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A Message from Michele
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Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868455
10/16/19 05:09 PM
10/16/19 05:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,089
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Ginger1 Online OP
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I am so incredibly exhausted. I canít seen to get enough sleep. I have an interview for my second job on Friday. I better find energy from somewhere. My getaway for the wedding coming up is much much needed. I am off Friday, work Saturday and Sunday, off Monday and leave Tuesday. I also have a fair amount of PTO time left for the year. Luckily we can roll some over now, but I am going to take as many days as I can in December.

My coworker who is leaving is driving me crazy. I feel like an awful person. Because she is the sweetest, but she doesnít stop talking and when she talks she has to include every single little detail instead of getting to the point. It really does make it hard for me to concentrate. Iím cranky when Iím tired. Literally, she sees me typing this right now and is going on and on and on. Sweetest woman though

Been thinking a lot about relationships. Someone else I once sort of dated has gotten married. All my exís are getting married! And here I am. 12 years later and still single single. It gets to me sometimes, but I try not to let it. I did think M and I were going towards marriage, but then again, he didnít see me or my daughter as important to him. So no, no marriage was going to happen there. I donít even miss him, because there wasnít much to miss. I miss his son so much, but I was really nothing to this dude and he wasnít there for me. And I really donít miss that awful feeling of someone not giving a poop about you.

The new guy? Well, we seem to really be connecting and are very similar. Problem? Seeing each other. Itís really really difficult. Opposite kid schedules donít help along with his crazy long days at work and his kids intense sports schedules. The one plus is he can leave his kids home for a little while and so can I. When there is downtime. I donít even think we will see each other before I go away for my friends wedding. Will anything come of this? No idea. If it does it will be super super slow. And I guess Iím not in a rush for anything. He said I was the first person who made him want to juggle around his life and schedule. So letís see if he comes through with it.

Thatís all. I just need some freakiní sleep

Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868783
10/18/19 05:09 PM
10/18/19 05:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,089
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I need to vent about my father. He really upset me this time and turned it around on me and I pretty much hung up on him.

They stayed at my house last weekend and I let them have my bedroom and I took the couch. I was cleaning up this morning and I saw the picture with my mother that has her funeral card on my nightstand was turned around to race the wall. I was so upset. I had to say something about it. He said it was him, not her but he did it out of respect to his wife and because it was ďuncomfortableĒ I said while you were trying to ďrespectĒ your wife, you were disrespecting me and my my mother. I asked what he would have done if it was hung on the wall? I said please never do that again, and if you donít feel comfortable, donít sleep in my room. He tells me ď I canít do anything right by you lately and there are a lot of things you do I just keep my mouth shut about. I was so upset, I told him ďIím hanging up nowĒ and I hung up.

I am so upset, I could cry, but I am in public. How disrespectful what he did and how dare he tell me there are things I do he doesnít like but keeps his mouth shut. His 70th birthday is in 3 weeks and I donít even want to see him. I tried to just forget about everything else and move on, but this? Not okay.

Any of the guys I have dated have a picture up in their house with their ex and child. And we have a picture up of the 3 of us as per D13ís request. Anytime I have seen their pictures, I have told them it was very sweet, and the guys have said the same about mine. My dad is a 70 year old man, remarried, and his ex wife is dead. So letís show a little respect.

In other news. I had a job interview today for a second job. I had no idea I was going to have the HR interview, manager interview, and peer interview in the same day! But I did and I think I nailed it. The job is pretty cool too. And flexible hours. The job is awesome. So, I should be getting an off next week if I got it and I hope the money is decent. So a positive there.

I will be taking D12 for her check up and flu shot soon. Sheís not thrilled, but I promised ice cream.

But my dad. I donít even know what to do there anymore

Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868834
10/19/19 02:10 AM
10/19/19 02:10 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,918
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Massachusetts
just breathe.
and have some ice cream.

xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868835
10/19/19 02:13 AM
10/19/19 02:13 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,918
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am so incredibly exhausted. I canít seen to get enough sleep. I have an interview for my second job on Friday. I better find energy from somewhere. My getaway for the wedding coming up is much much needed. I am off Friday, work Saturday and Sunday, off Monday and leave Tuesday. I also have a fair amount of PTO time left for the year. Luckily we can roll some over now, but I am going to take as many days as I can in December.


