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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I thought pumpkins were a root vegetable and it’s a squash.

Botanically squash is a fruit and not a vegetable. That distinction is extremely important and can impact the land speed velocity of terrestrial vehicles (mostly relativistic effects).

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G and doodler, technically you are both right. Pumpkin is a fruit and it is a squash. It is botanically in the same family with all squashes, melons and cucumbers (under the bigger umbrella known as cucurbits). I can send you a fascinating (at least to me since I wrote it) article all about pumpkins if you would like to learn more. LOL But seriously, pumpkin = fruit/squash.

Andrew, it sounds like the date went well, so good for you. Keep on keepin' on. In regards to how your S and D feel about you dating, maybe I see things from a different perspective since my daughters are not technically MY daughters, but once the "kids" get to adulthood, I would be less concerned about their thoughts on my dating. I don't mean I would ignore them or brush off any strong feelings they had either positive or negative, but I would concern myself with my own feelings about it first and foremost. Is there really even a need to discuss it with either of them until it is a serious relationship? You said your D finds it icky and your S seems pretty indifferent, though he did express that you shouldn't date this particular woman, which makes me wonder if you are really listening to them anyway. Several people suggested you have an open discussion and I guess I'm actually suggesting the opposite. Keep details to yourself unless they ask and until you are ready to get serious with someone. I didn't tell my girls every single date I went on. And, I didn't introduce them to Sparky until we'd been seeing each other regularly for about 6 months.

You love your kids. You are an excellent dad. You want to guide them and love them and be there for them and you are super supportive, all of which are wonderful things. At some point in your life, though, you have to learn to put yourself first. Your kids are not little kids anymore. They are adults. D is obviously more independent than S, but he's a grown man too. So, you should date without worrying what they think or how they feel about it. I understand that this is contrary to what most other people have said to you, but I just think it is time for you to be selfish and worry about Andrew instead of everyone else for a change. You aren't abandoning them if you do this.

That leads me to something else you posted the other day that really stuck out to me. You are worried about S and I get it. (By the way, if I already said any of this to you, I'm sorry for repeating myself. That is just what us old folks do.) You mentioned that he won't talk to you about anything and you feel like you are walking on egg shells around him in your own home. ANDREW JOHN DOE (I have no idea if that is your real name, but this phrase required a mother's tone using all 3 of your names to indicate the seriousness of it) STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! First, you compared living with your S to living with your XW. Ouch! Not good for anyone. And second, I get that is S's childhood home and you are trying to take care of him and love him and all that, but HE IS A GROWN-A$$ MAN and you, as the head of the household, and another grown-a$$ man should not feel like you can't do or say what you want in your own home for fear of upsetting him. That is the epitome of the tail wagging the dog. I am concerned for your son's well-being too because I know you worry about him and want him to succeed in life and anytime he doesn't, you will blame yourself. I worry about both of you. I will continue to pray for him and for you and send positive vibes toward both of you.


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Originally Posted by doodler
Andrew,

I agree with DnJ, it sounds like it was a very good date. Be sure to keep things slow and steady; I think you should wait at least two weeks before you have her move in with you. wink

One bone of contention that I have is that pumpkins are technically a fruit rather than a vegetable. That fact could be significant when calculating transit elapsed time to the festival. Keep that in mind when you do the comparative studies.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I thought pumpkins were a root vegetable and it’s a squash. My friends daughter is allergic to all things squash and pumpkin is one of them.

The date did sound good. Keep dating. No need to move anyone in anytime even remotely soon.

And I would find out if she is divorced.

And I’ve got a question. I’m Canada, if you cohabitate with your significant other, do you lose your spousal support?

You do here in US.
Originally Posted by Wikipedia
The word pumpkin originates from the word pepon, which is Greek for "large melon", something round and large.
Originally Posted by Random Internet Search
Botanically speaking, a fruit is a seed-bearing structure that develops from the ovary of a flowering plant, whereas vegetables are all other plant parts, such as roots, leaves and stems. ... This includes such botanical fruits as eggplants, bell peppers and tomatoes.
Certainly a less contentious bit of googling than I've had to do before.

And of course as I was typing this up our actual legitimate expert has given us the official answer.
Originally Posted by Dawn70
G and doodler, technically you are both right. Pumpkin is a fruit and it is a squash. It is botanically in the same family with all squashes, melons and cucumbers (under the bigger umbrella known as cucurbits). I can send you a fascinating (at least to me since I wrote it) article all about pumpkins if you would like to learn more. LOL But seriously, pumpkin = fruit/squash.
Well - there were perhaps large melons around, but I did work on keeping my eyes up on her stormy blue eyes. When we got to the fair as they were announcing the winners which as we walked by included "prettiest pumpkin". S wasn't even nominated frown

Ginger - I do believe that she is not divorced but has been living on her own with her kids for at least a couple of years now. I think that's more a function of not having spare cash for a lawyer than any other issue. By the sounds of it, her "ex" is a piece of work and probably doesn't have the cash for it either. It seems that there was a lot of deception on what she actually got herself into there. She admits that she jumped in to that far too fast after meeting him through POF. I don't think she's getting any spousal support but does get child support from a previous ex for her two youngest. I assume that continued through her last - and by her account - rather tumultuous marriage.

I do know that here at least, any support agreement would specify when support would be adjusted or terminated. In my own case I negotiated to keep paying my ex regardless of any change in either of our circumstances. As my lawyer pointed out, people lie and TBH I didn't want to have to play detective. It is probably "normal" to have it terminated upon co-habitation but I do recall discussions somewhere - perhaps on this forum - about spousal support continuing because OM was a dead-beat with no income so she still technically was entitled to support.

I hope you take this as a positive Ginger, but in some ways she reminds me of you. She told me a story of how she went on a "family vacation" many years ago to Disney with her 5 kids in her van along with her ex and his wife in another vehicle. So she gets along with the co-parenting thing fairly well despite any feelings about the other parent. She also, like me, and perhaps like you - self-identifies as a rescuer and admits that her last marriage was more about her wanting to be married than any real attraction to that specific man. Her marriages have all been brief I believe, her kids actually all go by her maiden name. She does think that her choices of men especially lately seem to be man-babys who are looking for someone to take care of them. I do think that she's dated a fair bit over the years as well and is perhaps a bit jaded about what's out there. I do think that she's rather proud of herself for going outside her comfort zone and initiating the conversations with me and I fully expect that she is wondering what sort of fatal flaw I may have.

As far as her moving in, S can't possibly move in this coming weekend as she's going to Ottawa to see her D25 and her new grand-baby so it would be a minimum of 2 weeks wink

She also has issues with her two youngest (17 and 12) who according to her have a veritable alphabet soup of attention and behavioral issues. She does expect the 17 year old to finish high school this year and move out to University. I did tell her last night as I was making supper that I only had 2 spare clean plates so that is undoubtedly a major limiting factor. She currently has S12, S17, D18, D18's boyfriend, their dog and her cat living with her (see rescuer comment). 2 plates wouldn't cut it. Nor would just 2 spare bedrooms.

I honestly have no clue of S would make a good partner. My stereo-type of a single mom is someone who is very capable in all sorts of ways having to do the mom-ing and the dad-ing both. She does indeed seem to be capable and I admire that. I do also know that she is easily distracted and perhaps doesn't finish what she starts. She doesn't have a steady income and I believe that she has never worked at a regular job of any sort for any amount of time. Her degree is in English with a Psychology minor. She had signed up for law school but that was derailed twice by getting pregnant. While when I started dating back in February I was looking for a partner then, I don't know that I am now so I'm not really measuring her against any of those metrics.

We have another date now planned for Wednesday after I'm done work to go out - weather and other issues permitting - and wander around some local hiking trails and probably have dinner.

