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kas99 #2865546 09/17/19 02:05 AM
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Makes sense. My partner gives her ex 30 days’ notice, but only because that’s in her settlement agreement. She would otherwise tell him when it impacts him, e.g., when she actually moves.

If you have equal custody of any kids, the school district change may be worth considering announcing. I have primary custody so don’t know the legal requirements for those with more equal custody.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/17/19 02:12 AM.
kas99 #2865547 09/17/19 02:28 AM
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A quick Google says your legal requirements may include consulting him or even obtaining his consent for a school district change, unless he’s agree to give you primary custody. Your L would know your local requirements.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/17/19 02:31 AM.
Traveler #2865549 09/17/19 03:26 AM
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
A quick Google says your legal requirements may include consulting him or even obtaining his consent for a school district change, unless he’s agree to give you primary custody. Your L would know your local requirements.


Ok he knows it’s not in the district and he is getting primary custody of D14. I can’t afford a house in this district and I don’t think he can either. He hoped I found a unicorn which would solve the school problem. He also hoped I could take the pets too. He’s delusional. He financially ruined me and my sad house doesn’t allow pets. My budget means D14 goes to a different school. Period.

Last edited by kas99; 09/17/19 03:29 AM.
kas99 #2865550 09/17/19 03:45 AM
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Cool, Kas! Glad to hear (minus financial ruin) you’ve cleared the potential headaches.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/17/19 03:46 AM.
kas99 #2865563 09/17/19 12:24 PM
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As soon as D14 knew I had a house she rushed to tell him. See in the good school district there is one cheap place to live, an apartment complex. That's where he was going to live until D14 started bugging him. In kid logic if I can afford a house he should be able to as well. True if he goes outside the district. I'm hearing he's considering using idiots address. I couldn't lie like that but that's me.

I'm not going to live in that apartment complex because it's not safe. I also have to play the long game. Moving costs money and I need to be somewhere I can stay permanently. There is nothing wrong with the other school and quite frankly I didn't choose this.

He also has another problem. D14 won't live at that apartment complex which means she will pick me. He's already lost one daughter and can't bear to lose another. He's looking at one house and there is only one within reach but it's more than he want to spend.

Last edited by kas99; 09/17/19 12:32 PM.
kas99 #2865579 09/17/19 02:25 PM
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Let me change some words and clarify.

We were in the rich end of town and that is ending. The other school reflects that. The original plan was he was going to live in those apartments to keep D14 in the same school. I was going to live in the apartments across the street (different school district but safer). Since we were both living in apartments we were on equal footing. They both suck.

People at work convinced me that apartments were overpriced (for what you get) and that I should rent a house. Everyone assisted in the search. I end up finding one for the same price as the apartment. It's not much bigger and it's old but it's a house. D14 has chosen to live with WAH but hates those apartments. She was okay with it until I got a house. Now she wants him to get one too.

He's looked at this one house in the district (another ugly old house) but D14 hasn't quite yet accepted that her princess days are over so she didn't want to live there either.

D14 now would rather live in that house (since I got one) than the apartments but I suspect it's not what he wanted (too expensive) so he was counting on her to veto it which she did. He didn't expect me to get a house so now I'm not sure what he will do. My guess is he will get the house.

I know people here have called me out for saying "losing a kid" and it's true those are not the correct words. Teenagers vote with their feet. If D14 lives with me he won't see her much not unlike it is now. D17 is presently not speaking to him so he's kinda clinging to D14. Unlike WAH I have a pretty good idea how this will play out. If D14 lives with him she will get lonely (he works a lot) so she will end up with me 50% of the time (same with S19).

The reverse will not happen with the kid who chooses to live with me. S19 made that observation last week. He said it makes sense to visit me but not him. The biggest mistake WAH made was moving out. I got closer to the kids and he got further away. We were both further away but I got to fix it. He didn't. I've worked on myself in the past 6 months. He hasn't. From what the kids say he hasn't changed and that's not a good thing.

kas99 #2865580 09/17/19 02:30 PM
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Originally Posted by "Kas99"
The biggest mistake WAH made was moving out.

Agreed, moving away from the kids for 6+ months was a huge mistake if he wanted a strong relationship with them. When I moved out, my kids came with me. It's hard to fathom being away from a D14 so long.


Last edited by CWarrior; 09/17/19 02:30 PM.
Traveler #2865584 09/17/19 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by "Kas99"
The biggest mistake WAH made was moving out.

Agreed, moving away from the kids for 6+ months was a huge mistake if he wanted a strong relationship with them. When I moved out, my kids came with me. It's hard to fathom being away from a D14 so long.



Okay you have to laugh with me on this. Laughing is better than crying right?

He imagined himself more central to the family (specifically me) than he really was. I was supposed to fall apart like I usually do when he leaves. That was the script in his head so if that happened he'd get to rush in and be the hero saving his kids from the misery of living with their mentally ill mother. S19 told me this. Eventually I'd be the one to leave (you know because I can't cope) and he'd get to live happily ever after just him and the kids while I rot somewhere in a mental institution (kidding).

Just like every other script in his head this one didn't quite go down like he thought it would. I started taking this AD and within days the depression lifted so instead of falling apart I rose from the ashes like a phoenix. I got stronger and he got left behind. He hasn't given up though he's fighting to gain some ground but you're right 6+ months is a long time.

kas99 #2865586 09/17/19 03:09 PM
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We are renting a house now from basically a slum lord type company. The houses are nice but like a roach hotel people go in but they don't come out. I knew this before we moved in so I had a plan in place for when we did eventually leave. WAH left so I had no time to implement my plan.

What they do is they ding you for all these repairs charging you thousands when you try to leave. The single owner of the house that I'm renting says this is a big money maker for rental companies. My plan was to have a stash of cash to handle this, be prepared to go to court, or both. Bottom line is we won't win.

Yesterday the rental company came to do a pre walk through you know to tell us how to optimize our chances of getting our deposit back (never going to happen). S19 is upset with me because I didn't bend over backwards to clean (I'm packing) before this guy showed up. I told him I'm one person and if he wanted the house clean he could clean it. S19 said WAH was working 2 jobs (am I supposed to feel bad for that??) I said I would clean as much as I could before I moved out but the rest would be on WAH.

So and this is funny this guy does the walk through, doesn't care about the mess (I predicted this) nope he goes for the big stuff. Says we need to mulch, fix the fence, report shingles being loose, wants all the scuff marks removed, he even said I needed to wash the front door oh and we need to repaint. The list went on and on. It's a total scam. S19 keeps telling me I need to at least minimize the amount we have to pay to get out. I can't get him to understand it's like a carnival game. The game is rigged and we can't win. This could be coming from WAH who also doesn't understand because I'm the researcher who handles the money.

kas99 #2865589 09/17/19 03:37 PM
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Last edited by job; 09/17/19 05:27 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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