Good! You need some rest gf!

Originally Posted by Ginger1


The new guy? Well, we seem to really be connecting and are very similar. Problem? Seeing each other. Itís really really difficult. Opposite kid schedules donít help along with his crazy long days at work and his kids intense sports schedules. The one plus is he can leave his kids home for a little while and so can I. When there is downtime. I donít even think we will see each other before I go away for my friends wedding. Will anything come of this? No idea. If it does it will be super super slow. And I guess Iím not in a rush for anything. He said I was the first person who made him want to juggle around his life and schedule. So letís see if he comes through with it.

Thatís all. I just need some freakiní sleep


Hope you've gotten the sleep you def. need. Super slow is pretty perfect. Trust in God's timing, not ours.

xoxoxoxo

love you G


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868842
10/19/19 11:04 AM
10/19/19 11:04 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,089
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Ginger1 Online OP
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Nah, I have to wait until next week when Iím in FL for sleep, lol.

I am getting frustrated by me and new guy being unable to see each other. I donít know how this could possibly work. Canít see each other this weekend, then Iím away. So it will be at least 2 weeks between our first and second date. At least. Oh well, what am I going to do? I really like him, but lives have to be compatible on some level.

I was alone, parked on my couch last night. Did some thinking, crying, etc. Iím not good with lonely nights. But at the same time I had zero energy to do anything.

I do swear that a part of my depression is to lack of exercise. Iíve been researching gyms/classes that really pique my interest. Orange theory is right my my alley, but expensive . I could get the 2 day/ week membership, because I probably wonít be able to go any more than that. I used to just feel better when I felt strong. So I need that back in my life. Second job will surely keep my busy. And I think accomplishing paying off all my debt will make me feel great.

Havenít spoken to my dad and probably wonít. It stinks. We used to have such a good R, but mainly because I swept a lot of feelings under the rug because I didnít want to lose him because I know how he is only right and everyone else is wrong in his kind. Didnít want to deal. If he could just have said ďsorry for doing that, Iíll never do that again, it wasnít rightĒ I would have been fine. But he justified it and then tried to turn it into me not agreeing with the ďstuffĒ I do, whatever that is. Work my butt off and make a nice life for my daughter? My house is never clean enough for him, the things on his priority list arenít on mine, therefore they are wrong, I donít parent the way he thinks I should......

Well, until you walk a mile in my shoes, donít judge. Until you are around, spending tons of time with us, donít judge.

Sorry, vented again.

Thanks for stopping by btfly!

Gotta get ready for work. Pray to the hospital gods for me that I have time to do my annual compliance training, lol. Iím covering for a coworker next weekend and we are working together tomorrow and she is brining me breakfast. She is so sweet. I work with the best people. The ones I confide in all root for me. I think Iím going to bake an apple pie tomorrow.

Oh, and OWW invited me to thanksgiving at their house after I get off of work. I do appreciate the invite, but I would rather not. Donít think I want to do the holiday thing, you know?

Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868859
10/19/19 05:42 PM
10/19/19 05:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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Girl - your nerves are frazzled. I think you need to own this one and put yourself in your dadís shoes. Would you feel comfortable sleeping with a boyfriend with a photo of YOUR creepy ex staring at the two of you from the nightstand? I sure wouldnít want my ex staring at me while I was snuggling with CMM.

I think you completely overreacted because your nerves are shot. Donít take that out on your dad. I know you have issues in your relationship with him but this isnít one of them. In fact, Iím not quite sure why, as a good host, you didnít think to put the picture away for the night yourself.

You put whole layers of meaning into this that donít belong there. If you want to talk to him about your lingering feelings about him leaving you behind with your mom, then have that conversation with him. But this picture business has nothing to do with that.

Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868867
10/19/19 08:45 PM
10/19/19 08:45 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,228
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I have to say that Iím with KML on this one. Pretty sure I wouldnít want to have a picture of my ex staring at me and my bf while I slept and it would have nothing to do with whether or not I respected him or my daughter. Your dad probably meant to turn it around after he got up but forgot. I also believe your dad when he says it was also out of respect for your mom. If she were there in person, she wouldnít want to watch him sleeping with his gf either. As KML said, I think your frazzled nerves prevented you from looking at this situation objectively and that you read way more into it than was ever intended. This was not about disrespect...just the opposite in fact. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868870
10/19/19 08:59 PM
10/19/19 08:59 PM
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I think KML is making a good point. Iím watching a similar dynamic take place currently between my dad and his mom. He is rightfully holding on to anger due to some of her issues and how she parented. I donít think he even recognizes how bad she parented (she has some mental illness) But heís acting out with her for things that are not directly her fault due to those other issues that he never worked out.

