S12 said seeing beer in the fridge turns him away. I emptied the 3 remaining bottles and told him a promise not to have any more in house.
What's that about? Something just strikes that as "off" to me. Is there a history of alcoholism with you or his mom or someone in his life? Why would simply seeing beer in a refrigerator - and evidently only 3 bottles on top of it - turn a 12 year old away. I don't get it - at least in the absence of some other history that involves alcohol abuse. Or was this just an excuse? If so, you'll soon find out if he comes up with something else.
In February, I promised not to drink anymore. In the past few months, I've had a six pack in the fridge occassionally. We spoke about his comfort level in spending time with me and it just seemed alcohol in general really really turned him off. I renewed my promise to keep alcohol out of the house.
Totally agreed. I believe the WW is using alcohol as a slant to get custody of the kids.
In July, she stated she wanted them 100% of the school year to be with her. The school year started in Sept and she has had them spending nights with her full time without my consent.
As soon as I started seeing someone else, the WW became even more bitter and started hording the kids even more. She stated the kids were uncomfortable due to alcohol and the fact I got called into work and couldn't be home on time (happend 1x and they ended up staying with WW).
I think it's moving fwd and Dad finding someone new that she's angry about. She also stands to get more child support if she has them 100% of the time. My lawyer knows all this and is working on it.
Makes me wonder what she is telling the kids at her place.
I thought S12 seeing beer in the fridge was minor too but I must keep my word.
Went to our mediation orientation session yesterday. We actually sat together (probably the only people there that did) and watched a few videos on the process. A few times I squeezed her hand. I often times just cannot believe we are at this stage. I asked her if she ever thought people met new SO's there - she started laughing. A lot of sad faces in dress clothes there but we stayed together and got through with it.
My anxiety is really coming back strong but for once, I am not jumping on to dating sites looking for a quick fix. I am waking up every 90 mins again throughout the night.
Seems having someone spend a single night across the street from them at my place really set all of this into motion. I feel that this event was communicated to my kids by the W and just made this divorce process "real" for them. D15 is definitely heartbroken and has told her friends - Dad has a girlfriend. I wouldn't say I do, and sometimes I just feel like telling my W "am I to just wait on the front porch with the dog hoping someday you guys come home??" The wife's spin is that alcohol is preventing the kids from coming home...my stance is that they don't want anything to do with Dad and some potential new person.
I am trying to come up with a way to communicate w my wife that I can effectively co-parent and that a 50/50 split would be best. She stated yesterday that she wants a split but is more inclined to give the kids whatever they want, and that currently means staying with her full time.
I was thinking of seeing if we can try the split out for a month or so and somehow prove to them this will work. Maybe have a cash penalty if I screw up as money seems to be her only desire from me.
Ended up taking S12 to dinner and Target. Told the W our plans and asked if she needed anything. Ended up dropping off a salad as she was working last evening. She said it was very much appreciated.
Going to play hockey tonight at the YMCA. I'm also looking for a used vehicle as my 15 year old Honda is on its last legs. Car dealers have been emailed as of this morning!!
Seems having someone spend a single night across the street from them at my place really set all of this into motion.
That certainly pushed things the wrong way, but no it was not the one thing that caused this. There were many. She had an affair, right? Emotional or physical? I can't remember. Did she mention that to the kids? Or is she just throwing you under the bus?
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15 is definitely heartbroken and has told her friends - Dad has a girlfriend. I wouldn't say I do,
Are you still seeing that gal?
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Ended up dropping off a salad as she was working last evening. She said it was very much appreciated.
Pursuit. I thought you were going LRT. I'm not mad at you about it, I pursued a lot before finally stopping so I get it.
Good job on the GAL and I hope you find a good deal on a car.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I am trying to come up with a way to communicate w my wife that I can effectively co-parent and that a 50/50 split would be best. She stated yesterday that she wants a split but is more inclined to give the kids whatever they want, and that currently means staying with her full time.
Why are your wife and kids determining your custody schedule for the 12 y/o again?
She had an EA for 7 months (starting in Sept 2018) and stated via text to an ex-boyfriend that it turned into a PA once night in Dec. She admitted the EA but denied to PA saying it was just innuendo talk to the ex-BF.
When the gal stayed over, she arrived at 9pm and left at 6am. W is saying the kids saw it that morning and became upset. No way my kids saw her car in the driveway because they don't wake up before 1030am on weekends.
I suspect the W saw the car the next morning and told the kids, because she was LIVID. I was served papers 4 days later.
I've gone out randomly with this gal, but nothing serious and she hasn't stayed over since. I've told her I am still hung up on my ex. She gets it and is giving me a lot of space.
I'm trying to LRT. Most times I can maintain silence but it's almost impossible for me not to talk R.
I am trying to come up with a way to communicate w my wife that I can effectively co-parent and that a 50/50 split would be best. She stated yesterday that she wants a split but is more inclined to give the kids whatever they want, and that currently means staying with her full time.
Why are your wife and kids determining your custody schedule for the 12 y/o again?
I am saying I want the kids oneweek, and she'd have them the next. She is saying the kids want to be with her 100% of the time.
Good point. We are going to try to talk before our child custody mediation session and I might use this word for word, unchien.
I found this awesome quote from Steve85 this week:
Originally Posted by Steve85
Learn to be detached. The goal is to get to a place emotionally where she can come to you and say "Last night I had a hot lesbian orgy with 6 other women." And you go, "oh, okay. Hey where did I put the remote?"
Detachment is about being happy, fulfilled, pleased internally, regardless of her crazy. Work on it. It is freeing. And it may have the side benefit of having a huge effect on her in a positive way
The past few days I have been doing real with maintaining this level. Using email as prmary communication helps too.
