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A Message from Michele
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Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2868522
10/16/19 11:32 PM
10/16/19 11:32 PM
Joined: Jul 2019
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Originally Posted by rooskers


I just don't understand frown


Hey Roo,

Man, you keep getting smashed buddy, but you know what, you just keep on keeping on.

I think something goes a bit haywire in their brain circuitry when they do these things. My XW doesn't do this, but I distinctly and disquietingly remember a few months ago having a 'normal' chat with her and she blurted 'sometimes I wish I didn't have kids'. Something has gone funny in their brains mate, taking them back to their younger years. I think it's the childhood trauma they themselves suffered.

How you doing at the moment mate?

Cheers DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2868538
10/17/19 02:46 AM
10/17/19 02:46 AM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,529
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kas99 Offline
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My sister was like this due to yes childhood trauma. Her 2 girls are adults now. One is seriously screwed up the other one is okay because her dad is a good guy.

Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2868864
10/19/19 06:49 PM
10/19/19 06:49 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 230
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rooskers Offline OP
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Plane tickets bought for D13 and myself to visit my sister in Florida this spring. Disneyland reservations made for Christmas Day. It is looking extremely festive in our fully Halloween decorated house. All in all I can't complain.

I figure I have a house that is paid for, a car that is paid for, a daughter who loves me and I love her, and a full time job. If I can't find joy in that I need to take a very hard look within myself. It is not the life I wanted but it is the life I am learning to love.

There is very little anger left more just a huge sense of loss at what I thought I had. Only communication from XW is the once a week email from her accusing me of ruining her relationship with D13 and denying her visitation time. None of it is true and hopefully she will one day see it is her actions during her time with D13 that is causing the problems. I have gone extremely dim and my only communication is D13's therapy appointments date and time through email. There has been no other contact at all.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2868903
10/20/19 05:52 PM
10/20/19 05:52 PM
Joined: May 2019
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kas99 Offline
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How is D13?

Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2868918
10/21/19 01:26 AM
10/21/19 01:26 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 230
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rooskers Offline OP
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D13 is doing great when she is with me. We have been into card and board games lately and have been having a lot of fun. I continue to teach her how to cook and she is getting really good at it. We both made biscuits and gravy from scratch this morning and it was fantastic. Today we went for a beautiful fall hike and captured a lot of really amazing pictures. She is getting all A's and B's and isn't minding that I am her teacher in two of her classes.

D13 has an appointment with her therapist on Wednesday and hopefully can come up with some better mechanisms to deal with her anxiety while visiting her mother. Each visit with her mother seems to worsen their relationship. Until her mother can stop putting the blame on me, and look at her own actions during her time with D13, I doubt anything will improve.

XW does things that sometimes make me go ??? She emailed me that she was going to D13's parent teacher conference and attached a screen shot of the appointment time. I didn't respond as usual but can't figure out why she would even bother telling me. She knows I am the IT administrator at the school and would have been the one to set up the parent teacher conference schedules on the school computers. Why bother contacting me about something she knows I would see? Is she trying to say "see I am a super involved mom"? She emails about stupid stuff maybe once every week and I never respond so why does she keep doing it?


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2868938
10/21/19 03:25 AM
10/21/19 03:25 AM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,529
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kas99 Offline
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My WAH used to text me once a week about the lawn. I honestly have no idea why these WASs do what they do sometimes.

Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2869009
10/21/19 05:35 PM
10/21/19 05:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,500
Colorado
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Originally Posted by rooskers
She emailed me that she was going to D13's parent teacher conference and attached a screen shot of the appointment time.


Always respond to parenting issues.

"perfect"

or

"Perfect. I will see you there."


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: 22 years gone [Re: Ready2Change] #2869048
10/21/19 07:50 PM
10/21/19 07:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 230
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rooskers Offline OP
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Sorry R2C that is ideally what should happen but not what is recommended by my lawyer or D13's therapist. In this particular circumstance they both believe unless it is a direct question regarding D13 that needs to be answered for safety or health or I am legally required to respond, I should have no contact at all with my XW. Since she just emailed a statement it requires no response. It is both of their opinion that we should parallel parent and since XW only has D13 for 52 days of the year the reality is she has very little to no parenting responsibilities. For now (hopefully not forever) the therapist believes to be the best.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2869055
10/21/19 08:25 PM
10/21/19 08:25 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,500
Colorado
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Colorado
Originally Posted by rooskers
... recommended by my lawyer or D13's therapist....For now (hopefully not forever) the therapist believes to be the best.
I leaned extremely heavy on every recommendation from my children's therapist. I would even run other peoples advise past him, especially things I found in self help books.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: 22 years gone [Re: rooskers] #2869468
10/24/19 08:26 PM
10/24/19 08:26 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 230
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rooskers Offline OP
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Having a really hard day. This will be the first time in 13 years I will not be able to go to the school's Halloween Carnival with D13. I did this as a child myself and now won't be able to do it with D13's last year here at school frown


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
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