Maybe your anger is telling you itís time to explore and work out some of the deeper dynamics of your relationship with your dad? Parents are not perfect. We all make mistakes. We all have our own vices and issues and most of us do not intentionally want to hurt or damage our children. That being said, we do sometimes need help exploring this.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868874
10/19/19 09:11 PM
10/19/19 09:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,089
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Ginger1 Online OP
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No, he wasnít showing respect to my dead mother. He said he did that for his wife. If he would have said THAT, I would have been more understanding and felt differently. I have a picture of my mom on one bedside table, not visible when you are in bed and one on the other side of my dad and me. And his current wife was my dadís mistress . I never want to feel like I have to take down pictures of my mom when they visit. If that was on the wall, I wouldnít have taken it down. I donít want to be in my own home feeling like I have to hide the only thing that is left of my mom: a picture. My daughter loves that picture and she would have been hurt if she found it as such. Yes, if he was going to do that, he should have made sure it was back around and I didnít have to see that. Iím sorry, I wonít erase my mom to make his wife feel comfortable. And they know what I know, and I was very gracious to this woman from day one, even when my mother was cursing her out. Iíve treated her always with respect and love. I let their issues be their issues. In return , I think I could have a picture out of my mom, just as I do of my dad. What really just upset me was rather than give me a simple apology telling me he didnít know that was going to affect me, he shot back saying he doesnít agree with life decisions of mine but he keeps his mouth shut. And that was a direct reference to the way I parent and keep my house. He got on me again when he came to home because itís not perfect. It isnít a disaster but itís lived in and Iím okay with that. And he said ďyou knew I was coming you could have made it nicerĒ He tries to help with things that he sees important but I do not and then gets mad at me when I donít agree. He has opinions out the wazoo and when people donít agree, everyone is unappreciative ( including other family members) and they have aline ages other people over it. He freaked about a mattress getting rid of in the basement. I told him donít worry about it, Iíll get someone to help me when itís garbage day. Instead he took it out and left it in my driveway. And then it poured. And I told him this is why I wanted to leave it. And this was me being unappreciative. He put a million alexaís around my tiny house. I told him I donít need them. He did it anyways. And they are all going beserk. I got mad at one of them while he was here and he got mad at me. I canít anymore!

Yes, I am frazzled. I wish I could ask for help in the way I need it, he would give it to me without guilt or freaking out. But I canít. So I gave up. but Iíve been thinking if I was wrong ( and we all know I can admit to being wrong) but I donít feel I was. Iíll never sweep my house free of my mom. To make THEM comfortable. Sorry. They got what they wanted, have been happily married for many years while my mother has been in her grave after she went off the deep end with her mental illness by all of this happening . They can show some respect and not have my mother face the wall to make them comfortable

Yes, I do harbor Ill feelings that will never get hashed out. Heís older and stubborn and I know most of the time he has my best interest at heart, but is only capable of helping the way he wants to. He will always be incredibly opinionated and I canít change that.

I even thought about what you guys said and thought about an apology. But it wouldnít be honest. I donít agree with what he did and how he reacted when I confronted him. Iím tired of saying sorry for things I am not truly sorry for. I spend my life doing that just to make others happy and not dislike me.

With all that said I do love my dad. And his wife. I appreciate what they try to do for me, even if it is t what I need. But I donít appreciate the guilt and criticism that comes with it.

Re: A new season [Re: Ginger1] #2868875
10/19/19 09:15 PM
10/19/19 09:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,089
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Ginger1 Online OP
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I think we cross posted juju. I wish I could talk to him about all of this. But I canít. He gets angry and defensive and lays on guilt trips and may never have admitted to wrong in his life. Itís an impossible battle. But the resentment is building up. Big time. Iím just going to keep my distance and give the 72 hour rule and if I feel as if I should apologize then, I will.

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