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So glad you're enjoying the book - I knew it would be right up your alley.

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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Happy Wednesday all from a very sunny but chilly Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan.

I just discovered that you, AndrewP, were one of the main organizers of The Great Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan Rebellion of 2019. I understand your desire to have lower taxes and wooden sailing ships, and your longing to have Kanukistanese be the official language of Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan, but leading a rebellion is not the proper approach to resolving differences with your government.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
...and thank you as always to doodler for pointing out the unexpected potentials that lurk in the shrubberies. Perhaps a nice shrubbery placed beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.

I'm a mouth-breathing redneck and I can't read very well. After several hours of concentration I couldn't really decipher the Kanukistanese in the paragraph above, but if I understand correctly, you're asking me to move in with you (as roommates, not that other thing). I'd be happy to accept the offer as long as you do all of the cooking and cleaning. Thank you!

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
“Son, I will be cooking thanksgiving dinner this year. Will you be joining me?”

You can say this much to him, right?
I think I've got it covered by just stating that I'll be making Thanksgiving Supper on Sunday. If he had other plans, he would have told me. I'm pretty sure we're good but thanks.
Originally Posted by doodler
I just discovered that you, AndrewP, were one of the main organizers of The Great Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan Rebellion of 2019. I understand your desire to have lower taxes and wooden sailing ships, and your longing to have Kanukistanese be the official language of Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan, but leading a rebellion is not the proper approach to resolving differences with your government.
True story. My ancestors were originally from Scotland and emigrated to Venezuela in the 1820s. After a few years there, the colonial government had enough of the "drunken, idle Scotsmen" (this is well documented) and we ended up moving to Kanukistan as a buffer against a repeat of the tea abusing colonists attempted invasion of 1812. My D27 is currently in San Diego tracking US Navy fleet movements which are communicated back to headquarters via SnapChat in the form of interpretive dances done by her Canadian born cat in sunbeams.
As far as taxes go, I'd be fine with them being higher if necessary to run government programs such as protecting our strategic maple syrup reserves. I do perhaps pay more in taxes than you do, but I also don't worry about needing to pay for basic health care.
Originally Posted by doodler
I'd be happy to accept the offer as long as you do all of the cooking and cleaning. Thank you!
The real question - in the peanut butter cookies do you need added peanuts or are cashews appropriate to make them extra crunchy. Nuts will be added to the cookies and all members of the household enjoy them. Or else.

------------

I was going to wait until the weekend, but what the heck. Date report #3

We had fun. S's kids all were looming in the apartment window when we left so she gave them a cheery wave after we hugged hello. Her D18 was reported to have asked in horror - "did you kiss him in his car?" after date 2 when we must have been seen leaning towards each other. D18 is intensely curious, S17 is "meh" and S12 doesn't really have any real thoughts on us dating so I presume they are used to the idea of "Mom goes on dates".

We had a lovely walk along the community trail - about 4km in total. Slow because S's preference seemed to be to walk with her arm around my waist rather than hand in hand or briskly striding. Stopping, talking to and petting dogs was also a requirement. We stopped at a bench overlooking a bend in the river for a while to talk because just walking seemed to make the time go too fast.

All sorts of things were talked about with an emphasis on how we each lived our lives. I think she likes that I respect her opinions - when she'd say things like "the leaves are really red this year because of a cold snap" - I'd respond with "I didn't know that". Because - well - I didn't know that. I'm pretty sure she likes that I also respect what she's been through as a single mother for most of her adult life. It's been very tough by her reports and she also it seems has had a number of health issues related I think to car accidents where she was a passenger.

Her relationships with her ex's is strained but she keeps things up for the sake of the kids. She has no interest in turning back in those directions.

She did relate some funny stories about her dating experience, especially on how needy most of the men she's dated have been. And I suppose as a single mom with a herd of kids, that may be the sort she attracted. She said that more than one guy had suggested that she move in to take care of him and his kids by date #2. I'm not one of those wink

We had a nice dinner - I'd done some research on restaurants and food choices. S laughed when I suggested that the steak might be a good choice rather than a salad bowl of the three choices I knew of available to her when I added that it would probably be enough for her to take home for the next day too. She ordered the steak. And took half of it home. Which to me was only sensible. The restaurant gave huge portions and I was only able to finish a bit over 1/2 of my pasta.

We talked a bit about a light fixture she wants to install that she got at a second hand shop. I gave her some basic pointers such as what the wiring inside the fixture should look like apologizing for my "man-splaining" which made her laugh. Because of her back issues, she says she can't raise her hands above her head for long. And she doesn't own a step-ladder. I commented "I don't want to be rescuing you!" and said that she could borrow my ladder which made for a laugh. Current Vegas odds are on me installing the light at some point in the next few weeks but I did say that I had confidence in her and her kids that she could get it done. Actually based on some of the stories of her as a single mom, I really think that she could probably do anything she set her mind to. She doesn't have family close by in my area - lives up here because it's where her kids (mostly) grew up as part of the custody arrangement.

