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A Great Life #3 #2868711
10/18/19 02:58 AM
10/18/19 02:58 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2018
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Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868729
10/18/19 11:30 AM
10/18/19 11:30 AM
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Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning Everyone

Another new thread.

Gets easier every time. This is my fifteenth thread, and like creating a new thread, our ďnewĒ lives, our new habits and duties become easier, commonplace, and ďfeelĒ normal. smile

I seem to reflect at the start of a new thread. Take stock, see where I am, where Iím going, and how far Iíve come.

I had some interesting conversations with some people at work and IRL. The conversations were similar so Iíll use one as an example. I was having lunch with good friend, one of the many who stood by me during all this. I told her ďIím back. Iím finally back.Ē She said ďYouíve been back for a while now.Ē I did acknowledge that and agreed. Yes, Iíve been back for a while.

You see, Iíve given myself a few months each time as a new stage emerged. Time to see if it is going to stick or not. To see if my feelings regarding it will change or not. To see if my thoughts change or not.

Iíve felt like I was back for a while. My thoughts came first, clearheaded, logical, reasoned, and so forth. Feelings confirmed this idea of being back to myself, well DnJ 2.0. My current status is - Yes, Iím back. I believe it, there is something inside, a force, a confidence, a conviction - Lol, beliefs are hard to put into words, they are made from thoughts, feelings, and something else, something very deep and personally defining.

As I said, others have seen that Iíve been back for a while. Iíve finally embraced and accepted this latest arrival along a growing list that creates my path.

My cars have been lined up and going happily along for sometime now. I just wanted to let my friends know.

I have way more good days than bad. I still have hope, and lots of encouragement within. And apparently still more topics I would like to discuss. Oh, a cliffhanger, a teaser. smile

Have a great day my friends.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868830
10/19/19 01:48 AM
10/19/19 01:48 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,052
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ

I have way more good days than bad. I still have hope, and lots of encouragement within. And apparently still more topics I would like to discuss. Oh, a cliffhanger, a teaser. smile

Have a great day my friends.

DnJ



Ohhhhh, come ON. Spill. You know you want to wink


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868850
10/19/19 02:04 PM
10/19/19 02:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,917
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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Happy delayed Thanksgiving to you and your family my friend.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868971
10/21/19 02:44 PM
10/21/19 02:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning

bttrfly - You are correct, I do want too.

AndrewP - Thank you for the Thanksgiving wishes.


Most of the family got together yesterday and enjoyed our delayed turkey diner. S21ís GF had to work. S22 and GF were attending her family during their gathering and grief; two recent deaths in her family. Her brothers commented on FB how happy and proud they are of S22 being with their sister, especially during this time.

My two other sons, S21 and S18, came over at noon and visited D17 and I. The four of us spent the next two hours just being together.

D17 was teased by her brothers, especially by S18. The chatter, carrying on, and noise - it was like they had never left. Just picked up where the left off. It still feels like home for them, and we are a family - no doubt there.

The boysí university courses and their accomplishments was also discussed. My goodness those two are smart. They totally agreed when asked if they enjoy university. This is much different than high school; very challenging with lots of work; and they are there because they want to be instead of have to be. Ah, the rebellious spirit and attitude, turned and focused towards a goal. What a nice sight.

S18 is talking more and more of a becoming a professor in his physics and math majors. That is ten more years of study. Wow, there must be some passion there.

S21 is just crushing computer science. He is programming and exploring extras on top of all his university studies. Something has ignited within him.

The four of us played a few group party video games, then at 2:00 pm picked up Grandma and went over to the care home to visit Grandpa. D17 and I planned and were scheduled to perform a piano concert for the residents.

We arrived a little early and to a large group of waiting people with the other residents making there way to the common area. Many of the folks had visitors also sitting with them; attending a piano performance. The family <DnJ> is pretty well known. Lol. Regarding piano, all my kids play very well, and D17, S18, and S21 are all festival winners; and all are in the crowd.

I pulled the piano out from the wall and turn it a bit so the crowd could see the performer and their hands. D17 figured I should go first. I talked to crowd and thanked them for having us. Then played six selections. A couple of slow romantic ballads, a swing, and a few old time melodies which had the crowd singing along.

D17 played six songs as well. A few popular pieces and some more classical type performances. She really can make that piano sing. She has such a delicate touch and it is becoming sophisticated.

There was much appreciation and applause, and many smiling faces. This positive energy is infectious. People asked if S18 and S21 were going to play something as well. Neither were prepared, nor practiced; their time packed with university work. S21 actually brought some of his to do, if he had any free time. He didnít even open a book, I think that is the best sign of a good visit.

Anyhow both decided they would play something. D17 had a stack of music books still at the piano. S18 strolled up, thumbed through a book, and found a selection he liked. He is a big lad, and is a powerful player, and yet can squeeze out such feeling and softness. It really does show his deep gentle character. His five minute unrehearsed performance was excellent, showing his talent from his many years of lessons.

S21 went up next, the crowd eager and patient. He is known. The guy sight reads level 9 music. Calm and masterful, his style makes it look so easy. I could practice for the rest of my life and never reach that level. S21 played four pieces. He is gifted.

I said a few final words and was asked by one of the nurses to play one last fast song. So I banged out one final rocking song to end the afternoon. All together just under 90 minutes. I clean up our music books, pushed the piano back against the wall, and carefully laid the decorative blanket back on the wooden bench seat.

As the residents, guests, parents, and kids were mingling, one of the ladies came up to me at the piano, shuffling with her walker. She thanked me, gave me a hug, and said she will play a song for me. She sat down at the keys and played Edelweiss (from The Sound of Music). I sat beside her while she played.

I know this old girl, a neighbour of my Dad. She is a kind soul, and confused. She absolutely believes she remembers me playing piano as a kid. I once tried to explain the truth; I didnít live here as a kid, and I played the accordion not the piano; but there is no point. She absolutely believes it.

Her fingers danced along the keys. Old wrinkled hands stiff with age, found their youth, and frolicked among the white and black keys. When done she rose to her walker, eyes happy. I thank her for playing for me, and she again commented on what a wonderful player I am and how she remembers me playing as a kid. I wished her a good day and told her Iíll see her soon.

Others shook my hand, and asked me to bring my accordion sometime. They remember the last time I played it.

We packed up our stuff, said our goodbyes and headed over to Grandmaís for our Thanksgiving. Dad, Mom, me, and three kids. The kids updated Grandma and Grandpa about their schooling, and their lives. We laughed, discussed a wide variety of topics, and played cards till super.

Our traditional turkey super was enjoyed, and as is traditional we all were as stuffed as the turkey when done. Still, we all found room for pumpkin pie and whipped cream topping.

After supper the boys returned home. They have much studying to do, and assignments to complete. The four of us played another card game, and then D17 and I took Grandpa back home.

Grandma was thanked many times for her wonderful diner, and care packages of left overs were made up and eagerly accepted. smile She was in her glory.

I have lots to be thankfully for.

Reflecting back upon the day I realized a few things.

My playing the piano, specifically the two romantic songs, is the first time I didnít have thoughts of W, or XW, go through my head or heart. Its funny I played with that same emotion - the love, deep and a little haunting, but without the source.

This is also the first time at a family function when W / XW again didnít come up in my heart or mind. Pictures of her and I, still hanging on the walls of my Momís house, went unnoticed. I was fully in the moment with everyone there. I was just a single guy, a son, a father.

Looking back it feels wonderful and kind of sad.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2869010
10/21/19 05:35 PM
10/21/19 05:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,581
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OwnIt Offline
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Dang DnJ, I want to come along to your recitals. Sounds like a lovely time, and what a treat for the other folks in the home. This is the gold. This is what family is. This is what love feels like.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2869241
10/23/19 12:05 AM
10/23/19 12:05 AM
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Grace21 Offline
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Lovely, DnJ. Connecting, sharing, loving. That is what life is all about.

I look forward to the day when H is not always lingering in he back of my mind. I get glimpses of it from time to time, and it amazes me when I realize it. I was at a concert Saturday night about 5 blocks from his new place. A whole hour or 2 went by when I realized i didn't think of H at all during that time! It was great. But, I understand that sadness you mentioned, too.

You have a lovely family.

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2869668
10/28/19 03:17 AM
10/28/19 03:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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OwnIt - Thanks. In a few weeks we are doing another recital at my uncleís motherís assisted living apartment. She is 94 years old, and her and the other residents put on quite a spread for us. Uncle and great aunt (I guess thatís right, we all just call her grandma) and around 40 or 50 other people attend.

We usually do a Christmas recital, they have snacks and drinks all ready, fancy table clothes adorning the long dining tables, and we play songs. After our performances I get my kids to play Christmas songs and I lead the group in a sing-a-long. Any and all requests are played. I have 30 lyric books to go along with the music book. Itís fun to watch and listen, people huddled around a book, singing and smiling.

I walk between the tables, among everyone, and sing. I sit beside people, arm around their shoulders or waist, swaying to the music, and usually sneak a kiss from the older gals. People in their 80ís and 90ís can still be shy; voices that arenít quite what they used to be perhaps, although some are still incredibly talented singers. It matters not, everyone gets cheer and holiday fun from me, and in a song or two, all the voices, everyone, is singing. (I do like to encourage people in case you havenít noticed smile )

This is a little early for Christmas music, and I wasnít really thinking of that yet. However, I think we will make another recital at both places a priority this holiday season. The last time was around 3 hours long and people didnít want it to end. It was such a fun time.


Grace - Oh how I remember those first times I realized I hadnít thought of W. Oh my, the panic that set in. How could I forget her? It was so nice being distracted, and then reality slammed back in. Lol. That was some time ago, and a place far from where I am now.

These love songs, I play at home. On the wall, above the grand piano, a blank space where our wedding picture used to hang. Memories and future intertwine within the melody. Thoughts and emotions dance about - more happy than anything else. I smile much more now when I play than I did during the last year. The first year I didnít play at all.

XW is further let go. Like fluttering rose petals from a slowly opening hand, rising and falling, and floating away in the evening breeze, and into the long shadows.


DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2870069
10/31/19 03:47 AM
10/31/19 03:47 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 998
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Gerda Offline
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DnJ, I am just saying hello by sending you a song. I am drowning in work and the kids' needs, etc., but yes I am still drowning in what I wrote about before. Some truths shifting and settling, but the pain is very present and I can't really write back on my thread right now, I just can't. But I am so glad you are having such beautiful and pure moments in your sweet little town surrounded by all those wonderful characters whose memories are truer than any truth. You are still in your Russian novel, just a peaceful portion of it. I really appreciated what you said on my thread, of course, of course. And so I will just send you a song that I am listening to a lot today. It's called, "Lifeline," and it's by Citizen Cope.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2870446
11/02/19 02:19 AM
11/02/19 02:19 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello Gerda

Lifeline - thank you for the song.

I understand the inabilities to post. Itís ok, take your time, you will get through the pain. (((Gerda)))

It brought a smile to my face, the Russian novel similarity. And my life surrounded by wonderful characters.

I do have a wee update...

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2870451
11/02/19 03:52 AM
11/02/19 03:52 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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A few days ago, whilst I was sitting in the living room, D17 came rushing into the room. I stopped what I was doing and focused on her. It was obvious she had something on her mind.

She told me she had just talked to Mom.

A week or so ago XW was texting D17 quite a bit about going grad dress shopping. I asked about Momís texts, and was informed that she stopped those a few days ago. So I confirmed, you mean a phone call. Yep, an actual call. And I clarified that it was Mom who called not the other way around. Also to note, D17 and Mom havenít visited in 4 months.

D17 told me the conversation was short, 1 or 2 minutes.

Coming up in two weeks in the first graduation meeting for the parents. XW and I have been through 3 of these already, and D17ís will be our last.

XW had some small talk and then asked D17 if she thought the three of us should get together to discuss graduation before this upcoming meeting.

D17, being caught off guard, told her she didnít think we needed too. There may have been something about checking with Dad/DnJ. A little unsure if D17 suggested she would talk with me or if XW suggested D17 should check with me.

At any rate, D17 stood there and asked what I thought. I asked her what she thought about a possible meeting. She figures that Mom hasnít been involved at all, and she sees no need for a meeting with her. Mom has no say in what we are going to do. I did agree, and also stated it is interesting that Mom wants to discuss graduation - discussion that includes me. She hasnít spoken to me for 18 months. I did ask and confirm that D17 still does not want Mom involved in her dress shopping or sitting with us at graduation. I told her that is fine, itís your day. And that graduation is a still months away and things can change.

I did say that I thought Mom had already volunteered for a bunch of the safe grad jobs. D17 confirmed that yes Mom did go into the school and picked a bunch of the tasks that she wanted to do. This upcoming meeting is when the parents are supposed to sort that out. Last yearís parents and students didnít really care one way or the other about grad or school; it was a weird class. However, D17ís class and parents do care, so I figure there is going to be something happening regarding taking various choice tasks.

Another thing I found out from D17. Last year XW totally took over the decorating and demanded it be done a different way. No one challenged her and she got her way. Again, this year... who knows. Last year was OMís sonís grad, for her own kid she may just fade away again - like she did for S18ís.

- - - -

Iíve told you all how I was tested with my surprise face to face meetings with OM at the post office. Well fate it seems does like to test me. By the way - I passed.

The very next day, after the phone call from XW to D17. I was on my way home from work and stopped in at the grocery store to get some ice cream and see if D17 wanted to join Grandma and me for supper - Grandma offered to take us out to the restaurant.

It was 5 minutes to closing time and I came in to the greetings of the staff and D17ís coworkers. My daughter was not at the front, so I went down the aisle and towards the freezer sections to get my ice cream. The only other shopper in the store was XW. She was looking in the milk section and looked right at me as I walked by to the ice cream area.

I found the ice cream, opened the door of the freezer, and was getting it out. XW came right over beside me. Right next to me! Like two feet away! She was just standing there, looking in the freezer and then at me. So I took a good look at her.

She had on tight skinny jeans, and cut off jacket; a rather teenager look about her. She is still crazy skinny. She had no glasses on, so perhaps she was wearing contacts, although that was a luxury she wasnít going to partake in according to her BD prognostications. And OMG her face looked so old. Dark black/grey bags under her eyes, and wrinkles. My goodness two years has really taken itís toll on her.

Anyhow, she was looking at me and didnít say anything. I wasnít mad or sad or anything really. Just kind of pity I suppose, a sorrow for someoneís troubled life.

I went to the check out and D17 was there to bag the groceries. The clerk, a well known friendly person, ask how I was doing. And I answered truthful - awesome. She asked what I was up to and so on. I told her I was here to see if D17 wanted to join me and Grandma for supper. D17 said yeah, that would be great. More conversation and a few jokes.

Thatís when I realized XW was right there beside me in line. She placed her one item, which had nothing to do with the milk or ice cream areas of the store, in with my items. Huh? Yep, right beside my groceries. There wasnít even room to put that little triangular stick they provide to separate customers groceries. smile

Putting the strangeness of this on hold, I listened as the clerk asked my customer number, something XW and I shared for 25 years, and I got in the settlement. Everyone in the store knows it, and this clerk has worked there for a long time, but she asked. So I told her - 1234 (thatís not the actual number btw, you know anonymous and all).

