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A Message from Michele
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Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865553
09/17/19 07:45 AM
09/17/19 07:45 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,188
V
Vapo Offline
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Vapo  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,188

Originally Posted by bballer1
Wow! What a day for her. The big boss told them to stay away from each other unless they have a meeting. The OMís wife called her and she said some really nasty things to upset her. She also stated she had a lawyer and the evidence would cost them their jobs and possibly their careers.

Iíd really hate this for my wife and our family. Maybe it was a mistake to tell the OMís wife. My wife was angry and continues to blame me. I tried to get her to leave our bed but she refused. I need her out and it will help me somewhat with moving forward.

Someone said earlier that exposure is like fireworks and it seems to be the case. Just craziness around here right now.


Maybe telling OM's wife was a mistake? Hell, you have been told so from many of us. Now your W is pissed at you for the stuff she did. She found a scapegoat in you. And as a added bonus, she is united with OM in her internal movie US vs. THE WORLD.

Now butt out from her affairs (pun intended). Not your monkey, not your circus. The more you mettle, the more you will catch heat. You have your own growing to do. Get your a$$ in gear and let her be. You cannot do anything to help her or your situation, but you sure as heII can make matters worse.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865565
09/17/19 01:07 PM
09/17/19 01:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,034
A
AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,034
^^^Yup^^^ All you can do now is put as much distance between you and your W as possible. It's all her mess to deal with.

By the way, do you have a lawyer? If not get one. Explain everything to them and ask for advice. Your W could be out a job and career very soon, if D is inevitable then you may want to pursue it sooner rather than later because divorcing an employed W is going to be a lot gentler on your finances then divorcing someone who has no job and maybe no career.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865567
09/17/19 01:14 PM
09/17/19 01:14 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
Yes Iíve already received advice from a lawyer. I think Iím fine due to the evidence I have etc... I have retained one anyways just in case. He is one of the best in our area.

My wife isnít going anywhere and for some reason if wanting to keep me as a backup plan I guess. As I move forward she gets angrier that Iím not falling at her feet and trying to constantly comfort her.

Iím thinking it will take a lot of patience for this to play out.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865574
09/17/19 01:47 PM
09/17/19 01:47 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,090
San Antonio, Texas
J
joejoe1 Offline
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joejoe1  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,090
San Antonio, Texas
BB,

Are you willing to be her backup plan? Have you set your boundaries? What do you want for yourself and your future?

Your WW is on a long path of self reflection. Get out of her way!!!! She's wants sympathy, poor her!

Her new lines, "I made a mistake"
"My life is ruined"
"Why did you tell his Wife, you didn't have to tell her"
"I'm not a bad person"
"Stop treating me like a criminal, everyone is treating me like a criminal"

Get out of her way! All those terms above is from a person looking to be rescue from the DESTRUCTION SHE HAS CAUSED. Now SHE has to deal with the CONSEQUENCES. It's not your job to RESCUE HER. It's your job to validate and be the light tower.

Validation:

"I made a mistake, it was a mistake" You, "no comment, no need to validate or say a word"
"My life is ruined, you ruined my life by telling his wife". You, "no comment, no need to validate or say a word"
"Why did you tell his Wife, you didn't have to tell her" You (If you want to be honest, "because she asked me and could no longer live with this lie.) No comments after that.
"I'm not a bad person" You, "you are not a bad person"
"Stop treating me like a criminal, everyone is treating me like a criminal" You, "You aren't a criminal".

Keep moving forward, keep posting.


M:36 W:36
T:11 M:10
S16, S12, S9, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865575
09/17/19 01:54 PM
09/17/19 01:54 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
P
phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Posts: 283
WOW! Great stuff "joejoe1". You hit the nail on the head!! Exactly what I am experiencing. Thanks for the advice.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865576
09/17/19 01:55 PM
09/17/19 01:55 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
It's hard because I feel like I need to help rescue her and its the opposite. She has to rescue herself and find it within herself.
I've got to move forward.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865581
09/17/19 02:32 PM
09/17/19 02:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
T
Tryhard Offline
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Tryhard  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
One of the hardest things you will have to do . Be strong , you can do it

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865582
09/17/19 02:35 PM
09/17/19 02:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,069
N
neffer Offline
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neffer  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,069
Yes, you need to DB.

Detach. GAL.

DB!


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865598
09/17/19 05:04 PM
09/17/19 05:04 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
P
phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
Well Books-A-Million doesn't have the books in stock. Someone earlier suggested Divorce Remedy. Which book should I order? I'm going to print Sandy's rules again and read over them. Divorce Busting principles I am assuming are doing 180's and following Sandy's rules.

Detaching would be letting go of the relationship meaning not relying on her for emotional support and finding happiness within myself and living my life. Spending more time with my son and re-focusing on my job and other commitments.

GAL - Spending time away from home or doing things to grow. Ex: Going to coaching seminars and playing golf.

Any advice would help. Going to be hard as she has texted me all morning wanting emotional support etc... She called and I quickly tried to get off the phone which she did not like. I also made her sleep in the other bed last night as it helps me with letting go of the relationship. I don't trust her and really don't feel like being let down again.

I checked her phone and noticed she had used her App store very recently so I assumed she may have downloaded an App to talk with him, which is what I caught her doing last week but she didn't admit to it. She downloaded a texting app and then deleted it from her phone. She actually gave me her phone trying to be transparent but didn't think I would notice.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865600
09/17/19 05:21 PM
09/17/19 05:21 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,090
San Antonio, Texas
J
joejoe1 Offline
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joejoe1  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,090
San Antonio, Texas
BB,

Coming here helps prepare you for the pain and hardship. It's like training for a deployment. The training [censored] and we know that the deployment will suck, but we also know without the training we will be in for a world of hurt.

Coming here is preparing you for the deployment. It's not going to be easy and it's going to suck, but you will come out the otherside faster, stronger and smarter and go into the pain somewhat prepared with the understanding of what may take place.

Keeping moving forward.


M:36 W:36
T:11 M:10
S16, S12, S9, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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