Dropped her off at her door - some rather intense and pleasant smooching good night. I could actually feel the rush of dopamine attempting to fire off limerence. She certainly does look prettier every time I see her. I found that with B as well too. It's good in that I do recognize it as a pretty much purely chemical thing I think. There certainly is a lot more compatibility here than with B. I do have to second guess myself though to think about if I'm glossing over things and making things seem live positive attributes which should be instead worrying.

She's off with family this weekend for Thanksgiving. We probably will go out again next Wednesday as that is S12's usual custody hand-off day. His dad has a habit of hanging out at her apartment for a while much to her annoyance to visit with the his two kids. D25 and S27(?) have a different father.

S also suggested that we do a movie night when some movies that I have on order arrive in November. I'm open to that idea. She also seemed to not be bothered at all when I mentioned that I was going to have lunch today with an old and co-incidentally female friend who I am buying Girl Guide cookies from.

To wear my cynical hat - which is necessary I think - I believe she knows exactly what she wants and is thinking that it might be me. I have always liked her - an advantage to knowing someone at least socially for several years. BUT - I don't want to be the rescuer even though I am good at it. I need someone who is capable of dealing with their own stuff. And more to the point, I don't actually "need" anyone.

Could I do "better" if I were to play the field more? Undoubtedly there are more solvent, more attractive, less encumbered with baggage women out there.

In the mean-time I have a life to live without fussing about what the future might bring. I do need to check with my car dealer to find out when it will mean a new car. It supposedly will be in the next week or so.


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I am glad that you and S are enjoying life in the "slow lane". Take the time to get to know her and make sure her words match her actions.

BTW, does she like cats?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted by job
I am glad that you and S are enjoying life in the "slow lane". Take the time to get to know her and make sure her words match her actions.

BTW, does she like cats?
Her cat is named Aslan and is a big ole marmalede.

Not so sure that I'm in the slow lane. Or even the driver's seat. But the view is nice.

I certainly agree that words need to match actions. There are still a fair amount that I need to learn. Just having known someone socially for several years isn't enough. There is also an uncertain amount of attendant baggage - I expect a fair amount of which I don't know.

A key thing is to try to figure out why at 51 she's not had any really long term relationship. She has put it down to making poor choices. In some ways I see parallels to Ginger's situation in that at a certain point, the cream of the pool of available candidates perhaps gets skimmed off and it's tough to find a "keeper". As a known quantity with not only mutual friends but her also knowing my kids and even my ex-wife to a certain extent, this is a lot less uncertain than the online dating thing - for both of us.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
She said that more than one guy had suggested that she move in to take care of him and his kids by date #2.

You've already cleared the date #2 hurdle. It's about time to ask her to plant her shrub next to yours.

[I may be a tea abusing colonist, by I'm proud of myself for learning some Kanukistanese.]

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Why hasn’t she really had long term relationships ?

I might be able to answer that for you. She’s married 3 times and not divorced. She’s spent a good amount of time married. And a lot of guys won’t date a woman who isn’t divorced yet.

She admits to living off of alimony/child support with 5 kids. Most guys aren’t keen to that.

She has 5 kids. Not many guys can handle that.

And these are things that should make you want to go super slow. She seems like a lovely person and dedicated mom. You guys enjoy doing stuff together. I think that’s great.

But when it boils down to long term partnership and commitment, ^^^^^ that stuff usually throws up a red flag and is a heavy load to carry.

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It's not the living off of child support and alimony that bothers me - its living off of alimony and child support and being too broke to afford a divorce. Either she's lying and there's another reason she's not divorced yet, or she's not willing to pick up part time work to better herself. Either should be a huge red flag.

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I agree with everything that Ginger and kml said; where we differ is strategy and tactics. (And, they don't understand Kanukistanese metaphor speak.)

I'm trying to get you to plant that shrub, and all of the dependent shrubs that come with the main shrub, as soon as possible. I think that's the quickest route to get you out doing what really really want to do, which is sailing around the world and experiencing the various cultures first-hand. You might even find some shrubs you really like.

Myself, I've already selected the prefect catamaran. It's the Xquisite X5 Sail. Now all I need is money. Minor detail.

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Originally Posted by doodler
Myself, I've already selected the prefect catamaran. It's the Xquisite X5 Sail. Now all I need is money. Minor detail.
Nah. All you need is some scrap lumber, hammer, nails and a Canadian 1989 Chevy Station Wagon.

Google "Miss Cindy Catamaran."


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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