Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
C
CanBird Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
Married 7, together 11. Literally in limbo. H could be home anytime. Home before Christmas. This has been my reply when people ask about H. Last year he was done (work) for the season right about this time; before Halloween. The year previous was mid November. Anyone that knows us knows H is away at sea/work for long stretches. 6 months. Then he has 6 months off. So a lot of friends have been asking. Family hasn't asked me at all. Guess it's only a matter of time before they start texting.

Nothing new re H. D3 & I have been doing Halloween activities all weekend. Love this time of year. And we still have another week to go! Yippee!


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
Can

Due to your H Job and him being away, you can adjust the story as needed with anyone who asks

Like he is staying at sea longer/or another job came up for now- this year..especially since you dont have all the information yet

until you feel comfortable in sharing it--Its really up to you
perhaps it is best to keep the lid on it, so D or anyone else cant question you

So when the time comes, that you have information, and you feel secure in sharing this you will

and the time will come..when your h comes forward..it may be a while though-
so use this time to heal yourself..think about the financial aspect and make sure it is covered--
especially if he stops paying anything-

as for now..follow your heart..


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
C
CanBird Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
Thank you P. I like the idea of "writing my own script" until I know more. Great suggestions on what I could say, was think the same.

My FiL w contacted me via text, about us visiting. D3 & I will go. She asked if I've heard from H. I avoided answering directly and turned the conversation back to D3 & I. H can always join us if the mood strikes him.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
C
CanBird Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
I received an email from my father-in-law (yesterday evening, but opened it today) with our upcoming trip itinerary. I glanced over the date & times quickly, and text him that I got everything. SIX hours later, one small detail I overlooked and just noticed, 3 passengers traveling?!!? WHATTT?!?!? And there it is; H also has a ticket. We are all booked together. So approximately a month from now, for Thanksgiving, is when this is happening.

With this new information I feel two things; FIL booked H a ticket just in case, or maybe he actually got in touch with H? I always advise FIL & his wife, to get in touch with H directly, so who knows. The itineraries for the trip were emailed to H, myself, FIL & his wife. I have yet to hear anything news on H and the end of his seasonal work. Limbo time and this is normal due to weather. Definitely a different limbo for me.

What would you do? I'm playing 'dumb' at the moment. I mean, I didn't notice it right away, so who's to say I have to notice it at all? It's not until a month from now. Next month is also our 7th anniversary, and my birthday the following week. Then the turkey trip. Goodness.

What would you do? Any advice is welcome.


Last edited by CanBird; 10/30/19 06:34 AM.

~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
Can


Im not sure

Maybe play it as you are
You will know more in about a month or sooner-

Hang in


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
I would play it as you have been. You definitely will know more closer to the time of the trip. Keep the focus on you and your child.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 196
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 196
CanBird,

I agree with above advice. Play it like you have been, you should know more as the trip draws closer. Good luck!

WMLC

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
C
CanBird Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
Questions from friends about H, regarding is whereabouts. This past week was difficult when interacting with mutual friends. "So, have you heard from...when is he coming home?....Do you know where he is? Is he on the boat /in the water/on land packing up?" It was really hard to navigate around these questions. I did my best but I don't know if they bought my story.

I'm frustrated with not knowing what's up. Standing takes patience. I'm strong, but having moments of weakness as the days tic on. I know more will be revealed, but I feel like I'm running out of excuses as to why I don't know anything. It makes me sad/mad and a whole lot of other things. D3 hasn't asked about him as much, but she does & misses him. "I want my daddy home". Me too baby. Me too.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
C
CanBird Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
And my 2nd cousin, who's more like a nephew, and I'm not close to him, but close to his mom & grandma, is now asking to stay at our house (vacation) his girlfriend, in Feb/March. Ugh...

I just want to hid and deal with NOBODY.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
C
CanBird Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
I believe in following your gut; your intuition. And it's telling me "yes". BUT sleep on it.

It's not an emergency, but it's bothering me. In laws. Firstly, I love them bunches. I've been avoiding the questions about him, dodging as best I can. Now I'm at the point where I'm shutting off my phone. I'm afraid they may call! Then what?

FILs wife is asking me about H, texting me. She usually does more of the communicating, rather than FIL, and that's all good. I turned my phone off because I don't know what to tell them.

Regardless of H being in MLC, he's not the greatest communicator, but when nudged he usually will reply to his family, especially his dad. Half the year H works in remote areas where WiFi connections can get lost, but that's not always the reason connections get lost. I believe H doesn’t reply right away for one reason or another. Just like I'm not going to reply to my StepMIL. Love her bunches, but I'm having anxiety about talking facing my In-laws. Turkey Trip is lurking.

So, StepMIL texted they can't wait to see us....(see previous posts), and have I heard from H? They haven't heard from him in a while. Does H know they bought a ticket for him? They emailed him the trip info. I have no idea.

Question: Do I contact H and ask if he's able to contact this dad? Tell him, I'm not sure how to respond, when asked questions about you.

Any thoughts? Advice? I've got time on my side. My gut is telling me to do something. This iceberg needs to start moving.

Still Standing


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard