Thanks Nef for the support. Moving forward and being the light for the kids.
Nothing new to report. Now and then W reacts to things in a way that shows that she's still not done her emotional work and projects her emotions on to me. I just dust it off and keep truckin'. She's busy with her new house and blending families and getting that going. I am staying in my lane and building a fulfilling life for myself, which right now doesn't have space for a partner. I am definitely emotionally ready for it, but still want to get to a good place in terms of my career and health before I can entertain a partner. I am totally happy and cool with that and I still don't feel a rush to go out and date. I am enjoying my life with the kids and that's pretty satisfying for now.
I am back on track with my nutrition, working out, and sleep schedule, which has been nice. I let my health down slide during vacation in the summer and I really felt it. So, back on track and already lost a buncha weight and getting my gains back in the gym. Career stuff might take a new turn if all goes well with a new team, but it's taking longer than I had anticipated. Exercising a lot of patience lol. All in all, quite good.
I've been off the grid for a while so am just now seeing your update. Good stuff! Are you climbing again or still out with the injury (was it a knee issue?) Your light has always been shining, as many of us on here can attest to. Your kids are lucky to have you!
Stay well!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Glad to hear from you. I hope life off the grid is getting better. I am doing well. W has been procrastinating about filing D papers and it just boggles my mind why it's taken so long. I gave her everything from my end 2 months ago and she still hasn't filed. I don't understand it, but oh well, it's in her court now. Considering the situation, they will get filed, but it's just annoying that it's taking this long.
I am back to climbing for sure. The knee is almost 100%. I am doing physical rehab 3 times a week to strengthen the knee when I go strength training. It's coming along nicely. I hope to be fully healed up by the end of the year.
Thanks again for the kind words and you are a DB jedi as well. Life with the kids is great and I am working on being better with them every day. Some days are better than others but I am still learning and doing the work.
Maika, I'm not sure my XW ever would have filed if I didn't pressure her about it. I really don't think she wanted to be married anymore, but she didn't particularly care about being divorced either. Weird, isn't it? Who knows what they're thinking!
Sounds like you are doing well Maika!!! When you decide to start dating again, you are going to find someone great, I just know it!! In the meantime, I hope things at work play out the way you hope they will. (((HUGS)))
AS - I know I know.... still dunno what they're thinking. She's shacked up with her new man and they bought a new house together, and she's procrastinating on the D papers.... WTF LOL!!!!!!
DV - Thanks a lot. Yeah I am doing phenomenal and inching my way towards the good things in life... not waiting by trynna make it happen through patience and consistency. I am looking forward to the dating world sometime in 2020..
In other news... after a protracted battle with nicotine, I finally won the war and been smoke free for a week now. I know I am still in the vulnerable zone and need to be vigilant... but I feel hella amazing already and looking forward to a healthy smoke-free life from now on
Sooooo.. been away from here for a long time and what a ridiculous time it has been with the pandemic. i see some of the ol' timers still here and not sure if folks will remember me, but I thought I'd pop in for an update.
The pandemic has been hard mentally, physically, and emotionally - I am sure everyone here has been strongly impacted. It's been a difficult time and just been trying to keep everything above water here, with myself and the kids. the last time I wrote, I was getting in a good space and everything was finally clicking and the pandemic has basically undone most of it. I feel like I am finally climbing out now out of just trying to cope and manage. Was about to dip my feet into the dating scene and then it all went south, so put all of those plans on hold.
In terms of the D and the ex - got my D papers done finally in Oct 2020 and that was a huge relief.
Ex's relationship with the dumba$$ imploded in Dec 2020 and she moved out and got a new place. A lot of drama as they had bought the house together and in Nov 2020 he proposed to her and she said yes. But then, some really horrific details came to light which impacted my kids, particularly my youngest D, and everything came to an end. I was a mess and so enraged at her and the whole situation, but I made sure to just be there for the kids and provide them with stability and safety. This is where exW's long string of terrible decisions came to an end and hopefully she's learned something from this. I can't even stand her anymore and keep my communications to a minimum and stay civil for the kids.
So on top of the pandemic, a lot of stress was inserted into mine and the kids lives and I feel like we're just coming to a good place now. I relapsed on the smoking and I'm just getting to a place where I feel like I have something in the tank to take it head-on. Feel like I've just become do mentally and emotionally brittle in the last year, but the gym is opening up soon and I plan to get back in that groove to get some sanity back.
I'll check out the other threads over time and see how things are. I see that J9 has also gone AWOL but I hope he's doing well with his doc lady - hey J, if you see this, come back and give us an update. I think I saw LH and AS around - well hope you guys are doing good.
Hi Maika. Great to hear from you! Glad you are doing well. I hear you about disliking your ex. I’m trying to like mine but he makes it tough sometimes. He’s borderline rude when I see him in person. It’s nothing he says, it’s just his energy towards me. It’s hard to explain but it feels like he has somehow turned things around in his mind so that I am the bad guy in our situation which is so the opposite to reality. But I guess one has got find a way to look in the mirror and that’s how he does it. No matter. You can still coparent with someone if you put your kids first. He spent years doing the opposite of that but he seems to be somewhat trying now. Ah well…
Sorry about the horrific details you mentioned. I hope your kids are okay and moving forward.
Fingers crossed you are able to get to the gym soon and kick the smoking habit for good. (((HUGS)))
I wasn't around here when you first started posting, but saw your update and read through your latest thread. Sorry if I'm going back two years now, but...
Originally Posted by Maika
ExW is already dating someone and they're going ahead full-steam with the blended situation. It's only been like 3 months but they both are moving ahead like their R is on a bullet train. lol. It's amusing to watch and a part of me is wary because if things don't work out, it will impact the kids. They see her bf and his kids regularly and it's a full on blended family. I am not surprised - exW has never been the patient type and the backstory on this guy makes me wonder if both of them are just trying to find someone and then stick with it come hell or high water.
This sounds very similar to my ExW. Moved OM2 in with her and the kids within a month of moving out with me. They've seemingly been a "happy family" since.
Originally Posted by Maika
I hope I am wrong and that this sticks and they can make it work. I know it's a strange thing to say as the LBS but I ain't taking her back so for her and kids sake, I hope it works out.
I'm definitely not there yet! LOL
Originally Posted by Maika
I am not out dating yet as I want the D papers to be done with - maybe I am a bit traditionalist at heart which goes right against what I just wrote about relationship models. Maybe I want to get the marriage 'over' by the books and then go see what's out there in candy land.
Same here. I purposefully waited until the D was completely finalized. Was a moral thing for me as well as the ability to tell my kids (someday if they ask) that I didn't do anything outside the marriage.
Originally Posted by Twofeet
I am only an outsider looking in, but from your description it sure seems like your XW and this guy are building a house on a very weak foundation. Like follows like, and they are both probably very needy or emotionally needed people just filling the gap. Her as a WW and him as a LBS. I guess you get to just set back and wait for the fireworks, but at the same time you are going to need to be the rock for your kids.
Originally Posted by Maika
Just found out that exW is looking for a house, potentially with the new squeeze. Things have moved at a rapid lightning pace, since it's like about half a year since they've been dating. They blended families in like a couple of months and now they're looking to buy a house together.
Kinda feels like a kick in the nut$.
My ego is feeling bruised and battered. I am also feeling that I am not able to provide everything for my kids - a house with a pool and a dog. Feeling a bit emasculated in this whole thing.
I know intellectually that this is all just my insecurities and me comparing things when I should be doing other things. Just feels like exW's replacement process of me is coming to a full circle. She's getting back to where she broke things off with me - the house with the pool minus the dog, which we would've eventually gotten.
Just wanted to put my thoughts out as I am feeling a bit down. I know I'll get past it, but it kinda $uck$ right now.
I just got an email two weeks ago ExW is buying a new house ("it'll be more room for me and the kids")...across the street from OM2's sister! I have the same feelings you did with the "drag and drop" / "full circle" life replacement of me and my family with OM2 & his.
Originally Posted by Maika
Sooooo.. been away from here for a long time and what a ridiculous time it has been with the pandemic. i see some of the ol' timers still here and not sure if folks will remember me, but I thought I'd pop in for an update.
Glad you came back! I think it's great when folks provide updates. I know many (myself included) learn a great deal from the experience.
Originally Posted by Maika
The pandemic has been hard mentally, physically, and emotionally - I am sure everyone here has been strongly impacted. It's been a difficult time and just been trying to keep everything above water here, with myself and the kids. the last time I wrote, I was getting in a good space and everything was finally clicking and the pandemic has basically undone most of it. I feel like I am finally climbing out now out of just trying to cope and manage. Was about to dip my feet into the dating scene and then it all went south, so put all of those plans on hold.
Sorry about the pandemic set back. It's been such a crazy year and a half for everyone. Glad to hear you're climbing out of it.
Originally Posted by Maika
In terms of the D and the ex - got my D papers done finally in Oct 2020 and that was a huge relief.
Must be good to have that settled, and help you continue to move forward.
Originally Posted by Maika
x's relationship with the dumba$$ imploded in Dec 2020 and she moved out and got a new place. A lot of drama as they had bought the house together and in Nov 2020 he proposed to her and she said yes. But then, some really horrific details came to light which impacted my kids, particularly my youngest D, and everything came to an end. I was a mess and so enraged at her and the whole situation, but I made sure to just be there for the kids and provide them with stability and safety. This is where exW's long string of terrible decisions came to an end and hopefully she's learned something from this. I can't even stand her anymore and keep my communications to a minimum and stay civil for the kids.
Interesting you went from meeting him early on to calling him "the dumba$$". Sounds like a lot transpired. You and others on here commented initially your Ex and him were building a house/life on a weak foundation, and based on your latest update that seems to have played out. I'm currently in the situation you were a year or two ago...my now ExW moved OM2 with the kids and dreamed of a new life with him almost immediately and is buying a new house across the street from his sister's place. So I'm extra curious to see what insights you have into the perception of their happy little family that broke down or . Also, how are your kids doing through all this? Sounds like sometime bad happen with your daughter? I'm sorry to hear they had to go through a lot.
If you have time and are willing, I'd appreciate you reading through my sitch and weighing in, in light of your similar experience. I wonder if me and my kids are a year or two behind you and your kids.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I guess my dislike for her wouldn't be this way if her actions had not done major harm to the kids. Recently, I see a different demeanor from her but I don't trust it just yet. Maybe she's turning things around and what happened is a major wake up call for her. But I need more time to see if this is really a real change or if it's just her way of keeping status quo. Time will tell.
Yes, the gym is coming soon and I'm putting in serious effort on the smoking. Hope things are well on your end.