That is when XW did a double take and realized it was me - my voice and the customer number. She looked and said - oh my itís you. I didnít recognized you with glasses.

I told her that yes glasses do change my appearance a bit. Inside shaking my head, for I was still in uniform. Blaze orange jacket, company logo emblazoned upon it, reflective jeans, work boots, etc... I am the only person in the town that works for this employer. But hey, glasses converted Superman into Clark Kent. Lol.

D17, clerk, and I continued our conversation of the upcoming, and minutes away spontaneous supper arrangement. D17 was zipping home, changing, hoping in my car, we would pick up Grandma, have a meal out, and then all going back home for a movie night. D17 was excited and XW look a bit sad.

Considering that 22 hours before XW was asking about the three of us sitting down together and talking, this was a strange coincidence, in a line of strange coincidences.

When leaving I picked up my groceries and said goodbye to XW.

Grandma, D17, and I did have a great supper and movie. I actually talked Grandma into a horror movie for Halloween. Well sort of a horror movie - The Nun. However, Grandma is not in a hurry for another scary movie.

Hmmmm. Fate. Testing. Coincidence. Hmmmm.

No expectations. Iíll see what the grad meeting brings.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2870471
11/02/19 01:17 PM
11/02/19 01:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,917
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ
But hey, glasses converted Superman into Clark Kent. Lol.
Also the fact that Superman wears his underwear outside his trousers could perhaps be confusing. I expect that your appearance has changed in the past two years given the weight loss and the finding of yourself that you have done.

I originally had a thought of "well - after a few years of not finding the grass greener they can remember that they had children". That may be part of it. You though, I think have one of the few cases here DnJ where there may well be some actual mental illness at play. No glasses, no contacts, living inside her own head, it's not too much of a shock that she didn't notice you. We could speculate that she placed her item on the belt next to your's because subconsciously that was indeed the way that things worked before. People are creatures of habit.

It's pretty clear that life hasn't been kind to J. Sadly there is really nothing you can do about that other than to continue to be there for the kids you share.

I am glad that you had that experience. It's affirmed to you that you could be in the same room with her and do your own thing. I honestly don't know if I could do that with my ex-wife and certainly not with that same level of poise.

It reminds me of this old old story
Originally Posted by unknown author
I Sent You a Rowboat
A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbour came by in a canoe and said, ďThe waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and weíll paddle to safety.Ē

ďNo thanksĒ replied the religious man. ďIíve prayed to God and Iím sure he will save meĒ

A short time later the police came by in a boat. ďThe waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and weíll take you to safety.Ē

ďNo thanksĒ replied the religious man. ďIíve prayed to God and Iím sure he will save meĒ

A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. ďThe waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and weíll fly you to safety.Ē

ďNo thanksĒ replied the religious man. ďIíve prayed to God and Iím sure he will save meĒ

All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived at heaven he demanded an audience with God. Ushered into Godís throne room he said, ďLord, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.Ē

ďYes you did my childĒ replied the Lord. ďAnd I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. But you never got in.Ē


((DnJ))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2870480
11/02/19 03:22 PM
11/02/19 03:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Good Morning Andrew

It is at times obvious that J is living in her past. Shuffling about, not in the here and now.

And I only needed glasses recently. Sheís never known me to have to wear them. Not that glasses are a big deal. I think itís like you said, DnJ v2.0 is similar and yet different.

I do like that story. I prayed to God for my salvation. I begged Him for strength, wisdom, help, etc...

I eventually humbled myself enough to realize what I wanted may not be what God wants. He does answer all prayers, and sometimes the answer is no.

Further along I realized God, or fate if you want, did answer and provided. A person could be someone elseís row boat or rope ladder from their flood and drowning. The helpful answer to your prayers. I listen to the wise advice here, got in the row boat, and left my house behind.

One needs to see the answer to their prayer for salvation and strength; and it most likely wonít be what theyíre expecting it to look like. Letting go and climbing in - itís in that where oneís strength and faith is found.

For what itís worth for those reading along. The flood waters do recede.

Youíve saved yourself, and once the flood has passed you can repair and rebuild that house you stood upon. Itís funny, the foundation, my foundation is solid and strong; and there is far less damage than I imagined there would be when everything was underwater.

The flood waters do recede. Choose to get in a passing row boat.

This is all pretty counterintuitive, I know.

Have faith.

Thanks for the story my friend.

DnJ

Last edited by DnJ; 11/02/19 03:22 PM.

Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2871969
11/13/19 03:30 AM
11/13/19 03:30 AM
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Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello Friends

Had a very good weekend.

Went to a town a couple hours away to visit relative (we all call her Grandma) at her assisted living complex. She is 96 years old.

All my kids and the two GFs came along. This was number two piano concert for us. This time around the kids were even more excited, practiced, and prepared.

So seven of us descended upon my uncle and his Mom, and about 30 more residents / friends of herís. We played music for two hours. S21ís GF has a music degree from University and can she ever sing. S21 accompanied her for three songs which were amazing.

My kids and I belted out a variety of songs, to much enjoyment. The ladies had prepared a bunch of snacks and treats, which everyone enjoyed.

It was such a good time. I made arrangements for a Christmas concert to held there in about a month. Also a concert at Dadís care home, and my house. The kids are all eager for that; itís been a while since we had our house full of guests and music. Iíve had people asking if we are putting on a concert this year; seems our little recitals are garnering much attention.

The DnJ Christmas concerts are a lot of fun. Hours of music and singing, snacks and friendship. Previous years have had around 40 guests, and this year looks to be the same number.

After the concert for Uncle and ďGrandmaĒ, S22 and GF went to her parents, and the other kids came home. Monday we all went to Remembrance Day services, also picked up Grandma, where D17ís school choir was singing. After D17 and GF talked about graduation dresses, Christmas gift, etc... while S21 and I put the snow blower on to the tractor. Man oh man, it was cold outside.

Friday night, the start of my weekend, D17 and I went to the local hockey game. A 12 year old daughter from a gal from work was playing in my town. We watched her game and the family came back for a visit. The gal is my clerk, and her husband and three kids (D16,D12, S6) came over.

They loved the house and the kids had a blast on the zip line. Was quite the talk today around the coffee table. She and her family are invited for Christmas concert.

Tomorrow is D17ís parent graduation meeting. It will be interesting to see what XW does. I am figuring she will attend. She was a real busybody with OMís Sonís grad last year, and was barely involved in sonís the year before, weíll see what she is like this year.

Over the weekend I found out that the boys havenít heard from Mom for quite some time; no contact for over a month. S18ís birthday is in two weeks, and no word from Mom. My birthday is this Sunday, one week before S18. Grandma is having a super and a party, and all the kids and GFs are attending - thatís quite something with all the busy schedules.

Well thatís about all thatís going on here.

Hope you all are having a great day.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872107
11/14/19 12:09 AM
11/14/19 12:09 AM
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Gerda Offline
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This evening sounds too good to be true, DnJ. I am coming to the next one, it sounds like an evening that could heal any hurting heart. I love how you give so much nurturing to all the older ladies! That is one of your most beautiful traits. The music thing is just so amazingly wonderful for every single soul involved. The fact that W would leave all this behind, especially for the Evil Egg Man in the Weird Living Room Jungle, is just such clear evidence that she is completely and totally lost. Sometimes I remember your story when I am feeling low and it is such a strong reminder that this is not about us. Who could imagine anyone who could possibly want to leave the life you have created for your family?! It's about them, and there is nothing we can do except let them go and seek light, love and joy in the rest of our lives. You have built your house on rock and look how this foundation is holding all of you up through the storm!

Gerda still likes her dark descents at times but she loves to read about your light.

Gerda refers to herself in the third person much like Bob Dole.

Last edited by Gerda; 11/14/19 12:12 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872121
11/14/19 02:36 AM
11/14/19 02:36 AM
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Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ likes Gerdaís third person accounting of Gerdaís feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and life.

DnJ laughed at the Evil Egg Man and the Weird Living Room Jungle comments.

DnJ sounds like Tarzan. Lol.

Thanks Gerda, the folks do like our time and music. I know itís appreciated, and I appreciate them. And the snacks. Lol.

Iím really getting back to me. Iím a pretty outgoing guy and master of ceremonies/ facilitator comes easily - again. It is actual better than before. Getting back up after being knocked down, one gets stronger and more confident, and the whole letting go of fear helps a lot.

I do agree my situation, XWís behaviours, sure highlight how this MLC stuff is all about them. Us LBS are barely a blip on their mixed up radar.

Anyhow, D17 and I just got back from the parent grad meeting at the school.

I took off an hour early from work to ensure I got home in time and would not be late. And as fate would have it - D17ís grad ring showed up in the mail and I was in town so I could sign for it and pick it up. D17 was very happy and excited. She wore the ring to the meeting and was showing her friends.

D17 was working until 6:00pm, so she found out about the ring when she got home. The meeting started at 6:30pm, so she had some quick super and told me Mom wasnít coming to the meeting. D17 said Mom emailed her (or texted canít remember which) and said she got a last minute appointment in city for that time. Of course I asked ďAn appointment for what?Ē.

D17 said she doesnít know Mom didnít include any information. She also reminded me that Mom has had last minute appointments for the last two piano recitals, which were in the city, and missed a few other things as well. Yep, XW hasnít been to anything to do with her daughter for quite some time.

D17 figures Mom is basically lying, there is no appointment, and she just doesnít want to show up for whatever reason(s). It kind of follows with XWís weirdly out of character offer for a meeting between the three of us. Had that happened she would not have needed to show up tonight. Since we three didnít have that meeting, XW has to possibly fabricate something.

Oh well, it doesnít matter. D17 was fine and is fine with it. She is not too concerned with her Momís lack of effort, actually she not concerned at all.

We did find out that Mom had already volunteered for one task, decorating the hall. This was included in the email to D17. When asking for other volunteers for that task, the organizer didnít say XWís name - just that one Mom already volunteered. Two more people signed up and have no idea whom they are about to be working with. smile

D17 and I had a laugh at me saying I should volunteer for that, we both figure the organizer (school teacher) would have declined my offer. Lol.

D17 and I also had a discussion about humour. Especially darker humour. D17 choked on her quick supper burrito as we were getting out the door when I said ďsince Mom canít make it maybe she sent OM in her placeĒ. Hahaha. She laughed and laughed. I said if she did Iím sitting right next to him and give him a big hug.

Apparently her classmates and her also make funny comments about various aspects of this situation. I said yeah when one lives this and though this, it becomes kind of funny what happens and what people do, like Mom and OM.

We got home around 8:00pm and it was dark. I am wondering what would be open at this hour that she had to have a last minute appointment for. Oh gosh, Iíve being trying to get a booking forever and they had a cancelation - yeah... not!

So childlike. Holding her hands over her eyes thinking we canít see her. I guess itís worked before, so she continues to use the same old scheme. There is no point in calling her on it; we know this routine and this way we donít need to learn a new one.

Iím glad you are still reading along, and enjoy it - enjoying the light as you say.

Thank you again dear Gerda.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872482
11/18/19 04:22 PM
11/18/19 04:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Good Morning

I was starting to respond to a few posters and realized I was getting a bit far from their specific questions. I decided to continue my thoughts and post them here. Probably something to do with my 52nd birthday yesterday and being surrounded by my parents and kids. Lots of love and happiness in my life.

- - - -

I have four kids. Three sons ages 22, 21, & 18 and a daughter who is 17. The few years before bomb drop were strange for them and me. None of us realized what Mom was up to, or going through. Looking back we can all see signs of her confusion and unhappiness.

Confusion is one of the hallmarks of a midlife crisis. It is prevalent and often overlook or missed during the lead up years to bomb drop, that moment when they rip their life apart, their moment of truth (in their eyes).

To the LBS our spouseís MLC appears to have started at BD. However, it started much earlier, years earlier. A traumatic experience from someone in a position of authority from when the MLCer was a child is the seed. This young person does not have the coping skills to accept nor understand what happened. This is exacerbated further due to the childís egocentric nature and they end up blaming themselves, deepened their pain and shame. They end up in a state of denial, unable to face or reconcile what happened. The event, the shame, the emotions, the pain, are all pushed deep inside and forgotten. Buried alive emotions and pain will surface later; it does not remain silent.

Years later a trigger event happens, something drastic or life altering. The brith of child, a death of a family member, kids growing up and moving out, etc... These events usually happen around 45-55, mid life. This is also when one is starting to look back upon their life and their accomplishments and regrets, as the reality of mortality and the sands of time starts to take on a significant and personal meaning.

This stirs up that old forgotten and never accepted trauma and pain for the MLCer. We all experience this normal life transition, however for them the past hurt is uncovered and everything starts to fall apart for them. Serious confusion sets in as they struggle to regain control. They will compartmentalize their lives, the current one of a middle aged adult, and the painful suffering of their younger self. This is the person in crisis - something we can thankfully barely imagine.

There is no quick way out of a crisis. The suffer has to go through it. They have to grow up from when they were emotional stunted from that long ago authority figure. Face their pain, and realize that they are not to blame for whatever happened.

To see and watch someone suffer through this. To see beneath their false happy veneer and mask. You realize you cannot fix them, for you did not break them. They have to fix themselves, and sadly some never do. This is serious stuff.

The left behind spouseís journey is serious as well. We are hurt, betrayed, shattered, stunned, and completely dumbfound by what has gone down. Most of us were happily going along, completely unaware of the approaching storm that was growing within our loving spouse.

When that storm hits, when our spouse drops the bomb, it signals a shift the MLCerís perceptions and reality. Theyíve already check out, having a few year head start on us. Marriage, kids, us, bills, mortgage, house, cars, pets, etc. could be cast aside in their running from their pain and onto their new fantasied wonderful life.

Remember the MLCer is emotionally living around the time their were stunted. As a young child, they were not married, didnít know you, and didnít have children. They are aware of you and their ďolderĒ life but not currently emotional invested into it.

Some MLCer swing back and forth between their perceptions - the boomerangs. Others vanish, latching onto their new lives and discarding their old and all it contained. And the clingers seem more attached, unable to let go and unable to grab on.

The LBS does not really affect the MLCer, this is about them - not you. Nothing you do will affect them, and everything you do will affect them. The LBS can choose better over bitter, can lovingly let go, give space and time to their suffering spouse, move forward, and live and love their own life.

This focus on you and your kids approach is very much for you, and gives the best chance for your spouse to work through their crisis and back to themselves and maybe, just maybe, back to you.

The MLCer is on their own path, and the LBS has unwillingly been force onto their own path. There is much growth that can happen along the path. It is an incredible opportunity to learn and grow, with huge benefits and blessings that can be gained, for both the LBS and the MLCer.

We, the LBS, are rational and stable. We do grown and learn. We do survive and will thrive. Do the inner work, listen to the hard earned wisdom of those who have gone before you.

This is a marathon and not a sprint. The gift of time has been bestowed upon you, use it wisely, use it well.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872494
11/18/19 05:17 PM
11/18/19 05:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,917
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,917
Canada
Happy belated birthday young fella!


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872532
11/18/19 07:38 PM
11/18/19 07:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 998
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Gerda Offline
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I can't believe I missed your birthday; had in my mind that it was today! I even tried to think of a way to send you a present IRL (I had one idea but need at least one more clue).

