You did the right thing, 44. It’s all a ploy to keep you there just in case.
My W isn’t even talking to me which has truly blown my mind considering how this has played out.
She dropped the bomb and I didn’t freak out or chase her at all. I haven’t reached out or called either. I’m simply say hi to her when I get home from work and goodnight when I go to bed. That’s it.
But she has painted a picture in her mind about me (just like all the previous times she’s left) that firmly places her in the victim role. She then uses that mentality to leave and become a “survivor” which is kind of comical to me considering there was no blow up or anything like that. It’s downright silly.
Thanks for the encouragement, guys. Really makes me feel better. It is SO hard to say no to the communication because like you said, Thornton, your W isn't talking to you. It feels better to still get random messages than nothing at all. But you are right, it is just keeping me on the line. I am trying to drop the rope as fast as possible. I am sticking to my guns. Her birthday is Monday...that is going to be really hard.
Goods news, the therapist called me back and I am REALLY excited because I think she is going to be a great fit. Bad news is she's going on vacation next week and is very booked in general so couldn't give me a confirmed appt until Oct 14th! She said there is a good chance someone will cancel and I can go the week before. Still a long wait and I thought about trying someone else, but I feel really good about her and have waited this long so, so be it. It kind of freaked me out though, I had to provide all my W's info including SSN for insurance purposes. I have not discussed this with her at all, so it made me feel like I was going behind her back. But they are my benefits as a military spouse so I'm not sure what she could say about it. Someone tell me if I'm doing something wrong there.
Thornton, I know it all too well man. There is just nothing you can do about that and she is on her own growth path. She just isn't there yet to be able to see that dynamic. You are doing the right thing and fighting in the right direction.
44 I am so sorry this has happened to you. My XW put me through living hell the first time she had an affair. The second time she told me ILYBNILWY I knew that for my own emotional, physical, and mental health I had to completely let her go. I came from the point that I needed to protect myself and my D. To do that I needed to believe in my heart and soul that it was over and work to improve everything about my life with no thought that I am doing it to win back XW. What I have found is that I truly believe I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them and if I can't get that then they don't deserve me. I continue to work on me for me and if for some reason down the road the XW believes she made a mistake and has worked on improving herself as much as I am working on improving me then I might consider trying to reestablish a connection. It would be difficult because I am completely detaching for my own sanity.
Reading through what you wrote I would say by my definition of love, she has none for you. Not only does she not love you but she has no respect for you. You deserve love and respect.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Appreciate your thoughts, rooskers; really. Everyone here helps to get me to see really clearly her lack of respect. That's the thing, no matter if she may try at times and keep going while the road is fairly easy, she doesn't take care of the MR. She treats it like she has no responsibility and whatever will be will be. Doesn't care to draw a line and act like a married woman. Everything is at her own convenience and the whim of her feelings. I don't think she understands that her lack of true commitment and treating the MR like trash is the reason she feels the way she does. She wonders desperately why her feelings just aren't there; well how can you have strong feelings about something you value as much as a piece of dirt? And I have enabled it by allowing it to go on. But BD came because I fought for it. Maybe I didn't do the best job and should have been stronger, but I made it clear I could not go on with this treatment. Not being able to trust her, not feeling valued, I could not take it anymore. So her response was BD. Cool.
Today is not good. Somehow woke up crying and haven't stopped. I know this rollercoaster all too well. W lasted about 4 hours yesterday before I got another text after telling her I need space. Of course the bills just had to be paid right then. I took her bank info to set up payment on a new card and simply said it was done. Then she sends a message "I will respect what you said but I am sorry I cannot not check on you. Please let me know what you need or what I can do." This is referring to the fact that my grandfather will pass any time now. I did not respond. But I wanted to scream, "uh yeah you could be a W that isn't walking out on me AGAIN, on the eve of my grandfather's death that you knew was coming". God, I'm so angry you guys.
