with the fellas. My wife hasn't gotten to that point where she would say things like that. I think i'm going to keep the ring on as I am still a married man and I value that. I didn't wear it for a couple of days and it just didn't feel right. Although I must admit that many times during our marriage I would forget to put my ring on and my wife would have to remind me, or she would bring it to me to wear.
Looking back I feel horrible about that. So many little things that I failed at as a husband and now I am paying for it.
Looking back I feel horrible about that. So many little things that I failed at as a husband and now I am paying for it.
When I started DBing one of the things I learned fast was that the past is set in stone. The future is unknown. All we have is right now. So be the best husband, father, person you can be right now! And resolve to continue to do better in the future.
Dwelling on regret and past mistakes does nothing for that. Acknowledge past failures, and resolve to do better from this point forward.
I highly doubt you were as bad of as a husband as I was. I am ashamed of what I had become.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes I will continue to wear my R. I feel like it's a reflection of who I am as a man- one who values his family, wife, and marriage.
So you and your W are able to have discussions about the M? A week ago before I finally understood the concept of letting go and detachment, I made a mistake and was asking her about our R and M. After about 2 minutes she said this discussion was giving her a stomach ache, making her nauseous, and that she was no longer attracted to me. That was tough to hear, and ever since then my heart hardened a little. Detachment has been a lot easier for me after that. I'm wondering if that sparked my "awakening"?