I haven't read your posts here yet but I did go to Staples today to print out your letters to give my kids -- your gift to them on YOUR birthday. But that is the kind of man you are. So glad you were born 52 years ago.

Here's a present of sorts.

Sleep Cycle
BY DEAN YOUNG
We cannot push ourselves away
from this quiet, even in our sprees
of inattention, the departing passengers
stubbing out their smokes, arrivees in tears,
lots of cellophane, the rumpus over parking.

Wind scrapes leaves across the road,
first flashes of snow, it is dark then
itís really dark. Forgive me for not
writing for so long, Iíve been
right beside you, one of the vaguer
divinities blocking your way with its need
to confess all its botched attempts at love,
what started the whole mess. I love this place,
its absurd use of balustrade, the chairs
that dig into the spine, motorcyclists
propping their drunk girlfriends in the sun,
men playing timed chess with themselves,
the guarantees and warnings that entice us
to the brink of what they warn about.

But we can do no more than pass through
these rooms and their sudden chills
where once a plea was entered almost
unintentionally that seemed at last
to reveal ourselves to ourselves,
immaculate, bereft, deserving to be found.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: Gerda] #2872533
11/18/19 07:53 PM
11/18/19 07:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,004
Southern Maryland
job Online

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job  Online

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,004
Southern Maryland
Happy Belated Birthday!

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872553
11/18/19 09:20 PM
11/18/19 09:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 1,976
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neffer Offline
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Happy birthday DnJ!!!


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872566
11/18/19 10:13 PM
11/18/19 10:13 PM
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 567
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Grace21 Offline
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DnJ

First, Happy Birthday! Glad it was spent with family. Nothing better, in my book.

Your post expressed a lot of the thoughts I've been mulling over lately. I've had lots of ebbs and flows of clarity, acceptance, hurt, anger, joy and peace. All these emotions have their place in healing and on to a better life. I shared some very heartfelt, personal words in an e-mail to H a few weeks ago (long story how it came about, but it was in response to something about the kids). I said some things that echo your words today.

Originally Posted by DnJ
To the LBS our spouseís MLC appears to have started at BD. However, it started much earlier, years earlier. A traumatic experience from someone in a position of authority from when the MLCer was a child is the seed. This young person does not have the coping skills to accept nor understand what happened. This is exacerbated further due to the childís egocentric nature and they end up blaming themselves, deepened their pain and shame. They end up in a state of denial, unable to face or reconcile what happened. The event, the shame, the emotions, the pain, are all pushed deep inside and forgotten. Buried alive emotions and pain will surface later; it does not remain silent.


This is excellent. Very true. I saw the signs so many years ago, and forgave an affair in 2011. (she went crazy and we took her to court). That's a story for another time, maybe. Anyway, I think about why I hung in there so long with a sad, lost, depressed person. I'd ask him about it, but he just pushed it aside. Now he equates that to 'we didn't connect'.

I spent so many years trying to hold it all together, that I completely lost myself.

I like the me I rediscovered on my journey. Maybe a newly discovered new me, even. I just wish I could be the new me with a healed H. I can't seem to shake the feeling that it will happen some day. But I don't want that feeling to get in the way of living my life and continuing on my path. Wishful thinking is useless, isn't it?

Wishes don't change anything.

Life moves on, and evolves the way it will.

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872574
11/18/19 11:08 PM
11/18/19 11:08 PM
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Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Andrew - This young fella thanks you for the Birthday wish. smile


Gerda - Wow a present!

Originally Posted by Gerda
I had one idea but need at least one more clue

Ok. Iím 5í9Ē tall.

I am honoured you have faith in me enough to trust me to write to your kids. That is a very good present. Thank you.

And I like the poem.


job & neffer - Thanks for the Happy Birthday.

It brings a twinkle to this old timer's eyes. Well I remember when I was a younger lad, we use to go for groceries in the car. Which in those days were real cars - big and ate gasoline. Which was both leaded and unleaded. Kind of like how pencils had lead in them and were yellow, like mustard we used on hotdogs. Which was then an ok food to eat, like eggs, red meat, lemon cheese, which came in glass containers, jam was in a tin, oil for your car came in a tin, cookies from a tin. Which only came with or without chocolate chips, which was a real treat since you may only get about a dozen a year. Times were tough. You had to walk to school uphill both ways. I remember - there may be some snow on the roof but... I forget how the rest goes... Where was I? Oh ya - Merry Christmas!

Lol.


DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872583
11/19/19 12:09 AM
11/19/19 12:09 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello Grace

Yes, birthday spent with family is pretty special in my book too.

Originally Posted by Grace21
I like the me I rediscovered on my journey. Maybe a newly discovered new me, even.

I am so very glad you discovered you, and like her. Sheís pretty special.

Originally Posted by Grace21
I just wish I could be the new me with a healed H. I can't seem to shake the feeling that it will happen some day. But I don't want that feeling to get in the way of living my life and continuing on my path. Wishful thinking is useless, isn't it?

Wishes don't change anything.

I do love your posts. They mirror my beliefs, challenge me, and push forward.

Your question of wishful thinking was probably rhetorical, however I am going to answer.

I do understand and empathize with that feeling of your spouse healing and wanting to return. A part wish and a part hope. Itís not totally fanciful and yet more than other hopeful things. I suspect you are like me, if you look really deep, and are honest, there is some expectation mixed in as well. I know I have some; a hopeful expectation. Shrug, it doesnít flare up often, but it is what it is.

Does it get in the way of living? I suppose if I were wanting to do something different it would be in the way.

Seeing this as a blockage keeps one in limbo. Accepting it as part of your beliefs, allows one to realize there is something beyond limbo.

The ďstand for youĒ goes pretty deep when you follow it into yourself.

I do like to believe everything has value and a purpose. Wishful thinking can be view differently, and can change things.

One doesnít want to get lost in wishing their life away, thatís for sure. However, the simple acknowledgement of your wish, that desire, can lead your life, and allows you to reflect on a belief.

Why are you wishing for H to heal and you to be together? Is it based on fear? Regret? Faith? Love?

This is more than just wishing to win the lottery. This is a deep desire, the stuff of oneís belief system. And that is slow to change.

Stand for you.

For what itís worth, I believe faith and love are your roots. Accept this wish/belief and move beyond limbo; look at it not as a blockage. Embrace this and live your life.

You and I are healed enough to stand down or continue to stand. A choice. Which need not be made in haste. Be patient, live, and your desires will slowly change. Strengthen or wither - hard to say. You still have the gift of time, use it wisely.

For me Iíve made a choice by not choosing, therefore still following the path. I have accepted that I could be in a different relationship. I have accepted that I could continue to stand. Things are sort of left to fate at the moment. Something could happen that encourages this one way or the other - like XW marrying OM for example.

This is what I have chosen for right now. Realizing this is in my control, places me behind the wheel of my ďcarsĒ.

Life is moving forward and Iím not just along for the ride.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872593
11/19/19 03:53 AM
11/19/19 03:53 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Australia
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scout12 Offline
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Happy birthday, DnJ. You are a tower of strength and an inspiration. All the best for the next year of your wonderful life.


W 31 | H 29
Together 8
Married 3
S2

BD | June '19
Separation | July '19
OW confirmed | October '19
I filed | December '19

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872603
11/19/19 07:14 AM
11/19/19 07:14 AM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 715
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Pax_luv Offline
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Happy belated birthday, DNJ. Wishing you many blessings and lots of joy during this trip around the big ole fireball.


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872732
11/20/19 12:03 PM
11/20/19 12:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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scout - Thank you for the kind words and birthday wish. By the way, I did blow out all my candles. There wasnít all 52 of them smile .

Pax - Thanks. Iím looking forward to another lap Ďround our closest star. I wonder whatís in store for me...


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872734
11/20/19 12:42 PM
11/20/19 12:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Posts: 1,900
Good Morning Everyone

I had a very good birthday weekend. S22 and GF showed up on Friday night, late, after I was in bed, and forgot to mention they were coming over for the weekend. Everyone else was coming out for just Sunday party and supper. Lol.

I woke up to strange luggage and belongs in my mud room entrance. D17 was woken up in the night to the noises of strangers in the house banging around. Hahaha.

Spent Saturday with my oldest son and his girlfriend, after they finally got up. Ah to be young. I mean the ability to sleep in - gosh what are you people reading into my stories. I get up at 5:30 am for work and my internal clock awakens me on weekends the same way. My guests rose from resting around 11:00 am. smile Good thing I didnít wait to have breakfast together.

We had breakfast/lunch, and S22 started to use the laundry facilities. His apartment charges $3 a load to wash and $2 to dry, so when he visits he brings laundry. Only three loads this time.

It was a good day. Kids walked the dogs, wandering around the yard and all the spots he use to play. We watched a couple of movies, and had a pretty well received supper - made by yourís truly. Finely diced potatoes, sautade..., sawtade..., sautťed ???, arggggg - fried to golden brown. Thinly sliced steak seared in soy sauce and spices. Served with salad.

Birthday morning was another sleep in time for the kids. Might have been a little to do with him getting into my fancy scotch; not much left since I cannot drink it anymore and I havenít bought more.

Headed over to Momís at 2:00pm, and picked up Dad along the way. All four kids, two girlfriends, Mom & Dad, and me. We played cards, visited, and had a great meal - roast beef, potatoes, gravy, corn, salad, buns, pickles, etc...

Open cards (money from parents smile ) and a present. D17 got me some snacks - jerky, chips, cashews, and a photo collage of her and I when she was small. One of the pictures is me asleep in the easy boy chair with her, around 4 years old, asleep on my lap. D17 also posted that online in a Facebook birthday greeting.

I got quite a few other Birthday wishes online as well. Some of which weíre like snap chat greeting on FB; they vanish after a preset time or number of views.

This lead to a post from me and my soapbox about the value of permanence in message and friendships. Iím not looking for fleeting or vanishing in either. I write my messages with the same projected longevity as I write my friendships upon my life.

D17ís online birthday post to me captured attention from XW. She texted D17 and told her how lovely a picture that was and how nice her and Dad looked. They do look back at they old lives it would seem.

The text about the birthday greeting and XWís wanting to meet and talk with me and D17 before the parent grad meeting are the first times she has openly mentioned me; and itís in a positive light no less. Interesting.

Well off to work. Have a wonderful day.

DnJ

Last edited by DnJ; 11/20/19 12:45 PM.

Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872736
11/20/19 01:48 PM
11/20/19 01:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,917
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AndrewP Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ
supper - made by yourís truly. Finely diced potatoes, sautade..., sawtade..., sautťed ???, arggggg - fried to golden brown. Thinly sliced steak seared in soy sauce and spices. Served with salad.
This is turning in to quite the cooking show on this forum these days laugh


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872929
11/22/19 05:12 AM
11/22/19 05:12 AM
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DS9 Offline
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Hi DnJ

Wishing you a belated happy birthday. Like others, I too found you inspirational.

Regds, DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872932
11/22/19 06:23 AM
11/22/19 06:23 AM
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Posts: 1,333
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Happy Belated DnJ. Sounds like a great weekend and the supper you made sounds delicious. Interesting that you XW commented on your D17ís post about you. Iím sure she has started to look back and maybe can even recall some good times. Now that you can see things from a detached place, it really IS interesting, isnít it? (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872943
11/22/19 12:25 PM
11/22/19 12:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Good Morning

Andrew - If this is turning into a cooking show Iím toast. I can burn stuff in a pan. Even boil water. Thereís my cooking skill set. smile


DS - Thank you for the Birthday wish and your nice comments/boost.


DV - Belated happily accepted. That supper was pretty tasty; with all the kids saying so. It disappeared pretty quick. Of course a S22 old boy/man eats a far bit. Perhaps I can add to my cooking resume - the ability to shake salt and assorted spices as well. Lol.

It would be nice if XW is looking back. She has 4 loving children and a head and heart full of happy times and memories; it should would be good if she could access/accept them again. This journey is interesting, for sure.


DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2872971
11/22/19 04:34 PM
11/22/19 04:34 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,052
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bttrfly Offline
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Sorry bud - my life imploded at the beginning of the month and I missed all your adventures. I'm all caught up now. Happy birthday! a bit late, but heartfelt. Your bday is the day before my son's. Great people born in mid-November.

I hope the coming year brings you more laughter, love and happiness, prosperity and fulfillment of dreams you didn't even know you had!

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2873079
11/23/19 02:41 PM
11/23/19 02:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning bttrfly

No worries. Your life did get rather intense this month. So sonís birthday is the day after mine. Yep, Iíll agree with great people born in November - us Scorpios. smile

I sure hope I get what you wished for me; it would be one heck of a great year.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2873178
11/24/19 11:21 PM
11/24/19 11:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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What a nice weekend.

Yesterday was spent with D17 at a piano workshop master class in city one hour away. The composer of the pieces D17 was playing was running the workshop. Wow. How often does one get to play for the actual composer.

After, we did some shopping then D17 performed at a recital. It was some good music, with 40 piano players. The composer was in attendance and had some nice things to say after the performances. We mingled for a while then headed home.

Today we went shopping in city two hours away. D17 needed basket ball shoes. We found those and new runners as well. And pick up some sports socks for her. Had a nice lunch at the mall and returned home.

The ride is a great time to chat. Heard some funny stories and got an update on Mom. She texted D17 to tell her that she went to the school to discuss grad by herself since she couldnít make that meeting. Weíve no idea what sheís doing or planning. Oh well, right now sheís the schoolís problem not ourís. Strange gal and getting a little stranger.

Once home D17 and I investigated the coolant leak in her car and topped it up. I confirmed that she needs to call the garage tomorrow and make an appointment to get it looked at. This is the third time topping it up.

D17 asked to go to her BFís house, and with all her homework done I of course said yes. So she off for the evening and I think Iíll finish the movie I started last night after the piano recital. I only got half way through, it was late and I was so tired. smile

Take soon.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874023
12/01/19 05:57 AM
12/01/19 05:57 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning

(ha ha - I started writing this and got called away with an ice storm, got staff together for it and then off to S19ís birthday party, and now at 11:00pm finishing it)

Having a Birthday party at Grandmaís for S19 this afternoon and evening. All the kids and the two GFs are here at home right now visiting before we all head over.

Just bought new sheet music for S21 and he is at this moment sight reading it - Pirates Forever (Radnich if you care to know). I do like number three best. And we bought the other 4 new songs that were released. The Christmas songs are really good too.

D17ís car has a pretty bad coolant leak, so it is in the shop. Exhaust manifold and cooler needs to be removed to get to the problem. Hopefully have car back on Monday.

Last night D17 was going to BF after school so I stopped in to see S21 and S19. Ordered a pizza and watch a movie together before heading home. Got home ďfrom workĒ, and that detour, around 9:30 pm. S22 and GF showed up a little while later.

During the after work visit S19 told me Mom visited him and S21 (since they live together). She asked what day would be good for his schedule to have a visit. He suggested Tuesday or Thursday after University. She came over on Wednesday, not the worst choice, but not what he was near the top - oh well. Heís found time for all the University work he needed to do.

An interesting thing that was noticed about XW was her hands. They are so old. Wrinkled and aged. Such an odd thing to see according to them. The affect of two years of her depression, confusion, and choices (intentional or more involuntary) is having some dramatic physical changes with her.

