Standing our ground - together as a family

[Irish M]

Hi everyone.

KML yes, I dodged that WOW bullet.. so so happy.I would of lost 5K. It was a close call because I nearly clicked purchase a few times , I was just weary because of the stories I heard. lots of hidden fees when you check in to fly. Luggage being refused and so on.

HI Job, yes sadly the anger is still present. Sad for her because that will only build up negativity inside her and you can only take so much of that.

Hey Cali, life is treating me good. Girls are good and coping very well. Nothing else i need in life. Life is good.

Hi HaWho, not sure I'm a tank. Had rough spots during all this. Many ups and downs. Realized just lately that putting on a strong front and holding a lot in has its toll. The girls never suspected a thing, they see me a super dad.. I hid it very well from them. I was just prescribed with a mild anxiety prescription. It seems I worry too much about the girls if anything ever happened to me. All of us here take on a lot more than we are capable of. We hold the fort. Sometimes it takes months and years for that to have an bad effect on our health. With me it was my shoulders, upper body stiffness, tiredness and sometimes dizziness. Constantly wondering about what if something happens to me.

Feeling a lot more at peace. 5mg low dose but it has controlled my head from spinning. Had a complete check up as I thought it was a heart attack with the upper chest pains. Along with a bad cold. I was dying. Man cold right! lol.

Stress is not a friend to have.

Hi Bttrfly , Yes the 50 year old mark. I'm actually looking forward to it. Some perks to be had. A hardware store in Canada gives you a discount at 50 lol . I only found this out a few weeks ago. Was in buying some wood and paint. The cashier asked me for my age. I was insulted at first and figured it was the cold I had might which made me look weathered, but not 60. I said i'm not eligible. He said.. if you are 50 you are. Ohhh then I'll take that.

Hi Neffer
thanks for the support and good hearing from you too. Addition to what i wrote in my reply to HaWho. We can be strong but we can only hold in so much before we crack.

reminder to everyone. Please take care of yourselves. it does take a toll on us that's for sure. If we fall we can't be the tank. I needed a wheel alignment and oil change ... also I have to use the key thing we all learn here. We can't control everything and anyone. My girls have their own path. I need to stop worrying so much and continue to let them grow. I'm not going anywhere so they will be fine :-)

Wishing all the moms out there.. Happy mothers day. you are all amazing. xxx

[OneLessWife]

Irish how are things and do you have an update.

[Irish M]

Hi OLW

sorry it took so long to respond. Thanks for asking how I am :-). Hope you are good.

it's been a while I havent posted. As we get to the years and not months in this we tend to move on and understand that there is no answer to end it. we post less and our MLCr is more distant, less spew and less circus. That's if you were able to get off that train.

When I last posted I was hit with anxiety that never in a million years I would have expected to live. Its under control now and through a healthier diet, less sugar and less foods full of preservatives i have my system back to what it was.

I felt like I was dying and the fear of something happening to me , scared me for the girls future. Small health scare and I feared the worse.

Girls are good. School is a priority. My oldest 19 now is struggling to make and keep connections. She avoids people she doesn't know and doesn't give them a chance to enter her circle. She has elliminated a lot of old friends. Some should have been elliminated long ago but that's another story.

i know this is a huge red flag to having a crisis later in life. My XW had a similar childhood where she chose to not get close to anyone. Her mother and father seperated in a horrible divorce ( her mother MLC queen). reason she is in her own MLC today.

I will continue to help D19 and therapy is starting again this fall for her. She has asked for it so deffinitly a good sign.

My D17 is in her last year of HS. we are planning to move once she is done next summer. Very excited and leaving this house will be so healthy for us all.

I am receiving new mail in my XW name at my address. People magasine, 8 issues so far. Her name and my address. Also some insurance company and a private college brochure and Store magazines. Ikea, camera store etc. I write on them wrong address and leave them in the mailbox. Its weird she is using our address. Lost soul . For 3 years nothing came here and now this.

last month , XMIL (MLC queen) messaged me. One question. How are the girls?
Now to give a little bit of the back story to this. The last conversaton my D19 had with the grand mother was dear old grandmother calling her a liar and hung up on her. You see D15 was in the car with her sister and XW driving. XW got agitaed when D15 asked her about a hicky on her neck. She slammed on the brakes, made D13 at the time smash her face into the back of her seat. XW drove the whole way yelling at them. Punching the stearing wheel. D15 called her grandmother out of fear and asked her to help. Dear old grandmother called her a liar.

So her email to me to ask how are the girls? was a suprise.
I needed to respond.

so I asked her "Before I answer about the girls. Can you answer me why it took 4 years for you to ask about them?"

She replied.
Irish, what happens in a couple is between a couple. It must be accepted and the children are not to be involved. They are to be told to love both parents and accept whatever choices the adult makes.


ok ???
So you have no answer to why you abandonned your grandchildren in the time where they would have needed you the most. Clearly you don't remember or you chose not to face the reality of what your daughter did to them . I can send you the police report and your daughters emails to them, I am sure this will open your eyes on how your daughter had put them in this way before I knew what was going on. so please if you can't explain why you abandonned your grandchildren then I have nothing to say to you.

no reply and good riddance.

