Tonight I sat her down and said the following: “This isn’t working for me anymore. I would have preferred to work things out, but I realize that’s not what you want. I respect myself too much to continue waiting for someone that doesn’t want to be with me. I have decided to move forward with my life. Hopefully we can come to an agreement on custody and finances and make this process as simple as possible.” I then handed her the asset list.
Curtis, I'm not clear on what exactly you were telling her above, are you telling her that you are proceeding with divorce? Or just that you are done waiting? I'm surprised she didn't ask you what you mean, because that's not clear. What does "move forward with your life" mean to you?
Curtis, I'm not clear on what exactly you were telling her above, are you telling her that you are proceeding with divorce? Or just that you are done waiting? I'm surprised she didn't ask you what you mean, because that's not clear. What does "move forward with your life" mean to you?
Originally Posted by LH19
Good point. I assumed he meant divorce because of the custody and finances statement.
I’m done living in limbo. That means working towards R or D. She clearly doesn’t want R as the A’s continue, so that means D. She has been on the fence and I’m pushing her off. I’m moving forward and getting out of the lying and infidelity. If she changes her mind and wants R, then she’ll have to fight for me and the MR she destroyed. If that happens, it will be my choice.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Personally I think you should wait and just DB for a few months. You've spent many months pursuing against probably all the advice you've received (including people not on this site) and now you've had enough. I understand. But I will repeat the fact that a divorce is a piece of paper and doesn't mean she's going to suddenly treat you differently. It's your call obviously, but I've seen you post so many times about how you going to stand for your marriage and be able to tell your kids you tried. You were in this spot a few months back, but you went into pursuit mode after that.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I know I'm not one to talk Curtis because we all can easily flip flop here. I say this in kind love for you. Either do, or don't do. Miyagi says. Walk left side of road. Ok..Right side of road. Ok. Walk down middle of road. Get sqish just like grape. You do divorce yes, or you do divorce no. You do divorce guess so? Heart get squish just like grape.
What I am trying to say is. If you are really done. Kick her off the fence, get rid of the horse, and stop using D as leverage to bend her to you're will. She's probably ecstatic YOU want it to, which is why they happily reply "OK" THEY KNOW WHEN YOI ARE LOOKING FOR A REACTION, AND WHEN TOU REALLY MEAN IT BY ACTIONS. Don't even consider the hope or possibility of taking her back in the future. Put it as far out of your mind as you possibly can. Just keep blazing your trail for you and the kids. Whoever said Marriage and Divorce is just a piece of paper is genious FOR THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. I still think it is a covenant with God and their spouse. Now if she ever does have a change of heart, cross that bridge when you get to it if you get to it depending on the commitment determination, AND LEVEL OF RESPECT AND TREATMENT YOU ARE GETTING. Squatting bull says "$hit or get off the pot."
Last edited by job; 10/25/1909:58 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
WW has the kids for Halloween and just texted me asking if I want to join them for trick or treating. Could be a courtesy invite or prompted by S8. He asked me yesterday morning if I was going trick or treating with them. I told him no, they are with their mom.
Very dim with her right now. I’ve let her go. Proper DB response? “Ok, I’m sure the kids would like me to be there.” “Not this time. Thanks for the invite.” “No W, that’s something a family would do together, you don’t want to be a family.” ‘No response’
I know, detach from the outcome, go if I want, don’t go if I don’t want to. The dilemma is my kids want me there and I enjoy watching them have fun, but frankly I don’t feel like being around the lying cheater, she’s not good for me. Do what’s best for the kids or best for me? If we were D, I wouldn’t be participating in family activities.
On another note D5 told me the following yesterday: “It’s not cool having two houses, mom said it would be cool, but it’s not cool anymore. I don’t like having my stuff at two different places.” Gosh that kind of stuff from my kids is tough to hear. They didn’t ask for this and had no choice in the matter. It kills me that their childhoods aren’t what they could be because their mother wants to sleep with OM.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
It's tough isn't it mate. I'd suggest respond with just a "Sorry, I can't make it, regards C7". Remember, she chose this mate, not you. Why not make up a really cool Halloween activity you can do with the kids when they're with you again? Surprise them at changeover by getting dressed up in something Halloweeny and throw lollies around that they can catch!
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
