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A Message from Michele
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Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: LH19] #2865296
09/13/19 11:59 PM
09/13/19 11:59 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 362
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Posts: 362
Originally Posted by LH19
W,

Interesting that you tell her sheís a great mother all the time when you are always questioning her parenting on the board.

Do you finish NMMNG? What did you take away from it?

Your right her parenting at times is not the best. But I am not going to start arguments about it. That is part of my 180 she said I never acknowledged her or the good things she did. So thatís what I am doing. When she actually does something him g good.
I did not finish reading it.


M:40 W:40
T:19 M: 15
D:11 S:8
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18
BD: 10/18
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: Wolfman] #2865313
09/14/19 02:27 PM
09/14/19 02:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,017
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LH19 Online
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Nobody said to start arguments wolf but if your telling her sheís a great parent when sheís not that means you are expecting something in return which is the premise of the book.


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: LH19] #2865323
09/14/19 07:02 PM
09/14/19 07:02 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 362
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Posts: 362
Originally Posted by LH19
Nobody said to start arguments wolf but if your telling her sheís a great parent when sheís not that means you are expecting something in return which is the premise of the book.


Not expecting anything in return. She has said it numerous times that I took her for granted and didnít appreciate the things she did. I make it a point to do that now. That is my 180. Also that counts as my words of affirmation. Thatís all. I am a changed person whether she wants to see that or not is on her.


M:40 W:40
T:19 M: 15
D:11 S:8
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18
BD: 10/18
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: Wolfman] #2865701
09/18/19 04:36 PM
09/18/19 04:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 362
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Posts: 362
So this Friday my friend is having her husbands 40th birthday at a pro baseball game. My w approached me about either driving in or taking the train together. Honestly I donít know how I feel about that. What does everyone on here think? Is ok we go together? I wonít talk about R or D. Just about work and the kids. My friend also said we are not sitting next to each other. On a different note getting closer to her buying me out. I just want to say on here, it hurts, I put so much work into that house to make it ďoursĒ. I am in a lot of pain. I hate that I am stuck.
Lately it looks like my d is getting better with me. That makes me happy!!! I am trying so hard to show her I am not some tyrant, Iím not as horrible as she thinks.


M:40 W:40
T:19 M: 15
D:11 S:8
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18
BD: 10/18
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: Wolfman] #2865708
09/18/19 05:07 PM
09/18/19 05:07 PM
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Posts: 3,017
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LH19 Online
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Well wolf this is where the precedents is set. Do you want to be friends with her? I sense this is your NGS setting in because you are not detached enough to pull this off.

Remind me again why you didnít keep your castle?


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: LH19] #2865709
09/18/19 05:20 PM
09/18/19 05:20 PM
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Posts: 362
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Posts: 362
I didnít keep the castle because she is buying me out. This way the kids donít have more changes to experience. LH you were right, I should have never left a while ago.
Originally Posted by LH19
I sense this is your NGS setting in because you are not detached enough to pull this off.
Remind me again why you didnít keep your castle?


What are you referring to when you say pull it off?


M:40 W:40
T:19 M: 15
D:11 S:8
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18
BD: 10/18
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: Wolfman] #2865712
09/18/19 05:34 PM
09/18/19 05:34 PM
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LH19 Online
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I understand keeping changes minimal for kids. Why didnít she buy you out? I kept my house. NGS?

Before I answer your question I have a question for you. Youíve made it clear you donít want to be in the friend zone but you are considering buddying up with her to the party. Why?


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: LH19] #2865714
09/18/19 05:55 PM
09/18/19 05:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 362
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Posts: 362
LH she is buying me out. The home appraisal just came back. So she is one step closer to buying me out.
Originally Posted by LH19
Youíve made it clear you donít want to be in the friend zone but you are considering buddying up with her to the party. Why?

Lol because I am a nice guy. All she ever talked about how I was vindictive and spiteful. So I feel like being nice and not holding this gs against her is my 180z


M:40 W:40
T:19 M: 15
D:11 S:8
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18
BD: 10/18
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: Wolfman] #2865716
09/18/19 06:08 PM
09/18/19 06:08 PM
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LH19 Online
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Iíll try one more time wolf. Why did you not insist on keeping the marital home and buying her out?

You probably were spiteful and vindictive because you gave and gave by being her butlers and got nothing in return which is NGS which you refuse to address.

Sure wolf go and kiss her a$$ the entire time. Just donít cry to us later when you come here and say ďwhy does she think we are friends?

You donít 180 behavior to appease your W. You 180 bad behavior which for you is NGS and you still donít even know what it means.


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis10 [Re: Wolfman] #2865720
09/18/19 06:32 PM
09/18/19 06:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,304
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AnotherStander Online
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Wolfman, if you go then go by yourself and sit somewhere away from W. Enough is enough, she wants a D then it's time to break ties with her. If she asks why then tell her YOU need time and space and you hope she understands. I did this with my XW and she actually said she understood and respected that. That's not being "vindictive" or "spiteful". And if she thinks it is, well that's her problem, not yours.

At some point you've got to learn to quit taking all her garbage personally. I am who I am. I have not changed substantially in the last 30 years. I am still who my XW fell in love with 30 years ago. 5 years ago she decided she didn't want to love me anymore, and I actually thought I needed to change???? She didn't just tolerate me for 25 years, she was madly in love. I was everything to her, probably more so then her to me. I see now that the answer to her BD wasn't to change, it was to open the door for her and say goodbye. I used it as an opportunity to change and grow, but looking back she left because of changes in HER, not me. And the same could be said for most people that find themselves here.

Edit- I have to read my own timeline sometimes, LOL! It's been 7 years since BD, not 5. We were married 21 years but together 4 years before that so that's where my "25 years" comes from. So that would have been 32 years ago that we fell in love. Wow the years since BD have really flown by!

Last edited by AnotherStander; 09/18/19 06:35 PM.

Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
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