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phnix #2866582 09/27/19 04:27 PM
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Yestyerday was the hardest thing I have faced in this situation. I had to watch my wife interact with her boss at my sons football game yesterday. They were together in the concession stand for about 5 minutes and I was about to go over and knock his teeth out.

First off she worked the gate or volunteered to do so and I don't know why. Her best friend worked the gate as well. The friend that had an affair, divorced, and is now unhappily remarried. She worked the gate knowing his wife would come to the game. Is this arrogance or what? How can she be so cruel to this mans wife. I know she is running her mouth about the affair but don't people have some humility when they commit atrocities such as this.

She has been sleeping in the other room and is now back communicating with the OM. I know this because she goes into the room and closes the door like she did before the exposure. She has been ugly in her conversation and very short with me when I have to ask her questions about our children or the bills.

Guys, I am not sure I can take this much more. I may ask her to move out and I also may take my proof and expose it to the Superintendent of schools. The only hesitation is I know that my wife would lose her job. It's slowly beginning to not bother me as the OM and her job are the most important things in her life right now. She hasn't been remorseful at all and she has been focused on the fear of losing her job.

Truth is my son is witness to this crap as he was bothered with her going to his office everyday at the end of the school year and spending 2 hours in his office with the door closed. It infuriates me to know this is going on in front of him. The Principal created a job for her and its the only job in the county. We have 2 other middle schools that do not have this position. The job was created to give her more time off during the day and require her to be there until 4:30 everyday instead of leaving at 3:30.

I really hate this for my son as some other kid will eventually say something to him.

phnix #2866583 09/27/19 04:30 PM
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By the way this is a serious ethical violation and if proven will cause both of them to lose their certification and never be able to teach again. Not sure I can sit by and allow this to be rubbed in my face any longer.

I guess I could always wait until the OM's spouse is done with her divorce.

Last edited by bballer1; 09/27/19 04:31 PM.
phnix #2866599 09/27/19 06:25 PM
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B,

I highly suggest that you don’t contribute her losing her job. I will not change your situation and more then likely make matters worse.

She’s rubbing it in your face because you’re allowing her to rub it in your face. I would 100 percent ask her to move out. I would pack all her $hit in the master bedroom and move it into the guest room or garage. Have you spoke to a lawyer?

She doesn’t respect you so you need to take actions to command respect.

phnix #2866603 09/27/19 06:38 PM
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Agee with LH. And hate is an unhealthy feeling. Use that energy to detach. Get into amoafwl. Be there for your kids.

Keep DBing man! Time and patience!

Respect!


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
phnix #2866615 09/27/19 08:01 PM
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I also agree with LH and Neffer. Let cooler heads prevail here! Scorched earth policy never does anything except offer some temporary gratification. It'll likely end up hurting you in the long run because you will be faced with divorcing a jobless wife that has no job prospects. With most states being "no fault" divorce these days, the court will make you responsible for her support.


Originally Posted by bballer1
I may ask her to move out


You can ask her but you can't force her to. If she doesn't move out, then what? Figure out your plan B, if it's pursuing S or D yourself then consult with a lawyer and start getting prepared.

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and I also may take my proof and expose it to the Superintendent of schools. The only hesitation is I know that my wife would lose her job. It's slowly beginning to not bother me as the OM and her job are the most important things in her life right now. She hasn't been remorseful at all and she has been focused on the fear of losing her job.


OK so try and picture what will happen if you do expose her and she does lose her job. You will be the focus of 100% of her rage and anger. Everything great and small will be your fault. She might make it her mission to make you as miserable as possible. If you think things are terse now then just wait. Personally I think you should go out to the garage, find your heaviest hammer and smash your thumb with it. You'll get over that a lot faster.

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I really hate this for my son as some other kid will eventually say something to him.


I'd say that's far more likely to happen if you expose them. THEN it will be the "big scandal" that everyone is talking about. It may seem obvious to you but it's probably not to anyone else right now.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
phnix #2866623 09/27/19 08:55 PM
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I have been in your situation, I cannot testify from the other side, but playing it cool and eating it up didn’t cause any issues outside of myself at the tine . Be the person you want to be , be strong as a man and endure , it will pay dividends, but at the end of the day it’s up to you . You can do this , show strength and compassion

phnix #2866628 09/27/19 10:10 PM
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If I had nothing to lose I would have beat OM badly. But it wasn't worth it for me. It probably isn't for you either bballer. Time for you to detach further. Tell her to pack her stuff and leave. I wouldn't be afraid to out her either, but going to the school superintendent as a big deal. Maybe hold tight on that.

Gotta get that respect back my man!


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
ovrrnbw #2866652 09/28/19 03:41 AM
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Carried my son and his middle school coach to a game tonight. We had a blast. The W didn’t complain and it gave her time to chat with her adulterous lover.

Once I got home she was on her phone off course. She came into my room and I told her she needed to go to her room I told her I did not agree with her talking to the OM in my house. I also told her that if she was going to talk to him in our house then she needed to pack her bags and find somewhere else to live. I am tired of being disrespected in my own home.

Tomorrow I have a golf tournament and my son will spend the day with me. Don’t really care what she does. Need to keep this mindset going forward but it’s very hard to do.

phnix #2866653 09/28/19 03:43 AM
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By the way I didn’t allow her to argue about the fact she was still talking to the other man. All she could do is say Ok and walk out. Proof in her actions but I know it in my heart. Too many lies up to this point.

phnix #2866656 09/28/19 07:04 AM
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B,

Have you read up on boundaries? Do you know the difference between and ultimatum and a boundary? So you kind of gave her an ultimatum that really isn’t enforceable that in turn makes you look weak. So let’s assume when you go to the golf tournament tomorrow she texts OM from your house. Is she going move out?

I know this $hit is tough but you need really need to get a game plan together and take consistent actions. Right now you’re all over the place and flying by the seat of your pants. Have you spoke to a lawyer?

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