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A Message from Michele
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Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC #2865129
09/12/19 04:38 PM
09/12/19 04:38 PM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
M
MrsTinCT Offline OP
New Member
MrsTinCT  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
26 years of marriage

Husband has chronic Sarcoidosis which is made worse by his smoking when he's with the OW who is a co-worker
The affair is a repeat she's using my husband for a replacement after her divorce

Husband has other medical decisions from the Chronic Sarcoidosis including Total Loss of the Sense of Smell, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Fatty Liver some Blood in the Urine which the doctors are trying to identify were it's coming from & ED problems,

He's still in the home
The drinking & affair activities are negatively affecting the home finances
The doctors have told him that they want him to stop drinking entirely, he's taking both Chantix & Nicotine mini Lozenges to get him to quit smoking but when he's with her all that is out the window but he's able to not smoke in our home since I do not smoke but vape

As I'm typing this I ran away from home to visit my son who lives in Texas without saying anything to him about my moving up the planned vacation which was supposed to be in October
I have not called the house or the cell but have sent 2 emails about household bills not mentioning anything about me not being home...

He's not called or sent an email reply in his anger but I did see that he's put one of the bills onto the bank's billpay system
What I did find interesting is that 4am when my son called my googlevoice number which rings both the house & my cellphone he picked up the phone which means that Husband was upstairs rather than down in the "dungeon" where he has been brooding for the past years during this MLC
I also suspect that he's been home rather than drinking at HomeWreckers house this past week because he had no money to buy drinks but we are heading into payday so my daughter will be going to the house to check on the FurBabies food, water & mail

I'm planning to stay visiting my son for another week then head home back to CT

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: MrsTinCT] #2865137
09/12/19 06:03 PM
09/12/19 06:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,200
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,200
NY

Welcome to this board.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD,
Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm

Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)

I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.

This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.

I would start with the going dark link.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post50956

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2537289#Post2537289

Resources thread(last post only)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2592296#Post2592296

Things you should know as the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2701017#Post2701017

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Doormat Tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942444#Post1942444

Standing vs leaving
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

Musings from AmyC
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2253741#Post2253741

MLC Signs
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177869#Post2177869

The Final Stages Withdrawal to Acceptance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2074403&page=1

WAS showing you positive signs? WAIT - READ THIS!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2772942#Post2772942

Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.

I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources.
You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.

Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!

Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you!
Start your homework assignments.
Something to DO while you are on moderation.
GAL.
Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath.
In general take care of your self first.

Detach the single most important thing to DO.

Your H/W has given you a gift
THE GIFT OF TIME
use it wisely

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-66, D33,S32
Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: MrsTinCT] #2865282
09/13/19 08:05 PM
09/13/19 08:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
P
peacetoday Offline
Member
peacetoday  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
alanon may be helpful for you

When they are alcoholics, it is a difficult road and with no intention to stop drinking
it is a no win situation for the spouse--

Alanon is similar to DB

Focus on yourself
detach
create a new and better life for you-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: peacetoday] #2865871
09/20/19 02:24 AM
09/20/19 02:24 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
M
MrsTinCT Offline OP
New Member
MrsTinCT  Offline OP
New Member
M
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by peacetoday
alanon may be helpful for you

When they are alcoholics, it is a difficult road and with no intention to stop drinking
it is a no win situation for the spouse--

Alanon is similar to DB

Focus on yourself
detach
create a new and better life for you-


I've actually put that on my list of - To Dos with the additional note to go to the meeting at the southern part of the state which is located at the VA Hospital there since he's a veteran which has it's own set of problems & the people attending would also be dealing with those issues & may be able to recommend additional resources available to veterans & their family members

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: MrsTinCT] #2865911
09/20/19 02:02 PM
09/20/19 02:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
P
peacetoday Offline
Member
peacetoday  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
great

alanon is a wonderful program
hope you find some support and guidance


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: Cadet] #2866066
09/22/19 12:16 AM
09/22/19 12:16 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
M
MrsTinCT Offline OP
New Member
MrsTinCT  Offline OP
New Member
M
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Cadet

Welcome to this board.

Thank you for ALL these links & the Welcome

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD,
Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

I'm trying to find my copies of the book & the cassette tapes I purchased about 15 years ago when my husband went "Prodigal" & left to his mother's house back in 2002 for 6 years of in & out of the house during his first medical/midlife crisis...

This time around is different in that his stepfather has told my husband that he can NOT run back to their house because his step brother is living on the 3rd floor in Hubby's old bedroom & his older brother has moved away from his family to the spare bedroom so he needs to figure this out either at home or find somewhere else to stay

My mother in law is physically not doing well & her meddling is now limited so Hubby is not getting the same support that he got from her in the past, she is aware of the situation going on with his cheating & getting drunk with the co-worker as well as the medical issues that are being made worse by these activities & the REALITY that SHE will NOT be able to go up to the hospital or care for Hubby has sunk in for her


Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm

Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

Thankfully we have laptops & desktops are used primarily for watching tv on ...
but I have started to bring my laptop with me when I will be gone while he is home although he's been using that time to run after the OW or complain to his brother who is also in MLC & run away from home but hasn't started cheating on his wife yet...


Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)

I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.

This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.

I would start with the going dark link.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post50956

With Hubby in the home this past few weeks where I left the state to go visit my son in Texas unannounced is the darkest that I've been...
Just an email to forward billing issues that were sent for him to handle then after payday last week he's not gotten anything from me at all

Hubby called me Friday because our station wagon stopped running while he was on the way to work
I'll go into detail in a later post but Thankfully my daughter reminded me that the purpose of this trip was to give him time to experience life without me & for him to face that "at almost 60, he needs to grow the F up" so don't try to rescue him from thousands of miles away


Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2537289#Post2537289

Resources thread(last post only)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2592296#Post2592296

Things you should know as the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2701017#Post2701017

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Doormat Tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942444#Post1942444

Standing vs leaving
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

Musings from AmyC
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2253741#Post2253741

MLC Signs
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177869#Post2177869

The Final Stages Withdrawal to Acceptance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2074403&page=1

WAS showing you positive signs? WAIT - READ THIS!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2772942#Post2772942

Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.

I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources.
You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.

Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!

Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

THIS is one crazy Roller Coaster because he'll do something that is so indicating that he's planning to be around for a while & then the next day runs off for a few drunken days with the OW

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

I'm trying to simply find ways to work around him as much as possible... due to a car accident in 97 & a heart attack in late 17 I have some physical limitations so there are things which I used to be able to do that I'm unable to do now & have had to rely upon when he finally got around to doing things but at this point I've started paying people when possible to get some stuff done

Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you!
Start your homework assignments.
Something to DO while you are on moderation.
GAL.
Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath.
In general take care of your self first.

Detach the single most important thing to DO.

Your H/W has given you a gift
THE GIFT OF TIME
use it wisely

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


[b] I'm trying to find activity partners so that I can have someone safe to go out & have fun doing things with while he's in his midlife crisis
It was slightly depressing to have 2 tix for the recent Santana Doobie Brothers concert & no one to attend with me so I had to go by myself
But I am working on some "Bucket List Items" like when I get back from Texas I'm going on a Whale Watch in Massachusetts & a Murder Mystery Cruise for an afternoon

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: MrsTinCT] #2866080
09/22/19 03:52 PM
09/22/19 03:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
P
peacetoday Offline
Member
peacetoday  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
Better to find available women friends during this time

Not sure if that is what you meant--

definitely want to work on yourself and heal a bit


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: peacetoday] #2866339
09/24/19 07:51 PM
09/24/19 07:51 PM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
M
MrsTinCT Offline OP
New Member
MrsTinCT  Offline OP
New Member
M
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by peacetoday
Better to find available women friends during this time

Not sure if that is what you meant--

definitely want to work on yourself and heal a bit



Yes that is what I was meaning Women & Group Activities although in the past I've not had problems with having male friends as activity partners because I'm not meeting them online but rather via activities like political, community, friends or church events they know & respect that I'm not dating nor interested in leaving my husband regardless of how stupid he may be acting or not treating me right

Sadly my 2 best male friends are no longer around like they were the first time around... "My Brother by Another Mother" (a man who I met on a site similar to this) who my family knew & loved passed away a few years back & the other one has moved away so our family has lost contact with this other "Uncle"

My biggest problem with my female friends that I do have is that they are in the "Never Married Never Gonna Be Married" lifestyle so they are not helpful during this time period

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: MrsTinCT] #2866354
09/24/19 09:43 PM
09/24/19 09:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
P
peacetoday Offline
Member
peacetoday  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
good that you are creating new activities and finding new friends

I seemed to meet a lot of women during my separation that totally understood MLC--and that so helped me

You will find support ..if you search for as well as new female friends to have fun with
good Luck


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Crazy Rollercoaster Husband in MLC [Re: MrsTinCT] #2875215
12/08/19 04:59 PM
12/08/19 04:59 PM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
M
MrsTinCT Offline OP
New Member
MrsTinCT  Offline OP
New Member
M
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 9
Had a major setback
Pulled my back & have been in a semi-prisioner status with me not being able to drive

While I was on my "adventure" Hubby was going through some major problems
"Joes Wife" may have had an abortion because "Pregnancy Termination Services" is in a search
Which explains the Oct 1st purchase of Sanitary Pads, Salon Pas, BioFreeze & 2 tubes of Hemorrhoid Creme he purchased from Target while I was stranded in bumper to bumper traffic in PA & he wasn't answering the phone

Thanksgiving Hubby didn't come home from work but went instead to Joes Wife's house overnight
I had to get a ride to the bank Friday morning to get the certified checks for the car payment & partial mortgage payment so that those items were actually paid

Sunday Oct 1st was extremely upsetting & a greater distance has developed between us
He was quite angry that unlike his mother I will not allow him to tell a lie about the financial problems that we're having with his spending money on booze & Joes Wife
I was pointing out on the computer screen that he had opened the items that he spent like the 2 payday loans...
In anger Hubby open hand hit my arm & I smacked back in self defense
He rose up & pushed me backwards
In his spoiled brat 14 year old mindset he wasn't even apologetic when I repeatedly said YOU HIT ME!

I did send him downstairs to his self made dungeon
Since he wasn't going to apologize or even acknowlege that he was wrong to hit me
I turned off the computer tv set up

When we were first dating I had stated to him that there was only 1 reason that he could justifiably hit me & that was if he came home & found me in bed with 10 men...
I even reminded him of that but still no apology

Things haven't gotten better with my son visiting from Texas - will update more later son just arrived to take me & daughter out to breakfast befor he goes back to Texas later this week




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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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