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A Message from Michele
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Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865208
09/13/19 03:43 AM
09/13/19 03:43 AM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 151
Australia
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devvo Offline
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devvo  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 151
Australia
It's been almost exactly 5 years since BD. Look how far you've come. Look how far he has been left behind. Of course he misses you - you're awesome and he was a fool to do what he did.

Agree with the others that you should get all financial ties severed ASAP. There's nothing to stop his little pea-brain working out that he could spend up big then dump the fallout onto you.


Me:55 H:55
S:22 S:20
M:24 T:26
BD:Aug 15
D:Sep 17
Re: Turn the Page [Re: devvo] #2865270
09/13/19 07:25 PM
09/13/19 07:25 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
Originally Posted by devvo
It's been almost exactly 5 years since BD. Look how far you've come. Look how far he has been left behind. Of course he misses you - you're awesome and he was a fool to do what he did.



Thanks, devvo! I take that as a compliment. Funny thing is, long before XH was a part of my life, I was a very strong, confident person and while I'm not ever going to win any beauty contests, I was secure in what I could offer someone. Fortunately for me, there are some good men in this world who don't give a crap about looks. But anyway, I wanted to get married, have a family, but I was also very comfortable in being single. After XH left and asked for D, I found that person again, relatively quickly, thanks in part to just being stubborn as a mule and in part to an amazing counselor who really helped me work through and process some stuff. I got to a place where I knew that I would be ok no matter what and if I found love again, yay, and if I didn't, ok. And, then, when I least expected it and wasn't even really looking for it, I DID find love again. He's my knight in shining armor country boy that I have always hoped to find. Sure, he has some baggage, but at nearly 50 years old, so do I, so I get it. We both have baggage but no big red flags waving, so it is good.

I appreciate all of your comments and thoughts regarding my financial discussion with XH. He surprised me and closed out the account yesterday. I got a phone call from the bank and we were able to take care of stuff over the phone and get it all squared away, so I'm good to go. Still frustrates me that our conversation seemed focused on everything but the task at hand, but then again, I don't know why I'm surprised by that when he never was comfortable with financial discussions and such.

Anyway, I only have to be here a little bit longer, then I'm off for a weekend full of family birthday celebrations. Surprise party for my dad tonight for his 75th (his actual birthday is today), lunch with a dear friend tomorrow for his upcoming birthday (Sept. 16), a joint birthday party for my 2 oldest grandkids who share a birthday of Sept. 18, and Sunday will be a birthday party for my niece whose actual birthday is today along with my dad. Lots of parties and family time this weekend is just what I need after this long, crappy, trying, stressful week. Oh and dinner next Tuesday with my sis for her birthday, which is actually that day. Sparky's birthday is at the end of this month so we'll have one more celebration to go after next week.

In my "spare" time, I have GOT to get stuff going to get moved to Sparky's. His birthday is the 27th and he's off that day, so I told him, I may take that week off also so we can use that day to work on the house and move. What a way to celebrate a birthday! smile

Happy weekend, dbers. Hope it is a great one!


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865820
09/19/19 06:50 PM
09/19/19 06:50 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
I just got a phone call from one of my daughters. My youngest daughter, who is 3 months pregnant, had a miscarriage. She is so completely devastated and I don't even know how to help her. I hurt so badly for her. They were SO excited about having a baby. I am just heartbroken for both of them.

When it rains it pours. I try really hard to try and keep a positive attitude. I try to keep my negativity to myself. But, this budget crisis at work is starting to get to me and it makes me fear whether I will even have a job this time next year. I'm too old to start job hunting and have to change careers AGAIN. They need to get their sh!t together and figure out what is going on.

I'm still feeling overwhelmed by the impending move and actually need to get started packing up my stuff because my brother wants to start moving it THIS weekend. He's going to help Sparky with some minor cosmetic work on the "new to me" house this Sunday and he wants to load our vehicles with stuff and carry it on down there since we are going anyway, which is a good idea, but puts me under the gun a bit since I have been lazy and dragging my feet. I am super excited about decorating a new house though. And, for now, we are going to just divvy up what furniture we have and use it, but we are going to start looking at new things to buy together so that we have new furniture throughout the house that we chose together. We have some ideas for upgrades on the house too that we are going to start working on as soon as I get moved in. We figure if we do it one room at a time, it will be less overwhelming and will also be less costly.

At this point, I'm just holding my breath until October gets here and I will be moved into Sparky's and I can just focus on settling into my new home in the woods, on the river, peaceful, serene, and getting new furniture and working on wedding plans.

I think I can, I think I can....make it to October 1.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865835
09/19/19 08:59 PM
09/19/19 08:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,691
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,691
Southern Maryland
Dawn,

I am so sorry to read about your daughter's miscarriage. The only thing you can do is listen and be there for her. It is going to take some time for the both of them to get over this, but they will.

Sounds like they haven't been to great of a job w/the budget. Even though you think you are too old to change careers, you aren't. You have a lot to offer and I would consider looking around now and keep whatever prospects you find to yourself for the time being.

I'm sure you can't wait to move into Sparky's home. Once you move and get settled, maybe things will look a little better for you and the stressors will lessen.

Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865865
09/20/19 01:39 AM
09/20/19 01:39 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,944
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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Posts: 2,944
Massachusetts
{{{{{{{Dawn}}}}}}}


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2866592
09/27/19 05:31 PM
09/27/19 05:31 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
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Thanks for the kind words and hugs, Job and Bttrfly. It has been a long, taxing, emotional week, but on the positive side, today is Friday and I'm already half-way through my day, so I can finish out this week and move forward.