Mom asked a lot about D17. XW it seems has no idea what is going on with graduation and asked many questions, like who all is invited, and where is she to be sitting during diner. S19 told her that graduation is D17ís day and whatever she wants he is going along with. He does know the plan and the guest list and that Mom is not, at the moment, sitting with us.

XW kind of knows this as she ďguessedĒ it and said ďI could just sit with the kidsĒ. What? There is no kids table, we are all sitting together. She also said ďWell, I plan on sitting with <OMís relation family> anyhowĒ. Thatís not really going to endear her to her daughter. Two years is a lot of time of not being involved in someoneís life. D17 has little to do with her Mom, something XW also said.

Mom took S19 out for a meal. XW drove them to A&W. It didnít go very well.

The cars park parallel on the street and XW was the last car in line. She backed away from the car in front of her, and S19 expected her to then pull out in a forward direction and then go round the block and head to the restaurant. But no, she continued backwards the 100 or so feet to the intersection (remember the is the city not my small vacant village), backed around the corner and ended up driving over the curb, across the sidewalk, and over the other curb. S19 was cautioning her that there was two car coming, Mom shrugged and said ďIíve got lots of timeĒ. Nope. The cars were right there and had to stop as she maneuvered back into the driving lane. She got herself pointing down the new road and took off.

The next intersection was a stop sign. She did stop, and then proceeded to go forward with cars driving on the busy street. S19 hung on as she stopped right into the intersection against the traffic travelling by. He was just shaking his head.

Red lights seemed to have an optional feel according to how S19 saw her driving around. She did not actually bust through any with him but he figures she is driving more properly than she normally does because he was in the car. At one point she was follow traffic up a hill at the posted speed limit of 70 kph with the turn to the store she was going to stop at before A &W at the top of the hill. Mom then cut off the right hand lane, floored the car, raced passed at 100 kph, then cut back in, hit the brakes, and turned. Total distance 500 feet, total reasonableness zero.

That turn she started, them said oh this is the wrong street (it wasnít it was the right one), she then pulled right back out in front of all that traffic she just passed and cutoff, going slowly, then realized that she was actually correct in the first place but couldnít attempt the turn again, so she angrily went down to the next intersection. S19 was just amazed, his retelling of the events was still stunning to him.

At A & W they lined up behind some guy - some random guy. Mom proceeded to look him over and then told him he looked familiar. He told her she also looked familiar. She ask him where he lives, he told her and ask her the same and she told him. The two towns are 90 minutes apart. Mom and him continued their small talk.

S19 didnít know if he should order yet as Mom was going to be buying, but she was rather occupied. Then this guy had a revelation and asked if she was the lady that worked at the old folks home. Mom said yes (what?!? What old folks home). Then she realized it was the guy from Home Depot that helped her earlier that morning. The two of them had a laugh and then talked like they were old friends for the last 20 years. Mom introduced S19 to this guy, S19 being polite said hi and went back to waiting. Small talk is not something that S19 partakes in, and he was hungry. smile

These two goofs, still talking and stalling the line, got to talking about coupons for A & W. Thatís when this guy pulled out his phone and showed her an app for A & W and how the coupons were right there. So Mom attempted to download the app, right there, and get the coupons. Their chatter was pushing there or four minutes at this point.

The cashier actually left the till and the Home Depot guy laughed and said I think they think we are together. Mom laughed at this and made more flirty banter. But realized that they should order.

S19 ordered and Mom had nothing - no food, no drink.

During the visit Mom told S19 that she doesnít shovel snow anymore. That big snowstorm where three feet of snow fell; she couldnít get to town. Well, no one could get to town. However, she figured that she couldnít so she quit all her snow shovelling contracts, except two old ladies. These two ladies donít go out so it doesnít matter when she get to their snow clearing and they have her in for tea when she is done. And apparently she gets really cold shovelling.

XW did scoop up all the snow clearing jobs in town since last year, and has now quit them. Just like that. She doesnít want to have to go and work when she doesnít want too. Hmmmm. Just like her hospital jobs. She still cleans houses, and I guess we will see for how much longer.

At the pit stop store, which she just had to go to on route to restaurant, she bought two sweaters. She told S19 that she needed them to go hunting with OM. All day in the snow and bush; this from a gal who has cold hands and feet, poor circulation, quit snow shovelling because she gets cold. Cold while doing physical effort, how is she going remain warm while sitting still waiting for a deer to walk passed. Lol.

She had already been shopping for four hours but had to get those sweaters with S19. He has no idea why she put it off until he was with her. And she didnít elaborate on her working at an old folks home. S19 figures the store guy misunderstood what she said, as we know the old folk homes and those who work there.

An real interesting tidbit about her life happened at the house while visiting with S21 and S19. Mom asked if they have met D17ís BF. They havenít yet and told her that. Mom said she hadnít and D17 isnít talking to her. But she has seen him. She has watch D17 leave school, drive away in her car with BF following in his. She has watched D17 go to work at grocery store, watched her drive home, and watched her leave school quite a few times.

Mom is actively spying on her daughter. She doesnít have houses to clean around the school, and she doesnít shovel snow, so she doesnít just happen to be there. She means to be there.

I would suppose that I might even be scrutinized and spied upon, although she did not mention my movements or sightings at all. Comments about me were regarding grad dress shopping.

She also mentioned that she drives people to various appointments. To various destinations around town and up to two and half hours away. Sheís ripping around with passengers - yikes.

Spying, flirting, uber driver, she is getting stranger.

Anyhow, the birthday party was a lot of fun. Ate lots and laughed lots. What a good day.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874090
12/01/19 08:36 PM
12/01/19 08:36 PM
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Gerda Offline
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Wow, the Russian novel continues. In my mind your W is a frightened bird in a cage, flying against bars. She doesn't have any idea that the little door is open!


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874140
12/02/19 04:13 AM
12/02/19 04:13 AM
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Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello Gerda

A frightened bird, flying against the bars, unable to see the open door. Thatís a wonderful visual, thank you.


All the kids are back to their homes and it is D17 and I again. Tonight, I made Mac and cheese, her favourite.

During super I told her about Momís visit to S19 and her shenanigans. Yeah, there was some laughing about Mom embarrassing S19. D17 told me her entire class now freely talks about XW, and they have some crazy stories.

Two years ago, things were whispered at school. Now, the latest incident was brought up in the middle of English class by the nephew of OM, and her entire class talked about it. This openness is very helpful and healing, even though the teacher didnít know what to do. The teacher allowed it and the remainder of the class was spent discussing D17ís Momís antics. It seems everyone has a story and seen XW about the town.

The nephew also does not want XW sitting at his table for graduation diner. That was XWís fall back plan, and he doesnít want her drama or to be embarrassed by her.

D17 mentioned, after hearing about S19ís visit and experience at A&W, that Mom has been trying to reach her - a lot.

Mom, now wants to sit with her daughter at graduation super. XW insists that she is going to be there. D17 just says no. Then Mom goes on about how that yes it is her day and she gets to decide and then, extremely poorly, attempts to get D17 to ďwantĒ Mom to be there. I asked what D17 says to this - and I was blown away. D17 just shuts her down. Tells her plainly, she doesnít want her Mom sitting there with us.

Mom has been texting her and get no response. A while ago, D17 did tell her Mom that she has nothing to say to her. XW blew up and said ďWell I have lots to say to youĒ. D17 didnít respond to that text and let her send many more texts all unanswered. My daughter has self respect and boundaries down pretty well.

I asked her if any of this is too much or causing problems. Nope. She has a really good handle on things and we do talk and share quite often so nothing goes unsaid for too long.

D17 was a little surprised that Mom spies on her and BF almost everyday. But then she realized that everyday she works at the grocery store, she sees Mom. D17 comes home from school, changes into her work uniform, and as she leaves our long driveway and turns onto the road, Mom passes her going in the opposite direction. Where is Mom parked, waiting for the car to leave our yard?

I did ask do I ever come up in conversation at school. And yes, I do. D17ís class knows me and apparently I am quite respected. The funny thing was, as D17 said, ďBut the entire class below me (grade 11 class) just loves youĒ.

D17ís friend in grade 11 absolutely loves me, thinks Iím the funniest Dad she knows. Apparently a few of the girls think that. One particular boy really likes and looks up to me. According to D17 he asks every now and then if Iím at home or if he could talk to me. This was all unknown to me.

This boy I did talk to at a few music concerts and passed on some inspirational goals for music and life. The best friend girl is the one that was mixed up in drugs and I had a heart to heart talk to her about choices and life. Thatís the same girl that was scared at home and D17 and I found her in my house one night when we got home late from the city. I suppose Iíve had interactions with most of them over the last few years.

I guess I make an impression and a safe place to land. Itís interesting, Iíve been honest with these kids, made suggestions, given advice (sometimes rather pointed), and spoke to them like adults. Wow. Some days life just sneaks up and hugs you right back.

What else is new. Today D17 and I picked up our Christmas tree; a 9 foot white pine. It is in the stand and the house is starting to smell and look like Christmas.

Tomorrow I go to city 2 hours away for another doctor appointment. I think we finally got the medication dosages all tuned up for my eye, should be nothing except a renewal.

Iím going to buy some wool and knit a scarf for D17 and probably one for each of the GFs. I havenít knitted in years. I hear handmade gifts are really cool; Iím a little too old to glue macaroni to construction paper so I guess it will have to be a scarf. smile

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go. Thereís a tree in the grand hotel........

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874143
12/02/19 04:32 AM
12/02/19 04:32 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Australia
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scout12 Offline
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I've never had a real Christmas tree. Thank you for the visual; I wish I could smell the fresh pine scent.

The situation with D17's class had the potential to go south, but it sounds like things went better than expected. I wonder if it was awkward for her?

You are a class act, DnJ. People respond to authenticity and yours shines through at every turn.


W 31 | H 29
Together 8
Married 3
S2

BD | June '19
Separation | July '19
OW confirmed | October '19
I filed | December '19

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874170
12/02/19 02:21 PM
12/02/19 02:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,917
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AndrewP Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ
During super I told her about Momís visit to S19 and her shenanigans. Yeah, there was some laughing about Mom embarrassing S19. D17 told me her entire class now freely talks about XW, and they have some crazy stories.

Two years ago, things were whispered at school. Now, the latest incident was brought up in the middle of English class by the nephew of OM, and her entire class talked about it. This openness is very helpful and healing, even though the teacher didnít know what to do. The teacher allowed it and the remainder of the class was spent discussing D17ís Momís antics. It seems everyone has a story and seen XW about the town.
I recall that when I started hearing and hearing about my ex-wife being talked down in the community it made me very sad for her. I think that in small communities like our's that the effects are magnified.

Originally Posted by DnJ
D17 was a little surprised that Mom spies on her and BF almost everyday. But then she realized that everyday she works at the grocery store, she sees Mom. D17 comes home from school, changes into her work uniform, and as she leaves our long driveway and turns onto the road, Mom passes her going in the opposite direction. Where is Mom parked, waiting for the car to leave our yard?
Yeah - I don't know if mine still does or not but it was quite sad I felt when she was lurking in the garden centre across the street.

Have a great week DnJ


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874219
12/02/19 06:16 PM
12/02/19 06:16 PM
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OwnIt Offline
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This is just fascinating. Such a snapshot of life in a small town, this grad night phenomenon, and one loopy lady. I wonder, does the oddity make it easier to bear, or harder? Now that OD is looking a little more stable, at least from the outside, I'm finding it much easier to just let it all go and wish him the best. I think before when he was really being crazy, I found some warped hope in it. Now he's just someone I don't want to know.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874225
12/02/19 07:00 PM
12/02/19 07:00 PM
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I love your snapshots of life, DnJ. Quite amazing about EW's antics. I would recommend advising your kids to drive themselves next time!

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874245
12/02/19 08:19 PM
12/02/19 08:19 PM
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kml Offline
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I'm sad for your wife - her addiction and/or mental illness has really wrecked her life, but there's nothing you can do about it.

Quote
Iím going to buy some wool and knit a scarf for D17 and probably one for each of the GFs. I havenít knitted in years.


My recently deceased mother was a crocheter. I never learned from her, but since her death, I've had a strange urge to learn to crochet. I still have her yarn and hooks.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874352
12/03/19 02:44 PM
12/03/19 02:44 PM
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neffer Offline
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The shining lighthouse.

:-)


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874546
12/04/19 10:38 AM
12/04/19 10:38 AM
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bttrfly Offline
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wow.
just wow.

she's mad as a hatter. echoing the notion that the kids ought to drive themselves

very proud of D17 for the boundary setting and self respect. frankly D I'm unnerved about the spying. I find it more than a little creepy.

I'm not surprised that the kids love you.

You're handmade gifts will be cherished.

take care


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874674
12/05/19 01:44 AM
12/05/19 01:44 AM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello Everyone

scout - Yeah the classroom dynamics have slowly became more and more open. D17ís classmates do speak rather freely in front of her, which is better than behind her back.

Also need to remember that XW ďraiseĒ most of these kids. For 24 years she ran a daycare in our house. 120 or more kids have been in these rooms for many of their younger years. They know me and know (knew ?) her. They are seeing with accuracy and needing to rationalize what they see.

I do like the smell of a fresh white pine. That the type - a 9 foot white pine.


Andrew - The small community sure does magnify things. And XWís lurking about is pretty sad, and a bit worrisome.


Own - An interesting question. Does the oddity make it harder or easier to bear? I havenít had the non-odd person so I donít really know. I do see what you are saying regarding hope and it being warped.

My XW is pretty mixed up. I think that made things easier to bear. If she was more stable, I think it would have taken longer for me to see clearly as I would have blamed myself for longer.

As for hope. And the warping thereof. Yes, probably hope stays alive longer - the crazier they are.


Grace - Oh I know. Her driving was crazy. S19 was astounded with what she was doing. Yep, ďIíll drive, hop in MomĒ, is going to be a fairly used phrase methinks.


kml - Amen girl. Yes she has really wrecked her life, and there is nothing I can do about it.

A strange urge to crochet. Iíve never crocheted, looks really finicky. I did purchase my wool and knitting 3 scarves. Letís see Christmas is 21 days away, so divide by three, is.... what the... holy... how the.... what Iím I....

Gasp one scarf every seven days! Yikes. Itís going to be a sweatshop over here. smile


neffer - Thanks buddy.


bttrfly - I too am a little unnerved about the spying. It is creepy, isnít it. Not really unexpected, sort of, but still. Iím thinking Iím going to have to start locking my doors again. (Country living smile )

I hope they like the gifts. Of course Iíve got to get them made. Now where is that glue and macaroni...

- - - -

I found out something else with XW.

After she and the random dude at A&W weíre done flirting, S19 ordered his food. XW made quite the production of getting her receipt. And then went on about why.

She doesnít really know her financial situation or even keeps track of things. She hands in all receipts to some financial planner ďguyĒ who looks after her monies. Does her taxes, figures out her claimable receipts, and so on. This is a gal who is probably making less than the taxable threshold.

At any rate, she hands in ďallĒ receipts. She doesnít need tax breaks, and a hamburger that she bought for S19 is not going to qualify - but it does cost money to categorize all those non usable receipts.

The real weird or crazy part is that she also has the financial guy pay her monthly bills, like cell phone. She admitted to S19 that she has no idea what she pays or where, since someone looks after all of it. Wow! Sheís not a rock star. SMH

That might explain OMís new truck.

