Regarding W being stressed about her father and sister and needing someone to blame, I don't understand that. If I was in her position, I would lean on my partner to be there for me, not break up with them.
That's the plan, Neffer. I'm not following her around the house, initiating convos, or texting her and have kept busy with projects. I'm also still going to the gym 4x a week and mountain biking on the weekends.
It's probably time to explore some other potential hobbies as well. I just wish I could be doing them with W as we have so much fun doing things together.
Regarding W being stressed about her father and sister and needing someone to blame, I don't understand that. If I was in her position, I would lean on my partner to be there for me, not break up with them.
I'm so confused by all of this.
I think this may help, here are some pertinent quotes from the book titled "Everything We Know About WAS Behavior- The Hows, Whys and Whens". In fact no, not quotes, but the entire book. I am going to copy-paste the whole thing below. Here we go:
There ya go. Their actions make no sense. You can sit there thinking about "why" all day long. Fill one hand with the reasons why and the other with dog poop and see which fills up faster
You simply cannot apply YOUR thoughts and feelings and responses and desires to HER actions. HER actions are illogical. She is acting from a place of emotions that she does not understand. This is all about what SHE is going through. It's not because of you. You didn't cause it and you can't fix it.
A lot of people here have issues they should 180 but honestly I would say that if most people here are at a 5 or 6 or 7 on the "blame scale" you're at a 1 based on what you're describing. This is pretty much all your W. I'm not trying to let you off the hook, I really think in your case there is no hook. The sooner you realize that then the sooner you can grasp the dynamics here and truly detach.
Thanks for the humor, AS. That made me chuckle. And thank you for pointing out that maybe I’m not as bad a person as I’m feeling after being hit with another bomb.
There's nothing really new to report on the WAW front. She comes home and doesn't really pay attention or look at me. It seems she also she's been snippy with with D12. Maybe since I'm not pursuing her, she's projecting her anger onto D12. W has also been sleeping on the couch.
I have been trying to act as normal as possible. I'm still going to the gym and coming home and "acting as if" everything is status quo. I've made some very minor small talk with W but nothing about our R or what's currently going on. She typically will respond with one or two work answers and then goes back to ignoring me.
I cannot for the life of me understand how or why she is doing this. I know I will probably never know but it's hard not to wonder.
Good grief... W has been abducted by aliens. It’s like she literally hates my guts and I don’t know why. She won’t even lift her head to look at me walk through the front door.
I know I need to stay in my own sandbox but it’s so hard not to take notice.
I don't have much experience in your situation, but it sounds like she's trying to take out her frustrations on you. It sounds like she expects you to actually go after her and do anything to get her back. She's hoping that by making you feel guilty for the house and the marriage you will accept and just do whatever she says, but that's not at all how it should work. Try to detach a little but if she brings up her other problems up again you could tell her you are there for her and if she ever needs someone to talk to you will listen, but nothing more than that. Don't put your life on hold while she expects you to suddenly make her happy, everyone is responsible for their own happiness.
