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A Message from Michele
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A Great Life #3 #2868711
10/18/19 02:58 AM
10/18/19 02:58 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,428
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,428


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868729
10/18/19 11:30 AM
10/18/19 11:30 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,428
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,428
Good Morning Everyone

Another new thread.

Gets easier every time. This is my fifteenth thread, and like creating a new thread, our ďnewĒ lives, our new habits and duties become easier, commonplace, and ďfeelĒ normal. smile

I seem to reflect at the start of a new thread. Take stock, see where I am, where Iím going, and how far Iíve come.

I had some interesting conversations with some people at work and IRL. The conversations were similar so Iíll use one as an example. I was having lunch with good friend, one of the many who stood by me during all this. I told her ďIím back. Iím finally back.Ē She said ďYouíve been back for a while now.Ē I did acknowledge that and agreed. Yes, Iíve been back for a while.

You see, Iíve given myself a few months each time as a new stage emerged. Time to see if it is going to stick or not. To see if my feelings regarding it will change or not. To see if my thoughts change or not.

Iíve felt like I was back for a while. My thoughts came first, clearheaded, logical, reasoned, and so forth. Feelings confirmed this idea of being back to myself, well DnJ 2.0. My current status is - Yes, Iím back. I believe it, there is something inside, a force, a confidence, a conviction - Lol, beliefs are hard to put into words, they are made from thoughts, feelings, and something else, something very deep and personally defining.

As I said, others have seen that Iíve been back for a while. Iíve finally embraced and accepted this latest arrival along a growing list that creates my path.

My cars have been lined up and going happily along for sometime now. I just wanted to let my friends know.

I have way more good days than bad. I still have hope, and lots of encouragement within. And apparently still more topics I would like to discuss. Oh, a cliffhanger, a teaser. smile

Have a great day my friends.

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868830
10/19/19 01:48 AM
10/19/19 01:48 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,769
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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Massachusetts
Originally Posted by DnJ

I have way more good days than bad. I still have hope, and lots of encouragement within. And apparently still more topics I would like to discuss. Oh, a cliffhanger, a teaser. smile

Have a great day my friends.

DnJ



Ohhhhh, come ON. Spill. You know you want to wink


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868850
10/19/19 02:04 PM
10/19/19 02:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,304
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Posts: 3,304
Canada
Happy delayed Thanksgiving to you and your family my friend.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2868971
10/21/19 02:44 PM
10/21/19 02:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,428
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Good Morning

bttrfly - You are correct, I do want too.

AndrewP - Thank you for the Thanksgiving wishes.


Most of the family got together yesterday and enjoyed our delayed turkey diner. S21ís GF had to work. S22 and GF were attending her family during their gathering and grief; two recent deaths in her family. Her brothers commented on FB how happy and proud they are of S22 being with their sister, especially during this time.

My two other sons, S21 and S18, came over at noon and visited D17 and I. The four of us spent the next two hours just being together.

D17 was teased by her brothers, especially by S18. The chatter, carrying on, and noise - it was like they had never left. Just picked up where the left off. It still feels like home for them, and we are a family - no doubt there.

The boysí university courses and their accomplishments was also discussed. My goodness those two are smart. They totally agreed when asked if they enjoy university. This is much different than high school; very challenging with lots of work; and they are there because they want to be instead of have to be. Ah, the rebellious spirit and attitude, turned and focused towards a goal. What a nice sight.

S18 is talking more and more of a becoming a professor in his physics and math majors. That is ten more years of study. Wow, there must be some passion there.

S21 is just crushing computer science. He is programming and exploring extras on top of all his university studies. Something has ignited within him.

The four of us played a few group party video games, then at 2:00 pm picked up Grandma and went over to the care home to visit Grandpa. D17 and I planned and were scheduled to perform a piano concert for the residents.

We arrived a little early and to a large group of waiting people with the other residents making there way to the common area. Many of the folks had visitors also sitting with them; attending a piano performance. The family <DnJ> is pretty well known. Lol. Regarding piano, all my kids play very well, and D17, S18, and S21 are all festival winners; and all are in the crowd.

I pulled the piano out from the wall and turn it a bit so the crowd could see the performer and their hands. D17 figured I should go first. I talked to crowd and thanked them for having us. Then played six selections. A couple of slow romantic ballads, a swing, and a few old time melodies which had the crowd singing along.

D17 played six songs as well. A few popular pieces and some more classical type performances. She really can make that piano sing. She has such a delicate touch and it is becoming sophisticated.

There was much appreciation and applause, and many smiling faces. This positive energy is infectious. People asked if S18 and S21 were going to play something as well. Neither were prepared, nor practiced; their time packed with university work. S21 actually brought some of his to do, if he had any free time. He didnít even open a book, I think that is the best sign of a good visit.

Anyhow both decided they would play something. D17 had a stack of music books still at the piano. S18 strolled up, thumbed through a book, and found a selection he liked. He is a big lad, and is a powerful player, and yet can squeeze out such feeling and softness. It really does show his deep gentle character. His five minute unrehearsed performance was excellent, showing his talent from his many years of lessons.

S21 went up next, the crowd eager and patient. He is known. The guy sight reads level 9 music. Calm and masterful, his style makes it look so easy. I could practice for the rest of my life and never reach that level. S21 played four pieces. He is gifted.

I said a few final words and was asked by one of the nurses to play one last fast song. So I banged out one final rocking song to end the afternoon. All together just under 90 minutes. I clean up our music books, pushed the piano back against the wall, and carefully laid the decorative blanket back on the wooden bench seat.

As the residents, guests, parents, and kids were mingling, one of the ladies came up to me at the piano, shuffling with her walker. She thanked me, gave me a hug, and said she will play a song for me. She sat down at the keys and played Edelweiss (from The Sound of Music). I sat beside her while she played.

