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kas99 #2865966 09/20/19 09:04 PM
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He planned this for years. Sold our house, paid off all our debts, I got a job and he stashed 20k that I can't touch. His D plan was executed brilliantly and the amount he's offering now is the same number I agreed to on May 2nd. He hired an attorney and it was all systems go.

He's been dreaming of getting rid of me for YEARS so what's the holdup? He could have been divorced by now.

I'm stumped.

kas99 #2865967 09/20/19 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by "kas99"
His D plan was executed brilliantly

Hi Kas,

You sound like you're spinning--focusing on him being brilliant or stupid, hating or not caring about your actions. Hopefully you're on-track with your attorney to getting alimony/support by October 31st.

Originally Posted by "kas99"
He's been dreaming of getting rid of me for YEARS so what's the holdup?

With my ex-wife, my dreams were fulfilled as soon as I moved out with my kids. My dreams didn't involve judges. What does that get me? It was only when my dates got serious that I cared about it. Penalties can be imposed for unnecessary delays. If you feel you need the divorce completed quicker, if you need that to move on, your attorney can probably make it happen. It's still not Fast Food fast, but it can move steadily.

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You sound like you're spinning--focusing on him being brilliant or stupid, hating or not caring about your actions. Hopefully you're on-track with your attorney to getting alimony/support by October 31st.


I like to ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. Just last night D17 and S19 told me I ask stupid questions (true). My coworker says it's insecurity. It's probably because I'm trying to control the outcome. Learning to lean into uncertainty is a struggle for me but I am making progress.

I just sent my attorney the financial disclosure a week ago. It's all good and even if it's not WAH will pay the minimum. He will provide for his kids and I will work with that.

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With my ex-wife, my dreams were fulfilled as soon as I moved out with my kids. My dreams didn't involve judges. What does that get me? It was only when my dates got serious that I cared about it.


I can see this. If you don't mind me asking how soon did you file after you moved out?

Last edited by kas99; 09/20/19 09:59 PM.
kas99 #2865975 09/20/19 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by "Kas99"
I can see this. If you don't mind me asking how soon did you file after you moved out?

I filed 3 days after deciding on divorce. Serving her was how I announced the divorce. Within 30 days we had an agreement and me and the kids were out! Finishing it? Years. After all, we had a working agreement, so I didn't care much about, "There's an Exhibit A and C, but not a B. Please re-letter and re-submit." or "Please also attach a form 8086 that confirms your children's identities with social security numbers."

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kas99 #2865977 09/20/19 11:11 PM
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In retrospect, maybe she wouldn't have messaged me for years if I'd given her the closure of divorce earlier. After getting away from her, minimizing her discomfort wasn't on my mind for a spell.

I remember a year after I filed she saw me with someone and initially sent angry e-mails about how I was sleeping with someone while married, and then happy ones that I'd found someone who could give me what she never could. Both messages felt bizarre, given the long separation, and it was just a casual thing.

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In retrospect, maybe she wouldn't have messaged me for years if I'd given her the closure of divorce earlier. After getting away from her, minimizing her discomfort wasn't on my mind for a spell.


She hadn't read DB because if she had she would have gone dark. lol I'm grateful I got closure without the D. I knew if he moved us it was over.

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I remember a year after I filed she saw me with someone and initially sent angry e-mails about how I was sleeping with someone while married, and then happy ones that I'd found someone who could give me what she never could. Both messages felt bizarre, given the long separation, and it was just a casual thing.


That is bizarre but I get it. She still wanted you back. I'm thinking anger then she took it back by being happy for you.

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I filed 3 days after deciding on divorce. Serving her was how I announced the divorce. Within 30 days we had an agreement and me and the kids were out! Finishing it? Years.


Why did you wait so long to finish the D? The woman who teaches my DBT class moved out and didn't file for 3 years. She says she wanted him to file but he never did (no kids). She filed after she met someone.

kas99 #2865981 09/20/19 11:53 PM
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Originally Posted by "kas99"
Why did you wait so long to finish the D? She filed after she met someone.

I know many single parents--meeting someone serious is commonly why we complete a divorce! Before that it's like.. why bother? So many higher items on the ToDo list--work, kids, dating, travel, etc.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/20/19 11:54 PM.
kas99 #2865982 09/21/19 12:11 AM
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Originally Posted by "Kas99"
She hadn't read DB because if she had she would have gone dark. lol I'm grateful I got closure without the D. I knew if he moved us it was over.

I think she went more "dark" than many here. I checked my e-mails.. I BD'd her in Jan---got 2 e-mails in Feb, 1 in Mar, 2 in Apr.. the silence continued until Sep. That's when she began sending 1-2 messages per week. I never read any. Based on the titles she apologized, entered therapy, wondered why I wouldn't even talk to her. I'm aghast. My heart must have been really hardened at that point.

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I know many single parents--meeting someone serious is commonly why we complete a divorce! Before that it's like.. why bother? So many higher items on the ToDo list--work, kids, dating, travel, etc.


Seems cruel to the LBS. I guess that's why so many times the LBS has to file. They get sick of being some sort of Plan B.

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