Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Had a great IC session today.

We're now reducing to once a month - IC believes I've come such a long way since we started sessions at the end of May, and I seem content with all the changes I've been making. She is very pleased with my progress. She thinks I should be wrapped up before Christmas.
I've owned my mistakes and my past, analysed them, sorted them out, got help, and am becoming better, happier person. Massive boost today, helped me along.

The song Life Goes On by The Damned seems appropriate here:

"Life goes on and on and on
If you think it's all gone wrong,
Go on and on and on...
...And always remember
This is the happiest day of your life.
...Take your time
Who cares what fools say.
I don't mind,
'Cos this is my day -
I'll live it my way today."

I interpret those words to mean: when things are going really badly, just keep going. GAL basically. You do what makes you happy. And you'll be fine.

Next GAL activity lined up - as my side-line job is an orchestral percussionist, I have to play lots of instruments each their own idiosyncrancies of technique. One thing I've never got round to doing is learn how to play castanets properly - holdign a pair on each hand, for that real authentic sound (in an orchestra you usually play them attached to handles or mounted on a flat wooden board for ease). Well, I bought some *proper* pro castanets from Spain this week, in a really lovely brown-reddish wood. They'll arrive next week, and the guy I was emailing from the shop for advice has directed me to some excellent YouTube vids. Next time I have an important excerpt, I can impress the conductor and my colleagues with my newly found technique! That's the lovely thing about GAL - do anything, as long as it's positive!

A good day today! smile

Last edited by DaB35; 10/03/19 07:05 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Had to go to the house today to pick up some things (W was out).

Didn't feel like home. Didn't feel much emotion whilst I was there. Good sign that detaching has worked?


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,136
Likes: 19
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,136
Likes: 19
Itīs working DaB. Itīs a process and it needs time. Keep walking forward.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Forwards always.

I've actually been taken aback by how many people have said to me "It's her loss. She is missing out on being with the best version of you right now. We can see how much you've changed for the better in just a short space of time. She'll regret it." Makes me feel a little sad for her, but then I think "forwards".

Life goes on and on and on...


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Bit of advice needed please:

Text from W today.

One of our windows has shattered in the house - weirdly it's on the inside pane. So, it's not a break-in but more like a fault with the pane - perhaps the wood has expanded/contracted and the glass is apparently shattered evenly all over. Also our smoke alarms aren't working and the wiring needs checking.

W initially asked if I knew anything abotu the window. I replied about 30min later with a short "No, didn't know anything about that", acknowledged that it was "frustrating", and then said "I think the windows have their own separate warranty."

She replied about 8ish tonight saying "OK can I ask you to sort that out? I'm feelign completely overwhelmed at the mo and I'm going up to my parents tomorrow for a few days and signed off work for a bit so I won't be around to sort anything."

I haven't replied to this yet.

Her parents live about 200 miles away. She has been signed off work so many times in the last year.

I don't want to say "No, you sort it out," because it doesn't actually relate to the sale of the house. I'm happy to contact the people concerned, and then just make them come round on a day when I know she'll be working from home.

Do I validate how she's been "overwhelmed" and signed off work?

I'm a little annoyed at the situation - she's overwhelmed because normally, if things were all fine between us, I'd just sort this out anyway, and it'd be sorted within a few days and tradesmen would be booked to turn up to the house to fix everything in a timely manner. She seems to be struggling with day-to-day house stuff. Not sure why she needs to be signed off again.

I'm ok about contacting people and booking a time slot. That's it though - I'm not taking time out or booking leave off work to just drive up to the house to let the workmen in to do that they have to do. She can do that.

Help please smile


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Have taken my wedding ring off. Feels veyr strange as I had gotten used to wearing it. I might put it back on occasionally. I do miss W still, of course I do. But she has decided this and although it's not what I want I have to go with what she's chosen.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
Originally Posted by "DaB35"
Help please smile

I see your logic: this is house maintenance not related to the sale of the house, the house is a shared asset, and you're suggesting splitting the work 50/50--you book the workmen and she lets them in.

Sounds completely reasonable to me.

Last edited by CWarrior; 10/06/19 08:47 PM.
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Yes my thoughts exactly.

Should I validate how she's been overwhelmed and is taking time off work?

I have not replied to her text still. Should I respond once I've booked someone to come round to fix things?


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,308
Likes: 283
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,308
Likes: 283
Originally Posted by DaB35
Bit of advice needed please:

She replied about 8ish tonight saying "OK can I ask you to sort that out? I'm feelign completely overwhelmed at the mo and I'm going up to my parents tomorrow for a few days and signed off work for a bit so I won't be around to sort anything."

I haven't replied to this yet. Help please smile


Not up to speed on your sitch, but I would text:

H:"W, I believe it best if you sort it out."


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
R2C

OK, so you think I should push the whole thing back to her?
My only hesitation is that is nothing to do with selling the house. If we were together and everything was fine, we'd both be organising it anyway, and I'd call them after agreeing a time with her to be in etc.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard