I never gave up on it, just eventually came to realize I was clinging to something that no longer existed! It took over a year to figure that out, and another year to finally push for D myself.
Makes sense.
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I can't imagine you'll end up getting less support than now though, right? So you really have nothing to lose, but potentially you could have a little or a lot to gain.
Without support I'm at the federal poverty level. I'll need to move in a year but I'm prepared to live on what he's paying me now yes.
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How so? You might end up in a situation where YOU have to push D through to get the extra support, but I don't see how you talking to a L would impact whether he bothers with it or not.
He was going to file in April but stopped. It was either money, he got overwhelmed or he has doubts (temporary I'm sure). Our D will be super easy once support is decided. A separation agreement solves every hold off but doubts.
Two weeks in the new place and we are all struggling. S19 is unhappy, D17 is miserable and I’m dragging. We are all angry.
WAH is making S19 help him move/clean and he’s pissed
I got D17 a therapy appt through EAP. Can’t afford anything else and might have to give up therapy myself. D17 is sad I’ve never seen her like this. Still smiling but I know her. Called her on it and she admitted she’s doing awful.
kas is D17 still in school? Sometimes the school has counselors she could see.
Has S19 thought about his own future? Maybe he could apply to a college and start to focus on his life to get his mind off of WAH.
I believe when these things happen to older children, they almost have to apply the principles of DB themselves. Both of them need to GAL immediately and start to work on themselves. It is how we survive the abandonment and destruction of the marriage and I think it is how older children can survive the annihilation of the family.
I hope that you can get the financial support you will need kas. Nothing worse than going through the emotional horror of all of this and then having to worry how you will meet all your financial obligations.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
I hope someone answers this. Do I need to get a temporary support agreement? He's been paying child support and my rent but now I'm on my own. I asked how much he wanted to pay going forward and it's an attorney answer so I didn't reply.
He's got unearned income that I am not entitled to (my attorney says it's up to the judge) but I'm pretty sure it at least counts towards child support.
I feel ridiculous going before the judge over a few hundred dollars and I could end up with less.
He's been paying child support and my rent but now I'm on my own.
What does that mean--has he stopped paying you?
Originally Posted by kas99
I asked how much he wanted to pay going forward and it's an attorney answer so I didn't reply.
What's an "attorney answer"?
Originally Posted by kas99
Do I need to get a temporary support agreement?
Usually spouses write-up and sign some sort of temporary agreement, e.g., "From 11/01 2019 to 2/01 2020 I will pay X dollars on the Yth day of the month. If not paid on-time, a penalty of Z per day is owed." Does your half of your shared savings cover 2-3 months? If no, it sounds stressful waiting and hoping for a check.
I'd want to ensure I was at least safe while working on a longer-term agreement.
I feel ridiculous going before the judge over a few hundred dollars and I could end up with less.
If that's your goal--to gamble on support going up or down a little, that's silly! If your goal is to ensure you get support continuously so you're safe, that's not silly, and may be worth getting a bit less.
Edit: As Rooskers says, your attorney can tell you the normal path. Your approach so far sounds unusually informal for the low trust and high financial dependency you have with your ex.
kas do you have a lawyer? These are all questions you should be asking a lawyer because it will be different in each state. For example, in Massachusetts alimony and child support are figured out using a set formula but in Oregon only child support is found using a formula. In many states they require mediation for alimony and if that doesn't work the judge will decide.
A temporary support agreement would be helpful to protect you. Again your lawyer should be answering these questions.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
He's still paying me child support but back in May (when he was going to file) he agreed to pay more once I moved out, said I couldn't make it on child support alone but that’s where I’m at.
I'd like to read more into this thinking he still has hope and that this is a "temporary" separation (less than 3 years) because we went from mediation talks to what sounded like an "I need time" separation even after he said he was "done". He's a good man (still) so why would he put me in this financial situation permanently? Go ahead and laugh at how naive I am.
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What's an "attorney answer"?
When he said I couldn't make it on child support alone he gave me a "starting point" number so when he cancelled the lease I emailed him for an exact amount and much to my surprise he said child support only aka an "attorney answer". I didn't respond despite him pushing the kids to get me to.
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Does your half of your shared savings cover 2-3 months? If no, it sounds stressful waiting and hoping for a check.
Barring an emergency I can live very comfortably for a year on my savings (and child support), 2 years if I count pennies. My plan is to live on rice and beans - leave my savings alone as much as humanly possible.
He's a good man (still) so why would he put me in this financial situation permanently? Go ahead and laugh at how naive I am.
His motives don't matter in making a decision, only whether he's offering what the court considers fair or no. I wouldn't expect "child support only" to be your expected court outcome.
If you're entitled to more support (e.g., child support + alimony), can ask your attorney to take steps to get at-guidelines temporary support next month? This could be as simple as her e-mailing his attorney and saying, "Look, either your client agrees to pay $X by next week or I'll file an emergency motion for $X through the court and I'll get it and we'll split fees." That's how my partner and I resolved disputes. When the outcome is obvious, both attorneys can plainly see that, and no need to argue about it.
If you're not entitled to more support, make peace with the reality for now.
PS - Is your lawyer okay with you directly sending him financial questions?! Mine wouldn't be.
