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Happy birthday. It does get easier every year. We'll see is pretty typical. It means unless something I'd rather do or more fun comes along. Planning? What is that.

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Happy Birthday!

Like OwnIt said, “Planning? What is that?” . Phffttt. MLCers.

Make a backup plan for daughter’s care, like grandparents or such. Might even be the primary plan if H doesn’t get his head out of..... the sand. (Oh, almost could feel the smack from job smile )

Have a great day.

DnJ


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Glad you had a great birthday

Never can really know why he is being stubborn- about you weekend getaway,
and while he seems to be making progress-
Most MLCers are not very considerate for their childrens needs or the LBS
they are very selfish-
so it does not surprise me

I would as you said...find another safe place to leave your D...
If H cant do it---its best to find a safe fun place for her,,,so you will be free to not worry about her/them


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job Offline
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Happy Belated Birthday!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes and input.

I don’t want H to know as he will just pass the responsibility on but I do have my parents on standby. He seems to just think that if he can’t be bothered they will just step in. What a surprise. I did also question if this could be about control. He can literally do as he pleases when he wants but knows that I can’t as my family aren’t local and neither are his. Without his help I struggle to go out in the evening so most of my socialising happens in the day when D is at school and i’m not working. That’s actually not to much of an issue for me as I only work 3 days and see my friends plenty as they are about in the day to. So despite what he probably thinks or hopes I’m actually quite happy with my life. Unlike him .

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Foxpop,

It could be a control issue

I think Its just the mindset of the mLCer, in my opinion

No or lack of consideration for the LBS or the children

not wanting to commit even to a weekend that might take away his need for fun

no responsibilities like a teen

defiant -rebellious- unaware of others attitude

He may still come through but at least you have a plan B
and I would not pressure him too much

I had to learn to take full responsibility for my kids when MLC hit

I was lucky to find this woman from my gym-a grandma type of babysitter, who was great for us and usually she loved to babysit on the weekends


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Foxpop Offline OP
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Thank you everyone, it’s all very much appreciated.

So I have a random question that I would just like to throw out there. Although H seems to be making some sort of progress the self absorbed behaviour seems to just keep on coming. So I’m just curious to know when they stop being so self absorbed? Is this an element that continues until the end or does it end when they reach acceptance?

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Foxpop.

I dont think enough people post about the aftermath of MLC
so i dont think we really know

statistics of

How many come through?
If they return to a normal considerate state
If they become good parents again

maybe depends also on the severity of the MLCers issues and childhood trauma
I think I will start a thread to ask old timers where there MLCer is 5-10 years after crises
would be interesting to see if some old timers pop back in to share


married 14 years
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D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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What a great idea Peace, I certainly think it could be a very interesting read for many of us. The MLC is a very complex process and info on the later stages with much detail is certainly harder to find. I have no idea as to where my H is the process but I can say with certainty that the self absorbed behaviour is showing little sign of changing. Although on a plus side he does seem to exhibit less of this behaviour towards our D these days.

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So interesting developments in H’s D today. Finally received the long awaited phone call from the mediation office to confirm next weeks final appointment. Only 1 problem, it wasn’t to confirm it was to cancel. Apparently H did get a new Solicitor as promised but said solicitor has apparently been signed off on long term sick and H naturally didn’t like the replacement. So he’s now looking for a new solicitor and will let us know when that’s sorted. I think that puts is total up to 7 solicitors that I know of who he’s either spoken with or actually taken on. So as no progress is being made and as H still hasn’t handed me the paperwork for the house I messaged him today to let him know that I was taking the house off the market until the new year. Response to this as you can all guess was radio silence of course. So today the 24 month and counting D went on hold and the house came off the market. My Solicitor wants to give him 2 weeks to get legal advice and then start looking at putting in an application to court but I really don’t want to as it will wipe me out finically and probably take at least a year to get a court date anyway. So as H has slowed his spending and I have no concerns with that for now and as. Christmas is approaching I think I’m going to just going to sit back for a while, concentrate on my course and just take a break whilst I wait and see what H does next. This is going be interesting.

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