I got lucky. I’m in a neighborhood filled with people who have lived here for decades.
This is where to focus. You wanted a low-crime, low-turnover neighborhood--and you got one! That's an achievement and will make life more pleasant for you and yours.
I've lived in high-crime neighborhoods. My kids only learn about them via books and films.
D17 went over there to visit the pets. WAH is drinking a lot, the bed he got reeks of smoke and he’s never home. D14 is there by herself living on fast food. He’s told her he’s going to quit his 2nd job soon. She’s lonely but ok. I haven’t seen her in a week and barely talk to her but that’s on me. She and I are in a power struggle and I have to see it through. She wants me to compete for her and I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to be that parent.
WAH is 54 years old. I triggered at the grocery store when I saw Metamucil (he’s got diverticulitis). The move has unsettled me. I’m tired and so I went back to bed today. I haven’t done that since he left. I don’t think I’m depressed but I need to be careful. It’s a slippery slope for sure.
You know the DB montra is to take the focus off your H and put it all on your children to assist them as they are also struggling through the process. You seem to be doing the opposite where all your focus is on your H and none of it is on your D14 who is at a critical age and needs your support. I think you need to revisit your priorities.
You know the DB montra is to take the focus off your H and put it all on your children to assist them as they are also struggling through the process. You seem to be doing the opposite where all your focus is on your H and none of it is on your D14 who is at a critical age and needs your support. I think you need to revisit your priorities.
Lot of I's in that last paragraph.
I’m not sure what to do about D14. Yes she’s my kid but I’m going to speak facts. She’s the baby, the gorgeous one, self absorbed, a mean girl. She won’t give me, WAH, or anyone the time of day unless she wants something or you have something to offer. D17 is nice to her (people pleaser) and D14 treats her like a servant, will make fun of her, will slam the door in her face.
I was so addicted to WAH that my attention was on him (still is as you can see). I got close to my kids after he left and that’s when I had to face these truths about my kids. Before I only saw what I wanted to see.
WAH is a pushover that’s how he became dubbed the nice one. I built a relationship with D17 and S19 in the 7 months he was gone. They chose me over nice him. Later I found out they didn’t think he was nice at all.
WAH doesn’t connect with people (avoidant) and when faced with the loss of his kids he focused on D14 because she can be bought. I tried reaching her but it was too little too late and I can’t compete with WAHs money. An hour after she moved in with WAH she realized her mistake. She now wants to switch with S19 but what she really wants is to go back to the way it was. Wants the comfort of a family with D17 being at her beck and call while continuing to have WAHs money (he gives her whatever she wants).
I said she can move back in with me but things won’t be the same. She’s since backed down and said everything is fine. It probably is since he’s giving her everything and I won’t. And this is where I’m at 7 days later.
I’m looking for a little compassion today. Yes I’m thinking about WAH too much because I just moved a week ago. I’m unpacking boxes that were in the attic. I know the drill get rid of everything that reminds me of him far far away from me. I’m broke and afraid to let anything go. Someone talk me down. Why do I need winter clothes that are 3 sizes too big? Had I thought about this I would gone through the clothes before I moved. I’ve already gotten rid of the summer clothes because they were huge and looked awful on me.
I packed them back up in bags to go in storage and as I type this I realize I need to let them go. Sigh. They are too big anyway right?
My husband of 28 years BD and walked out 7 months ago. I’m surrounded by ghosts packed in boxes and I’m feeling sorry for myself. The chaos, the lack of normalcy isn’t helping.
Today I feel like an alcoholic who has fallen off the wagon.
I know the drill get rid of everything that reminds me of him far far away from me.
I put mine in bags/boxes. Out of sight, out of mind. I figured 20 years from now some kid or grandkid may want to see that happy moment. It's only 10yrs later, and I'm already thinking of dusting off one or two photos. I know others who got joy out of tossing the lot. Whatever you need to get through this.
I’m surrounded by ghosts packed in boxes and I’m feeling sorry for myself.
If the environment is getting you down, could you change the scenery for a bit? I love going to the bookstore with my kids. $5 buys a venti drink you can split into water cups for everyone and you're surrounded by books, Wifi, and an upbeat atmosphere. Lots of windows with muted sunshine streaming in.
Sorry you're feeling down. Sending hugs back to you.
