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phnix #2867926 10/10/19 09:27 PM
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I know but its because she is so selfish she blames me for telling the OM's wife about the messages. The OM's wife has shared them with people in the community and now its been the talk of the town.

She text me today that a student mentioned it to our son at school. She said our son just told the kid it was a rumor. My wife hasn't admitted it to our son and I haven't told him either, although he suspects it.

I just feel really bad for my son but my wife will blame me for this getting out.

I'm thinking fairly hard that one of my boundaries will be if she continues to be in contact with him everyday then I may have to file and try to move forward and heal.

Last edited by bballer1; 10/10/19 09:29 PM.
phnix #2867958 10/11/19 01:51 AM
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B,

I’m really sorry your son has to go through this it must be tough on him.

That sounds more like an ultimatum.

What if it’s every other day she contacts him?

phnix #2867964 10/11/19 03:44 AM
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BB,

How do you know they are in contact? If she's blatantly doing in your face, you will have to make a hard decision. If you are snooping stop. You don't need to snoop anymore for now. You have all the proof you need.

File when you are ready to file. You can't control her, and if you're filing to try and get through to her it will only backfire. But if you're filing to truly heal and gain some space from the destruction, I understand that as well.

Stop letting your WW blame you. Next time she blames you, strongly and directly say, "it was your choice to cheat".

If she says, "you told the OM wife, and if you wouldn't of, nobody would know. You say, "it was your choice to cheat". Don't get in a back and forth, or blame game with her.

If she says, the whole town knows because of you. You say, "It was your CHOICE to cheat". Stay it clear, concise, and with confidence. If she keeps trying to get you to take the blame walk off, if you are on the phone, say, "I'm hanging up now".

Those words and actions, SHOWS her that her blaming won't be tolerated.

I'm sorry your son has to go through this, but you have to be his shield and armor thru all of this.

Onward and upward

Joejoe


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
joejoe1 #2867983 10/11/19 12:41 PM
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I know she is in contact because they have meetings with their job at least 2 times a week. She is also a coordinator and he is the Principal. I've asked on several occasions if she spoke with him and she admits to speaking to him whether it is in a meeting or in passing down the halls.

She refuses to leave the job, ask for a transfer, and she admitted to still having feelings for him a couple of days ago.

Yes, if I file due to her working the job then that will be an ultimatum. However, it may be the only way I can fully heal and move forward. As I detach it drives her crazy and she becomes extremely jealous of me doing things alone or going out with friends.

phnix #2867987 10/11/19 01:25 PM
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B,

Why are you asking her if she is speaking to him? You know they are in contact and you know the A is probably still going on so why bring it up?

You're still trying to control her and you can't and it's frustrating you.

You still don't understand the difference between ultimatums and boundaries so that shows me you are not doing your homework.

You really only have two choices right now. To completely detach, gal and live for you and your son only. Meaning when she's home your either out alone or out with your son. You discuss only your son and finances with her and the rest of the time you treat her like a boarder in your house. Who gives a fuch if she gets jealous when you're of out? That's how cheaters think that everyone lies and cheats like they do. Plus she's most likely upset that she may be losing her plan b.

Second choice is to decide that you love and respect yourself too much to live in an open marriage and put up with this lack of respect and BS.

I don't think you're ready for number 2 so I suggest you go full board with option 1. If you're not around that she can't tell you what's going on with her affair.

I know this isn't easy but if you keep doing what you have been doing you will keep getting what you have been getting and that is one big $hit sandwich served on a platter daily.

Time to step it up!

Last edited by LH19; 10/11/19 01:26 PM.
joejoe1 #2867999 10/11/19 02:24 PM
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Originally Posted by joejoe1
Stop letting your WW blame you. Next time she blames you, strongly and directly say, "it was your choice to cheat".


Yes, I would also add "don't blame me for your horrible decisions" to that.

BB, your wife is one of the most disgusting waywards I've ever heard described here. A teacher having sex with a principal in a school full of children! That just absolutely turns my stomach. And she remains defiant in the face of getting caught, it just blows my mind. You can't treat this woman with kid gloves like you have been, that has got to stop. You are preventing her from hitting rock bottom and preventing yourself from detaching. Leave her be.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
phnix #2868003 10/11/19 03:01 PM
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I agree with LH. Maybe the only way is to remove myself and not even look at her. Stay away from the house and try to include my son in everything I do.

phnix #2868009 10/11/19 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by bballer1
Maybe the only way is to remove myself and not even look at her. Stay away from the house and try to include my son in everything I do.


There is no maybe's about it!!!!!

Joejoe01


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
phnix #2868240 10/14/19 05:25 PM
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Weekend went fairly well. She mentioned she may see a lawyer this week. I told her if that's what she wants to do then that would be her choice.

I am about to be super busy with coaching, as we start up our season. I will be wide open and not have much time for anything. Going to spend a lot of time at work and getting home late.

phnix #2868241 10/14/19 05:29 PM
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Sounds great on GAL!

I suggest you consult a lawyer too.

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