Yesterday was a really tough day and a really good day all wrapped into one. It was tough because students, y'all. OMG....I gave my class a virtual lab to complete online last week as an assignment that was due this week. I told the students to e-mail me or stop by my office if they had trouble with it. So, inevitably, I got a few e-mails here and there that the link wasn't working. Of course, when I checked it from my office computer, the computer in my classroom, my phone, it worked fine. I go through this every time I give an online assignment, as though I'm going to just excuse them from something because they tell me the link doesn't work. If it works for 97 out of 100 students, I'm not going to let it slide for you. Then, my late afternoon Thursday class shows up and literally half the class turned in their completed assignment. Seriously? Ok.....your grade, your problem. This is college. I gave you the assignment a week ago, told you it was due this week and to reach out if you had questions. I didn't remind you that you had homework due because THIS. IS. COLLEGE. Take some responsibility. So, now I have a bunch of kids with F's going into the last week before mid-terms and only 2 grades coming in before that to offset the hole they have dug for themselves. I am taking a stand this semester. I'm not going to hold their hands anymore. In the past, I have reminded them about assignments and such, but I'm just not doing it anymore. When I have stuff to do at work, my boss doesn't remind me. He expects me to do my d@mn job. College is their job. Ugh...……………………………….

As some of you predicted, XH did NOT do what he said he'd do dealing with our joint account. I don't know why I was shocked that the didn't, but I got a phone call about it again yesterday, so I just told them to go ahead and close the account, called his sister and got his contact info and passed that onto the bank and contacted a lawyer friend in the meantime who is drawing up some paperwork so that if he doesn't send them the money that is overdrawn in the account today or Monday, they will not take it from my current account, but will get it from him in whatever means necessary. I then bit the bullet and called XH and told him all that and lo and behold, about an hour later, not only did he call me back to tell me it was all squared away, but I called the bank to double check and indeed, he had wired them the payment in full and they had terminated the account. They are mailing us both paperwork to that effect so it is finalized. Of course, he had a "convenient" excuse as to why he hadn't done it and that was that after I had talked to him about it the first time, he had "health problems". Then, as we talked, he had more excuses "I thought I had more time" and "I didn't want to deal with it while I was heavily medicated". I didn't want to deal with it while I was fighting NOT to pinch a bunch of lazy college kids' d@mn heads off nor did I want to deal with it while I'm still dealing with the crap out daughter has been going through and the stress of my impending move and you know, LIFE IN GENERAL in the real adult world. But, I stopped and took time out of my day and handled it because ultimately it was going to cost me money if I didn't and yet again, the douchebag failed me. Why am I even surprised by that any more? He was a terrible money manager. And, on top of that, he is very much a stick your head in the sand and it will go away kind of guy. So, yeah, I get it....it wasn't a worry to him because if I hadn't badgered him and handled it, it would've ultimately come back on me. Then there would've been even more excuses. Good luck to that new skank he's married to because his "health problems" will never be over and he will milk them until the day he dies. This is definitely one of those moments where I am shaking my head wondering what the H3LL I was thinking when I married him.

On the positive side, today is Sparky's birthday. We went to see Weird Al Yankovic at the beginning of September and had dinner and drinks at our favorite pub near the arena prior to the show to celebrate. I also have a Groupon I purchased for Dave and Buster's that we have to use by Oct. 25, so we are going to have a date night sometime in the next few weeks there too and that will be a post birthday/yay we are finally living together celebration. So, I feel bad for slighting him, but he's all good with everything and realizes that our focus, at this point, is to get us into one house and everything else is kind of taking a back seat to that right this minute. We went out to lunch today because his company allows employees to be off on their birthdays and we had a really nice talk. I have long since stopped believing in things like "soul mates" but I do think Sparky and I are perfect for each other. Sure, we both have baggage (we are 50, so who doesn't at this age?????), but we also have real-world experience in life and love that allow us to know what we want and be able to communicate effectively through good times and bad. So, from where I'm sitting, life is just looking pretty darn peachy at this point.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2866606
09/27/19 06:43 PM
09/27/19 06:43 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,736
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doodler Offline
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Dawn,

Good for you for taking the bull by the horns by taking care of the bank account issue.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
On the positive side, today is Sparky's birthday.

I'm sure you've mentioned Sparky's birthday in the past, but I just realized that my youngest son and Sparky have the same birthday (day, not year ;-) ). I also think I've mentioned in the past that, when I was a kid, I had a dog named Sparky. What are the odds?

This is a special birthday for my son. He turns 15 today and he's getting his driver's learner's permit today. He's already taken and passed the written exam. He's been talking about this day for the past three years (thus the go kart).

Tell Sparky "happy birthday" for me.

Re: Turn the Page [Re: doodler] #2866616
09/27/19 08:09 PM
09/27/19 08:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,691
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,691
Southern Maryland
Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and get things done yourself. I'm glad you got the bank account issue settled.

I don't know if you have first year college students or not, but some of them think that they are still in high school and do not realize or care if assignments aren't completed. Some think up really unreal excuses and there is no excuse for not getting your assignments done. Parents then wonder why their kids aren't getting good grades. Such a shame and waste of time, money and energy if the kids are going to slack off.

Happy Birthday to Sparky!

Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2866643
09/27/19 11:50 PM
09/27/19 11:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,137
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,137
You saw the Strings Attached tour too? How fun was that???

Re: Turn the Page [Re: kml] #2866785
09/30/19 12:06 AM
09/30/19 12:06 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
Originally Posted by kml
You saw the Strings Attached tour too? How fun was that???

We did! It was so much fun. We went to a pub and had dinner and drinks then walked over to the arena for the show and it was just a great night all the way around.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
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