Anyhow, the kids are a bit concerned about their trust accounts, since she has given access to her accounts to some dude. Well, in just under three months S22 turns S23. We will see then.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874709
12/05/19 04:27 AM
12/05/19 04:27 AM
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Neffer is right DnJ. You ARE the lighthouse!!! Your sweatshop comment made me laugh outloud. Hopefully you will get them all knitted in time. A man who knits... you are a renaissance man, for sure. My dad and you would have gotten along great...kindred spirits. He used to sew my dance costumes and decorate my birthday cakes. One in a million as are you. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874931
12/06/19 12:14 PM
12/06/19 12:14 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning DV

It sure felt like a sweatshop last as I struggled trying to remember how to increase stitch (yarn over). Then, oh ya, google. Lol. I had it right; it just didnít seem right. Itís all good; back in the swing of things.

Wow, companied with your Dad; kindred spirits. The value and depth of that is much more than I can say. Thank you DV.

Have a great day my friend.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2874949
12/06/19 02:26 PM
12/06/19 02:26 PM
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Gerda Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ

She doesnít really know her financial situation or even keeps track of things. She hands in all receipts to some financial planner ďguyĒ who looks after her monies. Does her taxes, figures out her claimable receipts, and so on. This is a gal who is probably making less than the taxable threshold.

At any rate, she hands in ďallĒ receipts. She doesnít need tax breaks, and a hamburger that she bought for S19 is not going to qualify - but it does cost money to categorize all those non usable receipts.

The real weird or crazy part is that she also has the financial guy pay her monthly bills, like cell phone. She admitted to S19 that she has no idea what she pays or where, since someone looks after all of it. Wow! Sheís not a rock star. SMH

That might explain OMís new truck.

Anyhow, the kids are a bit concerned about their trust accounts, since she has given access to her accounts to some dude. Well, in just under three months S22 turns S23. We will see then.



DnJ -- the need to use "professionals" to run the details of life. My H does this too. Refuses to look at numbers unless a professional is paid to do it. Refuses to work out a deal with me unless judges, lawyers and other "professionals" are driving it. But on the other hand shreds me when I seek "professionals" for kids -- therapy, medical care, special learning needs -- or even a pastor. I thought about this a lot. It's a way when you are out of control to get control without taking any responsibility yourself.

And the weird thing also is that I realize that really all these years, he did that with me. We had everything joint access, shared everything, but he couldn't deal with any of the nitty gritty. I ran all the finances, was always trying to get him to sit down to do bills with me or giving him a list of our debts or trying to budget and get him involved, and he would just give up and tell me to do it. He never really knew what was going on with the kids or tried to help fund anything like trips or camp or anything. I did all the books and taxes for our businesses, etc., and when I was ill we got into deep trouble because no one paid the payroll tax. He never had any idea what was going on. But in the MLC rewrite, I refused to allow him access to his money and now he is driven by that narrative to try to utterly destroy me and teach me a lesson for hiding/controlling his money!

And in the case of your W and my H, they open themselves up to the potential machinations of potentially vicious professionals. I think that my D would have gone very differently if H hadn't found that lawyer who goads and goads and stretches and pulls and has no interest in settling, let alone settling for the sake of the kids' peace.

Knitting, wow. That would be perfect for you to bring to my Thursday night open house things. The next one is the 19th. I will bring my crochet, haven't picked that up since the days of sitting at the park with the kids playing. I keep wanting to crochet a hat or scarf for that priest whose letters I post sometimes. Creating something to keep someone you love warm is an amazing process, for both the giver and the receiver. I remember years ago H told me this line he had read in a poem or somewhere -- The child can't distinguish between the gift and the giver. I think of that so often now -- of how I try to live by that and of how far he is from remembering that, let alone understanding it.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2875083
12/07/19 02:20 AM
12/07/19 02:20 AM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello Gerda

I agree with the idea of MLCers use professionals to get a handle on things without actually having responsibility for it. Lord knows they canít handle that! They need that degree of separation.

I really was moved with what you said about knitting, well actually it was about the poem, well... How about I just tell you.

I was sitting during a work break, reading posts from various people here. I saw you posted on my thread; always a happy sight.

Originally Posted by Gerda
The child can't distinguish between the gift and the giver.

I was stunned.

Sat still for a bit, absorbing that.

What a beautiful truth of innocence.

I tell people that this journey is an amazing opportunity to grow. One can learn things about themselves, about others, lives, relationships, etc... One reaches a point when one realizes theyíve gained so much more than theyíve lost and suffered.

Iíve actually become much more thankful for this experience than bitter for it. Of course my spouse is a vanisher and left me alone. smile

However, my point is I am thankful for your Hís journey. That forced you upon your path, which eventual crossed mine. Allowing you to share something that your husband, a long time ago, read from somewhere.

I do like to believe in purpose of things, along with chance, fate, karma, and whatever chaotic events shape our lives.

You shared something that completely stalled my life for some moments. And it came from H.

I have a pretty profound belief in where I am, and why I am. I am connected to my life, my kids, my family, my friends, my work. I feel a connection to nature, the trees, the grass, the sky, and the stars. And a connection to the black depthless void between the points of light in the night sky.

I know I have purpose; I may even know some of it, though I do not realize its full extent.

I suppose it boils down to faith and belief. Living and its affects.

You had an affect today. I wanted you to know that, and see a sample of the blessings of your path.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2875120
12/07/19 02:27 PM
12/07/19 02:27 PM
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Gerda Offline
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A bit overwhelmed by this one. Made me cry for quite a while but I think in a good way.

I have been trying to allow myself to just feel what I feel and not try to fix it, just look at it, based on those books I have been reading. And last night I was alone as D10 was with H and D14 was out. I went to my church to pray for a long time and then dried my eyes and went to a cafe to write, and I had that feeling of total solitude and spirit hovering nearby that is both sweet and searingly painful. Worked for a while on the writing and then went out into the cold air and felt the lights and life all around me and tried to look at that feeling of loneliness and not get rid of it, but man it was hard. I was asking God why so much of my life was this way, alone. Came home to this post from you. I understand exactly what you are saying and I know it is true. I am not sure I will ever be where you are, to be able to say I am glad for what happened. I am a little stuck on wishing I had not been so damaged when I first met H, that maybe I would have chosen more wisely. I wish my life had been totally different. I wish if I was going to spend so much of my life in feeling alone, I had pursued the life I intended, which was an artistic one. I am doing that more now but it's pretty late. (And yes, of course I am glad I have my children and I know God wanted these particular children here, and for me to be their mom and love them. But I am still allowing myself to look at that other thought for now and see the pain in it in order to try to let it go someday.)

(And by the way, as someone who works with teens and loves them more than any other age of people, there is no more sure way to know you are a beautiful soul than to have teens tell you or at least respond to you in that way. Well done!!!)

So many unknowns for me right now but reading your post last night and again this morning, I am thinking of what we can be sure of. I am sure that God started to bring me to faith before the hurricane actually hit so that I could walk through it with Him and be refined by it in God's way. And truly, it was because of H that all those books were on our shelf, that I was exposed so often to churches and to his endless discourses on faith (clearly, in retrospect, the shallow soil, but still used to plant it in me!), of which part of that was -- "The child can't distinguish between the gift and the giver." It truly is one of the truest truths and it has played over in my head since H said it years ago. I am glad it will play in your head now; and I am not surprised that it hit you so hard and that you understood it exactly and understood why it was so important because of who you are. (I love your description of being shell shocked, just sitting there at work with the noise around you and you in stillness thinking about that truth.) And I am sure I am glad our paths crossed here. Thanks for the post, DnJ, you were right that it meant a lot for me. Tomorrow is my birthday, I take that as your gift!

Last edited by Gerda; 12/07/19 02:29 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2875159
12/07/19 09:36 PM
12/07/19 09:36 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Happy Early Birthday Gerda.

Iím glad your gift fit. smile

(((Gerda)))

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2875163
12/07/19 10:45 PM
12/07/19 10:45 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello

Taking a break from the Yuletide Sweatshop of DnJ; this elf has a sore neck. ow, ow, ow. I mean ho, ho, ho.

So I was caught, ball of bright red yarn, needles clicking and clacking, half a scarf complete. Christmas songs blaring away, and me singing away, knitting up a storm.

D17ís return home from her basketball game was a surprise. She entered the living room and saw the supplies spread on the couch. I turn off the music, and she looked at me with a knowing smiling. (She did ask for a scarf after all)

She asked if I was knitting something for....... myself. I said yep, with a grin. I asked ďso, do you like the colour red, for no particular reason or anythingĒ. She does like red, by the way.

She looked rather happy and commented on how long it takes to knit things; a lot of time invested.

She asked if she could practice piano, and I of course said yes. The piano is 20 feet from where I am sitting. So, I sang to her Christmas songs.

What a fantastic day.

I best get back to my labours, as Santa is a taskmaster and set a pretty ambitious goal for this weary less than skilled elf.

In about an hour I am heading off to the city I work in. We are having a Christmas party tonight for our work group. Supper, drinks, and bowling. I hope those games I played during vacation help, we are pretty competitive bunch.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2875175
12/08/19 12:35 AM
12/08/19 12:35 AM
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OwnIt Offline
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Lovely DnJ, just lovely. You are breaking all of our hearts. Your ex is insane to let you get away. Enjoy those wonderful children of yours and the closeness you all feel.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2875790
12/12/19 06:01 AM
12/12/19 06:01 AM
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Gerda Offline
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Here is a song for you today. You are a man who made a home that your kids can love to long for when they are away from it. And when we read about what it is like at your house, we "miss home" too.

Flora Cash -- Missing Home

Who knows -- maybe your W will one day too.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876140
12/14/19 03:35 PM
12/14/19 03:35 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Well those vacation bowling games didnít help squat. smile

Whoa. Jumping ahead.

- - - -

Good Morning All

OwnIt - Thanks for the love. And the encouraging ďYour XW is insane for letting you get awayĒ.

Heartbreak. There is some insights, ideas, or whatever - stuff - Iíve been trying to find time to type about. bttrfly told me a while ago to ďSpill. You know you want too.Ē. Just busy, however the breaking our hearts comment has a pull on me.

I found a broken heart is a good thing. Oh at first it is so painful, and Iíd swear Iíd never get over it. It felt like it anyhow. Haha, feelings and their temporary nature.

A broken heart is a chance for it to grow. To allow love to enter. To heal stronger than before.

To be accurate: Being broken-hearted is the gift of the opportunity for growth, in love and compassion. The ďheartĒ is our belief in love and faith.

Watching my children hurt from this situation would break my heart a little each time. And Iíd find it filled a bit more with love and kindness - each and every time.

A broken heart doesnít have to just leak out its love and compassion. Faith, beliefs, choices, I suppose play the significant role in all this.

Originally Posted by OwnIt
You are breaking all of our hearts.

That is how I read that. And I am honoured to have friends whoís hearts break a little from my blessed life.

The slight crack of compassion in oneís heart is such a sweet pain. It transcends and becomes love.

The gift of empathy; it hurts and heals.


Gerda - That is a great song! Thank you! Oh I do love that song. I never heard that one.

A great message of course. But it such a good song. The vocals are clean, and choral is excellent - not over powering and just fills in so well. I am going to look up more from that artist. Thanks for that!

Home is where the heart is. The finale of the song, and the uplifting message.

Such a coincidence you suggesting that song and my current thoughts and vivid dreams.

The last really meaningful vivd dream of XW was of her in eternal torment. The catalyst for me to forgive her. I do not want to be the judge for such a punishment. If there is any possibility of me swaying Godís decision regarding her eternal soul I am exercising it, and have plead my case. It is not one of vengeance but of forgiveness. I know He has heard me; I trust in I judgement.

That is coming up on two years ago. The last night I had a bad sleep. Every single night since then has been peaceful and full. Every. Single. Night. I know the power of forgiveness. I live it.

Recently Iíve had a few dreams of XW wanting to return home. I still sleep excellently, wake refreshed, but with this idea, almost vision. And then, this song.

Home is where the heart is. My heart has been within these sticks and bricks; walls and halls. A long and happy life was had here, and still is being had. My children have all grown here, and love returning. Yes, my heart has an affinity for this house. However, the true home is within my heart, and follows me. Of course I still live here so best of both worlds for now.

If I turn my attention and reach outward with empathy to XWís possible path, how does her home look and feel? What is her home? In other words, where is her heart?

The few sightings I have personally had of her. The interactions between her and the kids. The absence of her and OM doing anything together. She is homeless. Confused. Broken-hearted. An opportunity for growth. A choice. Will she run or face it.

I believe time is working on her, like all of us, and she is feeling her memories. Home, children, family, Christmas with little children. One can not hide such memories forever. Holidays do bring the MLCers out a bit. What will she do?

Broken-hearted and homeless.

Time will tell. So I continue living and loving my life. Enjoying the music and the memory of home and heart.

- - - -

Last Saturday was my work Christmas party. It was held at the bowling alley in the city I work at, one hour away from home. D17 had gone to her boyfriends house, which is around 30 minutes from home. The weather outside was frightful, lol. It was raining and the roads were icy. Just a normal everyday winter excursion.

Surprisingly the food at the alley was incredible. What a menu! I had a two signature appetizers of stuffed mushroom caps, and chicken wings. Oh my I really should have had only one. It said a bucket of stuffed mushroom caps; and they meant a bucket. I passed it around to the table of ten and we all enjoyed our various appetizers.

The main meals were incredible. Fancy plates and presentation; and really tasty. My meal was their carnival burger. A huge double burger, cheese, bacon, onions, mushrooms, cheese fondue drizzled over the burgers, and all sandwiched between two glazed buns. With a skewer of stuffed mushrooms stabbed in the top; 4 more mushrooms rising up from that monster burger. And of course a big pile on fries. My oh my what a meal.

Bowling was fun. With ten of us we had two lanes and played three games. I did alright, breaking 100 each game. Yep, kept my goal nice and low, and reasonable. Lol.

There was lots of laughing and talking. Sharing of stuff and a real good time. During the third game and very funny thing happened to me, which I shared with everyone and received much well intentioned mirth.

Two games in, and I actually was the second highest score in the first one - by two points. Oh it was so close. Anyhow frame three of our third game. It is 10:30pm, we are all relaxed and having a blast. I get a text from D17, just as I am getting up for my turn. Everyone here knows my situation, my single Dad status, and the solo continued raising of daughter and sons.

The text is:

D17: Hi Dad. Can I stay over at BFís house tonight?

Me: <Stunned>

Pause in game.

Show my phone to work friends.

Much laughter.

I throw the ball. Into the gutter, like 20 feet down the lane. Second shot is heading straight for the edge of the cluster and just clips two pins.

Sit down again. Start to compose a response.

Me: Are you out of your mind?!? <backspace><backspace> No. No. I donít send that. Laugh about possible responses. Fellow workers joke about various possible events that could transpire. Yes, they are funny.

Oh my turn again. Pick up the ball, almost drop the dang thing. Fire it down the lane like a cannon. Get a strike. Yeah!

Me: What are you thinking? <backspace><backspace> No. No. Thatís no good either.

I talk to my clerk; sheís a really nice gal. She loved and listened to how I discussed birth control with D17 (if you remember that story). She used it as a jump off point for her own D16. The word ďboinkĒ was the icebreaker she loved. Her daughterís reaction was - ahhhh, ok ok, I get it. Ha ha.