I do expect her to continue to be a bit forward which I actually like. I suspect that she was startled when after a nice date 2 that I didn't go for a kiss which is perhaps why she planted one on me. On the other hand, I have to watch myself to not get drawn in to something - again - that is perhaps not a good idea which is what dating is supposed to be about in my mind. I do learn - sometimes slower than the events that overtake me - but I do learn.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
I do learn - sometimes slower than the events that overtake me - but I do learn.

I know all about that. It took me 16 years to figure out my last big blunder.

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Quote
She doesn't have a steady income and I believe that she has never worked at a regular job of any sort for any amount of time.


??? I understand, she's still mothering and all that, but if she's too broke to file for divorce she should be picking up a part time job to pay for that!

HUGE RED FLAGS BUDDY!!!!! Stop rescuing these damsels in distress.

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Originally Posted by kml
Quote
She doesn't have a steady income and I believe that she has never worked at a regular job of any sort for any amount of time.


??? I understand, she's still mothering and all that, but if she's too broke to file for divorce she should be picking up a part time job to pay for that!

HUGE RED FLAGS BUDDY!!!!! Stop rescuing these damsels in distress.
It is certainly a concern. She does have at least one part time job that I know of as a specialty baker - but was also thrilled to find $10 on the ground at the fair. She's quite tight with her money and budgets to the penny which is actually a green flag. The lady before this had her big financial goal to improve her credit enough to get a credit card again wink

She is I know worried about the future and how she will be supporting herself. I do know that she has numerous skills - but yeah - so does my S25 who sits on his butt. And while I do have the means to support another person, that's not really where I'd like to be spending that money. They can't all be doctors laugh

We'll see - still early days. And doodler has given me 3 more weeks before I have to have her move in laugh


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
We'll see - still early days. And doodler has given me 3 more weeks before I have to have her move in


Andrew,

The Las Vegas odds are that she'll be moving in with you sometime late next week. Her youngest children will be pulling the cats' tails and the older children will be trying to bum a doobie from your son. When everything begins to collapse, your only escape is crewseekers dot net.

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Originally Posted by doodler
and the older children will be trying to bum a doobie from your son.


OMG I think I just P'd my pants. Now THAT ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ was funny!


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Happy Wednesday all from a very sunny but chilly Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan. Lots of frost this morning. The day is turning delightful though.

Nothing of real note to report so feel free to pass on by unless you really care about my menu for Thanksgiving.

I got moving in decent time this morning despite working from home as I had an early morning checkup at the dentist. They don't hand out lollipops but I deserved one because my checkup was good. Which at 55 is a nice thing to have happen. S25 has talked about going to the dentist - for the first time in perhaps 10 years but is worried about the cost. I'd offered to pay when he first moved home but he passive-aggressively avoided it. The reason for the big gap despite the fact that I have good benefits is that his mother got annoyed at our dentist and then never got around to finding a new one which she kept saying that she would do but never did.

It was a bit slower moving this morning as kml's book suggestion - A Sailor of Austria - had me in it's grip last night. It's a very fun read - certainly in the style of the historical nautical fiction that I'm a fan of. Thanks kml again for the suggestion. I loved the scene on their first victory being the result of excess flatulence caused by expired cabbage. I am grateful that my local public library had a digital copy. Having far too little time to read, I did renew it. One of my goals for this coming weekend (Thanksgiving here) is to finish it. Library loans are for 2 weeks. I'm amazed at how much reading time I used to have years ago compared to now. But on the other hand - there was no internet then.

Being past the end of a quarter, I'm doing my regular backup of Google and Facebook data. Once that's done, I'm going to remove B's contact information. I have no reason to contact her outside of if her mother passes to send condolences (she's 92) - but it's unlikely that I'll hear about that. If I ever do need her contact information, I'll have to dig for it. My ex-wife's contact info is also similarly buried. Helps to prevent poor choices.

