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A Message from Michele
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Re: Drowning [Re: 44tries2] #2866697
09/28/19 05:51 PM
09/28/19 05:51 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 123
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rooskers Offline
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rooskers  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 123
Quote
Wow, do multi-state road trips and national parks cause BDs?


I was suppose to go on a 10 day trip to Hawaii and visit the Volcano National Park but got hit with the BD couple weeks before. Sometimes I wonder if it is planned.

JO77 my XW had already contacted a lawyer and was going to proceed with divorce so I decided not to go on the trip and use that time to get all my affairs in order and contact my own lawyer. Your situation seems different than mine though. I feel like if possible it would be a great time to spend with just you and your children and give H the space he needs.

Last edited by rooskers; 09/28/19 05:57 PM.

1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: Drowning [Re: JO77] #2868740
10/18/19 01:31 PM
10/18/19 01:31 PM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 6
J
JO77 Offline OP
New Member
JO77  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 6
I havenít posted in a while. The vacation went as well as could be expected. We were with the kids 24/7 so no relationship/divorce talk until the last day when we were alone at breakfast. He brought it up, basically said everything he did the day he dropped the bomb. Isnít happy, we would be better apart, the kids will be fine. I camly stated that is not what I wanted but he had to make his own choice how to move forward. Itís truly like heís wanting me to tell him to leave so he has an out without the blame of leaving. I should mention on the trip he also brought up us moving back to his hometown in KY, wanted my opinion if I would move back and talked about us all going to his moms for Thanksgiving. Since that breakfast last Friday he has not brought up anything. He is short and clipped in his conversation with me. Iíve been staying busy not pursuing and not letting his grumpy behavior get to me. Itís as if heís trying very hard to engage me in a fight through passive aggressive behavior. The more I donít let his attitude effect me the more frustrated he gets.

My question is what do I do at this point? I donít bring up relationship talks and trying to stay busy when he is home. Is it just a waiting game at this point?

Jo77

Re: Drowning [Re: JO77] #2868749
10/18/19 01:53 PM
10/18/19 01:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,902
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,902
J077, we have a saying around here. The best thing to do in most cases is nothing. IT is difficult. Every fiber of our being screams to take action. Cadet likes to say (I think it is Cadet) that doing nothing IS doing something.

So yes it is waiting. game. Those that do best are those that can remain patient. Remember, he is going through his own stuff and is dealing with his own issues. So through your love for him be patient and let him work through and sort through all of that.

I know it is hard, as I've been there. Waiting is the hardest thing to do.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Drowning [Re: JO77] #2868800
10/18/19 07:10 PM
10/18/19 07:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,803
Colorado
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Ready2Change Offline
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Ready2Change  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,803
Colorado
Originally Posted by JO77
The more I donít let his attitude effect me the more frustrated he gets.
Perfect. Keep this up. Let him be frustrated.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: Drowning [Re: JO77] #2868812
10/18/19 09:19 PM
10/18/19 09:19 PM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 6
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JO77 Offline OP
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JO77  Offline OP
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Posts: 6
I know Iím not supposed to, but I just snooped through his computer😕 He has set up a PO Box that has his credit card bill and our rental property info going to. In his search history I found searches for divorces in Al, apartment listings, should I hide money in a divorce, and divorce before big bonus, etc. I know Iím not supposed to snoop, the open computer just got the best of me since heís giving me the silent treatment. A little side about some of his shady searches as that is not the man Iíve known for 20 years. But not surprised as he has turned I to a jerk the last two months and rewritten our history.

There are moments when I think we can ride this out and work on rebuilding our marriage down the road. The next thought is he will walk out next week.

I hate all this uncertainty! 😞

Tori

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