Well legally it is her house so she entitled to live there until she’s off the deed.
As for the talk I’m not sure what you are trying to accomplish with the talk? Can you explain?
I feel I'm ready to be done with all this as it looks like this is a long term affair, maybe 2+ years. I feel that she's looking to be gone once the S is out of the house, since shes BD'd once my S said he wasn't going into the army (now he's going air force in November) and I believe that stop her plan to leave in July ( my daughter told me that about 3 years ago, W said if we divorced, it would be once they were both out of the house.)
So if she's really done with us, I'm ready for divorce.
My question is that if she's against divorce and wants to continue things how they are, living here a few days a week and with the the rest, do I let her know then that I know of him and this can't continue? ( I'm not trying to kick her out of the home we both own).
I’m in a similar situation. As hard and as scary as it is, you need to tell her you won’t live like this anymore. I would do this ASAP, depending on when your son leaves. Why should she get to come home whenever she wants, get what she wants and needs from you her home, then take off with the OM whenever she wants?! It will either be a wake up call for her or it will allow you to move forward without her. Either way is better than sharing her with another man.
It will either be a wake up call for her or it will allow you to move forward without her. Either way is better than sharing her with another man.
Kinda how I feel. But, if it's a wakeup call and says she wants to work on the marriage, I then I have to figure out how to trust her again. My fear with that is I've read several sitch's on here when there's reconciliation and years down the road it happens again. I don't think I could take all this pain again.
Well Ricky you can’t force her to stop seeing him. All you can do is let her know you know what’s going on. Let her know that you won’t live in an open marriage. If she chooses not to end it then you file for divorce. Just so you know the entire process usually takes a year or so.
Well Ricky you can’t force her to stop seeing him. All you can do is let her know you know what’s going on. Let her know that you won’t live in an open marriage. If she chooses not to end it then you file for divorce. Just so you know the entire process usually takes a year or so.
I'm hoping she won't be a witch about it and we can do an uncontested divorce. It'll get her to her OM sooner. I don't have the funds for a full on contested d. Uncontested is a flat fee of $650-850 and can be complete in around 30-45 days.
House gets sold, equity split, no minor kids, each have separate bills. She can have what ever she wants out of the house, I have no attachment to any of it.
Just discuss with that I want to hold off doing anything until S is gone
I'd leave this out. She's going to take it the wrong way.
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I won’t bring up the OM, as I thing that’ll take any talk in a bad direction.
If you're going to bring up separation/divorce, I'd state it point blank. "I'm divorcing you because you are a cheater and have been involved with Mr. OM for some time. I didn't think you had betrayal in you but I was wrong". Hand her papers, turn and walk away. Focus on getting through this. This would be a strong approach.
I think this is a great opportunity for you to take the initiative in your situation. I think it puts your W on her heels. She may not care too much. She may hurt a little, but be relieved. Who knows, who cares?
Your son will be able to handle this. I was 16 when my parents broke the news to us. I was very upset. But I had the best summer of my life that year because I was 16 and had good friends and this whole amazing world to explore.
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( my daughter told me that about 3 years ago, W said if we divorced, it would be once they were both out of the house.)
I imagine if your W said that to your daughter 3 years ago, she already had OM in the works for some time.
I don't have a good feeling about this Rick, which is why I advise you to take the approach that keeps your respect and shows you are strong enough to get through anything.
Anyways, more awesome weather, hope you are getting out before the days get too short.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Ovrrnbw, thanks for all the input. I'm not concrete on how I want to handle it right now, just trying g to come clear with all my options so I have a clear path to follow when the time's right. With bringing up the her infidelity with OM, I believe you're right that it needs to be raised if/when it gets to divorce/separation.
And yes, weathers been beautiful, just using it to complete some outdoor projects before it gets cold.
So, I'm still considering going with the separation/divorce route, I just don't want to do it until i'm absolutely sure that's the way I want to go as once it goes there, there's no coming back.
Whats stopping me is that I've been told as well as read on other sitch's that these things need time to play them selves out (W's EA/PA). I confirmed the OM about 2 weeks ago( she doesn't know I know). The bomb was dropped on me almost 3 months ago, and with her cutting off sex about 2-1/2 years ago(always had some physical/illness excuse) and that being about the same time she was laid off from the job that the OM works at. I believe this affair has been going on for a long time.
How much more time should I allow for this to play out? I feel that if its been going on this long, it may be more than just an affair. I believe the 4 night a week that she said she was staying with a friend, its been with him and its been like that since the BD. I believe thew only reason she's still at home is because my son doesn't leave until November.
I know that whether I bring up divorce/separation now or she does after my S is gone, it takes us to the same end.
Could it work out better if I initiate it before she does?
So, I'm still considering going with the separation/divorce route, I just don't want to do it until i'm absolutely sure that's the way I want to go as once it goes there, there's no coming back.
Rick, I don't buy this. I had 'ways back' for 3yrs after I divorced my ex-wife. Unless you mean you'd consider her if she changed now, but you wouldn't consider her if she changed after you filed for divorce.
Originally Posted by "Rick71"
Could it work out better if I initiate it before she does?
It certainly sounds like an easier story to live with. "I discovered she was cheating, and she found out when I served her with divorce papers and said 'I won't be married to someone who sleeps with others on the side.'" vs "I discovered she was in an affair. I could accept that, but when my son left, she left."
Originally Posted by "Rick71"
Uncontested is a flat fee of $650-850 and can be complete in around 30-45 days.
It’s highly unlikely if you initiate D that it changes anything. If your hunch is true and the A has been going on for that long she will likely D you when son leaves. I would let her do all the dirty work and just start planning a life for post D.