I waited purposefully until she had a mouthful of her drink and then faux typed and said out loud - ďOk, you can stay, just no boinkingĒ. She almost lost her drink in a spray across her husband.

Oh my turn again. Shoot. Gutter ball. What the heck. Must be something on my mind. Second ball. Gutter. F___. What a waste of a strike. Oh look at that - last place. And lots of ribbing. Lol.

Me: Did I read that correctly? (Oh, thatís good. Just enough warning and empathy. I send that.)

Pause

D17: I would be in a separate room.

Me: OMG! WELL YA. OF COURSE YOUíD BETTER BE IN A SEPARATE ROOM. <Breathe><Backspace a bunch><Of course donít send>

Oh and look my turn again. Score four. Hahah. This game is really gone down hill.

Well I need to get this figured out.

Me: Sleeping on a couch?

D17: No. They have a spare bedroom.

Me: Excellent.

Me: Are his parents ok with this idea? (I am pretty proud of how I slid this confirmation in to the conversation)

My turn again. I score 7.

D17: Actually, they suggested I stay. The road are terrible. And they felt it was probably better than heading home so late.

Hmmmmm. This is getting better.

Me: That does sound wise. Of course you can stay.

D17: Thanks. See you tomorrow.

Me: Iím glad his family is welcoming to you. Good night. See you tomorrow.

Ok. All wrapped up. Not much I couldíve done anyhow. And she is 17 and 1/2. She has been raised and brought up to the woman she is and is becoming - I trust W and I did a good job. And I trust her. (Joking aside).

Next three frames are good and I finish with 101 points. Yay! Second last. smile

What a fun night.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876143
12/14/19 03:48 PM
12/14/19 03:48 PM
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kml Offline
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Only thing you did wrong was not asking to speak to her parents.

But itís true, at this age, if they want to ďboinkĒ theyíll find a way regardless.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876155
12/14/19 06:00 PM
12/14/19 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Home is where the heart is. My heart has been within these sticks and bricks; walls and halls. A long and happy life was had here, and still is being had. My children have all grown here, and love returning. Yes, my heart has an affinity for this house. However, the true home is within my heart, and follows me. Of course I still live here so best of both worlds for now.

If I turn my attention and reach outward with empathy to XWís possible path, how does her home look and feel? What is her home? In other words, where is her heart?

The few sightings I have personally had of her. The interactions between her and the kids. The absence of her and OM doing anything together. She is homeless. Confused. Broken-hearted. An opportunity for growth. A choice. Will she run or face it.

I believe time is working on her, like all of us, and she is feeling her memories. Home, children, family, Christmas with little children. One can not hide such memories forever. Holidays do bring the MLCers out a bit. What will she do?


DnJ - I could have written these words. My home. Simple brick and morter. But so much more. Rooms filled with memories. Although this is the 4th home we lived in as a family, it feels like I've been here almost always. I often wonder what H's home with OW feels like to him. A prison, maybe? I doubt he would use the word sanctuary, like I feel about my home. Kids are home from school now, so it's full of life and activity too.

Time is certainly working on all of us, and what we do with that time is a choice. This time of Christmas will certainly bring forth strong feelings for our MLCers. Most likely difficult feelings to deal with. So therefore they won't be dealt with.

For me, it's a time of joy. And for that, I am thankful.


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876172
12/14/19 08:52 PM
12/14/19 08:52 PM
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DnJ, loved of course the screenplay you wrote. Juxtaposition of the two scenes. And your patience paying off.

The choice of the teens to have sex is out of our control to some degree. But I think they appreciate and will always remember how we tried to get them to hold off. It's only later that you realize why your grandma was right. But you can at least try. I taught both my kids about sex by saying that it's a sacred part of marriage and then explaining how it worked for animals and humans alike but what happens when you keep it sacred. I know that it's very unlikely they'll live by that. I certainly didn't, but now I know the bad outcomes of all of that and I appreciate that my parents and grandparents didn't let my boyfriend sleep in my room. My mom started allowing it when she had her own string of boyfriends sleeping over. Was not good for me on either front!

I am happily surprised at how my home song gift started this whole other conversation with you and Grace and we'll see who else.

Home is where the heart is, but no one can deny that your memory of home and heart is very fixed to a specific place. My grandparents' home was that for me,and to this day, when I am very nervous, I lie in bed and go through each room of the house in my mind. I remember everything, down to the wallpaper and the tchokes on the glass entry shelf. And in grad school I interviewed everyone in the family about the meaning of the house to them, I come from a pretty intellectual family so it was a really cool paper. My grandfather built the house -- he even cleared the road to it. Now that area is very wealthy. The house has been sold and torn down,but it lives in my mind til I die. I read a book some years back that confirmed my feelings on all of that -- Bachelard, The Poetics of Space. Check it out!

And yes, that is part of why I am holding on to my houses. My kids will always have a home with me and always want to be with me, but there is a physical place tied to it, and I want to keep that if I can.

Which is part of why I am thinking of backing out of the deal. But also because my L is not protecting me even from the perils of the cr@p deal I signed and is ignoring my messages for over a week. I am scared to plunge in with another lawyer but I am not sure I have another choice.

But that's for my thread.

I am so happy you like Flora Cash. I think I sent you another of their songs last year, "You're Somebody Else." Interesting actually that the message of the song was where we were last year, and this year we are at this other song. Progress.

I need to read your musings on your W with more attention, will do that later.

Last edited by job; 12/14/19 09:32 PM. Reason: edited a word

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876340
12/16/19 02:49 PM
12/16/19 02:49 PM
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LOL - Thank heavens for the backspace key and the opportunity to think things through before responding wink

Given your sense of humour I can imagine that there was similar giggling going on on the other side of that conversation.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876439
12/17/19 02:25 AM
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kml - I did think about asking to speak to his parents. I decided to take a bit on faith. Besides...

Quote
But itís true, at this age, if when they want to ďboinkĒ theyíll find a way regardless.



Grace - Sanctuary is a good description of home.

I do also wonder what my XW thinks of her home with OM. From the accounts of the kids, she does not appear to have the love for that home as she once displayed here. Pretty standard stuff for a MLCer I suspect.


Gerda - Those feelings of home. And the memories. Right down to the wall paper. It is interesting how may ďhomesĒ kids feel. I can still see my Grandmaís and Grandpaís house, the furniture, the kitchen, the yard, her work area in the basement (she was an upholsterer), so much, right down to the glass door knobs.

And yes, my childhood home and my room are very much alive still. Itís nice to take down the memories and walk through them for a while.

With all that going on in your head and heart, it is little wonder that you are considering pulling out of that deal and attempting to hang on to your home.


Andrew - That backspace got a work out. I too am figuring there was a fair bit of giggling on the other side of the screen. D17 probably asked in that manner just to poke at me. smile Now where did she learn something like that? Of yeah, kids are listening and watching. Lol.


DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876720
12/19/19 03:44 AM
12/19/19 03:44 AM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Evening Friends

I just finished practicing my accordion; Iím playing a concert for our Christmas lunch at work tomorrow. Wow, leave practice right to the last minute. Ah, itís like riding a bike. Except itís an accordion. For the first bit it felt like riding a bike with an accordion! Gosh, it was sad. But then all those years came back and my fingers found - well some of the correct keys. smile

Daughter is now playing piano, getting prepared for Fridayís concert at our house. Got around 35 people attending. Me and kids performing as well as other friends. Lots of group singing as well.

Then another concert on Saturday and one on Sunday. Basically the same format.

When I got home from work today, after Christmas shopping, daughter was baking up a storm. All kinds of goodies were made. Grandma called and was ensuring she was preparing enough food for Christmas Day, and what vegetables we wanted.

Iíve got about a zillion gifts to wrap. Ok maybe half a zillion - no need to exaggerate. I got two of three scarfs completed and they look really good, one more to go. I did some calculating and thatís about 18,000 stitches so far. I might have to wrap a ball of yarn and put in a card stating ďsome assembly requiredĒ. smile

D17 loves to wrap presents and is suggesting she could help me with my wrapping. Lol. I might take her up in the idea. She is buzzing around and pretty excited about the upcoming events. It really nice to see.

House has decoration all over the place. The tree is lit. Daughterís happy. Iím happy.

Life is good.

Love,

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876731
12/19/19 04:56 AM
12/19/19 04:56 AM
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Ah, itís like riding a bike. Except itís an accordion. For the first bit it felt like riding a bike with an accordion!


You funny!

Good lord you have a wonderful life full of family and friends and music. No wonder I have trouble seeing things your way. I can barely get two people over to my Fireplace Thursdays once or twice a month!


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2876745
12/19/19 05:58 AM
12/19/19 05:58 AM
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What a fantastic update and story DnJ.

Mate, your thread was one of the first I read when I came here and it broke my heart when i read about BD and how it went down in front of all your family.

You're a good man DnJ, and a great dad. I think you're only in your early 50's but you sound like one of those wise old dudes in their 80's who the whole tribe gathers round to hear the dispensation of wisdom and sagacious illuminating counsel.

Actually, you are the forums wise young 'old dude'!

Marry xmas mate. I hear you about the knitting - I used to do it as a kid! Lol!

Cheers, DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877046
12/21/19 06:54 AM
12/21/19 06:54 AM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Hello All

Gerda - Iíve play my accordion for quite a few hours over the last few days; two more concerts to go. smile

Tonightís event was a success. Lots of songs and singing; laughing and fun. 5 different piano players, 1 accordion, four solo singers, and about an hour of group sing-a-long.

I do understand and empathize with what you said about see things ďmy wayĒ, or not quite seeing to be accurate.

And speaking of being accurate - Iíd come over for a fireside visit.


DS - Sagacious, oooooh, I like the sound of that. Lol.

A sincere and heartfelt thank you for your kind words - from the young old dude.

I am glad you read my thread and yeah BD broke my heart too.

Some sagacious illuminating counsel about to be dispensed. (I hope)

Broken hearts donít stay broken for long. They harden or they heal.

Unfortunately hardening is easier and seem to be the majorityís default.

Hearts donít remain broken for long. Find compassion and choose better instead of bitter.

Iíve seen far too many bitter people. Bitter, hurt, angry, and hanging on to events and outcomes they cannot change. My encouragement is that of the path of eventual forgiveness. Find your compassionate indifference.

My broken heart, hurt, terribly. Hardening it, was advice I got in real life. That advice ran counter to what I read here. It also ran counter to my feelings and to what I discovered were my beliefs. The hardening of oneís heart does ease the pain, temporarily. Other difficulties do come up from such a ridged protected heart; it lacks the flexibility needed to love.

I worked at keeping my heart supple, soft, and squishy. It let the poison of XWís words and actions out , and the goodness and love of others in. Yes, it hurt - more, and it healed. I no longer hurt, and I havenít for some time now.

Broken hearts donít remain broken for long. Find compassion. Healing oneís heart instead of hardening, requires one to re-break their heart a little every now and then. To feel, to remember the compassion and love for oneís spouse and life, while still becoming indifferent to it all. I know how counterintuitive that sounds. It is counterintuitive right until it isnít and you see the light; right until you believe the light, right until you become the light.

I give pretty strong encouragement for finding oneís beliefs and following them. To use our intellectual car more than our emotional car. To not make decisions based on feelings. And remind of how fleeting feelings are.

It is not because I encourage the quashing or ignoring of feelings, quite the opposite. We need our irrational side. However we need to focus it to where we need it to be. We cannot directly control our feelings, but we can and do control our thoughts. And thoughts influence feelings. Sword and shield.

I find we do not need to encourage others to feel. After bomb drop most of us feel too much. What we need is to reinforce the feelings that are needed and serve us, and lessen the one that arenít. Thatís the purpose of compassionate indifference. That is the purposeful periodic re-breaking of oneís heart, to allow for proper strong healing.

Broken hearts donít stay broken for too long. What kind of heart do you want? Do you choose?


- - - -


The music has ended
The house gone silent
The guest have left
The kids all gone to bed

The memories playing in my head
The Christmas tree shining in the room
The feelings of the evening linger
The joy of family and friends fulfill

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877048
12/21/19 08:48 AM
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Oh geez man those words brought tears to my eyes. I want to remain the soft hearted and sensitive guy I always have been but now I worry that having this exposes me to women who want to take advantage of it to my detriment.


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DS9] #2877060
12/21/19 02:34 PM
12/21/19 02:34 PM
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Originally Posted by DS9
Oh geez man those words brought tears to my eyes. I want to remain the soft hearted and sensitive guy I always have been but now I worry that having this exposes me to women who want to take advantage of it to my detriment.
I had the same fears. I chose to take that risk. I've been hurt again in the process, but what I'd learned helped me navigate that.

Every day we are alive comes with risk. If you are aware of the risks, you can chose to mitigate the risk, avoid the risk or ignore the risk. But life without risk is also rather flat.

Just my 2 cents - sorry for the minor thread-jack D


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877070
12/21/19 03:14 PM
12/21/19 03:14 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning

No problem Andrew. I know you see the power of risk and loving.

DS, remaining or becoming sensitive, compassionate, and soft hearted does not take away your self respect it might just reaffirm and strengthen it.

I do understand the worry, concern, and if left unresolved the eventual fear of being taken advantage of to your detriment. You see this, you know it - that is most of the battle right there. Acknowledgement.

You are correct, being open and caring does expose you to further pain or exploitation. Itís being vulnerable. Itís risky.

I told my daughter last year after her break up with her boyfriend, looking into her eyes, rain soak hair plastered to her head and checks, the streams of fallen raindrops hiding her tears - You will risk to love again. I will risk to love again. Yes, heartache hurts. And love is so much worth the risk.

Remain kind and compassionate my friend. Hard and cold, stone-like, does not equate to strong. Rigid shatters, flexible doesnít. That is the strength of a heart, itís best place to act from.

Rigid strength is the boundaries and belong to the realm of the mind and intellect. Here strong can be rationalized; enforced and relaxed as needed. And even in the colder world of logic and reason, there is still a place for compassion. A flexible approach to things. It is derived from removing oneís ego from interactions. Realizing our own need to be right, to pass judgements upon others.

Pulling back on our own ego is an interesting exercise and bring much in peace and forgiveness. It truly highlight just how much we are irrational and rational creature all rolled into to one.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877178
12/23/19 04:09 AM
12/23/19 04:09 AM
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Gerda Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ

Gerda - Iíve play my accordion for quite a few hours over the last few days; two more concerts to go. smile

Tonightís event was a success. Lots of songs and singing; laughing and fun. 5 different piano players, 1 accordion, four solo singers, and about an hour of group sing-a-long.

I do understand and empathize with what you said about see things ďmy wayĒ, or not quite seeing to be accurate.

And speaking of being accurate - Iíd come over for a fireside visit.



