Things have been going amazing. Like too good to be true - which definitely scares me because I am not the type to dive in and feel like this. Our personalities and past experiences just seem to clique so well and I really like him. I know time will tell all though but it’s hard to not feel that “high” or infatuation. I’m hoping it’s there to build a good foundation and not something that means dysfunction or heart ache.
It's okay to enjoy that infatuation so long as you are also keeping your wits about you and watching for the red flags. I hope he turns out to be everything he seems to be. You deserve a good guy.
Thanks KML. I really hope so. So far everything has been absolutely perfect. He’s calm, patient, intelligent, passionate, and believes in love and marriage. I just really like being around him and the feeling is mutual. I just have to give it time to really know who he is and vice versa. It’s really exciting but also scary. It’s so different to have passionate feelings at this stage of life because you are slowed down by children and day to day life Versus college when you just hang out with the person every second you get. We both would love time together and it’s just not there. I feel so lucky to have found him but I know that it’s early and anything can happen and reveal itself. On my end, I know myself and I know I’m a loyal and committed person and it seems like he appreciates and is looking for that. I’m a bit younger then him and he loves my look. So that feels good too. I do worry about guys loving me for who I am
What's that saying? Something like enjoying the present while preparing for the future? I think having the commitments we all have at our age is a good thing, in a way, because it's a natural means of slowing things down. Darlin' you've got the rest of your lives to enjoy discovering each other. It's so nice to read your updates !
Enjoy! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Love life - everything’s been absolutely incredible. Amazing chemistry and compatibility . I am really really happy. And I don’t believe I have ever had these feelings before. I feel head over heels and I have never felt that. Not even for my ex husband. And it’s mutual so it just feels amazing. We both want the same things. We talk about future. Of course, I know how these things can go. I know time is the true revealer of all. I know how early it is and what can happen in 6 months, 8 months, a year. So I’m trying to just enjoy and keep my eyes open. It’s scary being vulnerable and trusting someone. It’s scary having feelings like this that I know people will say are not real. Or are red flags. Having kids is definitely pacing us.
Work life - I feel burnt out. I haven’t been super happy or enthusiastic about my job. I’m not feeling engaged or motivated. I haven’t had a real vacation in a while. When I take off it’s to work my other job or take care of my son.
Family - I also feel burnt out. My son is not really outgrowing these sensory seeking, hyperactive behaviors. It’s at the point where my brother with kids avoids him around his younger kids. And that made me feel really sick because my son loves them so much and would give the shirt off his back to them. I struggle to keep my patience and I’ve been losing it. I hate my ex because he does so little. When he does have him he makes sure to tell me what a good boy he is being for him. But his mom takes him for like half the day usually after he takes him to an arcade or someplace easy that distracts him. So he doesn’t see. I love my son. I love kids. But I’m tired and his behaviors aren’t the norm and sometimes I just don’t want to wake up cause I can’t handle it. He gets services at school. But when he’s home for a vacation, it’s so hard. I don’t like yelling and I find myself yelling and I don’t like it. I feel like I have sought help so many times and it’s at the point where nothing nearby helps. The only thing that helped was this program with intensive work outs and I just can’t do the long drive anymore for it anymore. By the time I put him to bed I’m exhausted.
Ex - he’s the same. I can’t stand how he treated me. I’m really glad to not be with him in a relationship. He was just selfish to the extreme. Most of the people that come here to divorce busters are dealing with personality disordered partners - liars, addicts, thieves, cheaters. The type of people that would be in jail if their marriage contract was viewed by a judge on similar terms that a business or work contract was. I’m not sure what newcomers is like anymore - but I think it should be more geared towards wards empowering people to say good riddance to dysfunction instead of supporting them to “win” back their lying, abusive exes.
Things have been great with bf. I know it’s early and I know that time tells all. The things I like so far are that he really makes huge amounts of effort and that he’s really invested in me and in our relationship.
I think that should be the first on every one”s must have list . If the person your dating does not demonstrate that early on, I think they are just not into you enough and it’s just never gonna be great. I love CL’s term “spackle ”. I was a spackler- just covering up all the crap from guys that were not worthy.
My ex husband was never that into me early on. Actually told me when we first met “I will call you in 3 days”. Current bf can’t wait to talk to me and see me. Last boyfriend was so passive when he should have been assertive and inappropriately aggressive. Having now experienced someone that is just so enthusiastic and appreciative - I will never tolerate what i did. But I’m really hoping that this is it for me.
Sound like you are doing well. So happy for you. I am now remarried - so I am past the infatuation/limerance stage. Yet, we are still on perpetual honeymoon; even with all the financial woes, annoyances from xW, humdrum of daily life. The key is that we both entered into the relationship with the desire to give. I want to give to my new W. She wants to give to me. Even when it is not easy to do so. That is the basis for a stronger relationship.
Congratulations RAI! That is great news. Haven’t seen any of your recent posts.
I am definitely in that early stage of infatuation and limerace. I have never really experienced that before with someone. I know to keep myself grounded and to stay aware of red flags. It’s just he really does have every thing i have ever wanted in someone - and then tells me how he feels so lucky. It’s great because the feelings are deep and mutual. And we love getting to know each other and spending time with each other. I’m think we are older and have each experienced what we don’t want. We have both come from some people with serious dysfunction too, so I think we just appreciate how easy things have been. We have similar parenting styles, and we both communicate well with each other. He is super rational and I feel safe that he’s not the type to twist things on me if something does come up. Like he doesn’t have that need to be right or to function solely on his own regardless of my thoughts He just wants to make things work and to be part of a partnership.
I do worry though. Like what if it is just limerace for him? What if he likes me because He likes how I look and likes the excitement of new love and is attracted because of the attention he gets from me who is Also in limerace and then after 3 years starts to feel that way about a new girl that gives him attention? Thats my fears coming through though and something i guess I feel vulnerable about.
