Did I miss something? Are you guys living together? When did that happen?
Originally Posted by kml
Shhhhhhh
????????????????????? Is this akin to "Do as I say not as I do?" Really been glossing over this "withheld information"
ugggggggg, it's so easy to give great advice, and you very often do KML, I'm just not sure you are good at following it - based on your track record. It clearly confounds things with CMM's condition but now I'm wondering if it's as big of a factor as I thought. Are you getting as much out of this R as you are putting in? It's one thing, at least in my mind, to be helping him through this but it's another level if he's moved in - and I think you know that, which is why you didn't want to tell us.
It's much easier to give the advice than to follow it - and I'm in that camp too, but it's still the case. Don't let this follow the same path as the last guy who was living double lives right under your nose.
Life is hard, that's for sure.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
He was not able to move in until alimony was done. Is a financial necessity now. Honestly if there was any other way that wouldn't end up with him on the street, I wouldn't have him living with me. His income is enough for him to pay his bills if he doesn't have to pay rent. Going to live with his estranged daughters is not an option and honestly, I wouldn't abandon him at this stage in his illness. I didn't expect him to live this long, he may have another decent year in him but barring some miracle new treatment not likely more than that. He buys groceries and cooks, I'm not subsidizing him financially except for providing a roof over his head.
Talking with my middle son tonight, who has had to take two weeks unpaid leave from his job due to physical and mental health issues. This means he’s going to need some financial help from both parents so he emailed his dad about this the other day. After a day of silence, ex responded to him that he was having a patient and personal crisis and would get back to him later. The next day ex says patient crisis has resolved but he’s still having personal crisis “but don’t worry I’m not terminally ill or anything”.
Ex can be maddeningly vague but it’s odd that he would admit to a personal crisis to his kids. He certainly wouldn’t admit to depression if he was depressed. We don’t have any reason to suspect his relationship with his wife has gone south (unless the idiot has started cheating on her too). And if he had a physical health issue, why not admit it? He’s had a few surgeries in the last couple years, shoulder x 2 and neck, not sure why he’d be coy about something health related.
And, of course, he hasn’t answered son’s “groveling” request that he split financial assistance with me.
Last edited by job; 10/25/1901:21 PM. Reason: edited a word for kml
he’s still having personal crisis “but don’t worry I’m not terminally ill or anything”.
Well - he has to build up the drama and angst first about how it's such a huge imposition
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well - you might be right Andrew but that hasn't been his M.O. in the past - more just slow to respond, then a lecture. It IS his M.O. that he hasn't answered the question yet. But it's odd for him to say he's having a personal crisis. This IS the child who was always closest to him, although not so much lately.
It's also odd that he said he didn't have a terminal illness or anything. Maybe he has some non-terminal illness that's bumming him out? Too personal to talk about, like prostate problems? Or maybe just a depressing diagnosis like psoriatic arthritis (which runs in his family) or heart disease (which would threaten his uber-athlete self concept)? Not sure why he wouldn't share the latter but who knows?
Saw him and his wife in June at son's graduation and everything with them seemed fine, she seems very happy with him and him her so I would be surprised if that's the source of trouble.
As for the patient crisis, when you're a surgeon, bad outcomes do occasionally happen even when you're really good, and it can be devastating, but sounds like whatever wa wrong resolved ok.
Who knows? Not my circus unless it affects my kids.
Well apparently the personal crisis just has to do with conflict with the CEO of a charity he’s involved with and “being in debt”. Son actually started to feel bad for a minute about his schooling putting dad in debt until I reminded him that I’M not in debt, I also spent about $50k more than ex in adult children AND make less than half as much money.
More information, ex is apparently suffering from medical problems that will make him unable to perform surgeries, will be taking early retirement in February (and then presumably working part-time in a non-surgical setting.) Still trying to decipher an email from him about how to help our middle child during this period of financial need, trying to get some clarity of what he's suggesting as he can be maddeningly indirect. However I think I have proposed a win/win to him, waiting to hear back.
I don't wish anything bad for ex and hope whatever his physical ailments are that it does not make him too depressed (he has always been extremely physical and exercise is his main antidepressant. Also he turns 60 in February, he didn't take turning 50 well, so I suspect that will be depressing him as well.)
Sitting in the hospital with CMM. He had a capsule camera test yesterday to try to identify the sources if his intermittent GI blood loss. ( you swallow a large capsule with a tiny capsule in it and it transmits photos of your small intestine). Unfortunately the camera got hung up in a small bowel obstruction and he’ll be having surgery later today to remove it and see what’s causing the obstruction. Not very likely to be a tumor given recent PET scan results but fingers crossed.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
