SJohn (SAM), always so happy to see you stop in. Don't apologize for not giving advice. I always look to see if you posted; I just want you to say hi or give me a hug!
KML and Job, thank you so much for stopping by and weighing in.
I had to go back to court today, for H's emergency measure. It was so awful and in the end the judge denied H's whole emergency motion but told me H couldn't come home but I had to give him $2500 to pay his rent for this month. She wouldn't even look at my bank account to see that there is nothing in it. And if I don't pay H, he will show up on the 1st and try to get in. My L said to call the cops and have him arrested but honestly I would rather put the money on a CC than risk my kids having to witness that.
But I realized that I am facing a triumvirate of evil, and for this reason I am really sad tonight about what the next year might hold.
The triumvirate -- H, for obvious reasons. As you say, backed into a corner, loathes me with a passion, totally delusional. For example, uses the very same bank statements I use to show we make less than our bills to say that we make triple what we make on rentals. There will be a list of deposits on the statement, and he will use that as the total we are making on our rentals without seeing which are transfers from our savings or from my personal account (wages). His lawyer will just scream about it, my lawyer will counter with the truth and then the court attorney will tell them both to shut up. When I ask my L why they are allowed to lie, he says that it is this way until trial and we have to go to trial to be able to prove anything.
Part two of triumvirate -- H's L. This man is an ambulance chaser and pure evil. Even his voice would make your skin crawl, and he fights like a middle school bully. We met a couple of lawyer friends of my L today and he was telling them about H's L, I have a rude nickname for him, and they were laughing, they said, "Oh I went against a guy like that, we called him the Motion Man because he is endlessly filing motions to milk his hours, and never wants to settle." Then it turned out that it was the same man! He is apparently known for representing dead beat dads.
Part three of triumvirate of evil -- the judge. Before we were assigned a judge, I heard that I would be fine with my case being so clear unless we got this particular judge. And I got her. She has never been married, has no kids and is known to be very lazy, won't read any documents or listen to anything unless you have a specialist -- e.g., nothing about the kids unless you have an attorney for the kids, won't listen about money unless you hired a forensics analyst to analyze your finances. Today was a totally frivolous motion and more screaming and nonsense all from H's L, she even told him she would deny the motion and he insisted on being heard. And yet once we were on record, she yelled at all of us for wasting the court's time and told us she would order a trial date at the end of this month. She looked right at me and said, "I told you at the beginning of this not to become those people who do this, who waste all their money and time instead of settling. Well, guess what, you became those people." She has never even heard any of the details of what happened, she does not care why I fought for custody and she doesn't care about anything that H has done or about his lack of support or adultery or not working or anything. She just wants us to divide the asset and sign the papers.
I realized that I am pretty screwed because of the triumvirate. My goal has been to take 6 months to raise my credit score and then I will be able to refi. And I have told them I won't sell the house before the summer anyway as I will not move my kids during the school year. I have written here many times about my kids having special needs -- my son is in particular really struggling and has severe anxiety and school refusal issues and moving midyear would destroy him. And then I wanted to take child support as a lump sum off the top of the asset because of H's history of non payment and so I would never have to deal with him again on a financial level. But apparently the judge is extremely unlikely to order that and now H is refusing to consider that in a settlement. So there is not really any point in going to trial as far as I can tell; the judge will only order the houses to be sold and pay off the debt and then split it. She does not care about the story or anything else and my state is no fault, and this is the least caring judge in a no fault state. So I thought, okay, I will settle based on what is the most likely outcome of a trial. But my H's L WANTS to go to trial, even if he knows there is no point, because he knows he can charge a lot for the hours. So I don't know if they will settle no matter what I offer. I am getting deposed this month and will have to take off work AGAIN to be brutalized by these horrible people.
Friends, I am SO TIRED.
So tonight I am feeling so hopeless about seeing an end to this any time soon.
Last edited by Gerda; 09/27/1901:39 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: Gerda's Prayer Takes the Form of Angels
#2866545 09/27/1901:48 AM09/27/1901:48 AM
Great job! Yes, we have to force ourselves to “think” rationally about the fears. I am so happy for you that it worked.
I agree with the others - H is showing his true colours. And his lawyer pleading to just please settle this - yeah they see what’s up. My XW’s lawyer wasn’t too eager to represent her again for the actual divorce. He just wanted her out of his office.
H is one angry sounding guy. Yikes! His behaviours, not willing to get a job, yelling, and so on, are getting himself painted into a corner. He has taken lots of rope and is wrapping around his negotiating neck. You are doing really fine. Keep staying calm and leaving your emotions out of this. Remember - “Bravery” and “Just Business”. I know the legalities of this look weird, and seen to be a waste taxpayer money, however trust there are reasons for the extraordinarily long due process H is getting.
What are you writing on the calendar for October 23rd?
I will also add that H is desperate; and desperate people do desperate things. Stay sharp and on top of your assets and finances. And not to be a fear monger; do watch your’s and the kids safety.
I am more than a bit curious as to what is going to happen on October 1 with H’s stuff in storage. Only a few days away. Ah, whatever, time will tell what he does.
With slippered foot firmly planted in interlocked fingers - What are your (fearless) plans for the next few weeks?
Current Me52 XW49 S23 S21 S19 D18
Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15 M26 T29 Dec 9/17-Legal Separation Oct 3/18-W Files Apr 6/19-Divorced
I may give up, but not today.
Re: Gerda's Prayer Takes the Form of Angels
#2866546 09/27/1902:02 AM09/27/1902:02 AM
Last edited by job; 09/28/1904:21 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.