I spoke to my cousin today and the neurologist said it was a very small stroke and she should have minimal effects. But they don’t know why she is seizing. I really hope it stops and she wakes up.
The weekends without gabby are rough on me. Too much alone time. I will be better off working on them. Last year was fun at this time. I miss it. We had just started dating and he back then he wanted to see me all weekend and took the chances he got to see me. I should have known when he wanted to see me less that something was up, but I just thought I was giving him space to do his thing and have his alone time. I believed his words that he wanted to be with me. I got the urge to tell him is miss his son and I hoped all was well with him. But I didn’t.
And now for some comic relief. I went to D12’s game and the ex hands me a baggie of M&M’s. You’ll never believe it. They had his face on the! They were from his 40tth birthday party. He saved some for me. I took one out and chomped on his head. Who gives their ex wife. Bag of M&M’s with their face on it?!? I wonder sometimes if my life could get any weirder. I brought my dog to the game. My ex also loves my dog. Which I guess is good because he will watch him when I’m away for the wedding. His mom is actually going to come stay for 2 nights at my house with D12 and the dog when I’m away. It’ll be easier for her.
I was talking to his wife and she was talking to be about something regarding D12 and her aunt and she referred to D12 as “ our child” and it irked me. She isn’t your child, woman. But she also told me about how ex was mean to my daughter yesterday and she took care of it. So what am I going to do? Tonight was homecoming where they present all the 8th graders and their family walks them on the field . Next year that will be D12. I realize I am going to have to include his wife. It’s the right thing to do. The right thing isn’t always the easiest thing to do. But I pretty much have gotten used to sacrificing my feelings to do the right thing by others. What a martyr I am, lol. It’s partially selfish, I hope the good karma will come back around to me one day.
The truth is, right now I feel like I would give anything to be where I was last year. I want it all back. But I can’t have it and it kind of stinks.
Tomorrow is my usual Sunday of grocery shopping during he giants game ( grocery store is empty then) and yard work. Then I will cook myself dinner and eat alone. Heck, maybe I’ll take myself out to dinner.
Last edited by job; 09/22/1901:55 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
I would take anything that your xh's wife says w/a grain of salt. Her telling you that your xh was mean to your daughter sounds to me like she is trying to drive a wedge between the two of you. Ask yourself this, if your xh was mean to your daughter, why would you tell the xw about it?Maybe she senses that you two are getting along nicely and she's not happy about it. She may feel insecure.
I do think it's great that your xmil is going to come take care of your daughter and the dog. At least their routines will remain the same.
Take yourself out to dinner...you owe it to yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wow job, I didn’t even think that would be her intention. I probably give her too much credit when she pretty much deserves minimal. I often have to remember how she came into my daughters life. She did not come in in a moral just way. She wasn’t the woman he met after divorce. She’s the woman he met while I was pregnant with our IVF child. I am finally confident that my daughter knows who is her mom and who has been there for her since day one. Our R is super strong. I am pretty certain his wife does feel insecure. He even asked her to watch D12 so we could go to a concert together . I sure as heck would not be Ok with that if the roles were reversed.
KML, thank you. I should go out and buy a lottery ticket. I sure could use the money. I just keep trying to do what’s right and hope the rest falls into place
Today I decided to take on the project that M and I were going to do. A different tAke on it, but hard work, nonetheless. My best friend came over and we removed the wood and 25 cinderblocks from the ground. Yesterday I cut out all the super tall weeds and her husband then came over and cleared out some of the rock. I basically need someone to remove the wood and cinder blocks that we piled up and then through out the course of the week, I’m going to fill the hole with dirt. Then I’m going to seed it and I hope to regrow grass there. I am incredibly impressed by our hard work and heavy lifting. Us women did the bulk of it. It’s 88 degrees here and we got super dirty in the insane heat. I bought them both lunch for all the help. I feel so proud of the work we did. I don’t need M for this. What I needed him for he couldn’t be there for. The physical stuff was easy for him. Being there emotionally and present was impossible for him. I kind of wish I could show him the work we did and shove it in his face. But I’m just going to sit here and be proud now.
I’m exhausted and I’ll take a nap then maybe do some more stuff later. I have a feeling I’ll be super sore tomorrow.
It might not work for you, but it's amazing what people will take if you put a "free" sign on it. I got rid of a big stack of cinder blocks and bricks a few years ago that way.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
No one can see my house, so “free” signs don’t work. But the guy came and took all the cinder blocks out and will come back tomorrow for the wood. He’s like a 65 year old biker dude who smells, and D12 said he looks like dirty Santa, but hey, he gets the job done and fast. I’m excited to complete the project. D13 is going to help me pour dirt this upcoming Sunday.
Work was good today, we have a manageable case load and I got out on time. I applied for my second job. I told D12 about it and she said she’s really sad that I have to work that hard. I think she’s understanding a little more of what i go through to give us the life we have.
I continue to begrudgingly miss M and his family. Or at least what it was in the beginning. I had my facebook memory pop up of our 5th date where we went kayaking and fishing and it was the first time in my life. He told me my excitement made me look beautiful. I often wonder what happened to the man I met. Where it all went wrong and where it changed. It’s unreal he is just gone , they are just gone and he probably doesn’t even think twice about us. I just want to be over it already. I should be, but I’m not. I wish I could be one of those people who just move on and say “your loss”
Because it is his loss. But I’m feeling the loss too.
Put this on an index card and stick it on the visor of your car so you see it every day:
YOU DODGED A BULLET
Seriously, whatever is wrong with him, why ever this happened, you dodged a bullet and he's not the droid you were looking for.
(When I was dating the first guy I dated after my divorce, the Love Avoidant guy, I put a card in my visor that said "He's just not that into you". It was true - although we are still friends - and seeing it often helped me keep my keel.)
I think I am sick of dating bullets. I for once want to date something I don’t consider dieting aye to have dodged. I wish I didn’t get in as deep as I did.
