or CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly!
Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching DISCOUNT
SAVE$30 -- 3-SESSIONS for ONLY $360
- valid until September 30

CALL 303-444-7004
or to order online at the Divorce Busting Store
use code SAVE$30

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867093
10/02/19 05:25 PM
10/02/19 05:25 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
P
phnix Offline OP
Member
phnix  Offline OP
Member
P
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
When we speak at night she wants to talk about her job situation and the OM's wife etc... I have been just listening and validating her feelings about her job. Should I listen at all or tell her I do not want to hear about it? Two nights ago she started talking about it and then walked away mad because she got angry that I told the OM's wife. The OM's wife has been spreading rumors and making life a living hell for her.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867105
10/02/19 08:04 PM
10/02/19 08:04 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,188
V
Vapo Offline
Member
Vapo  Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,188
Originally Posted by bballer1
When we speak at night she wants to talk about her job situation and the OM's wife etc... I have been just listening and validating her feelings about her job. Should I listen at all or tell her I do not want to hear about it? Two nights ago she started talking about it and then walked away mad because she got angry that I told the OM's wife. The OM's wife has been spreading rumors and making life a living hell for her.


What friggin rumors? It in not the truth? If she didn't fcuk OM, there would be no rumors to spread... Have some self respect dude. Walk away when she starts talking about it! Do not tell he you do not want to talk about it. Walk away! I would also give W the "Really W, really?!?" look.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: Vapo] #2867106
10/02/19 08:25 PM
10/02/19 08:25 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,034
A
AnotherStander Offline
Member
AnotherStander  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,034
Vapo beat me to it but I was going to ask what rumors could possibly be worse than the truth. Also agree with walking away whenever she brings up OM, OM's wife, OM's dog, OM's car, etc.

I'm a firm believe in tough love when dealing with a wayward, I don't know of a single case where someone was able to "nice" one back. You should be furious about her disrespectful behavior, I don't know how you can sit there and listen and validate when you know what she's been up to. It takes a unique kind of person to bang an affair partner in a school full of kids. The moment I found that out she would have come home to all her junk sitting out on the lawn, and I don't mean neatly boxed up either.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867107
10/02/19 08:35 PM
10/02/19 08:35 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,457
Missouruh
O
ovrrnbw Offline
Member
ovrrnbw  Offline
Member
O
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,457
Missouruh
She's being pretty disrespectful by getting mad at you over this. I'd look her in the eye and tell her it was her actions, not yours and walk the heck away.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

Married 4 years
Together 8 years

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867185
10/03/19 04:07 PM
10/03/19 04:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
P
phnix Offline OP
Member
phnix  Offline OP
Member
P
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
I'm getting there guys but it's taking some time. Operating from a very low self-esteem. I am slowly coming to realize how her actions have been extremely disrespectful to me. I have been moving forward and losing that attachment I have to her.

Planning things to do with my son and spending time with my friends on the golf course. Exercising daily hasn't been a problem as I did this already before this crisis.

I know that I can not "nice" her back. That has been my problem from day 1. I've allowed her to control and manipulate my every move.

Thanks for the advice.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867187
10/03/19 04:11 PM
10/03/19 04:11 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,457
Missouruh
O
ovrrnbw Offline
Member
ovrrnbw  Offline
Member
O
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,457
Missouruh
It takes time for all us, you're doing just fine.

I want you to tell us about yourself, what you do, what you do well, what you like about yourself and what people like about you. This low self esteem thing has to be a joke because I read all your posts and I don't get the impression that you are subpar in any way.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

Married 4 years
Together 8 years

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867190
10/03/19 04:35 PM
10/03/19 04:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
P
phnix Offline OP
Member
phnix  Offline OP
Member
P
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
Here it goes!

Been teaching and coaching for 17yrs.

My strengths are my work ethic and passion for the sports I coach. I am very good at coaching these sports due to my success and turning programs around to be successful.

What do I like about myself? Had to think hard on this one. Probably what I like most about myself is how I have influenced and changed the lives of several kids that I have been in contact with and continue to mentor. I also like the fact that I am in pretty good shape due to exercising most of my life.

I think that people like me due to being positive, listening to their conversation, and taking an interest in what they have to say.

There is a since of fulfillment when you have the opportunity to impact the lives of others. This should be my sole purpose outside of my family right now. I have that opportunity and there is no better since of worth than making another persons life better.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867314
10/04/19 04:59 PM
10/04/19 04:59 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,064
H
hoosjim Offline
Member
hoosjim  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,064
Quote
When we speak at night she wants to talk about her job situation and the OM's wife etc... I have been just listening and validating her feelings about her job. Should I listen at all or tell her I do not want to hear about it? Two nights ago she started talking about it and then walked away mad because she got angry that I told the OM's wife. The OM's wife has been spreading rumors and making life a living hell for her.


Hey bb-- Two things I would suggest you work on:

1) Detachment-- several good threads here on that. With the WW, it is particularly important. You are not there to be her butler, plumber, mechanic, shoulder to cry on, etc etc etc. She honestly shouldn't even still be living in the marital household. But, if she refuses to leave, you are not in any way required to comfort her, keep her company, or in fact do anything for her. She's a big girl and got herself into this mess. SHE has decided to end the marriage. SHE effectively did so the moment she slept with OM. That she is now living in your house is an unfortunate happenstance. Does that mean you treat her angrily and vindictively? No... you are above that... and above her. On matters where you must communicate, like joint bills or the like (though you should quickly be doing everything you can to separate these affairs, with the advice of a lawyer where appropriate), keep it as quick and as simple as possible. And you definitely don't need to be discussing OM and her OM-related troubles with her... just give her that "REALLY, ww?" look and walk off. Lots of good threads on detachment and interacting with WW's on her, particularly Sandi2s stuff-- read it. If you've already read it, READ IT AGAIN.

2) Yourself. What are you, BB, doing to improve yourself? To make yourself into a man only a fool would leave (AMOAFWL)? Do you have any hobbies, interests? If so, take them up again, expand on them. If you don't, find some? In fact, find some new ones even if you already have some well developed ones. Grow yourself. Get better. Fitness and Faith (if you are so inclined) are two excellent ones with lots of fringe benefits in terms of mindset and inner-peace and self-confidence (yes, you heard me right... self-confidence from religious faith-- if God is with you who can stand against you?) Maybe volunteer! It sounds like you are very active in coaching, which is a great avocation-- is there any way you can expand on that?But whichever, get out there and GAL! GAL and 180s (for the aspects of your life that need it) are the bedrock principle of DB-ing, and will serve you well whether or not you eventually end up reconciling with your W.

Hang in there, man, we're all rooting for you!!


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867894
10/10/19 05:33 PM
10/10/19 05:33 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
P
phnix Offline OP
Member
phnix  Offline OP
Member
P
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
Really tough this week trying to detach. The OM's wife sent her some text messages of their conversations and she read it out loud before I could remove myself. They were sexually explicit text and its been on my mind for the past couple of days.

Trying to keep myself busy so my mind doesn't think of those things. She continues to work and made the comment she would not be leaving before the end of the year.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2867896
10/10/19 05:59 PM
10/10/19 05:59 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,241
L
LH19 Online
Member
LH19  Online
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,241
B,

I think you have to start asking yourself why youre standing for someone who seems to continue to enjoy hurting you and has absolutely zero respect for you or your feelings.

Im really sorry you have to deal with this bs.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004