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A Message from Michele
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Flying solo and dropping the rope #2867562
10/07/19 05:35 PM
10/07/19 05:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado
T
Thornton Offline OP
Member
Thornton  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado


Me 43
He 43
D: 18
D: 12
T: 8 years

Bomb 5/10/2014
Back 7/7/2014

Bomb 2 1/28/2016
Back: 5/2016

Bomb 3 4/3/2017
She moved away with SD: 5/27/2017
Back: 8/1/2018

Bomb 4 9/11/2019
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867628
10/08/19 12:55 AM
10/08/19 12:55 AM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado
T
Thornton Offline OP
Member
Thornton  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado
I tried texting D12 today and told her I was thinking about her and that I loved her. She read the text immediately because I get a notification that she read it. No response. And D12 NEVER does that. She always responds immediately.

I sure hope W and her mother arenít coaching D12 to not respond to me. I hate this.


Me 43
He 43
D: 18
D: 12
T: 8 years

Bomb 5/10/2014
Back 7/7/2014

Bomb 2 1/28/2016
Back: 5/2016

Bomb 3 4/3/2017
She moved away with SD: 5/27/2017
Back: 8/1/2018

Bomb 4 9/11/2019
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867636
10/08/19 03:38 AM
10/08/19 03:38 AM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 713
J
Jim1234 Offline
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Jim1234  Offline
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J
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 713
If they are, there's nothing you can do about it. Keep texting D12, and let her know how much she is loved and how much you miss her. If this is the first time you've texted her since they moved out, you're very late. Text her more often. She needs to know you're still her dad, and she will, even if she can't respond. The truth will eventually come out. It totally stinks, but I wouldn't advise you to talk to XW about it.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867641
10/08/19 04:03 AM
10/08/19 04:03 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 128
R
rooskers Offline
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rooskers  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 128
Quote
Keep texting D12, and let her know how much she is loved and how much you miss her.


I have a D13 and I can tell you some things not to do as her mother has done this and it resulted in D13 blocking her texts.

Do not send pictures of yourself or your single adventures unless she asks for them. Do not make the texts about you or what you are doing until you establish a working dialogue with her. Do not send texts all the time but space them out as you would have normally talked to her before.

D13 says she would rather hear texts like "how was your day at school" or "can I help you with any school work" but don't make them too intrusive or in her words sound like a stalker like "I think of you all the time." She says keep the texts normal and make casual comments about something that might interest her. Fun emoji's with some of your texts can help you seem more relate-able but don't over do it.

If you want let me know and I can ask D13 more questions for you about what she likes.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867655
10/08/19 01:20 PM
10/08/19 01:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado
T
Thornton Offline OP
Member
Thornton  Offline OP
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T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado
Thanks, guys.

I guess I'm not particularly surprised that W and her mother are doing this. W's mother is a total narcissist and I suspect W has has many traits as well. What's funny is that right before W left she said she would not keep D12 from me and that D12 sees me as her father (I've raised her since she was 3).

I will keep reaching out to D12 to let her know I'm still here and love her but I will not expect any responses going forward. This is insane to me.

On the detachment front, W is actually helping me detach by showing how vindictive she can be. I don't want anything to do with her anymore.


Me 43
He 43
D: 18
D: 12
T: 8 years

Bomb 5/10/2014
Back 7/7/2014

Bomb 2 1/28/2016
Back: 5/2016

Bomb 3 4/3/2017
She moved away with SD: 5/27/2017
Back: 8/1/2018

Bomb 4 9/11/2019
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867656
10/08/19 01:39 PM
10/08/19 01:39 PM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 713
J
Jim1234 Offline
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Jim1234  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 713
Like rooskers said, you don't want to be stalkerish. He's got some good insights. Just leave the door for conversation open. D12 will know the truth, if not today, then eventually, and will appreciate your efforts. She'll probably never SAY that, but she will.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867872
10/10/19 02:08 PM
10/10/19 02:08 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado
T
Thornton Offline OP
Member
Thornton  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,455
Colorado
Not much new to report, I'm maintaining NC with W and focusing on work.

I'm starting to feel so angry. A lot of that anger is for my W, but I'm also angry with myself for allowing myself to be in this predicament again. I wish I had grown a spine before W starting coming back around the last time. I thought I had but she has a way of breaking me down with her tears and getting me to buy in to her BS promises and epiphanies. I won't make that mistake again.

I will continue to reach out to D12 even if she's been coached not to respond to me. I miss her so much.


Me 43
He 43
D: 18
D: 12
T: 8 years

Bomb 5/10/2014
Back 7/7/2014

Bomb 2 1/28/2016
Back: 5/2016

Bomb 3 4/3/2017
She moved away with SD: 5/27/2017
Back: 8/1/2018

Bomb 4 9/11/2019
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867912
10/10/19 07:29 PM
10/10/19 07:29 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,480
A
AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,480
Anger is one of the seven stages of grief recovery, it's normal! Don't fight it, let it happen. The fastest way to recovery is through, not around. Google "seven stages of grief recovery" if you're not familiar with the stages. It helped me early in my sitch because it's a way to recognize and identify the stages of what you're going through and to understand it's all a normal part of the process.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2867933
10/10/19 09:52 PM
10/10/19 09:52 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 736
K
kas99 Offline
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kas99  Offline
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 736
My D17 isn't talking to my WAH (her choice) and yes he came across as stalkerish for months. Tons of texts that she ignored. His texts were all about him "I miss you. I love you. I want a relationship with you." Those come across as selfish. I think he's backed it way down to just sporadic how was school, happy birthday, etc. She isn't answering and I didn't coach her.

D14 just moved in with him and I've heard from her once in 4 days.

For the moment I've come to accept that this is my new norm. Kids caught in the crossfire and everyone loses.

Re: Flying solo and dropping the rope [Re: Thornton] #2868056
10/11/19 10:24 PM
10/11/19 10:24 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 128
R
rooskers Offline
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rooskers  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 128
D13 and I both thought of you today.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
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