I know this old girl, a neighbour of my Dad. She is a kind soul, and confused. She absolutely believes she remembers me playing piano as a kid. I once tried to explain the truth; I didnít live here as a kid, and I played the accordion not the piano; but there is no point. She absolutely believes it.

Her fingers danced along the keys. Old wrinkled hands stiff with age, found their youth, and frolicked among the white and black keys. When done she rose to her walker, eyes happy. I thank her for playing for me, and she again commented on what a wonderful player I am and how she remembers me playing as a kid. I wished her a good day and told her Iíll see her soon.

Others shook my hand, and asked me to bring my accordion sometime. They remember the last time I played it.

We packed up our stuff, said our goodbyes and headed over to Grandmaís for our Thanksgiving. Dad, Mom, me, and three kids. The kids updated Grandma and Grandpa about their schooling, and their lives. We laughed, discussed a wide variety of topics, and played cards till super.

Our traditional turkey super was enjoyed, and as is traditional we all were as stuffed as the turkey when done. Still, we all found room for pumpkin pie and whipped cream topping.

After supper the boys returned home. They have much studying to do, and assignments to complete. The four of us played another card game, and then D17 and I took Grandpa back home.

Grandma was thanked many times for her wonderful diner, and care packages of left overs were made up and eagerly accepted. smile She was in her glory.

I have lots to be thankfully for.

Reflecting back upon the day I realized a few things.

My playing the piano, specifically the two romantic songs, is the first time I didnít have thoughts of W, or XW, go through my head or heart. Its funny I played with that same emotion - the love, deep and a little haunting, but without the source.

This is also the first time at a family function when W / XW again didnít come up in my heart or mind. Pictures of her and I, still hanging on the walls of my Momís house, went unnoticed. I was fully in the moment with everyone there. I was just a single guy, a son, a father.

Looking back it feels wonderful and kind of sad.

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2869010
10/21/19 05:35 PM
10/21/19 05:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,748
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OwnIt Offline
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Dang DnJ, I want to come along to your recitals. Sounds like a lovely time, and what a treat for the other folks in the home. This is the gold. This is what family is. This is what love feels like.

Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2869241
10/23/19 12:05 AM
10/23/19 12:05 AM
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Grace21 Offline
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Lovely, DnJ. Connecting, sharing, loving. That is what life is all about.

I look forward to the day when H is not always lingering in he back of my mind. I get glimpses of it from time to time, and it amazes me when I realize it. I was at a concert Saturday night about 5 blocks from his new place. A whole hour or 2 went by when I realized i didn't think of H at all during that time! It was great. But, I understand that sadness you mentioned, too.

You have a lovely family.

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2869668
10/28/19 03:17 AM
10/28/19 03:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,428
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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OwnIt - Thanks. In a few weeks we are doing another recital at my uncleís motherís assisted living apartment. She is 94 years old, and her and the other residents put on quite a spread for us. Uncle and great aunt (I guess thatís right, we all just call her grandma) and around 40 or 50 other people attend.

We usually do a Christmas recital, they have snacks and drinks all ready, fancy table clothes adorning the long dining tables, and we play songs. After our performances I get my kids to play Christmas songs and I lead the group in a sing-a-long. Any and all requests are played. I have 30 lyric books to go along with the music book. Itís fun to watch and listen, people huddled around a book, singing and smiling.

I walk between the tables, among everyone, and sing. I sit beside people, arm around their shoulders or waist, swaying to the music, and usually sneak a kiss from the older gals. People in their 80ís and 90ís can still be shy; voices that arenít quite what they used to be perhaps, although some are still incredibly talented singers. It matters not, everyone gets cheer and holiday fun from me, and in a song or two, all the voices, everyone, is singing. (I do like to encourage people in case you havenít noticed smile )

This is a little early for Christmas music, and I wasnít really thinking of that yet. However, I think we will make another recital at both places a priority this holiday season. The last time was around 3 hours long and people didnít want it to end. It was such a fun time.


Grace - Oh how I remember those first times I realized I hadnít thought of W. Oh my, the panic that set in. How could I forget her? It was so nice being distracted, and then reality slammed back in. Lol. That was some time ago, and a place far from where I am now.

These love songs, I play at home. On the wall, above the grand piano, a blank space where our wedding picture used to hang. Memories and future intertwine within the melody. Thoughts and emotions dance about - more happy than anything else. I smile much more now when I play than I did during the last year. The first year I didnít play at all.

XW is further let go. Like fluttering rose petals from a slowly opening hand, rising and falling, and floating away in the evening breeze, and into the long shadows.


DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2870069
10/31/19 03:47 AM
10/31/19 03:47 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,148
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Gerda Offline
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Gerda  Offline
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Posts: 1,148
DnJ, I am just saying hello by sending you a song. I am drowning in work and the kids' needs, etc., but yes I am still drowning in what I wrote about before. Some truths shifting and settling, but the pain is very present and I can't really write back on my thread right now, I just can't. But I am so glad you are having such beautiful and pure moments in your sweet little town surrounded by all those wonderful characters whose memories are truer than any truth. You are still in your Russian novel, just a peaceful portion of it. I really appreciated what you said on my thread, of course, of course. And so I will just send you a song that I am listening to a lot today. It's called, "Lifeline," and it's by Citizen Cope.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: A Great Life #3 [Re: DnJ] #2870446
11/02/19 02:19 AM
11/02/19 02:19 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,428
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Hello Gerda

Lifeline - thank you for the song.

I understand the inabilities to post. Itís ok, take your time, you will get through the pain. (((Gerda)))

It brought a smile to my face, the Russian novel similarity. And my life surrounded by wonderful characters.

I do have a wee update...

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
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