Well, the gravity of the visit to the in laws is hitting. I saw her yesterday and she cleaned up a bit and didn't look so strung out. I felt as if I miss her--first time this has hit me in quite some time.
Youngest kid does not like returning to W and threw 3 hour tantrums when going home with her on the past 3 visits. W blames me, of course.
No word yet if she has blasted her parents for allowing me to visit.
Spoke to a family member. W was livid about me visiting her parents and exploded on the children. Oldest is 8, and she said she won't repeat what she was told by her mom. W also continues to rewrite history and somehow things that happened after our separation have now become her convictions about why she left in the first place.
I thought she would be headed the right direction but the projection, lies and lack of introspect continue. I will do whatever it takes to make sure the children come out of this unharmed. But it is difficult when one party is doing so much damage.
Hamburg, I totally hear you about the kids suffering. For so long I thought H would see that and stop the insanity. That was seven years ago. You will not be able to get them out unharmed. You can only be the one they come to to bandage the wounds, and that will be a huge comfort to them. I am so sorry that is happening. But you just started this journey, I think you have years to go before your W comes out of things like rewriting history or spewing to justify her actions.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Been a while. Just checking in. Still awaiting W to make any changes to the decree. I assume she is hanging on to stay on my insurance benefits.
The kids are doing ok. They are starting to see the differences between she and I. It really puts them in a tough spot. They have opened up to a close friend of mine and really hold disdain for their mom. They're still working with a counselor and I plan on doing that for as long as possible. She continues to be distant from her parents and I am the only means of communication for them and the kids.
One thing has come to light. She is a narcissist. I pieced together behaviors from the past 10 years or so and it is now clear as day. I feel like a fool for not recognizing it earlier. I am not sure if any help will cure her of this, as personality disorders are tough to overcome. We will deal with it the best we can. ..
1) becoming self absorbed/narcissistic is a hallmark of MLC, so definitely try to separate that part. There are narcissists who have MLC and there are MLCers who become narcissists.
2) being a narcissist is not the same as a personality disorder. Reason I say this is that someone who is a narcissist may let that go through therapy and healing one day, but someone who has narcissistic personality the same) can not be “cured,” but they are pretty easy to spot.
For years, her siblings have been telling me things about her personality that I kept in separate buckets. Now, after piecing things together (from behaviors I noticed 15 years ago) I do believe she has NPD. Through the process of divorce and MLC, it magnified significantly.
Wow if that is the case it must have been very draining for you and the kids, I am so sorry. A true NPD is not capable of empathy or love, and I can imagine what it has been over the years, and yes they can have MLC and their pain level skyrockets.
Take care of yourself and your kids, you will all need recovery time.