I turned 50 in May.. yayy. my gift to myself and the girls was Ireland. We had an amazing summer. Ireland was the highlight . 14 days. we planned to go back every 5 years but are already talking 2021. The drone footage and pictures I took are the best I have ever taken so far.

I hope everyone is fine. Taking care of themselves and not focusing too much on their MLCr.

I'll try to post more often . My MLCr doesnt give me much anymore except the new mail coming to the house.

take care
Irish

[job]

I am glad you returned to give an update. I hope your oldest daughter will learn more about herself and why she feels the way that she does in therapy. I am glad she's open to it. The mess her mother created has been a huge issue for her even if she says that she doesn't really care. I'm sure there are many questions that she needs to find the answers to and she will in time.

I can't believe that your daughters are grown. Your youngest is in her last year of school and then on to a new home. Wonderful! The change will be so refreshing for all of you.

Ireland is a beautiful country and I don't blame you for planning another trip very soon.

Irish, you are a wonderful father who has been there for your children. You have been a good listener and sounding board for them, as well as their protector. I'm glad you asked their grandmother why she abandoned them. You won't hear from her again for a while.

As for the mail you are receiving...it's not an accident. Your xw has used that address to get you to contact her. The Mlcer tends to find ways to get our attention and/or contact w/us. I would advise the Post Office that she doesn't live at that address and would appreciate it if they would not put her mail in your box.

Take care of yourself and those lovely young ladies. You've done a great job in raising them.

[rooskers]

Irish M.,

While not exactly the same I feel like I am at the beginning of your crazy story. My XW one day said she doesn't love me and wants me to raise D13. She then told D13 at school she didn't love me and wanted me to raise her and would see her sometimes. She then dragged her through the entire school with other teens watching and deposited her in my classroom and left without looking back. Almost all summer long (3 month) she has ignored D13 and went on all these adventures with new friends. Now that summer is over and they can't party with her she wants D13 but when D13 is over there she goes from being angry with her to smothering her completely. She tells D13 that the only reason she doesn't see her more is because D13 and me created a visitation plan that prevented her from doing so. Even accusing D13 of telling her to stay away. I feel so bad for D13 because she was left for three months and now is being told by XW that it was her fault. I would love any help or kind words from you.

Rooskers

[rd500]

Hi Irish, good to see a post from you , can't believe you were on the emerald isle and we didn't get to meet , maybe next time. Glad to see D19 in looking after her mental health and i am exactly the same re friendships, im extremely out going and confident BUT i do not let many into my inner circle even though i have many ' friends' , i came from a broken home and it is sometimes a trait of being left by a parent , i can't imagine how i would be if that parent had been my mother.

As usual , no advice as you are a model to follow on here. Glad your health scare is over and your health is back to normal. Re exw and you MIL , ........ not worth going into.

Stay strong and keep being that incredible rock for your Ds.

RD

[kml]

As for the Mail - my ex and I separated ten and a half years ago and the divorce was final 9 years ago. I bought the house I am in now 8 years ago and needless to say, exH has never lived here - but I still get occasional junk mail in his name (and once in his new wife's name!). Ex isn't doing it, it's just the modern computer world where the bits and bytes get jumbled together and assumptions are made about who else might be living in the home.

[Irish M]

Hi Job
yes I don't think XMIL will reach out again any time soon. If she does i'll expect an answer.
thank you so much for your support Job. From day 1 here you have been an amazing friend.
As for the mail. Right now it finds it way on the garage floor in the recycle pile. Great idea for the post office to hold it elsewhere.

Hi Rooskers. I'll read up on your situation very soon. I started to and your situation is so similar to mine. 10 years before my XW's current MLC she did the same. It was short lived but now I see it was a warning sign of things to come. They call it a quarter crisis. Sadly your W is a teenager again. It's all about her and her quest for happiness. She is in a dark place. Sorry you are here.

RD
would of been great to see you for a pint. You have been a source of strength for me in the begining and you continue to be a good friend . One day for sure we will enjoy a Guiness.
PLus, I have my degree in pouring the perfect pint from the Guiness factory. So let me pour you one

Hi KML,
If it was junk mail I'd believe it was just a glitch in the system and they pulled up an old name and sent it out. These are paid for magazines. Also new mail ( not junk) with her name on it.

Now I didn't reach out to her to tell her to stop. I don't feel I need to. As Job said, I'll just have the post office stop it before it's delivered.

Hope you all had a great weekend. Fall weather on it's way. Love the colors. Love the fresh air.

Irish

[bttrfly]

Hi Irish,
Nice to read an update. Yes, we do move on here. I'm in the PostD forum mostly these days. Don't come to this side very often. Have to say, my son is the same as your daughter - he seems to keep friends at bay. Wasn't like this before. Won't go to therapy. I pray a lot.

Glad your health crisis is past. The move will be great for all of you.

I agree about stopping the mail at the post office.

Good for you for putting ExMIL on the spot. She deserved that. The girls deserve an answer to that question.

Take care,
xoxo

[neffer]

Thanks for the update Irish, glad to hear from you and the girls.

You all take care

Hugs for all of you!!!