I wish B well with wherever the winds to blow her. I'm disappointed that it didn't work out for us. The cultural gap and how uncomfortable she seemed in my world, her unresolved issues with her S38 and her H, her dislike of this house and the cats combined with my refusal to part with them were all solid reasons why it didn't work. I'd thought about driving past her work this morning on my way back from the dentist to see if she was still there, but it slipped my mind and I never bothered. Undoubtedly for the best.

I think that this happened with prior women that I dated, but I had some hyper-realistic dreams of my ex-wife last night. Haven't had one of those in a while and perhaps the fact that things are moving along with S has triggered that. I was positive again that my ex was in the bed with me. I could hear her breathe, feel her stir. I even pushed myself awake and was sure she was there - until I reached out and there were only the cold, undisturbed quilt on the other side of the bed. My feelings were of annoyance that she was trying to sneak back into my life. I'm sure this "means something" psychologically. Even though I don't really feel it, there may well still be a deeper connection. It's now just under 1/2 my life that we spent together. Most of my adult life.

SIL1 is convinced that my ex's life is melting around her. She's been regularly posting on social media about being upset with her job. In a small village. And with her boss presumably still connected that way crazy crazy If there is any karma in this world it's that OM is now well within the blast radius of her and her drama. Without the decades of experience I had with it either. Given that she is living with OM in a subsidized apartment provided by her boss to help rescue just her - the number of poor choices here is beyond conception. But not my circus. I am surprised that he's stuck by her for this long in fact. He had been dominant in the relationship when I knew anything about it and presumably is still calling the shots.

Canadian Metric Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend. I pulled my duck out of the freezer last night to start thawing for Sunday. I have no idea if my ex will be doing a dinner and inviting S25. If memory serves, she hasn't since she left. I just continue along as if she doesn't exist. S25 I presume knows my plans but I'll mention it to him in passing. I have rhubarb and black currants set aside to make a pie. Much gluten will be consumed laugh I'm rather disappointed that D27 won't be joining us but it is what it is. We'll undoubtedly share vignettes of the day with each other. She will often do what she calls "Friends-Giving" on this weekend which always made her H happy as he gets turkey 3 months in a row. With him being at sea and her not having made friends in San Diego - I'm going to try to talk her into doing something for herself, but she may not. My menu is fresh buns, roast duck, mashed potatoes with mushroom gravy, boiled turnip and rhubarb and black currant pie for desert.

I do hope that history repeats and that I don't have to re-schedule / negotiate around dinner. She did arbitrarily take last Christmas day last year - communicated through our son and given how poor a planner she is, putting that forward at the last minute wouldn't be a surprise.

Things with S appear to be trundling along. Her communications are getting warmer each time as are mine at a slower rate. We're going to go for a ramble along a local hiking trail after I get off work and then out for dinner. There's a really nice restaurant that I know is gluten free up around the Beaver Valley which is very beautiful at this time of the year. I might suggest a road trip in a couple of weeks to that area for an afternoon of wandering about in the woods depending on her kid days. I believe she's alternate weekends with her youngest.

She doesn't appear to be barnacling herself to me and certainly not visa-versa at this point. I'm having lunch with a former colleague tomorrow who happens to be an attractive single woman of about 42. She's my girl-guide cookie supplier and an old friend. We'll see if that causes any jealousy - not that there would be any reason to be jealous. I do remember B being very uncomfortable about the number of female friends that I have.

On the other hand, I do get the feeling that this is moving rather fast. She hasn't asked me to fix her computer yet at least which is a sign to me that they are getting serious wink There may be smooching later though. Certainly nothing beyond that. Absolutely not ready to cross that line regardless of any temptation.

Well - on with my day. Thanks for riding along and thank you as always to doodler for pointing out the unexpected potentials that lurk in the shrubberies. Perhaps a nice shrubbery placed beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle. laugh


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“Son, I will be cooking thanksgiving dinner this year. Will you be joining me?”

You can say this much to him, right?

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