I've read plenty of "they came back" stories. They usually end with it was too late or they tried again and failed. I will fail until I change permanently. I will fail until I no longer need him.
A big part of why people try again is because well yes it's easier to fix an old relationship than build a new one.
Please give me hope. Is it true if he had the courage to do this after 30 years he's done?
I know your a numbers person as am I and I know it can be comforting to have the odds in your favor. Before my w filed I stumbled onto some sort of divorce calculator based on information you type in. How long married, education, if our parents were divorced etc. My score came back we had a 6% chance of getting divorced. Guess what? We got divorced. You are never going to know how the future unravels. If you did, wouldn’t life be pretty boring?
Continue to fix yourself and that will continue to increase the odds.
I know your a numbers person as am I and I know it can be comforting to have the odds in your favor. Before my w filed I stumbled onto some sort of divorce calculator based on information you type in. How long married, education, if our parents were divorced etc. My score came back we had a 6% chance of getting divorced. Guess what? We got divorced. You are never going to know how the future unravels. If you did, wouldn’t life be pretty boring?
Continue to fix yourself and that will continue to increase the odds.
I'm moving in 6 weeks and WAH is so done with me. He'd rather work 16 hours a day, live in a camper, have a kid disown him that be married to me. Could I be hated anymore than this?
The glimmer of hope I have is yes fixing myself. The kids have seen me do a 180 and since he's unhappy they've preferred being with me. He hates this and yet we both expect me to fail (yes both of us). Change is hard work and he will know if I fail.
Right now he'd probably love it if I failed because then the kids would gravitate to him.
My 14 year old made me a bracelet and I wear it everyday. I would NEVER have done this before. I know awful right? She and I weren't close (WAH hated this about me) so she wouldn't have made me a bracelet anyway. This morning I left it on the bathroom counter and she brings it to me "you almost forgot this". Yes I did and it was an accident. I've got it on now.
I say these things wondering if this would increase my odds. Would you want to come back to someone who changed this much? I swear I'm nothing like the person I was when he left. At first it was manipulative yes but its hard to stop now because I'd have to look at the disappointed looks on my kids faces. I couldn't bear that.
I know it will take years before he (and I) believe this will stick. If I were him I wouldn't come back for at least 18 months on the low end.
Hey K, it sounds like this terrible situation has enabled you to grow closer to your children so that's a win.
As far as the separation and "fast-tracking" of divorce goes, you have to choose your own boundaries and own them. If your WAH is crossing the "light" ones you have in place, but thicker ones down. You are a unique individual with your own needs and desires and you cannot let his selfishness diminish you. I know that this is horrible, the last thing you want, and a huge swirl of unknown. Your push for separation may be a reality check for him that snaps him back (honestly, less than likely) or put you on the path toward a new life, new relationships. Either way, it is better than the status quo. And maybe one of those "new relationships" is him. Let's be real, you don't want the guy he is back, you want someone different, someone with integrity who respects you and who honors his family.
Remember, none of this is permanent. You can maintain hope while moving on.
M(35), W(35), D(4) M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019 W moved out Aug 13 House sold Sept 25 Papers signed Nov 15 Divorce finalized Dec 12
Your push for separation may be a reality check for him that snaps him back (honestly, less than likely) or put you on the path toward a new life, new relationships. Either way, it is better than the status quo. And maybe one of those "new relationships" is him. Let's be real, you don't want the guy he is back, you want someone different, someone with integrity who respects you and who honors his family.
He moved out 5.5 months ago. It was the dumbest move ever in terms of the kids but hey it's his life.
He's didn't want to involve attorneys until it was time to divorce and then he wanted a quick, cheap, uncontested divorce. Yeah that's not going to happen.
He talked me out of a separation agreement in April but now that I'm going to have to get my own place I want one.
I'm scared of his attorney but rumor has it she and mine are equally matched. This whole thing scares me. I will reserve judgement on WAH until I see what he does with alimony. Does he take back his original offer or does he use his shark to screw me over?
I feel sick. I just rented a storage unit. My plan is to be out before he comes there to move. I do not want to see him. I'll give him a key via S19 and he can move the kids stuff to my place while I'm at work. Won't the separation agreement and divorce be handled through attorneys? If this is the way it works I won't have to see him for years. Easier to detach this way.
I haven't seen him in 2 months and we no longer speak.
