S19 has grown into a man who wants to take care of me (also cute). All he wants are home cooked dinners.
I am not saying that this is what is happening with S19 but it was a huge concern for me with D13. I looked up parentifying and saw a lot of warning signals D13 was doing and made sure they were stopped and that I was not contributing to it. Just something to think about not an accusation.
Parentifying
Turning your teen into your mate, friend, or equal is known as "parentifying" your child; this is also referred to as Emotional Incest or Surrogate Spouse Syndrome.
How the Surrogate Spouse Role Impacts a Child's Adult Relationships
This level of parent-child enmeshment fosters unhealthy dependence. The child who was trained so well to anticipate the needs of his parent will, without awareness or intervention, carry this trait into his adult relationships.
The doting son and later doting husband set himself up to be a doormat by pampering a partner who is happy to have a one-sided relationship.
I don't want to bust your chops, but Parentifying is very controversial in the field among psychological professionals. Are you one by chance?
kas my last post was not to accuse, and yes Parentifying is controversial, but I just wanted to share some of my own fears I have with my daughter. I believe in you kas and so do a lot of people here.
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I'm to blame of course. Work stinks today.
I had to laugh a little at that one because I could have written it myself. I was suppose to have my class lead announcements this morning but couldn't because I couldn't find the binder needed for it. D13 Chromebook was left at home and yes that was considered my fault as well. Jog-a-thon pledges were not turned in last week because I was gone on a field trip but that is no excuse, again my fault. Just another fantastic Monday. Funny thing though, I am not that bothered by any of it and am working to not make the same mistakes for tomorrow.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
kas my last post was not to accuse, and yes Parentifying is controversial, but I just wanted to share some of my own fears I have with my daughter. I believe in you kas and so do a lot of people here.
I didn't post that but the other thing that is controversial is parental alienation. WAH thinks I turned D17 against him but nope he did that all by himself. She's got a car, a phone, could have moved in with him, the whole nine. She has no problem lying to him or me. After we got close she started showing me all of the skeletons in her closet. Had NO idea how much she was hiding from me. If she wanted to see or talk to him she would. I have ZERO influence on her when it comes to WAH.
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I had to laugh a little at that one because I could have written it myself.
My day got worse. I didn't make this mistake but it took several of us 2 hours to fix it which means I haven't had time to fix the mistake I made. I was late getting home work and had nothing for dinner. I'll be okay until my boss wants a status report.
I had a traumatic childhood and as I heal I've noticed I miss WAH the most when I'm overwhelmed. I think this is a childhood wound that I've never healed.
I don't think I'm very good at adulting. Since he left I've gotten better but when too many "adult" things need to be done I want to cry because WAH isn't here to help me be an adult. Make sense?
So WAH bought me a new tire how nice. S19 is helping him move tonight. Got a text from S19 “did you mean to leave your jewelry here”. Hmmmm I cleaned the house out and he thinks I forgot my jewelry, the sole items sitting in what used to be our bedroom. Yes I meant to leave it there.
Back story: I haven’t worn jewelry in 6 years so yeah don’t need it.
the other thing that is controversial is parental alienation
This is definitely controversial because each situation is so different in divorce. I have seen and heard a 5 year old being coached how horrible their dad is and why it is alright to hate him. The mother even talked about how the dad should be feared because he might hurt you. This is completely wrong especially to do that to a 5 year old.
However, it is much more difficult when dealing with a much older child/teen. It would take a lot to convince me you are turning your much older teens against your WAH.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
I've noticed I miss WAH the most when I'm overwhelmed.
Same here. It's tricky to work out sometimes if it's healthy or unhealthy. I.e., am I wishing she were here to help because she usually helps with this, she's more skilled at this, or I feel incapable? The few remaining tasks I have not done in the 5 months since my partner left I definitely want basic proficiency at.
I've noticed I miss WAH the most when I'm overwhelmed.
Same here. It's tricky to work out sometimes if it's healthy or unhealthy. I.e., am I wishing she were here to help because she usually helps with this, she's more skilled at this, or I feel incapable? The few remaining tasks I have not done in the 5 months since my partner left I definitely want basic proficiency at.
CW the last time I had car trouble he threw a tantrum. Fine be that way I’ll fix my own car and I did. Vowed I’d never ask him to do a husbandly thing ever again and I haven’t. Pretty much stopped talking to him after that (3 months ago). So now he fixes my car? Sarcasm.
Had my DBT class tonight the verdict is they think I’m doing wonderful.
Moving has really set me back. My DBT instructor said yes but still thinks I'm doing great all things considering.
Friday I did great and then life hit. Unpacking, the finality of it all, S19s anxiety, D17 is upset, and my mood just dropped. Monday everything at work went wrong.
Tuesday was just Monday 2.0. Today I overslept, got screamed at by a school crossing guard, and I had to fight back the tears.
Then the pity party starts....sigh I will pull it together it's just hard.
