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A Message from Michele
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Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868013
10/11/19 04:20 PM
10/11/19 04:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,792
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,792
Canada
Originally Posted by kml
Make sure you have listed your beneficiaries properly on your retirement savings accounts. Don't be that divorced person who never took their spouse off. Putting your kids or other heirs on there simplifies matters greatly.
All very good points. I did find on my pensions that it took multiple attempts to have my ex removed so I examine the statements carefully every year.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868064
10/12/19 04:01 AM
10/12/19 04:01 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,095
K
kml Offline OP
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kml  Offline OP
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,095
Well today was my mother's funeral. It was a beautiful day and we had a lovely graveside service. My old high school friend who is a Catholic priest now did a lovely service. Because she was being buried in my old home town, several of my old school friends came. Two of my older cousins flew in from out of state. My best friend played guitar and sang. The son of my mom's best friend, who was like a cousin to us growing up, was there with his wife. My college boyfriend, who my mom let sleep on the couch one summer when he was broke, was there. All my siblings and their kids, and my one brother's grandkids were there. We had a nice luncheon/wake at a local restaurant after, a place we actually used to go as a family when we were young.

A difficult but lovely day. It felt really good to be surrounded by so much love and so many memories.

Unfortunately CMM has his panties in a bunch because an ex-boyfriend was there. Ex-boyfriend from FORTY-SIX years ago!!! Who has been nothing but a friend (like, talk maybe every 3-5 years) ever since.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. His OCPD gets pretty ridiculous at times, and frankly, today is my day to mourn with family and friends who knew her. I'm sorry he's upset but this possessive bullsh!t is, well, frankly bull.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868070
10/12/19 05:40 AM
10/12/19 05:40 AM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 151
Australia
D
devvo Offline
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Posts: 151
Australia
It sounds as though your mother's funeral was one done right - a time to remember the one who has passed and to reconnect with other loved ones.

CMM really does have some issues. It's up to him to decide how long he's going to make himself angry and miserable - and I'm glad you haven't bought into it all. Does he ever recognise the compassion and love you show consistently show him?


Me:55 H:55
S:22 S:20
M:24 T:26
BD:Aug 15
D:Sep 17
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868075
10/12/19 10:21 AM
10/12/19 10:21 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,168
G
Ginger1 Online
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Ginger1  Online
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,168
Iím so sorry for your loss and all youíve . Going through lately. Youíve been caring for everyone lately and holding it all together for everyone.

Do something for yourself, girl

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868078
10/12/19 10:34 AM
10/12/19 10:34 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,095
K
kml Offline OP
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kml  Offline OP
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,095
Devvo - yes, he does recognize all the care I give him. He's generally very grateful except when things bump into his Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder stuff - then he doesn't have any insight into how weird he's being.

G - yes it's time for what my bff calls Radical Self Care. And it may sound weird in the circumstances, but my sister, nieces, son and I are taking Monday off and going to Disneyland. (My sister is a big Disney nerd and always used to take the nieces and nephews when they were little).

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868090
10/12/19 02:16 PM
10/12/19 02:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,792
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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Canada
Originally Posted by kml
G - yes it's time for what my bff calls Radical Self Care. And it may sound weird in the circumstances, but my sister, nieces, son and I are taking Monday off and going to Disneyland. (My sister is a big Disney nerd and always used to take the nieces and nephews when they were little).
What a fabulous idea. Adding some joy and positive memories as a cap to the recent events.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868112
10/12/19 08:30 PM
10/12/19 08:30 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,620
Midwest
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DonH Offline
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Midwest
I LOVE all things Disney - even more so all things Universal, especially Florida. But I digress. You have done so well through all of this KML. I really have to wonder if CMM was not sick, potentially terminally so, would you be hanging around. You may well be correct about why he does what he does but please donít excuse it or explain it away. I donít know what Iíd do but likely the same as you. How do you break up with someone in this situation. Itís not like heís treating you terrible - Iím sure heís not. Iíll say it again he is sooooooo dang lucky to have you. Then again perhaps he does and thatís why heís so jealous.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868121
10/13/19 12:08 AM
10/13/19 12:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,935
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Posts: 2,935
Massachusetts
I'm so glad you're doing radical self care

you've been through a lot. time to focus on you for a bit

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868317
10/15/19 05:21 AM
10/15/19 05:21 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,095
K
kml Offline OP
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kml  Offline OP
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,095
Well, we went to Disneyland today (13 family members). The first ride we went on was the Jungle Cruise. The boats are made to look rustic, including some ďgraffitiĒ carved into the wood. In our boat, a heart with momís first name was prominently displayed at the front of the boat!!!

Later, CMM and I were on the Mark Twain paddle wheeler boat and on the music they played Red River Valley - a song that my friend sang at momís funeral.

Hi mom. smile

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2868323
10/15/19 01:33 PM
10/15/19 01:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,636
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,636
Southern Maryland
I am so glad you went to Disneyland. It is my favorite of all of them. I love the fact that your mom's name was prominently displaced at the front of the boat. All of you need this outing to help relieve the stress and reconnect once again.

It sounds to me like your mom was telling you that she was okay, i.e., especially after hearing the Red River Valley song.

Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself. You've had a lot going on in a very short time period.

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