I am not going to achieve DnJ levels of family and friend communion, let alone bowling nights and walks under snowy trees and hand knit scarves, but-- This Thursday I was working at a prison and came back fairly late (and had the most amazing transformative experience doing creative work with the incarcerated students!!!!) with no real RSVP's for my fireplace thing. I considered doing nothing but I decided to stick with the plan, every other Thursday, for D10 if nothing else, so I cleaned up quickly and started a fire. And lo and behold, two people who had not RSVP'd showed up and one had a kid with them,and I let D10's best friend come over, we roasted marshmellows to make smores in my city fireplace and had my chicken soup and drank some warm sake that one friend had brought and had some amazing conversations about the meaning of life. And I definitely learned something about faith in the thing I started (in this case to have life back in this house) and trust in God supplying the friends who would come, even it's just one or two each time it's truly enough to create that life. Then today had some cousins with their kids over after years of not seeing them and it was AMAZING hanging out and eating together (I make some amazing latkes despite the conversion : ) ) and D10 bonded with her cousin and we all went ice skating! DnJ would be so proud, though no accordions were played.

I still struggle mightily with the grief and the disbelief and the decision to harden or not harden or stand or not stand but I am happy I am managing to do these things.

And to be accurate back at you - you and all my friends here are always invited.

Last edited by Gerda; 12/23/19 04:11 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877389
12/24/19 11:20 AM
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Thanks Andrew and DnJ. I appreciate the sentiments. Is that your poem DnJ?


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877516
12/25/19 05:04 AM
12/25/19 05:04 AM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Merry Christmas Everyone

Gerda - Yes, I am very proud of you! Fire, family, faith, símores, and ice skating - what a wonderful evening.

Originally Posted by Gerda
I still struggle mightily with the grief and the disbelief and the decision to harden or not harden or stand or not stand but I am happy I am managing to do these things.

Let go.

Let go the decision.

Things will sort out.


DS - Those are my words, such as they are. Just a few lines of how and what I was feeling.

- - - -

The concert at Dadís care home was well received. After all of our playing I lead the group in many Christmas songs. A very fun time.

The next dayís concert was also good. A similar program with group sing-a-long after performances. A very special appreciation was handed to me from one of the elderly ladies. She had tears streaming down her face as she thank me and my kids. She loved the piano, the accordion, and the singing of songs - it brought back so many memories of her childhood and happy Christmases past. She was very much moved. I told her as a performer, that is the best thank you I could get - to reach within someone and touch them that profoundly.

I did get my three scarves completed and all my gifts wrapped. We had supper at Grandmaís house this evening and played games. I am back at home and S21 is playing seasonal songs on the piano, D17 placed out all the stockings and put in some Santa stuff; I have more in hiding that she doesnít know about. smile

D17 is actually spending Christmas Eve at BFís house and having Christmas morning there. Then head back home with BF for opening presents and spending day and supper here. This was suggested and arranged with his parents. It also fits with my schedule; S22 and GF will be arriving tomorrow around lunch, S21ís GF also arrives around lunch. We will all open presents together then.

XW has been pushing that all the kids come over on Christmas morning. Obviously that is not going to happen; most arenít even here in the morning. In discussion with S21 and GF about this and Momís not getting the clues he has been dropping to her, I ask what he and GF wanted to do. They said just to go over on Boxing Day. So I told him to just tell Mom that he is busy on Christmas and that they would be over on the 26th.

He sent her a text stating that, and XWís response was ďHiĒ. 10 minutes later was ďokĒ. Mom has made arrangements with S22 for him to come over on the 26th also. S19 and D17 didnít get any texts. S21 said Mom is just assuming those two will be showing up with the other kids. They are planning on going all together, but still... no contact or discussion. Oh well.

- - - -

The coloured lights in the tree
Reflect upon the presents below

The coloured paper you see
Covering boxes dressed with a bow

The home filled with excitement
Family focused on giving

The sense is enlightenment
Itís all about living

The lessons weíve had
Have come from above

The forgiveness Iím glad
We are a family of love

The coloured light in the tree
Reflect upon the presents below

The happy children I see
Hearts full their giving does show

- - - -

May you and yourís enjoy the season and be blessed.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877518
12/25/19 05:13 AM
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Merry Christmas DnJ. Hope you have the happiest of holidays and make many memories with your family. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877526
12/25/19 06:22 AM
12/25/19 06:22 AM
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Merry Christmas DnJ. You really have a George Bailey kind of life.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: OwnIt] #2877569
12/25/19 02:22 PM
12/25/19 02:22 PM
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Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Thank you for being so supportive to the posters.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877576
12/25/19 03:28 PM
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Good Morning All

Christmas morning.

The ground is a blanket of white
No wind, nor sound, nor beasts in sight

The calm is eerie and peaceful
A respite before activities most joyful

This moment seems timeless
Me at the window awake in full dress

No bathrobe from years of the past
With little kids running excited and fast

My kids are in fact still asleep in their beds
So much grownup in their hearts and their heads

The torch will soon be passed to them from me
Their families each becoming their top priority

In years Iíll be a Grandpa of that Iíve no doubt
Iím sure Iíll be awoken early with little ones running about

Itíll be bathrobes for me
And kids laughing with glee

It is the way of things and it is most right
Pondering the future, looking out upon the blanket of white

- - - -

Thank you DV. Peace and joy to you.

Own, thanks for the seasonal nod and reference to my wonderfully life.

job, Thank you. All the best wishes to you and yourís.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877580
12/25/19 04:01 PM
12/25/19 04:01 PM
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Merry Christmas to you DnJ. May your life continue to be filled with blessings.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877614
12/25/19 09:48 PM
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A small Christmas present to my friend DnJ, who has often left me a Canadian nest full of comfort and reminders of the meaning of home for me to find in my city tree. Around 9:10 pm Thurs night, think of Grace and I having a drink and toasting to you!

Nest
BY JEFFREY HARRISON
It wasnít until we got the Christmas tree
into the house and up on the stand
that our daughter discovered a small birdís nest
tucked among its needled branches.

Amazing, that the nest had made it
all the way from Nova Scotia on a truck
mashed together with hundreds of other trees
without being dislodged or crushed.

And now it made the tree feel wilder,
a balsam fir growing in our living room,
as though at any moment a bird might flutter
through the house and return to the nest.

And yet, because weíd brought the tree indoors,
weíd turned the nest into the first ornament.
So we wound the tree with strings of lights,
draped it with strands of red beads,

and added the other ornaments, then dropped
two small brass bells into the nest, like eggs
containing music, and hung a painted goldfinch
from the branch above, as if to keep them warm.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877639
12/26/19 04:55 AM
12/26/19 04:55 AM
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Hello Gerda

Tomorrow at 9:10 PM, I will think of you and Grace.

I do hope your galsí schedules work out with minimal snags.

Thanks for the poem, and your feelings you share.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877640
12/26/19 04:57 AM
12/26/19 04:57 AM
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Thank you Andrew.

Not to sound too sappy. I do consider my life filled with blessings - I have friends like you.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877810
12/27/19 06:07 PM
12/27/19 06:07 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning

Christmas Day was good. My start of the day was at sunrise; which is not that early, day light hours are so short near the winter solstice; was preceded by staying awake until 3:00 am Christmas Eve. Santa had to stuff stockings in the wee hours. smile

The kids awoke a little after me. I made a big breakfast of eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast, and coffee for all.

S22 and GF arrived just before lunch with so many snacks. S22 baked so many goodies.

We picked up Grandpa and Grandma, along with their presents and the food for supper. Grandma was providing the food; it was being cooked here by me.

S21ís GF arrived around 1:30 pm. With all now here, we all enjoyed opening the presents. There were many thoughtful gifts from sibling to sibling, parent to child, and child to parent. The single malt scotch for the boys was a big hit. The three scarves was a surprise, even for D17 who didnít know I was making one for each of them. The girls wore them immediately and posed for pictures. S21 was gobsmacked that I made them. He proposed that Grandma must have helped quite a bit, to which she assured him that ďYour Dad is accomplished knitterĒ. An exaggeration to be sure, but parents like to be proud of their kids - even when they are 52 year old kids. smile

All the kids laughed at my telling of how I had to really fit this knitting in the scant few days before Christmas. Even knitting at work during my lunch break. Everyone laughed at the story of the mocking from my coworkers.

S21 is interested in learning to knit and now we have a skill to mentor and apprentice together. I did tell him, that Grandma is much better than I and we will both get further with pointers from her as well.

With nine of us, S19 and I decided we should stretch out the kitchen table for super and for some card games during the afternoon. The table always set up with the extra leaf in it, and easily seats six. It does have a mechanism that can expand a lot. I made two more leaves for the table when we bought it for these occasions of family gathering; with four kids, their future spouses and kids, a large table is pretty easy to see as a needed item. Anyhow we stretched it out to nine feet, installed the three leaves, and had plenty of space.

For supper I decided we were going to serve everything on the table. This is seldom done anymore, with everything in the world seeming to focusing on faster and efficient, old time traditional ways fall by the wayside. However for that meal we were bonding over food - there is something about have to break bread together, to wait until everyone is served. It is by design a mechanism which places more on giving, the passing of the next dish, than receiving.

So nine place settings, two platters of turkey - white and dark (and carved by yourís truly), potatoes, stuffing, coleslaw, corn, buns, gravy, pickles, cranberry sauce, and two pitchers of drink. Wow, what a spread! And delicious.

After I looked after the clean up while Christmas music was played on the piano by various kids. D17 asked if she could use the music book she got me. A book of 100 songs from the 1960ís, to which I said ďof course you canĒ.

After the dishes I heated Christmas pudding for me and the three other people who like it. Man oh man, was I stuffed.

Boxing Day had the kids and the GFs going over to OMís to see Mom and OM. This was planned for 9:00 am. S22 and S21 has to wake up S19, who was less than enthusiastic about the early morning and pending visit. The six of them headed out at 8:55 am; XW is my neighbour after all, and 3/4 mile isnít very far.

S21 and GF were back at 10:00 am. They were going back to her parents and then the whole family is off the her Grandmaís for three days. XW knew about this schedule but at 9:30 am with nothing really done, he had to promoted her to get to the presents if she wanted him around for any of the opening.

S21 and GF spoke with me after their return, for about 30 minutes before leaving at 10:30 am. There are still plants everywhere. Hundreds and hundreds of potted plants, three different exercise machines - bike, stepper, and treadmill, and a giant exercise ball littered the available living space. GF explained the living room layout using mine as an example and showing how the TV, couch, and recliner chair are against one wall, the exercise bike near the entrance, the location of the plants - which makes the recliner inaccessible as well as the dresser against the other wall. And with the TV beside the couch, not much TV is watched Iím guessing. Just weird, oh well.

The eight of them all crammed in and stood and sat around. According to GF, OM is trying to gain favour with the kids. I asked what about her, she said he ignores her as she isnít one of the ďkidsĒ so he does need to ďwin her overĒ. All her words - she is a pretty perceptive gal.

S21 added that OM did try to be nice with him. However, S21 is not having it. As he said, he hasnít forgot what OM and Mom did. And there is no way OM is going to replace his Dad, or even get close to that kind of relationship. Ever!! Strong words from my strong willed boy. I agreed with and validated his feelings. Probably as one can imagine he and OM didnít said much.

I do believe that S21 was a bit more POed because when he and GF were leaving, OM said ďGoodbye <S22ís nickname>Ē. Yeah S22ís name, not S21ís. Obvious XW is feeding OM information, including loving nicknames, about each of the kids. OM doesnít know nor interact with them, so yeah mistakes are going to be made. Itís such an insincere facade. Anyhow, Mom realized what OM said and called out as the door was closing ďGoodbye <S21ís nickname>Ē.

The other four got back at noon. A record setting three hour visit; the first Christmas was around 30 minutes. All seemed rather full of Mom and OM at that point. Very little was said regarding the visit. Plants, space, exercise equipment, S19 shared what gift he received. It took around an hour for that funk, that atmosphere, to leave the aura of the kids.

At that point I suggested a game of Monopoly. So a few hours of wheeling and dealing later and no one was thinking about Mom or OM. They were licking their wounds from me bankrupting them. Lol.

Left overs for supper, a movie, and to bed. I told everyone we can all sleep in for as long as you like (except D17 she works today). And as of lunch time, right now, S19 is still asleep. S22 and GF only arose at 11:00 am. D17 was up at 9:00 am. And me, I slept in till 8:00 am.

I hear breakfast is finished, so Iíll stop here and go see what plans are on for today.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877829
12/27/19 06:51 PM
12/27/19 06:51 PM
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Wow, you sure have a lovely family life going on with your kids, exís antics notwithstanding. If you can, just point out the plants and the exercise equipment are just more evidence of their momís mental illness, whatever it is. I know it doesnít erase the pain, but it might help them to realize how ill she is.

Youíre doing a great job, dad.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877858
12/27/19 10:00 PM
12/27/19 10:00 PM
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DnJ, we all know that you are a rock star, but I hope that everyone suffering right now, and everyone reading your thread in the future takes away a very important message here.

You had one of the worst bomb drops of all time. Your ex-wife is as messed up as they come. Your children have had a first-hand view to everything courtesy of her. Everything got dropped squarely on your shoulders. Yet, you have a rich life that anyone would envy, your children are thriving and learning how to maintain family and traditions, mental and physical health, and to be successful and creative people in the world. No one's life has to fall apart because of this. Children do not have to suffer. We do not have to be bitter and wounded souls who bring down everyone around us and sit around waiting forever.

We can love and have concern, but maintain distance and detachment. We can live a beautiful and happy life and make solid and grounded choices while leaving a little hope that somewhere, far off in the universe, our loved one can return to themselves or our children, even if they never return to us.

Thank you DnJ

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877936
12/28/19 03:35 PM
12/28/19 03:35 PM
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Good Morning kml

Yesterday, a full day after the kidsí visit with their Mom, I brought it up with S19. A gentle prod about hundreds of plants lead to his animated discussion and laying out the living room they were all visiting in. The living room is a lot smaller than my rooms. S19 and I were at the still expanded kitchen table with him sitting at an end. From the wall behind him to a foot beyond my table is the length of OM living room. Its width is a little less, it is almost a square.

There are two entrances into this room, both on one wall at the corners of the room. One of these entrances, which leads to a hallway a the rest of the house, is blocked by plants, an exercise bike, and Momís birds. Yeah, two birds now for pets. No one knows what happen to the two indoor cats, there is no sign of them nor litter boxes. Most likely they joined the other three or five barn cats.

Anyhow, plants are everywhere and completely blocking one of the ways in and out of this room. All traffic within the house must take the only single route left, pretty pointless when one is wanting to go to the room just beyond the block entrance.

He emphatically told me that Mom is not right, well crazy is the word he used. I did agree and told him that she is definitely suffering some kind of mental stress/breakdown/confusion.

With his long arms, S19 walked about my kitchen, demonstrating the blocked doorway, the location if the furniture, the inaccessibility and uselessness of the dresser and recliner, and the birds. Momís bike is more in the center of the room than anything else. It was really funny when he placed all 8 people in this room, showing where they all sat/stood. It makes a visit seem really long.

S19 filled in more of the visit as well. The first while, around 40 minutes was confusion and pointless, according to son. This is when S21 reminded her that he was leaving at 10:00 am, 20 minutes from now. This prompted her into action.

She had each person hand her their gift for her, and she would open it. Then she would hand them her gift. When S21 left at 10:00 she had only exchanged gifts with him an GF. Mom was really dragging it out, there was only one gift from S21 and GF, and only one or two gifts for each of them. 3 or 5 gifts in 20 minutes. Itís not a race, and I like watching what others are opening. However S19 was last or second last (canít remember - kind of shows her order of favourites) and it was over an hour getting to his turn.

Mom had everyone stay for lunch which S19 described as just a confused disaster. She did eventual get food to all. Strange she was always so organized and could prepare a meal for our large family and friends with ease. Of course she is out of practice mostly just making her own meal, which still sounds like smoothies are her go to staple.

It was a very good talk and S19 was much more himself after it. Being face to face with his Motherís mental and emotional crisis must be difficult. I am glad he opened up. Each of my kids has their own unique ďkeyĒ to open them up.

D17 is the most puzzling. Perfectly normal considering her age and the rebellion and challenging she is doing in this stage of her growing up. She requires a lighter touch and more finesse than the boys, until she opens up. I suppose it is the difference between boys and girls and differences in relationships with their Dad.

I will make time to speak with each of the others as well.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2877939
12/28/19 04:14 PM
12/28/19 04:14 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning Own

Thank you for that heartfelt message. Such hope and encouragement for better futures. I love it.

I was a bit overwhelmed, in a happy and joyful manner, seeing my situation summarized so succinctly.

I must admit I donít feel like a rock star. Iím just some guy who was hurt beyond anything he thought was possible. Who reached out, found wonderful support, and thankfully found compassion and forgiveness.

I absolutely believe everything you said. I live that. And I am moved by your words of affirmation regarding those deep convictions I hold.

In the vein of your message to all currently suffering and to those who may stubble upon this in the future:

I found it amazing that we donít know just how strong we can be, until we need to be. There is a pillar of strength within each and every one of us. As that pillar becomes realized, becomes formed, temper it with kindness and compassion. Strength needs to be flexible as well as rigid. Too much of either and it could deform or shatter; collapsing under pressure.

Build a strong life. Build it well.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878110
12/30/19 05:18 PM
12/30/19 05:18 PM
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning

Todayís agenda has D17 and I shopping for a new cell phone for her, as her battery just wont keep a charge.

We are also going to her first chiropractic appointment for her back; poor girl has some lower back pain and actually asked me about my chiropractor and massage appointments and the relief Iíve had. She has minor discomfort and is flexible, so it will be interesting to see where this goes.

We are also going to get her birth control prescription filled. The public health nurse in town can fill these prescriptions and it is free for young girls. However, this PHN has yet to make to make time for D17. This woman, the PHN, was one of our family friends, who went along with XWís story; she hasnít really spoken to me nor the kids since. She is also, or at least it is pretty predictable, that she would be a pipeline to D17ís Mom about this matter.

And what can we control? Not the PHN. So we will go the a pharmacy in the city and pay. The money is not an issue, so I will not make it one. Donít sweat the small stuff, extends beyond the cleaning up and washing of dishes. smile

On the 27th, the day after the kids visited Mom, S22 and GF went on a sleigh ride. XW showed her colours on this one.

OMís cousin has horses and was having a sleigh ride for his family on the 27th. XW invited S22 and GF to go. Only S22 and GF. Oh my, the favouritism was displayed with no regard. S22 told me that Mom made the offer and arrangements with him a week prior to Christmas. On the 26thís visit she asked the other kids if they would like to go.

This last minute including of her other children I think was some of the funk they returned home with. And at this late hour all others kids had plans.

So a division on how they are each being treated by their Mom is quite visible. They have all spoke with their loving Dad (me smile ), and with a day or two of time, the feelings have passed. They know Mom is confused and not who she once was. Accepting things you donít really want and have no control over does get easier with practice.

S21, GF, and S19 are coming back out for New Yearís and the weekend. Today and tomorrow is a bit of quiet time around here.

Last evening D17 was visiting her BF. I got the dogs and walked around the yard. Just me and my two dogs. I find peace and usually some answer walking among the trees; to questions I sometimes donít even know I had.

I opened the pen and two always happy to see me dogs sprung forth and jumped about me. Several pets and licks later they shot off into the twilight; this is the ritual of greet and roam. They run about for a while and then stick close by as we walk. Tonight for some reason the stuck close by the entire time.

The evening sun is setting, the horizon pink and purple and alive with colour. The clouds brightly glowing against the darkening sky. I stroll down the long driveway, like so many times before. Thousands and thousands of strolls have been travelled upon these crushed stones.

At the end of the lane I turn. It is a relief, the wind is gently blowing, but it has a sharp bite. With the breeze against my back there is a sudden shift in perception. An immediate change in feeling of temperature and comfort. I pause, and prolong the moment.

My mind returned to the first time W and I travelled this path. It was but a dirt road; two tracks in the grass. I stood and gazed upon my yard and road. The house lit afar, glowing like a beacon in the dimming yard.

So much has changed and grown. The toil and effort; the joys and happiness; the accomplishment and the failures; over a quarter century of life and living shows here.

I walk slowly, the wind a whisper in my ears, something is speaking. I am going to listen.

I turn and walk down the step ditch to the lawn. The snow is gray white, the sun almost gone, the clouds no longer glow. I cast a faint long shadow across the windswept drift as I crunch boot step after boot step carefully in the ever gaining dark.

I walk by and touch each tree we planted for the birth of each child. Four unique and special trees; just like each child. I pause for longer at the Bur Oak we planted for us when we first arrived and drove down that dirt trail. Bur Oak, slow growing, and strong; for a long time that was such a true symbol our love. All the trees are healthy and have grown big.

I continue my slow methodical trudge through the now almost black snow. The sun is gone, the cloud cover blocks the faint light from stars and the sliver of moon. I walk among the tall giants, the cotton woods, those pillars of wood and strength. There is such a peace here. Looking up skyward, their long branches and limbs embrace a canopy above my head. They are naked and bare and yet somehow still full in their leafless silence. I walk within these trees of peace and time; they have lived for over one hundred and fifty years; oh what they have been wittiness to.

I continue my trek going through the orchard; walking passed sleeping trees of plum, pear, cherry, and apple. More stanchions from a purposeful life and effort of a past time. It is everywhere, and surrounds me; for it literally grows from the soil upon which I stand.

It is now dark. The breeze and its chilling bite has froze my chin and cheeks. I crunch my way to the dogís pen; passed the garden, the zip line, the fire pit, the house, the wrap around deck; the dogs both happily run in. Again it is ritual; the roam and return part. They never have a problem leaving their pen nor returning to their pen. It is home.

Perhaps that is the windís whisper of tonight. The message blowing across the landscape. It is home.

The children love to return, sleep, and play within this house and yard. It is home.

I work and toil. I have peace and happiness. It is home.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878124
12/30/19 06:25 PM
12/30/19 06:25 PM
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OwnIt Offline
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Lovely walk imagery.

On the favoritism to S22. Keep in mind that she did peak out a bit this holiday (I don't think she will sustain it). They will reach out to the "safest" choice. For OD, this is S. It is his concerted reach outs to D this year that make it feel very different than his reach out to me (because S wouldn't respond) and then S last year. My guess is that S22 is the safest child, the one least likely to reject her, and therefore she reaches to him for that reason. As with everything, only time will tell.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878136
12/30/19 06:53 PM
12/30/19 06:53 PM
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kml Offline
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Quote
She has minor discomfort and is flexible,


Hmmmm.... kind of unusual for teens to have low back pain. When you say ďflexibleĒ - is she hyperflexible? Google Beighton score and make sure she doesnít have an issue.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878184
12/30/19 08:42 PM
12/30/19 08:42 PM
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Own, I agree S22 is the safest child. A minor update as I had it a bit wrong, D17 filled in the visit during our car ride. Mom did make arrangements with S22. Then after S21 and GF left, she asked S19. Just S19, snubbing D17 in front of everyone. As daughter said, Mom purposefully asked S19 - not her.

XW is having a disagreement with her teenage daughter; two teen girls fighting. Most likely retaliatory for the upcoming graduation and dress shopping decisions/choices from D17.

Out of all four kids S22 does reject Mom the least.

kml - I think her symptoms are from piano playing. Also from her work at the grocery store, lifting stuff with the no training or instruction on doing it safely.

We are sitting in the waiting room right now. I am interested in what her assessment will show. Daughter has lower back, neck, and headaches.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878185
12/30/19 08:58 PM
12/30/19 08:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,004
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I hope her issues are from the way that she lifting stuff and not something else. To help her when lifting things, she should get one of those belts that supports the back and bend at the knees when picking things up. Also, the issue could be from the way she sits in school, car and at the piano. Sometimes, we have to get up and move around.

Hopefully you will get some answers as to how to help her.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878195
12/30/19 10:28 PM
12/30/19 10:28 PM
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As a reminder to those out there who hear and see ridiculous stuff about the kids from their MLCer.

Mine originally said that the kids had to accept his choices or they didn't have to be a part of his life. He vacillated with this kind of statement and trying to re-engage several times. I never took it seriously and never let the kids know he said that.

Since he had what I think was the first awakening a little over a year ago, much different attitude. I haven't heard that nonsense in the last year. He still told S recently that D was stubborn, to which S said she had valid reasons for being upset with him. OD of course had no response to that.

So I guess she is miffed with D17, but I don't think it will last and I think the further she moves along the more she will try to engage with her. Sounds like she approached the kids in order of "safeness" and then sent a public, teenage snub to D17. Totally in teen rebellion phase.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878210
12/31/19 12:47 AM
12/31/19 12:47 AM
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job - It looks like this is mostly from posture, and stress at the piano in that she doesnít relax enough when playing. There is a big jump in demand going to level 9 music. Students tend to pull up their arms and tighten their neck/shoulder muscles; left uncorrected for a period of time and here we are.

Her driving position seems ok. Her lifting at work and elsewhere is comparable to just about everyone, including me - which is to say not very good. Too much lifting with the back and not the legs. Just like her old man. smile However, she may be a bit smarter than me, and of course sheís not a tough strong man who donít listen to those sissy rules about ergonomics and correct methods until theyíre old and have a bad back from years of work and realize that holy cow those nerdy doctors did know what the heck they were talking about and now you are laying face down paying for some smart doctor guy to twist you spine about wondering where did I go wrong I was impervious and would be young and able forever what the.... Lol. Haha

Sheíll listen and be just fine - pretty sure.

She has another appointment this Friday.

It was an interesting car ride home, both of us comparing our chiropractic experiences. smile

Own - XW told the kids and me directly that she was willing to risk never seeing them again for this chance at happiness as she left at BD. She also gave that same directive as OD that the kids had to accept her choices.

One of the really ďfunnyĒ things was her one week for the kids to go through the grief process. On week two, 14 days after leaving she came back to the house to see the kids. Everyone was a mess, Mom hadnít spoken to them for all that time. She was POed with them, telling them it should only take one week to go through the grief stages, and she gave them two - so get over it. Oh my, those were some really bad and messed up meetings.

To go along with the current teenager rebellion, XW has a fair bit of stubbornness and pride to work through. She gave up, destroyed, a lot for her fantasy life with OM. In her mind she really cannot be wrong, she just canít - yet. So much energy is spent maintaining a false life.

The holidays are coming to a close. I suspect she will shrink away for a bit. Besides I have too many other things on my radar to follow her blip.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878211
12/31/19 12:54 AM
12/31/19 12:54 AM
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Grace21 Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Besides I have too many other things on my radar to follow her blip.


DnJ - I'm really looking forward to saying these words for 100% certainty. Not there yet, but I trust it will come. Someday. I like the analogy.

Last edited by Grace21; 12/31/19 12:55 AM.

M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878222
12/31/19 05:00 AM
12/31/19 05:00 AM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 858
Texas
S
SBJ Offline
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Posts: 858
Texas
DnJ...hoping things are going well with you and your family.

Happy New Year!!!

2020 will be good to us all!!!


Me 46 W43
T25 M22
S19 D14 S10
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878231
12/31/19 11:00 AM
12/31/19 11:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 1,976
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neffer Offline
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Happy New Year dear friend.

Just keep shining there.

Wishing the best for you and your family.

(((Hugs)))


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878267
12/31/19 04:13 PM
12/31/19 04:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning and Happy New Year

Grace - You have the mindset which I know will find your way. Undoubtedly.

My XW is one of the blips on my radar. I choose when I want to focus upon her. Trust and have faith, it does happen.

All my best for you and yourís in the new year.


SBJ - Hello, how wonderful to hear from you. Yes things are very well with me and my family.

I do follow you, and you are writing upon your pages of life very well. You are a strong man with much faith. I see 2020 being good to you, and you in a place of being able and willing to accept it. Love and respect man.


neffer - A Happy New Year to you as well.

I guess Iím shinning - even thought I canít seem to make shadow puppets against the wall. smile Rats! Lol.

- - - -

2020 is looking good. <snicker>

Thatís pure comedic gold right there.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878269
12/31/19 04:27 PM
12/31/19 04:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,917
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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Originally Posted by DnJ
I guess Iím shinning - even thought I canít seem to make shadow puppets against the wall. smile Rats! Lol.

- - - -

2020 is looking good. <snicker>

Thatís pure comedic gold right there.

DnJ
Do deformed rabbit! It's my favourite!

All the best for a New Year that continues to be filled with blessings my friend.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878273
12/31/19 04:43 PM
12/31/19 04:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Deformed rabbit! Haha.

Best to you.


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878340
01/01/20 06:07 AM
01/01/20 06:07 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Made it!

Stayed up with the kids.

Happy New Year!



Yawn. Iím off to bed. smile


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878348
01/01/20 08:14 AM
01/01/20 08:14 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 418
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DS9 Offline
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Posts: 418
Happy new year wise old young dude!

Man canít believe the XW gave the kids 2 weeks to grieve. Reminds me when my dad died years ago and XW shouted at me a few days after when I was still in a funk to snap out of it.

Hope allís well with your daughters back.

Cheers ds


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878362
01/01/20 02:18 PM
01/01/20 02:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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Good Morning DS

Yeah, the two weeks was pretty startling - at the time. I of course argued and I said something like ĒItís only been two weeks. Are you crazy? Their grief is going take a while. Whatís the matter with you?Ē. Lol. Crazy times.

The idea of snapping out of it, like your XW shouted at you, is interesting. The ďget over it quickly and move onĒ seems a more common strategy / coping mechanism employed by people. In a world of near instantaneous access to the wealthy of human knowledge and a quick click away from something new to capture our attention, it may be actually getting worse. (Especially since memes and cat videos are the majority of medium. Lol.) Of course it glazes over far too much, and doesnít find acceptance with oneís feelings/emotions; and feelings buried alive will come back to haunt you. I think your XWís tendency towards that showed with her snap out of it at only days after the death.

My daughterís back and neck were hurting quite a bit yesterday. She came back from basketball practice in a fair bit of pain. She was somewhat better by supper time, so the after dinner games were more fun than the afternoon activities. She did go to bed around 10:00pm, while S21, GF, S19, and I stayed up, watched a movie, and saw the new year arrive. D17 has an other appointment on Friday and will get more information including stretches, posture, and such. And from someone other than Dad, so sheíll probably listen. smile

Happy New Year DS

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2878368
01/01/20 02:50 PM
01/01/20 02:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,004
Southern Maryland
job Online

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job  Online

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,004
Southern Maryland
Happy New Year!

I hope your daughter's back issues get better very soon. Glad you spent time with the kids.

New Thread:

A Great Life #4

Last edited by job; 01/01/20 04:25 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
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